I sat by the unlit fireplace the following morning, staring at the burnt kindling that remained. I idly rubbed my palms over my knees. The breeches had been laundered and returned earlier, along with breakfast. It had been Davina who arrived, and the draken hadn’t said much. I wasn’t sure if that was normal or if she had heard the truth despite Nyktos’ warnings to keep it quiet.
The one good thing that had come from the mostly untouched food was the butter knife that had been brought with it. The knife wouldn’t do any damage to a god, but I was sure I could make it hurt when it came to a mortal, so I swiped it, slipping it into my boot.
I hadn’t slept well the night before, even after the potion. The thought of eating anything didn’t rouse interest.
I remembered the last time I’d felt this hollow. It was when I’d taken that sleeping draft. It wasn’t just Nyktos. It was the truth about Kolis. It was the threat I posed to the Shadowlands. It was me. It was Tavius and Nor and Lord Claus and all the others. It was how much I missed Ezra and Sir Holland. It was how I wanted to tell my mother that I was never the cause of the Rot. And it was…it was how badly I wanted Nyktos to be Ash.
Weary, I toyed with the edges of my braid. It was also the knowledge that the past could never be undone. It couldn’t be forgiven. It couldn’t be forgotten.
A knock on the door dragged me from my thoughts. I rose. “Yes?” “It’s Aios.”
Surprised, I stepped around the chaise. “You can come in.”
The door opened, and she wasn’t the only one who entered the chamber. Bele, who had been in the hall when Davina had arrived earlier, walked in, too. Apparently, she was on guard duty, and I wasn’t entirely sure if she was there to keep me safe or to keep others safe.
“I need you to come with me,” Aios announced. I tensed, suspicion rising. “To where?”
“Should be nowhere.” Behind her, Bele stood with her arms crossed over her chest. My gaze snagged on her weapons—all far better than a paltry butter knife. “I told her Nyktos wanted you to remain in your chambers, but as always, Aios doesn’t listen.”
The redheaded goddess wasn’t listening now. “Gemma is awake.” “Oh.” I glanced between the two. “That’s good news, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Aios answered while Bele shrugged. “Did she say why she went into the woods?”
“She’d spotted a god who had been at the Court of Dalos and feared she’d be recognized. So she panicked, ran into the Dying Woods, quickly got lost in them, and then saw the Shades. She hid from them for a bit until they found her, but that’s not why I’m here,” Aios said. “She claims that she has no knowledge of what happened afterward—of what you did.”
“That’s also good…” I trailed off as Aios’s jaw hardened. “Or not?”
“I think she’s lying. I think she knows exactly what you did and said something to Hamid,” Aios explained. “I told her what Hamid had done, and she lost it, saying it was her fault. That’s why I’m here. I want you to tell her what you did.”
“In case anyone wants to know, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Bele announced.
“No one wants to know,” Aios replied. “I think if she is confronted with the fact that we know she died, she’ll tell us what she told Hamid.”
I wasn’t sure if that would work, but I was willing to try. It would be nice to have an answer to something. However… “You trust me to leave the bedchamber?”
Aios’s nose wrinkled. “What would you do that I should worry about?
Are you planning something?” “Else,” Bele added.
“I’m not,” I stated.
“And you have no weapon, correct?” Aios asked.
“No.” I really didn’t count my butter knife as a weapon. “Then why wouldn’t I trust you?”
My brows lifted. “Besides the obvious?” “My question exactly,” Bele added.
Aios sighed. “Look, it was clear—to me at least—that you didn’t want to do what you believed you had to. That doesn’t mean I agree with your actions or that I’m not disappointed. You seemed to make him…” Her chin
lifted. “Anyway, it’s not like we don’t have explicit experience in carrying out terrible deeds because we believed we had no other choice.”
For a moment, I couldn’t speak. “Have you ever plotted to kill someone who offered nothing but kindness and safety?”
Aios’s stare met mine. “I have probably done worse. All of us have,” she stated flatly. “Now, will you come with me?”
I blinked. “Yeah—Yes.”
“Thank you.” Aios wheeled around, the skirt of her gray gown fluttering at her feet.
Tugging down the sleeves of my sweater, I followed her out into the hall, my thoughts consumed by what Aios could’ve done that was worse. What Bele could’ve done. Because she hadn’t disagreed with that statement. It wasn’t until we reached the second floor that I asked, “Where is Nyktos? And how much trouble will you two get in for letting me out of my bedchambers?”
“He’s in Lethe,” Bele answered as we walked the wide, quiet hall. “There was some kind of incident. Not sure what exactly. I don’t think it’s serious—” she said when I opened my mouth. “But I’m hoping he doesn’t find out about this little excursion.”
“I won’t say anything,” I told them.
“I’d hope not,” Bele remarked, stopping in front of a white door. She opened it without knocking, stalking in.
Aios shook her head at the startled gasp that came from within the small chamber. I followed Aios in, getting my first real look at Gemma.
Good gods…
She was sitting up in bed, hands in her lap, and her injuries…they were gone completely. No deep cuts along her forehead or cheeks. The skin of her neck was unmarred, and I would bet her chest appeared the same.
I never really got a chance to see what my touch did. Most animal wounds weren’t as noticeable, and I hadn’t seen the one that had ended Marisol’s life. This ember…gods, it was as miraculous as what my blood had done for Nyktos.
Walking forward as Bele closed the door behind me, I saw that Gemma’s hair, free of blood, was a light shade of blonde, only a few tones darker than mine. And I’d been right. She couldn’t be much older than me, if that. Which meant she had lasted in the Dalos Court longer than most because she hadn’t been in the Shadowlands that long.
Gemma looked at Aios first and then her gaze settled on me. Her entire body stiffened.
“I brought someone I think you need to meet,” Aios said as she sat on the bed beside Gemma. “This is Sera.”
The woman hadn’t taken her eyes off me. A tremor went through her.
Her brown eyes were impossibly wide. I came to stand near the bed. “I don’t know if you recognize me,” I started. “But I—”
“I recognize you,” she whispered. “I know what you did.”
Aios sighed. “Well, that was far easier than I expected it to go.” She twisted toward Gemma. “You could’ve just told me the truth.”
“I know. I know I should’ve, but I…I shouldn’t have said anything to Hamid. He’s dead because of me. That’s my fault. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything.” Tears tracked down Gemma’s cheeks as she shook. “I was just so caught off guard and wasn’t thinking—I know better. Gods, I know better than to say anything.”
“It’s okay.” Aios went to place a hand on the woman’s arm, halting when Gemma flinched. “We’re not going to hurt you.” Behind me, Bele made a low sound of disagreement, and Aios shot the other goddess a look of warning. “None of us is going to hurt you.”
“It’s not you all I’m afraid of.”
“I know. It’s Kolis,” Aios said quietly, and my gaze shot to her. The empathy in her voice came from a place of knowledge, as did the haunted look I’d seen in her eyes.
Gemma’s trembling ceased, but she paled even more. “I can’t go back there.”
“You don’t have to,” Aios promised.
“But it’s my fault that Hamid attacked her. There’s no way His Highness will let me stay here now.” Her grip on the blanket bleached her knuckles white.
“Did you tell Hamid to attack me?” I asked. She shook her head. “Good gods, no.”
“Then I doubt Nyktos will hold you accountable,” I told her, and her eyes shot to mine. The hope and the fear of believing in that hope was clear in her stare. “He won’t force you to go anywhere you don’t want to,” I said, and I knew without a doubt that was true. “You don’t have to be afraid of that either.”
Aios nodded. “She speaks the truth.”
An ache pierced my chest at how evident it was that she wanted so desperately to believe that. “Only time will prove my words right, and I hope you give it that time and don’t do anything…reckless again,” I said, fully acknowledging the irony of me suggesting against something irresponsible. “What did you tell Hamid?”
Her chest rose with a deep breath as her stare dropped to her hands. “I… I knew I was dying,” she said softly. “When the other god found me? I knew I was dying, because I could barely feel his arms when he picked me up. And I…I know I died. I felt it—felt myself leaving my body. There was nothing for a couple of moments and then I saw two pillars—pillars as tall as the sky—with this bright, warm light between them.”
Tension crept into me. She was speaking about the Pillars of Asphodel and the Vale. Had Marisol experienced the same? I knew her soul would not linger for long. And if so, did she realize that she had been brought back? I swallowed, hoping that Ezra had been able to steer her away from that belief or, at the very least, ensure that she never spoke of it. If she did, it could place both of them in danger, especially if it got back to a god who served Kolis.
“I felt myself drifting toward it and then I was pulled back,” Gemma said. “I knew someone had brought me back.” Her head turned to me. “I knew it was you. I felt your touch. And when I looked at you, I just knew. I can’t explain it, but I did. It’s you he’s been looking for.”
“Kolis?” Bele demanded, and Gemma flinched again at the sound of his name. The woman nodded. “How did you know?”
“I was…” Gemma pulled the blanket closer to her waist. “I was his favorite for a bit. He kept me…” She swallowed, stretching her neck, and Aios closed her eyes. “He kept me close to him for a while. He said he liked my hair.” She reached up, absently touching one of the light strands. “He talked about this…power he felt. He spoke about it all the time. Obsessed over it and how he would do anything to find it. This presence. His graeca.”
“Graeca?” I repeated.
“It’s from the old language of the Primals,” Bele answered. “It means life, I believe.”
“It also means love.” Aios’s eyes had opened. She frowned as she glanced at me. “The word is interchangeable.”
“Like liessa?” I said, and she nodded. “Well, obviously, he is referencing life.” I imagined Kolis still believed that he was in love with Sotoria. “He felt the—the ripples of power I caused over the years. We know that.”
“Well, we suspected that,” Bele corrected. “But we weren’t sure until the other night when the dakkais showed.”
I shifted my weight. “And that is what you told Hamid?”
Gemma blew out a ragged breath. “I never understood what he meant when he spoke of his graeca. Not until I saw you and realized that you had brought me back. I told Hamid that it must be you that Kolis was looking for. That you were the presence he felt, and that you were here, in the Shadowlands.” She shook her head as she swallowed again. “I knew what happened to Hamid’s mother. He shared that with me. I should’ve been thinking. Hamid…he hated Kolis, but he was also afraid of him. Terrified that he would come to the Shadowlands and hurt more people.”
“So that’s why,” Bele mused, tossing her braid over her shoulder. “He thought he was protecting the Shadowlands by making sure Kolis didn’t have a reason to come here. He sought to remove the lure. Kind of can’t fault him for that line of thinking.”
I stared at her. “Considering that I was the lure he sought to remove, I kind of do fault him.”
“Understandable,” the goddess quipped.
But I also understood Hamid’s line of thinking. I could easily see myself doing the same. And I could also see how being the object of one’s murderous intentions, no matter how noble, wasn’t something that could be forgotten.
It was how I knew that Nyktos would never forget. Not that I needed to know what that felt like to know.
Chest heavy, I pushed those thoughts aside as a question rose that I felt it best not be asked in front of Gemma. Why hadn’t Kolis come to the Shadowlands?
Gemma spoke, drawing me back to her. “I didn’t think his graeca was a person. He never spoke of it as if it were something living and breathing. He talked as if it were an object. A possession that belonged to him.”
Well, Kolis didn’t seem the type to view living and breathing beings as anything other than objects.
“Did he ever say what he planned to do with his graeca when he found it?” Aios asked.
“I think we know the answer to that,” Bele replied dryly.
I had to agree. Kolis couldn’t conjure life. He would see the ember of such power as a threat and want to eradicate it.
“No. He never said anything to me, but…” She looked over at us. “He was doing something to the other Chosen. Not all of them, but the ones that disappeared.”
My gaze sharpened on her. They are simply gone. That was what Nyktos had said. “What do you mean?”
“There was just some talk among the other Chosen who were still there.
The ones that had been there the longest. Kolis did something to them.” “The ones that disappeared?” Bele asked, stepping forward.
Gemma nodded. “They weren’t right when they came back,” she said, and a chill swept over my skin. “They were different. Cold. Lifeless. Some of them stayed indoors, only moving about during the brief hours of night. Their eyes changed.” A far-off look crept into hers. “They became the color of shadowstone. Black. They always looked…hungry.”
Something about her words tugged at the recesses of my mind.
Something familiar.
“They were frightening, the way they stared.” Gemma’s voice was barely above a haunting whisper. “The way they seemed to track every movement you made, every beat of your heart. They were as terrifying as he was.” Her grip eased on the blanket. “He called them his reborn. His Revenants. He said they were a work in progress.” She laughed, but it was weak. “I heard him saying once that all he needed was his graeca to perfect them.”
Aios glanced over her shoulder at Bele and then at me. It didn’t seem like Gemma had more to share, but if she did, the three of us sensed that we wouldn’t learn it today. The woman looked as if she was close to shattering. Once Aios assured her that she was safe to rest here, and it looked like Gemma believed her, we took our leave.
I stopped at the door, something occurring to me. I faced Gemma as Aios and Bele waited for me in the hall. “I’m sorry.”
Confusion marked her face. “For what?”
“For bringing you back to life if that was not what you wanted,” I told her.
“I didn’t want to die,” Gemma said after a moment. “That’s not why I went into the Dying Woods. I just…I just didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore.”
 |
Out in the hall and several feet from Gemma’s door, I stopped. The goddesses faced me. “What do you think the reborn are? These Revenant things?”
“I don’t know.” Bele turned, leaning against the wall. “I haven’t heard anything like that before, and trust me, I’ve tried to find out what has happened to the missing Chosen.”
“I really hope the phrase reborn doesn’t mean literally.” Aios rubbed her hands over her upper arms. “Because I don’t want to think about Kolis having found some way to create life.”
“And that it might some way, possibly, involve you.” Bele jerked her chin toward me.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I muttered, though it prompted me to think about a question I had considered while in Gemma’s room. “Why hasn’t Kolis come to the Shadowlands? Why didn’t he come himself when I brought Gemma back?”
“He hasn’t set foot in the Shadowlands since he became the Primal of Life,” Bele replied. “I don’t think he can. Don’t look too relieved,” she added, catching the breath I exhaled. “As you saw, he doesn’t need to be here to make his presence felt. And we don’t know for certain if he really can’t.”
I nodded, reflecting on what Gemma had shared. “So, Kolis definitely knows about the ember of life—he might not know its origins, but he knows it exists. And he thinks he can use it somehow, which I’m guessing Eythos didn’t consider.”
Aios tipped her head back. “At this point, I doubt even the Fates know why he placed the ember of life in your bloodline.”
I stiffened as her words struck a chord of familiarity. Frowning, I searched my memories until I saw Odetta in my mind. “The Fates,” I whispered. “The Arae.”
“Yes.” Aios looked at me. “The Arae.”
My heart started pounding as I turned toward her. “My old nursemaid, Odetta, told me that I was touched by Death and Life at birth—she claimed only the Fates could explain why. I always thought Odetta was being, well, overdramatic because how could she know what the Fates might or might not have said or known? But what if she was speaking the truth? What if the Fates do know? Is that possible?”
“As far as I know, the Fates don’t know everything.” Bele pushed off the wall, her eyes lighting up. “But they do know more than most.”
“Where is Odetta now?” Aios asked.
“She passed away recently.” An ache cut through my chest. “She should be in the Vale. Can the draken somehow reach her?” I asked, remembering what Nyktos had said. “Wait. If the Fates know what Eythos planned, then wouldn’t Nyktos have known that, too? And gone to them?”
Bele laughed. “The Primals cannot make demands of the Arae. They cannot even touch the Arae. That’s forbidden to keep the balance. It wouldn’t have crossed Nyktos’ mind. I doubt it would’ve even crossed Kolis’s, and he usually has no care for rules, whatsoever.”
“We need to find Nyktos,” I said, looking between the two of them. “He needs to know about these reborn and Odetta.”
“Do you know where he is in Lethe?” Aios asked as she started walking. I followed.
“I do, but I’m on guard duty.”
“Then we take her with us.” Aios looked over at me. “You’re going to behave yourself, right?”
I sighed. “I don’t understand why everyone expects me to do something
—” I cut myself off as both of them looked at me. “You know what? Don’t even answer that question. I will behave myself.”
“Nyktos is going to be so irritated,” Bele muttered as we reached the spiral staircase and started down the steps.
That he would be. I didn’t want to return to my chambers, to be left with my thoughts and the hollowness I felt, but… “How much trouble will you be in?”
“None once he hears what we have to say.” Her palm glided over the smooth railing.
“You only say that because you’ve never done anything to anger him.”
“True.” Aios laughed as we rounded the first floor and the vast foyer came into view. “But what’s the worst he will do?”
Bele snorted. “His disappointment alone is unbearable—”
The massive doors to the foyer swung open without warning, slamming into the thick shadowstone walls.
Bele jerked to a halt in front of me, throwing out her arm and blocking Aios from going any farther. “What the hell?”
I stopped behind them as a figure walked through the opened doors. Everything in me stilled as I took in the faint, radiant aura surrounding her.
The goddess, Cressa.
