“You’re not really going to help Adela though, are you?” Alyss asked. The entire time Eira and Lavette had been at odds, her nose had been in her notebook. This was all, no doubt, giving her excellent
ideas for drama in her “romance novel to end all romance novels.”
“I’m going to do whatever I must, Alyss.” Eira wished she could tell her friends all she was planning and thinking. She was well past keeping things from them. But, with how things had unfolded, she didn’t dare risk it in the short term. Even if she could prevent the pirates—even Ducot—from hearing that she was planning to escape at the first possible opportunity, regardless of what she told Adela… Alyss might mention it to Noelle, who might mention it to Ducot, who’d be compelled to tell Adela. And, even if Noelle didn’t, they might be overheard discussing it. Ironically, the only person she was somewhat confident could hold the information was Cullen.
Which, she needed to speak with him anyway…
“Cullen, may we have a word?” Eira gave him a pointed look. “That’s probably for the best.” At least he realized it.
“Well, would you look at that,” Ducot said awkwardly. “I think there’s something important that needs my attention waaaaaay over there. For however long this is going to take.” He stood.
“Wow, me too.” Noelle stood as well. Alyss didn’t move. Noelle nudged her with the toe of her boot. “Alyss?”
“Oh no, I’m fine.” Alyss perched her journal in her lap.
“No you don’t.” Noelle lifted Alyss up by her arm. “They need their space and you only think you want to be around. When the awkwardness
sets in, you’ll wish you were with us.”
Alyss looked to Eira with hopeful eyes. Eira arched her brows and silently conveyed, Noelle is right and you know it.
“All right,” Alyss groaned. “But, really, I am the resident expert on love and literally no one is taking my advice or welcoming my input on the subject. Which is a terrible loss for all of you.” She sighed dramatically. “Still, I’ll be here whenever you come around to realizing just how helpful I can be.”
“Noted.” Eira reached up to squeeze her friend’s hand lightly. Alyss gave her a small but encouraging smile. “Thank you.”
“I’m too good to you, but you’re welcome.” Alyss grinned. “You really are,” Eira agreed.
“What an unlikely bunch we are.” Cullen had a gentle fondness to his words, directed at the three that were departing.
“That thought has occurred to me before.” Though, not in some time. Eira had begun to see their team as an expectation, a given. But Lavette’s outburst and Ducot’s revelation called the perfect picture of their group into question. What would break the ties between them?
“Where would you like to start?” Cullen asked, picking at the scuffs on his boots. He wasn’t looking her in the eyes, and rather than frustrating her…it merely made Eira sad.
“How are you feeling?” Eira asked, her words as heavy as the smoke in the coliseum that day. “Your father was there, too.”
“I don’t really know where my father was.” Cullen shrugged and looked back in the direction of Warich. “Though, you’re right, knowing him…he was probably in the thick of it. He could never seem to manage to get close enough to royals. Look at where that endless persistence got him, in the end. The cost of greatness…” He shook his head. “But I’m fine, really.”
“It’s all right if you’re not.” There was something strange about his tone. Something Eira couldn’t quite put her finger on.
“I think that’s what surprises me. I really am okay. I almost feel… relieved.” The wind played in his hair as he wore a tired, but genuine smile. His eyes were sad, but his mouth was happy. He was slouched slightly, but for the first time he didn’t look as though his shoulders were trying to eat his ears from tension. Or as though he were being crushed by the weight of the world. “My peace with whatever happened to my family and the
citizens of Solaris that were there is part of what led to a recent quarrel between Lavette and I. She called me callous.”
“That is why you’re at odds? Not what I said before Adela took me?” “Nothing ever really came to pass between Lavette and me. So other
than her rightfully having affirmation that I am an ass—and admittedly being a bit shocked as to the scale of my poor decision-making—the revelation impacted her little.”
And, yet, Eira was still wounded by his actions. He was right, it did show how little Lavette cared…and how much Eira had. Maybe still did.
“Not everything is about you, Eira.” Cullen nudged her shoulder lightly with his. The gesture was friendly. And, though small, it somehow eased some of the tension she felt. “Though my heart sometimes tries to tell me differently,” he added under his breath.
“I’m still going to talk to her about it all, when I have a chance.” Eira glanced over her shoulder. Lavette was still in discussion with Varren. “I think I owe it to her.”
“She’d probably appreciate that, knowing her. She’s one to want to, respectfully, get matters out in the open.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Though, you might want to wait until she’s less generally on edge as a result of her circumstances.” On that, Eira could agree.
“About your feelings for me… They’re still there?” Eira folded and unfolded her fingers in her lap.
“I was ready to die for you less than a week ago,” he said softly. “I’d say they’re still there.”
Eira nodded and continued to stare behind them. “Cullen, I… I don’t—”
He rested a hand on her knee and shifted to look her in the eyes. The setting sun was picking up the orange notes in his hazel irises.
“It’s all right. You don’t have to have an answer for me. So much has changed. You’ve changed—are changing. I’m changing too, or at least trying to. Who knows if we’ll change in a way that brings us together, or pushes us apart.” He wore an easy smile. As if, for the first time, he could say everything he wanted to. “But I do know I care for you still, despite all odds. I know that you defy logic and reason for me as much as you always have. And I know that I lost your trust, and possibly your heart. But I want to see if the man I’m becoming will manage to earn them again.”
She couldn’t stop a slight smile. There was an urge to kiss him. Even still, even now.
“My feelings don’t make sense to me either sometimes,” she admitted. “Sometimes, you’re all I can think of. Other times, I want nothing to do with you.”
“The feeling is mutual.” He reached up and tucked a stand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on the crest of her ear, trailing delicately down her neck as he pulled away.
“I fear I might be stuck with you forever,” she admitted with a whisper. “In one way or another.”
“I hope so. Right now, I still desire to be your lover. To be a man worthy of that love. But if it’s not meant to be, I know I would be overjoyed to merely be counted among your friends.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I would even bear it if you must call me your enemy… The only thing I wouldn’t be able to stand is if we were nothing. Because then I wouldn’t have even the slightest place in your heart. I would live with the knowledge that I never crossed your thoughts, and that would be a fate worse than death.”
Eira sat in stunned silence. Her hand moved on its own, reaching for his that still rested on her knee. Their fingertips, just up to the first knuckle, slotted together. It felt like understanding. For the first time, they were on the same page. There were no more secrets. No more fears.
“What about the engagement?” she couldn’t help but ask.
“Neither Lavette nor I have any interest in pursuing it. That much is clear.” He shrugged. “Either our fathers are dead, and there won’t be any pressure to honor it, or, even if they’re alive, there are enough other concerns that I doubt they’ll put up much of a fight. It’s really up to us.” He paused and then spoke before she could. Surprising her when he said, “Though I suppose it always was up to us. That was what you wanted me to see all along, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” The word was part sigh of relief.
“So she will go back to Qwint as soon as she’s able to find a way and, as for me…I’m not sure what’s next, or what the future holds.” He shrugged.
“I’ve never seen you so…” Eira struggled for the right word or phrase.
“Free?” Cullen smirked and leaned back, lounging as if for emphasis. Something about him on the boat looked right in a way Eira would’ve never expected before now. “Other than the guilt that surrounds the feeling—since it likely came at the cost of my father’s life and my being a captive of the
pirate queen—I have never been so relaxed. I don’t have anywhere to be or any expectations upon me. I feel like I’m finally trying to embody the wind, rather than be the storm.”
“What do you mean?”
“All my life, I was trying to exert force—or others were trying to do so upon me, or on my behalf. To make things happen. This is the first time I don’t have a plan or direction. I’m just seeing what comes next and taking it one step at a time.”
Eira leaned back as well and savored the easy silence. If only for a second. There were still more hard, necessary topics to discuss. But, for now, she enjoyed the sound of the boat cutting through the water. The cries of the birds as they pecked at the marsh minnows and worms in the nearby banks. The smell of a distant campfire where some traveler was roasting meat.
For a second, he was the wind and she was the current, souls dancing.
They would see where fate would take them.
“When we get to Ofok, Adela is going to let you all go,” Eira said softly, drawing Cullen’s attention back to her. Everyone else had given them space—talking about lovers’ matters had worked to drive any prying ears away and now was her chance. “She said she’ll do so without harm to any of you. She should remove the shackles, too. But if she doesn’t, I found out where she keeps the key—it’s in an inside breast pocket of her coat.”
“Eira…”
“I’m sure the Stormfrost is somewhere off the coast of Ofok. While I don’t know where, given what Adela has said, she won’t be coming back this way for some time—I believe she only came because of me.”
“Eira,” Cullen said more firmly. “What about you?” He saw right through her careful choice in words.
“I won’t leave her side until I get my magic back,” she said softly, weaker than she would’ve liked. “I don’t know why it hasn’t come back yet…but it hasn’t. I do have confidence though that with enough time, she can do it.”
“What if she’s purposefully drawing out the process of getting your magic back?” His voice dropped to a whisper. He was looking out of the corners of his eyes as much as she was for any pirates who might venture too close or otherwise be listening in on their hushed conversation.
“Why would she? I’m more valuable to her with my powers than without. There are only so many hypotheticals of magical application we can explore with words alone.”
“Unless she wants you at her side for another reason.” Cullen didn’t expand on what that “other reason” might be and Eira was glad for it. He understood strange and tense relationships that surrounded family. All the messy emotions that came with it. Mother above knew, he had those emotions himself.
“If that’s the case, then I’d want to stay for it, too. Find out the truth.” “But—”
“My mind is made up, Cullen.” That stopped his objections. “So if I don’t get my magic tomorrow morning before Ofok, which I doubt I will, I’ll have to stay with Adela. The rest of you need to leave.”
“I’m not leaving you behind.”
“Go while you can.” Eira leaned over slightly, meeting his eyes. “This might be your only chance—if she keeps her word. I will try to escape later, as soon as I’m able.”
He frowned slightly and his eyes took on a stern intensity. “You know that’s not going to happen. Alyss and Noelle won’t leave you. I won’t leave you.” She sighed heavily. It was his turn to speak over her protests. “Eira, all this time you wanted me to make a choice. To pick for myself and live in the way I wanted, not in the way others wanted for me. Well, now I am.”
“You had to pick now of all times to start living life for yourself,” she muttered, and shifted again, uncomfortable. He was right and she had to respect his choice. She had to respect all their choices.
“There’s never a good time for hard decisions.”
For a few minutes, they sat in silence. Just looking out at the world passing them by. She closed her eyes and sighed softly. After opening up to her friends, so much, it was becoming difficult to act without their support.
“She said she’s not my mother,” Eira whispered softly.
“Did she?” he replied, just as soft. Eira nodded. “Do you believe her?”
“Sometimes I do…other times I don’t. Her power, Cullen, it’s greater than any sorcerer I’ve ever imagined. She can do more than any Waterrunner I’ve ever heard—even dreamed—of doing. The more I learn about her, the more I think that her crew is right and she’s telling the truth. There’s no way I could be her daughter.”
“Your power is astounding. You were the one who discovered echoes.
Who had begun exploring widening channels. Don’t sell yourself short.”
Eira drew her knees back to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I never thought I would actually find her, but I dreamed that if I did, everything would fall into place. I would know that she was my mother beyond all doubt and she would be overjoyed to be reunited with me.”
“Family never turns out how you think it will.” “It never does,” she agreed with a heavy note.
“Earlier…you said you wanted to get back to your parents and uncle in Warich. That you worried for them.”
Eira glanced over at him, trying to read where the remark was coming from. “I’m not heartless. Even though we were at odds, I wouldn’t want them to die.”
“I never thought you did. It’s just…all this time you were fighting to get to Adela. Now, you want to get back to your parents.”
“I want to make peace, if nothing else. We all handled things badly and, even if I don’t know if I want them in my life forever, I want closure… I’ve gone soft,” she said with a note of sarcasm, trying to inject some levity or jesting into the otherwise heavy conversation.
He ignored it, remaining serious. “You’ve found a more nuanced heart.” “Well, you’re not the only one who’s changing.”
They shared a small smile. Things around him had somehow finally, finally become comfortable. Now that they weren’t trying to be anything, ignore anything, or not be anything, it was as if they had the freedom to explore what they were meant to become and everything or nothing was on the table.
There was something exciting about the idea. Of meeting Cullen all over again. Learning who he was without everything else attached.
“Are you two done with your alone time?” Alyss said, coming up from behind them.
Eira gave Cullen a pointed look that said, don’t forget what we discussed. He dipped his chin ever so slightly. She’d put her faith in him to seriously consider leaving when the time came, and encouraging the others to do the same. If they chose to stay…Eira couldn’t do much to change their minds.
“I think so,” Eira said. “Which is good because I want to hear everything you have in your journal now.”
“I am not ready to share my work in progress.” Alyss held the journal to her chest and patted it. “But as soon as it is ready, you will be the first I share it with.”
“I better be.” Eira had a sneaking suspicion that she had inspired a good portion of it.
“Dinner is ready.” Alyss motioned behind her. The rest of them had metal cups they were picking food out of.
Eira and Cullen joined.
Lavette and Varren were off toward the bow of the ship, still keeping to themselves. But they shot glances every now and then in Eira’s direction. Eira tried to ignore it. If—when Lavette wanted to talk, she was ready. But she wouldn’t push the matter prematurely.
The meal almost felt…normal. Fen and Krut joined them while they ate. Pine sat off to the side, keeping to himself in his broody, disapproving way. But even he chimed in from time to time on the discussion, weighing in on the state of Meru’s politics, or mild topics like the best port to get rum versus whiskey from.
By the time they went to the hold to sleep, Pine was the only one still up, seemingly keeping half an eye on them as he coiled the rope. Though his mild attempt at an imposing presence wasn’t needed, everyone went to the hold willingly, as though it were a bedroom and not a prison.
Eira was surprised but pleased to see that the pirates had made it a point to make her friends comfortable. There were blankets of varying quality. Some threadbare, but others thick with fluff. A lantern held a faintly glowing rock that emitted shining motes behind the glass like fireflies. Eira stared at it in wonder.
Noelle placed a hand on her shoulder briefly and said, “Ducot said it’s from the Twilight Kingdom.” His home. “I hear the name is apt because it is never night, nor daylight—eternal twilight. Most of the light comes from the stars and constellations above the city, or lanterns like this.”
“Useful on a ship.” Eira thought to what Ducot had said earlier about fire and ships.
“I think fire would be fine,” Noelle mumbled and dropped her hand from Eira’s shoulder.
“Incredibly useful.” Ducot yawned and crawled over to where Noelle was bundling herself. It was cold at night and damp in the hold. He placed an arm around her waist, pulling her back to his chest and holding her close.
Alyss had entered the hold and Eira glanced over at her friend, whispering, “They are the couple you should be using for your inspiration.”
“Oh, trust me, I am,” Alyss whispered back. “But they can sometimes be a bit…boring. Not enough drama to make an interesting tale.”
Eira tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at Alyss. The woman laughed and crawled over to her pile of blankets, peeling one away and handing it to Eira.
“Here you are.”
“Thanks,” Eira said, taking it and returning by default to the spot she’d first woken in. Everyone, save for Ducot, had kept to their same areas.
Which meant she was almost next to Cullen.
It wasn’t until she lay down that she realized his face was a short stretch from hers. After seeing Ducot and Noelle, Eira was suddenly aware of just how cold the night was. How far he was and how good his body would feel.
Their eyes met as he lay down. Suddenly the gap felt larger and smaller all at once. Their words earlier had built a bridge between them. One she hadn’t expected to ever be erected over the ashes of the old. Or perhaps that bridge had never truly burned down. There was something still to save, and fortify, if they wanted.
Eira shifted onto her side to face him and extended her hand, placing it between them. Cullen’s hand crossed the gap. His knuckles brushed against hers as if to say, I’m here. Slowly moving her fingers, she slid them against his, weaving and unweaving. Coming together, apart, and together. Not entirely either, somewhere between.
Neither of them said anything. It was as though the spell would be broken with one word. So Eira continued to lightly brush her fingers against his and her lids grew heavy. His face was the last thing she saw before sleep claimed her.
