I have no children.
The night was collapsing around her. The stars blotted out from a darkening sky. Her vision tunneled and her ears rang. All Eira
could see was the smoldering town in the distance. An angry spot at the edge of her horizon. As if the world was burning down around her…
No children.
The angry flames were a cold Eira had never felt before. The last flicker of hope, of finding something—some kind of meaning, or purpose, or explanation for the yawning hole that had opened within her following the discovery of the vast unknown that haunted her past—extinguished. All that lingered was the smell of smoke and a darkness as complete as the pit. As cold as the lake Marcus had died in. The chasm within her that had been created with her parents’ revelation only grew wider. Pulling her in. It’d never be filled.
“Are you sure?” Eira desperately tried to find that spark of hope one more time.
Adela stared at her incredulously. “I believe I would know if I had conceived and birthed a child.”
It had been a foolish question. Of course Adela would know if she had given birth. But if Eira wasn’t Adela’s, then whose daughter was she? Who would’ve left her on her parents’ doorstep with the mark of Adela as a baby? Where did her magic come from and why was it so, so similar and suited to Adela’s?
Although, all Waterrunners’ magic was similar. Maybe their overlapping talents meant nothing at all. Maybe, after finding the journal by a twist of fate, Eira had been hunting for meaning that was never actually there.
“I would never allow the risk of an offspring to myself or my legacy,” Adela added coolly, as if the mere idea of a child was utterly unpalatable to her.
Did she offer that addition because it was true? To be cruel? Or… perhaps Adela was lying. That could’ve been some way of her hinting that Eira could actually be her daughter, but Adela couldn’t risk saying so.
The questions and uncertainties spiraled with her, further and further down into the abyss of her own making. Adela was either oblivious to Eira’s turmoil, or didn’t care.
“Glad we’ve cleared that up.” She added, under her breath, “My child, really,” with a small chuckle. Even though Eira’s body was cold all over, she wasn’t numb. Not yet, at least. And the words still stung. “As I was saying, I had been planning on killing you. But you can buy your life—at least a bit more of it—so long as you make yourself useful to me.”
“I’ve found myself rather partial to living.” Eira’s mouth was moving, words were forming—they were even cohesive, miraculously. But it felt like someone else was the one behind them. Her mind was in a distant place. It had been jolted from her body by the events of the day. The scales had tipped out of balance; everything had all added up to be too much.
“Most are.” Adela shifted her weight with an air of smugness. Eira got the sense that this was a tactic that she’d used many times. But, for once, Eira didn’t have the strength to fight, or even care, at someone so blatantly using and manipulating her.
Perhaps because it was blatant was why it didn’t bother Eira, unlike the people around her who tried to lie and be subversive time and time again. Or maybe it just didn’t matter anymore. Her parents. Her uncle. Vi and Taavin… Her friends…
She gripped the railing at the bow and sank to her knees, physically holding herself up from toppling over into the river. The weight of the world was compressing her. Collapsing with each passing moment onto her shoulders. Everything was lost. Her eyes burned.
“Really, you crumble that easily?” Adela snorted at Eira’s pain. “To think anyone believed you could’ve been me reborn.”
Eira didn’t fight. She just hung her head between her arms and allowed the tears to spill from her eyes, onto her bloodied knees and pants that still held the dust and smoke of the arena. She was so immeasurably tired. She could sleep for a thousand years and still wake exhausted.
“Let my friends off the boat.” Eira’s voice was weak and cracking. She looked up at Adela, who still loomed. “When we dock back at Warich, let them go.” The ship was speeding along at a good clip; they’d be back soon. “As you said, your business is with me—not them. They shouldn’t be kept here.”
Adela thrummed her fingers against the railing in thought. She leaned forward. “What makes you think I would ever do the honorable thing?”
“Nothing,” Eira admitted.
“Remember who you’re dealing with before you ask ridiculous questions.” Adela straightened and headed back across the deck, where she began to give instructions to the crew of where to dock and what would be happening. There was a pulse of magic and a bird flew from their boat to another before turning back into human shape.
Eira didn’t move. She continued to kneel on the deck. Her arms fell limp at her sides and she stared listlessly ahead.
She knew she should be listening, trying to overhear some kind of useful information, but her ears just rang. She had to formulate a plan… some kind of direction. She had to at least try to see her friends and ensure they were in one piece. But Adela’s voice was already in her mind, Eira could already hear what she’d say: What makes you think I’d let you see them? Eira pressed her eyes closed, tears continuing to fall. She buried her face in her palms.
It was her fault. She’d told Deneya to send the knights back to Risen. She’d allowed her uncle to go to the royals rather than her parents. She’d studied from Adela’s books even when everyone had told her the dangers, starting with Alyss at the very beginning of it all.
Every major downfall could be traced back to a decision that she had made.
The vessel coasted to a stop just down the banks of the river from Warich. A dirt road ran along the water into the town. There was more movement behind her, but Eira remained stuck in her stasis.
“Come on, up with you.” Ducot grabbed her bicep, trying to hoist her.
“Don’t touch me.” Eira jerked from his grasp, glaring up at him. Ducot’s expression was hard, closed off. “Don’t pretend like we’re still friendly.”
“Do I need to send someone else with her?” Adela asked from halfway down the deck.
“No, I can get her to comply,” Ducot called back, then knelt. His tone shifted, voice going low. “If you want to make it through this alive, you need to come with me.”
For a brief second, Eira saw the man who had led her to the Court of Shadows. The man she had put her faith in, blindly following into the night. Then the pirates on deck came back into focus.
“I don’t even know you,” she hissed.
“Well then, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Ducot, the man who’s trying to save you and your friends’ skins.” He grinned, scars pulling at the corner of his mouth. Eira wondered if the story she knew about them was even true. Perhaps he got those scars from some mission Adela had sent him on. Eira trusted nothing when it came to him anymore. “If you want to see tomorrow morning then follow my lead.”
“Is she refusing to release the magic on her lockbox?” Adela asked, folding both hands on top of her cane. “We can force that, if necessary.”
“No, she agreed to release her magic.” Ducot stood. “Didn’t you, Eira?” Release the magic on her lockbox? What was Adela talking about? Eira pushed off the deck, fighting against everything that was trying to force her back down. She’d passed the brink of exhaustion, mental and physical, yet somehow she continued to move. It was as if her body was trying to spite her with a will to survive that refused to quit. If not for herself, then for her
friends. She wouldn’t let them down.
“I’ll do what you need,” Eira agreed tiredly.
“Good.” Adela studied her from head to toe as she approached. “The girl is about to collapse. Someone mend her wounds.”
A pirate stepped forward as a hulking man threw a rope ladder over the side of the boat. The movements barely registered for Eira as she was more focused on the Lightspinner quickly mending her various ailments. Adela was healing her. That meant she wanted her alive, which counted for something… Right?
When the pirate was finished, she stepped away and Adela tapped her cane on the deck, summoning everyone’s attention back to her. “I would
like this to be quick and clean.” She narrowed her eyes at the three other pirates who were now present. “You all know the rules while on Meru.”
They all nodded, Ducot included.
Two of the pirates descended. Ducot gave Eira a small push in the center of her back. “You next.”
Eira did as she was told, Adela watching her the entire time. She regarded the pirate queen from the corners of her eyes. When Adela smiled thinly at her, Eira didn’t bother hiding her inspection any longer.
This was the woman Eira had been hunting for. Now, Adela had found her. The pirate queen had obviously left her ship, the Stormfrost, behind in deeper waters to come halfway into Meru…for Eira.
That had to mean something. Adela’s decision to go to such lengths to pursue her must be more than merely because of some rumors. There were secrets Adela was keeping about her, she was certain of it.
Eira swung herself over the railing, climbing down the rope ladder. At the bottom, she splashed down into the thick mud and reeds of the riverbank. The water and muck came up to her shoulders and she swam for the shore, where the other two pirates were trudging up.
Ducot landed into the water with a splash not long after. Ripples pushed out from him, his magic physically moving the water as he followed behind. When Eira’s feet hit solid ground, she slowly trudged up to the other pirates. Instinct had her attempting to summon magic to wick the water from her. But none came and she was left to drip, shivering from cold…and from fear.
She had always had her magic to depend on and to protect her. Now it was gone and Eira had never been more vulnerable. She had never given much thought before to how Commons might feel in a world of sorcerers. Now she wondered how they went about their entire existence feeling so exposed.
“Good luck, Ducot,” one of the two pirates said. He was human, wearing nothing but a vest. Black tattoos ringed the brown flesh of his arms and were painted across his exposed chest. “Looks like a mess back there.”
“You’ll soon learn that anywhere this one goes ends up a mess.” Ducot clasped Eira’s shoulder and gave a friendly shake. She broke free as subtly as possible. She was playing along for survival—her own and her friends’. Ducot wasn’t counted among her circle any longer.
“I give her three days.” A pale, lanky pirate smoothed back his brown hair, pulling it into a ponytail. A gap between his front teeth whistled slightly as he spoke.
“Three? You’re generous, Fen.” The other pirate chuckled.
Fen shrugged and started walking down the road. Ducot followed him, leaving Eira no other choice than to do the same. She tried to bring her exhausted mind back into focus. They were going back into a burning town overrun by Pillars, because Adela wanted her journals back. The same journals Eira had studied from when she had magic, which she no longer had. And Adela had come halfway across the known world to find Eira… The more she thought about it, the less sense it all made.
Eira shook her head. Her relationship with Adela could wait. The best thing she could do was focus on the present and let the rest be what it would be. One foot, then the next. She had to keep going for her friends. Once they were safe, she’d figure out if she still had the strength to continue searching for answers with Adela.
Men, women, and children continued to flee the burning town with soot-stained and tear-streaked faces. They were so focused on getting away that most of them didn’t pay Eira and the three pirates any mind. At most, their unlikely quartet were the recipients of a confused look or two. But the people were too worried about their own survival to have the will, or energy, to concern themselves with anyone else.
By the time the four of them reached the edge of Warich, the roads were mostly empty. Everyone who was going to escape had already made it out. Smoke was heavy in the air, beginning to sting Eira’s eyes.
Fen slowed to a stop and pulled a small, cracked watch from the pocket of his trousers. “She told me to give you two an hour.”
“Should be more than enough time,” Ducot said confidently.
“Assuming she doesn’t give you trouble.” Fen nodded in Eira’s direction.
“She won’t,” Ducot spoke for her. Eira continued to stay silent. He glanced her way. “Come on, then.”
Eira followed him into the blood and chaos of Warich. The other two pirates went their own way, splitting up to take care of business unknown to Eira.
The town she’d come to know through her limited explorations with Alyss, Cullen, and Ducot was upended. Most of the smoke and flames were
centered on the coliseum. But the explosion had sent burning debris throughout half of the town, starting fires across multiple buildings. More were catching fire; no sorcerers were staying to put out the flames. Cinder and ash filled the air. An eerie silence had settled on the town. There were no screams, no wailing. Other than the crackling of wood, and a distant clamor of some structure falling, the town was as silent as a grave.
So she was jolted when Ducot finally spoke.
“The fire and smoke are impacting my magic. I need you to be my eyes.”
“Why would you escort me if you couldn’t navigate?” Her tone was flat, dull.
He stopped. “Well, I couldn’t see the state the town was in, could I?”
“Adela could.” Just the mention of the pirate queen had Eira’s head spinning. Adela was here and Eira was her prisoner.
“She trusts us to know what we can and can’t do.”
“Trust must be nice.” Eira folded her arms. Though she still continued looking around. The streets were still mostly empty…but every now and then she saw a curtain pulled aside in one of the houses. People locked up tight, riding out the storm that had descended on their formerly sleepy town. Praying the fires didn’t come for them.
“Would you have preferred me to tell you when we first met that I was practically raised by the pirate queen you resembled? That, oh yes, my loyalties really lay with her. I can imagine how well that might have gone over.” Ducot’s milky eyes never met hers as he spoke.
“You deceived me.”
“I neglected to tell you something about myself that, frankly, had no relevance until this tournament’s beginnings,” he countered with a slight frown. “Adela had me working with the Shadows on Meru long before any of us even knew you existed.” Ducot glanced over his shoulder. “We can keep talking, but we should keep moving. You heard Fen, we only have an hour.”
“Until?”
“Until Adela decides we’re dead or too inept to be in her employ. Either way, she leaves without us.”
Taking my friends with her. Eira began walking again, assuming the lead. “What else did you lie to me about?”
“I never outright lied,” Ducot continued to protest.
Eira glared at him, but opted not to explain her expression. “You said you were raised by Adela? I thought your family was murdered on the edge of the Twilight Kingdom.”
There had been a time, back when they were still sneaking in and out of the Court of Shadows, that he had explained his history. He had spoken of a settlement on the outskirts of the Twilight Kingdom’s forest. Of an attack by Ulvarth when he was still the leader of the Swords of Light.
“They were.” By Ducot’s tone alone, she knew he was telling the truth. Even despite all her doubts and questioning of his intentions, she could hear it in his voice. “What I neglected to tell you was that the reason we would dare form a settlement on the outskirts of the forest where we were vulnerable to the zealots of Yargen is because we wanted to be closer to the water—closer to where the Stormfrost might come.”
“You were all pirates?” Eira hesitated at a corner, looking up and down the street before turning.
“The majority, and those of us that weren’t actively on her payroll knew what the rest of us were and did.”
“But Adela—”
“Never harmed the Twilight Kingdom, unlike most others,” he interrupted. “She was good to us, as she is to most of the unwanted wretches of the world.”
“But you said you joined the Court of Shadows right after to avenge your family.” Eira hastily crossed the street. She was making a point of heading generally parallel with the river.
“No, you said that,” Ducot corrected.
Eira thought back to their conversation, racking her memories. He had told her of his family. Of Ulvarth’s attack. Rebec finding him clinging to life.
Then she had said, So you vowed vengeance and joined the Court of Shadows then and there. Ducot had nodded…but hadn’t said anything else. The conversation had shifted.
“Okay, but you nodded in agreement,” she muttered under her breath. “What I told you about Rebec finding me was true. As was my need for
vengeance. But what could a boy do against a madman like Ulvarth? I needed time. And Rebec did offer to take me in…but I knew I had somewhere to go and refused to follow her then and there. She assumed that
‘somewhere’ was back to the Twilight Kingdom. Rebec told me to seek her out when I was older and ready.”
“You did, and joined the Court of Shadows as a double agent.”
He nodded. “I was there to observe. Not to meddle, and not to harm Meru. If anything, the opposite.”
Eira slowed her pace. They were nearing the docks, and judging from the distant shouting, there was still some kind of chaos unfolding. The idea of running to find her family, or Olivin, crossed her mind. But Eira pushed the notion away. Her family was either dead or somewhere she wouldn’t be able to get to. As hard as it was not to run to them, she had to focus on the people she could still help—and those people were back on a boat controlled by Adela.
“Why would a pirate—one of Adela’s, no less—not harm Meru?”
He shrugged. “If I knew, I would tell you. She’s instructed all of us who set foot on Meru’s soil not to do anything that would harm the well-being of Meru. No murdering, pillaging, stealing, or any of the usual piracy.”
Deneya’s words came back to her. Adela hasn’t been seen along the coast for a long time. Perhaps Adela truly had lost interest in Meru. Which made it even more mysterious as to why she had defied all odds to come back for Eira. Her earlier suspicion that maybe Adela wasn’t being entirely truthful returned unbidden.
Ducot must have heard the increasing noises of the town growing around them, too, because he came to a stop. “Listen, Eira…I never wanted to mislead you. But I couldn’t tell you. She’s already going to be cross that I allowed you on her vessel.”
“Didn’t she want to see me?” Eira asked softly. His answer could crumble her theories of Adela’s return to Meru and the meaning behind it.
“Adela was very, very curious about you the moment word got out. She hasn’t come this close to Meru in decades. Something really shook her years ago and she’s made it a point to never come back.”
“What was it?”
“No one knows.” He shook his head. “The important thing is, the rumors of you did burn a hole in her brain. You’ve wormed into her thoughts and that’s why we’re both still alive. But Adela isn’t a charitable woman. That’s why I told her the lockbox you kept the journals within was sealed shut with your magic, and so you needed to come. You need to start proving to her now that you have strength and utility.”
“You didn’t tell her my magic was gone?” she whispered.
“Not yet. I wanted to give you a chance to prove yourself first.” “And what if I don’t prove myself?” Eira asked.
“I think you already know the answer to that.”
She swallowed thickly. “Right. We should get going then; our hour is ticking away.”
“One more thing.” Ducot reached out his hand toward her. The smoke must really be interfering with his senses because he only grabbed air. Eira took his hand, their fingers clasping together firmly. “Will you still trust me?”
She studied his face. Every scar had become familiar. His milky eyes that never quite saw her, and yet looked right into her. The emotions that she had first felt when he revealed his true alliances began to dull. He was right, what could she have expected from him? And it wasn’t as if he’d ever done anything to harm her. In fact, the opposite. Even up to this very second he was trying to look after her.
And, besides, she’d seen the way Noelle looked at him. She couldn’t betray one of her best friends by not giving her paramour a second chance.
“I do,” Eira admitted, ready to follow him once more into the unknown.
