best counter
Search
Report & Feedback

Chapter no 12

A Shadow in the Ember

Well.

Dammit.

I exhaled noisily. โ€œGood question.โ€ โ€œOr a pointless question.โ€

โ€œHow so?โ€

He tipped closer, and that scent of hisโ€”the fresh, citrusy one, wrapped its way around me. โ€œBecause we both know why we remained right where we are. I interest you. You interest me. So, here we remain.โ€

Denials rose, but even I had the foresight to know how weak they would sound if I attempted to give voice to them.

Whatย wasย I doing here? With him?

My stomach tumbled as my gaze dropped to his mouth, and I quickly looked away. Staying here had nothing to do with his mouth for godssake. My heart skipped anyway. I was here because when would I ever get to speak so openly with a god who was rather mild-tempered? When did I get to talk so openly with anyone? Any other conversation was always shadowed by how Iโ€™d failed the kingdom.

But he was aย god. And even if he wasnโ€™t, I couldnโ€™t say I knew him all that well. I was barely dressed, and Ash made me wary. Because right now, I could easily see myself doing something incredibly impulsive and reckless enough to blow up in my face.

I peeked at Ash. Heโ€™d drawn that bottom lip of his between his teeth as he watched me. My heart started thumping, and all I could think was that today had been so veryโ€ฆweird.

โ€œWhy are you interested enough to stay?โ€ I asked. Dark eyebrows rose. โ€œWhy wouldnโ€™t I be?โ€

โ€œWhy would a mortal be of interest to someone from Iliseeum?โ€

He tilted his head. โ€œI am beginning to think you donโ€™t know much about us.โ€

I shrugged.

A breeze picked up a strand of his hair, tossing it across his face. โ€œWe find mortals to be very interesting beingsโ€”the way you all choose to live, the rules you create to govern and sometimes limit yourselves. How fiercely you all liveโ€”love and hate. Mortals are uniquely interesting to us.โ€ He lifted a shoulder. โ€œAnd you? You interest me because there seems to be little time between what occurs in your head and what comes out of your mouth. And there seems to be little regard for the consequences.โ€

My brows knitted. โ€œIโ€™m not sure if thatโ€™s a compliment.โ€ He chuckled. โ€œIt is.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m going to have to take your word for that.โ€

That soft half-smile made another appearance, and that was all he said for a little while. โ€œYou asked earlier if I killed a lot,โ€ he said, surprising me. โ€œOnly when I had to. Has it been a lot? Iโ€™m sure to some it has been. To others? Probably not something theyโ€™d blink an eye at, but I havenโ€™t enjoyed any.โ€ His voice was heavy. โ€œNot a single one.โ€

Even though his answer caught me off guard, it was clear this was something he didnโ€™t like to talk about. I shifted, pressing my knees together. โ€œIโ€™m sorry.โ€

โ€œAn apology?โ€

โ€œIโ€ฆI shouldnโ€™t have asked that question in the first place. Itโ€™s not any of my business.โ€

Ash stared at me. โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œYou are entirely contradictory,โ€ he said. His gaze met mine and then flicked away. Several long moments passed. The silence wasnโ€™t uncomfortable, and maybe that was because I was used to the quiet. โ€œI remember the first time I had to kill someone. I remember how the sword felt in my handโ€”how it felt as if it weighed double. I can still see the look on his face. I will never forget what he said. โ€˜Do it.โ€™ Those were his words. Do it.โ€

I squeezed my knees together even tighter.

โ€œNo death has been easy, but that one?โ€ His hand opened and closed as if he were trying to work feeling back into his fingers. โ€œThat one will always leave the deepest mark. He was a friend.โ€

I pressed my palm to my chest. โ€œYouโ€ฆyou killed your friend?โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t have a choice.โ€ He stared at the lake. โ€œThatโ€™s not an excuse or justification. It was just something that had to be done.โ€

I couldnโ€™t understand how he could do that, and I needed to. โ€œWhy would it need to be done? What wouldโ€™ve happened if you hadnโ€™t?โ€

A muscle throbbed along his jaw. โ€œDozens, if not more, wouldโ€™ve died if I hadnโ€™t taken his life.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ I whispered, feeling a little sick to my stomach. Had his friend been hurting people, forcing his intervention? If so, then I could understand that.ย Do it.ย Had his friend known that he needed to be stopped? I didnโ€™t ask if that was the case. I wanted to. The question practically burned my tongue, but it didnโ€™t feel right. And it didnโ€™t feel right knowing that heโ€™d been forced to do that and had also lost another friend to those three gods. โ€œThen Iโ€™m sorry you had to do that.โ€

Ashโ€™s head jerked toward mine, his stare searching. โ€œIโ€ฆโ€ He fell quiet for several breaths. โ€œThank you.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re welcome.โ€ I gathered my damp hair and began twisting it, wishing I could share something so intimate, but I didnโ€™t know how to do that. How to make myself comfortable enough to do so. The only other thing that came to mind and unfortunately spilled from my lips was utterly ridiculous. โ€œI hate gowns.โ€

There was a beat of silence. โ€œWhat?โ€

Perhaps I needed to haveย myย lips sewn shut. โ€œI just find gowns to beโ€ฆ cumbersome.โ€ And I also hated for my thighs to rub together, but that wasย notย something I would discuss with him.

He watched me. Being the focus of those steely eyes was unnerving. โ€œI imagine they would be.โ€

I nodded, face feeling too warm as I stared at the gently rolling waters of the lake. I knew I shouldnโ€™t say anything, especially to a god who served a Primal, but what Iโ€™d done was something I never talked about. Not even with Sir Holland. And I hadnโ€™t realized until that moment how much weight those unsaid words carried.

But I couldnโ€™t voice them. They revealed too much. They were too much of a burden.

Staring at the lake, I sought to change the subject. โ€œHave you found out anything more about why those gods are killing mortals?โ€

โ€œUnfortunately, not. The three gods have been hard to track.โ€ He sighed. โ€œAnd I can only pry so much without drawing unwanted attention. If I do, then I wonโ€™t discover why theyโ€™re doing this.โ€

โ€œYour friend, the one Cressa and the others killed?โ€ I asked. โ€œWhat was his name?โ€

โ€œLathan,โ€ he answered. โ€œYou wouldโ€™ve liked him, I think. He never listened to me either.โ€

A small grin tugged on my lips but faded quickly. โ€œWas his body left or was heโ€ฆ?โ€

โ€œHis body was left, soul intact. He didnโ€™t become whatever it was that woman became last night.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ I whispered, watching the light of the moon ripple over the black waters. โ€œIt doesnโ€™t make his death any easier, Iโ€™m sure, but at least he wasnโ€™t destroyed.โ€

Ash was quiet for a long moment. โ€œYou know what you remind me of?โ€ I looked over at him again, and his gaze snared mine. Warmth hit my skin once more, seeping into my veins. There was no sting of embarrassment. This was different, a more languid and sultry type of heat.

โ€œIโ€™m half afraid to ask.โ€

He was silent for a moment. โ€œThere was this flower that once grew in the Shadowlands.โ€

Every part of my being zeroed in on him. Where he livedโ€ฆ He was talking about Iliseeum. One of the things I was looking forward to as the Consort was the chance to see the realm. I couldnโ€™t listen harder if I tried.

โ€œThe petals were the color of blood in the moonlight and remained folded in on themselves until someone approached. When they opened, they appeared incredibly delicate, as if they would shatter in the softest wind, but they grew wild and fiercely, any place there was even a hint of soil. They even grew between the cracks of stone, and they were incredibly unpredictable.โ€

Did I really remind him of a delicate, beautiful flower? I wasnโ€™t sure what part of me could be considered delicate. A fingernail? โ€œHow are flowers unpredictable?โ€

โ€œBecause these were quite temperamental.โ€

A laugh burst out of me. The wisps of white pulsed behind his pupil once more, churning slowly. His gaze shifted back to the lake. โ€œIs that the part that makes you think of them?โ€

โ€œPossibly.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m curious to learn how a flower is temperamental, especially such a delicate one.โ€

โ€œThe thing is, they only appeared delicate.โ€ He was closer now, having lowered his arm from the rock. โ€œIn truth, they were quite resilient and deadly.โ€

โ€œDeadly?โ€

He nodded. โ€œWhen they opened, it revealed the center. And in that center were several spiky needles that carried a rather poisonous toxin. Depending on their mood, they released them. One needle could take down a god for a week.โ€

โ€œSounds like an amazing flower.โ€ And slightly horrifying. โ€œIโ€™m not sure if itโ€™s a compliment to know that I remind you of a murderous plant.โ€

โ€œIf youโ€™d ever seen them, you would know that it is.โ€

I smiled, flattered despite it all, and imagined that it must not take much to flatter me.

โ€œI have a question for you now,โ€ he said. โ€œAsk away.โ€

โ€œWhy are you here by a lake? I imagine a Princess has access to a large tub filled with steaming hot water.โ€

I stiffened, having forgotten that, in my anger, I had revealed that I was a Princess. โ€œI like it here. Itโ€™sโ€ฆโ€

โ€œCalming?โ€ he finished for me, and I nodded. โ€œWith the exception of the Hunters,โ€ he added. โ€œHow often do you come here?โ€

โ€œAs much as I can,โ€ I admitted, studying his profile. It was all so strange. Him. Me. Us. This conversation. How at ease I felt around him. Everything.

โ€œDo you never worry that anyone could happen upon you?โ€

I shook my head. โ€œYou are the first person Iโ€™ve ever seen in these woods

โ€”well, the first god. And not counting the spirits, but they never come close to the lake.โ€

โ€œAnd no one knows what you do out here?โ€

โ€œI imagine some of the guards know Iโ€™ve been in the lake since they see me return with wet hair.โ€

His brows knitted. โ€œI find it hard to believe that none of them has ever followed you.โ€

โ€œI told you, people are afraid of these woods.โ€

โ€œAnd what I know of mortal men is that many of them will overcome any number of fears the moment they realize a beautiful female can easily be caught in a compromising position. Especially a Princess.โ€

โ€œBeautiful?โ€ I laughed again, shaking my head.

He cut me a look. โ€œPlease donโ€™t expect me to believe that youโ€™re unaware of your beauty. You do not strike me as the coy type, and Iโ€™ve been rather impressed by you so far.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s not what Iโ€™m saying. But thanks, I will be able to sleep soundly knowing that youโ€™re impressed by me,โ€ I retorted.

โ€œWell, I wasnโ€™t exactly impressed when I told you to go home and you remained.โ€

I stared at him.

โ€œBut then you kicked the Hunter, and I wasโ€ฆwell, I felt something, all right.โ€

My eyes narrowed.

โ€œI canโ€™t say I was impressed when you appeared as if you were about to embrace the Hunter,โ€ he went on. โ€œBut then you disarmed it. That was impressiveโ€”โ€

โ€œYou can stop now.โ€

โ€œYou sure?โ€ The teasing grin had returned.

โ€œYes,โ€ I stated. โ€œIโ€™m not sure why Iโ€™m still sitting here talking to you.โ€

โ€œPerhaps you feel indebted to me since I watched over you while you were unconscious.โ€

โ€œI was unconscious for a few moments. Itโ€™s not like you stood guard for endless hours.โ€

โ€œI am quite important. Those moments felt like hours.โ€ โ€œI do not like you,โ€ I said.

His eyes shifted to mine, and that curve of his lips remained. โ€œBut you see, you do. Thatโ€™s why youโ€™re still here and no longer threatening to claw my eyes out.โ€

I snapped my mouth shut. Ash winked.

โ€œThe clawing of the eyes could still happen,โ€ I warned him.

โ€œI donโ€™t think so.โ€ He bit down on that lower lip of his again, the act snagging my gaze once more. โ€œBesides the fact that you know you wonโ€™t succeed, you said I was beautiful, and clawing my eyes out would ruin that, wouldnโ€™t it?โ€

My cheeks heated, but I wasnโ€™t sure if it was the reminder of what Iโ€™d said or the glisten on his lower lip. โ€œI did suffer an injury to my head right before I said that.โ€

His laugh was barely above a breath.

Twisting my hair once more, I focused on the ripples spreading across the lake. It had to be late, and I knew I should head back, but I was reluctant to return to life away from the lake. โ€œWhat are the Shadowlands like?โ€

โ€œA lot like these woods,โ€ he said. When I looked over at him, he was looking at the moonlight-dappled trees.

โ€œReally?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re surprised,โ€ he said, and I was.

โ€œI just didnโ€™t think the Shadowlands would be beautiful.โ€

โ€œThe Shadowlands consists of three separate places,โ€ he replied, and I jumped a little as I felt his fingers brush mine. That shiver of static danced across my knuckles as my head jerked in his direction. He gently disentangled my fingers from my hair. โ€œMay I?โ€

Seeming to lose the ability to speak, I simply nodded, even though I wasnโ€™t entirely sure what he was asking permission for. I was silent as he tugged on a strand of my hair, stretching it until the curl became straight.

โ€œThere is the Abyss, which is what everyone thinks of when they picture the Shadowlandsโ€”fiery pits and endless torment,โ€ he said, staring at the strand of my hair. โ€œBut there is also the Vale, and that is paradise for those worthy.โ€

โ€œWhat is the Vale like?โ€

His gaze lifted to mine, searching. A moment passed. โ€œThat, I cannot tell you.โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ Disappointed, I lowered my gaze to the long fingers that held my hand.

โ€œWhat awaits in the Vale cannot be shared with anyone, mortal or god. Not even Primals can enter the Vale,โ€ he added. โ€œBut the rest of the Shadowlands is like an entrywayโ€”a village before the city. It is beautiful in its own way, but it was once one of the most magnificent regions in all of Iliseeum.โ€

Once was? โ€œWhat happened to it?โ€ โ€œDeath,โ€ he stated flatly.

A chill swept over me. โ€œWhat is the rest of Iliseeum like?โ€

โ€œThe skies are a color of blue you would never see in this realm, the waters clear, and the grass lush and vibrant,โ€ he told me. โ€œExcept for when itโ€™s night, the hours of darkness are brief in Dalos.โ€

My breath caught.ย Dalos.

The City of the Gods, where the Primal of Lifeโ€”Kolisโ€”and his Court resided. โ€œIs it true that the buildings reach the clouds there?โ€

โ€œMany surpass them,โ€ he answered, and for a moment, I tried to imagine what that must look like.

And failed.

I fell quiet as I watched him toy with the strand of my hair, sort of awestruck that a god was sitting beside me, playing with my hair, teasing me.

โ€œShouldnโ€™t you be home by now, safely and respectfully tucked away in your bed?โ€ he asked.

โ€œProbably.โ€

His gaze flickered over my face. โ€œThen others must be looking for you.โ€ I laughed as I dragged my gaze from his. โ€œTheyโ€™re not.โ€

โ€œTruly?โ€ Doubt clouded his voice. โ€œBecause they believe you are already where youโ€™re supposed to be?โ€

I nodded. โ€œIโ€™m very skilled at coming and going without notice.โ€ โ€œWhy does that not surprise me?โ€

I cracked a grin.

โ€œIs that a smile?โ€ He leaned over, eyeing me far too intently to be serious. โ€œIt is. Youโ€™ve graced me with three of them now. Be still my heart.โ€

Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes. โ€œIt must not take much to still your heart.โ€

โ€œApparently, it takes a mortal Princess,โ€ he said. โ€œOne who roams haunted woods in the dead of night and swims gloriously naked in a lake.โ€

I chose to ignore the gloriously naked part. โ€œIs it common for gods to sit and chat with mortals after spying upon them?โ€

He made that sound again, that deep and shadowy chuckle as he drew his thumb over my hair. I swore I felt that touch down my spine. โ€œPrimals and gods do all sorts of things with mortals after unintentionally crossing paths with them.โ€

My mind took what experience I had with โ€œall sorts of thingsโ€ and happily played around in the gutter with it.

His gaze flicked up from my hair, eyes a molten silver. โ€œEspecially with those weโ€™ve had the pleasure of glimpsing all thoseย unmentionableย places.โ€

โ€œCan we pretend as if that didnโ€™t happen?โ€

His grin spread. โ€œAre you really pretending that it didnโ€™t?โ€

No. โ€œYes.โ€

Ashโ€™s shoulders lifted in silent laughter. โ€œAre others asโ€ฆ?โ€ I trailed off.

โ€œWhat?โ€

It was hard to think of the right word. โ€œAre others as kind as you?โ€ โ€œKind?โ€ His head tilted. โ€œI am not kind,ย liessa.โ€

The way he saidย liessa. It wasย indecent. โ€œYou have reacted far kinder to things most wouldโ€™ve reacted to cruelly and without hesitation.โ€

โ€œYou mean when you stabbed me?โ€ Ash clarified. โ€œIn the chest?โ€

I sighed. โ€œYes. Among other things. Are you going to say you only have one kind bone to go along with that one decent bone?โ€

โ€œI would say that I have one decent, kind bone in my body when it comes to you,ย liessa.โ€

There was a snag in my breath. โ€œWhy?โ€

Silvery eyes met mine once again, the wisps of eather still. โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€ He let out a short, surprised laugh, his brows furrowing. โ€œI donโ€™t need to. Nothing would change from this moment, no matter if I left you upon waking or if I lingered longer. I donโ€™t know. And that is anโ€ฆ interesting experience.โ€

What he said didnโ€™t offend me because I wouldnโ€™t have believed him if he had an entire list of reasons he was this strange with me. He was a god. Whether he lived hundreds of years or even longer, everything I knew could be contained in his palm. He was pure power given physical form, and there had to be countless beings in Iliseeum that were far more, wellโ€ฆeverythingย than me. There were mortals far more intriguing and worthy of that one kind, decent bone in his body. And I didnโ€™t mean that as a blow against myself. It was just the truth. I was unique because of what my forefather had done and that I had been born in a shroud and given a gift somehow and for some reason. Not because of anything Iโ€™d done with my life. The only understandable part was that he didnโ€™t understand why we sat here.

โ€œBut there is something I do know.โ€ Curiosity rose. โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œI want to kiss you, even though there is no reason for me to other than I want it.โ€ The heated intensity of his stare held mine. โ€œI would even go as far as to say Iย needย to.โ€

A wild flutter started in my chest and quickly spread, much like that deadly flower of his that I reminded him of.

Did I want to kiss him?

I thought of when weโ€™d kissed the night Iโ€™d first encountered the three gods, and the sharp, swift curl low in my stomach told me that, yes, I did. I was attracted to him on a visceral level that hadnโ€™t been overshadowed by how infuriating he could be from one moment to the next, or the fact that he was a godโ€”one who served the Primal of Death. Both of those things should extinguish any attraction I felt, especially the latter, but I couldnโ€™t deny that he was the source of the flashes of warmth that had nothing to do with embarrassment.

Nothing seemed real right now. Not from the moment Iโ€™d healed the kiyou wolf to this very second. It was as if Iโ€™d entered a different world, one where I didnโ€™t have to become someone else. One where I wasย wantedย instead of scorned,ย desiredย instead of disliked. A world where I was just me and not the failed Maiden or would-be Consort.

I knew I shouldnโ€™t. Just like I probably shouldnโ€™t have worked up the nerve to enter The Jade and experience physical pleasure on my terms and just for me. I had no idea what the Primal would think if he ever came for me and realized that I was truly no longer the Maidenโ€”if he would even know. I also knew there was a higher risk involved with Ash because he wasnโ€™t a god from another Court.

But I wanted toย feel. I wanted to beย someone. I wanted to be kissed again. By him.

And I wouldnโ€™t let who I was supposed to be, who I ended up becoming, or any thought of the Primal of Death stop me from allowing myself toย want.

My pulse pounded dizzyingly fast. โ€œThen kiss me.โ€

You'll Also Like