THE BEACH WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND MY FOOTING AGAINST.ย EACH STEP
landed awkwardly, my boots too heavy in the wet mixture of sand and sea. My braid had come undone, resulting in sweaty, crunchy
strands of hair plastering themselves against my neck and forehead; my lungs were surely bleeding from the exertion; and my legs were throbbing
โa steady, pulsing burn in my quads and arches and ankles.
And yet, the quiet oblivion inside my heart had not yielded.
It scared me more than I could admitโthat the salty air in my lungs, the rhythmic pump of my arms, for the first time in my life, hadnโt helped.
And my feetโthese shoes against the sandโ
I came to an awkward, stunted halt and yanked my boots off one after another as if all the suffering in my life were their fault. The patchy, poorly cobbled offenders mocked me from the sundrenched gold of the Azurine beach.
My face was too hot as I appraised them. My breathing ragged.
Those boots had carried me through the Shadow Woods. Parried in the fields of Shadowhold with Dagan a hundred times. Had trudged up and down the stairs to visit Mari in the library.
They had pressed up against a cold dungeon wall for hours, waiting for merciful sleep to come. Had been kicked into a corner so I could crawl into bed beside a warm and waiting Kane. Those boots had sat folded under me as I held my dying mother in my arms.
My heart raged against my chest as I grabbed the leather shoes and threw them into the ocean with as much force as I could muster.
They sailed through the air on a slight, white arc of energy, landing in the depths of the ocean miles away with a subtle splash.
My eyes found my hands.
They looked the same. Red and blotchy from running under a bright sun. Butโ
I had felt something.
And . . . it scared me. My own power. What was thrumming under the surface of my own skinโ
โWhatever those shoes did to you, I have no doubt such an execution was warranted.โ
I whirled at that new, sunshine voice and found Fedrik standing up the beach, backed by a little pastel village. Beyond it, patches of trees were specked with splotches of orange. I wasnโt sure how far I had run, but we were clearly no longer near the harbor.
I curtsied, but he tossed his hand in the air dismissively as he strolled closer.
โI must know.โ He jerked his chin toward the glassy bay behind me, quiet save for the rocking of seafoam against wet sand. โWhy?โ
โIt was a sacrifice,โ I admitted.
โThen a necessary one,โ he assured me. โAnd their honor to serve.โ Fedrik flashed a grin that outshone the sun above us.
โAre you . . . hiding?โ A few hours ago he had abandoned our terse convening on his palace steps to avoid Kane. And now he was here, miles from the city center, alone on this beach with me.
โAnd what would I be hiding from?โ โKing Ravenwood. I just thought . . .โ
Fedrik grinned again, handing those genuine smiles out like free sweets. So unlike Kane in that way. In all the ways. โI only needed an excuse to rid myself from the politics. Lifeโs far too short to concern ourselves with brutes like him, right?โ
I said nothing, feet growing cold and itchy where the wet sand was drying around my bare ankles.
โLady Arwen, might I interest you inโโ
โIโd better get back. My sister is probably looking for me.โ โSure,โ the prince said, faintly amused. โEnjoy the city.โ
DROPLETS OF SWEAT HAD GATHERED AT MY TEMPLES AND SLID DOWN THE
sides of my face by the time I slunk back into the palace room Ryder, Leigh, and I had been given for the night. I wiped a hand across my mouth, cool air replacing the moisture above my lip.
Inside I was greeted by the briny scent of the ocean wafting in through our open windows, the sheer drapes flitting in the breeze. The rounded, lavish suite was affixed with two beds, one for Ryder and one for Leigh and me to share, with a marbled balcony that looked down onto painterly manor houses and the cypress-dotted mountains beyond.
A collection of pale blue and ivory hues with a large driftwood table in the center, the room was decorated with solid silver sand dollars and intricate sea glass. Little trinkets of wealth and beauty peppered throughout.
But all I noticed was a new embellishment on the table that hadnโt been there before my run.
A small bouquet of flowers, tied with a twine bow.
I picked up the delicate bunch and smelled them. Rosemary, ambrosia, and orange poppies. After readingย Evendell Floraย over and over, I knew ambrosia meant gift of the Stones, while poppies meant consolation, or remorse.
My mother would have loved them. Their colors. Their springy scent. She would have put them in a thick glass vase on our table and told me each day how well they were blooming.
The thought made me want to toss them out our grand bay windows and onto somebodyโs tiled roof.
Underneath the flowers was a note written in black ink on parchment.
Strong masculine lettering read:
My dearest bird. I am so sorry. For everything.
Bastard.
Another deceit from a lying manipulator.
โLeigh!โ I called into the washroom. The sound of sloshing water told me she was soaking in the tub. โI know you helped him with this.โ
โI canโt hear you,โ she called back. โAnd no, I didnโt!โ
I crushed the flowers in my hand and left their fragmented remains on the pale wooden table. Leigh could report that back to her new ally.
Minutes later, Mari waltzed into our suite dressed in an embroidered teal blouse and one of the loose cotton skirts I assumed was customary in the seaside kingdom.
โShall we?โ
I raised a brow in silent question.
โGo explore! Weโve never been anywhere fun together. No way youโve seen a city such as this.โ
โItโs been a long day. A long couple of weeks, actually. I was looking forward to resting.โ I gazed longingly at the puffed sheets on the bed, the squishy pillows. Tempting me to drown everything out with the swift and steady drug of slumber. Even Leigh kicking beside me couldnโt make that sound less appealing. โDonโt we have to leave first thing in the morning anyway?โ
โWord is Kane convinced them to let us stay.โ
A small mercy. Leigh and Ryder would be safe here. They could stay.
Avoid the coming war.
Maybe Kane had agreed to marry Sera. She was older now, and very beautiful. Iโm sure theyโd be perfectly happy together.
A liar and a princess.
โCome on, Arwen! How about dinner? Then you can come back and sleep for days.โ
I did want to see the city, but it all felt sort of useless. To see and fall in love with all that I wouldnโt get to enjoy again.
โIโm not sure.โ I twined my fingers in the tail of my braid.
โItโs not enough to just survive, Arwen. You have to actuallyย live. I donโt want to be harsh but . . . I feel strongly about this.โ
โSheโs right. Go with her!โ came Leighโs muffled shout through the washroom door.
After my run-in with the prince, I had debated going to the castleโs infirmary to get a whiff of the ethanol and sanitizing solutionsโa smell that used to brighten my spirits and clear my mind.
But I couldnโt bring my weary limbs to trek through the expansive palace. I just felt so . . . tired.
Maybe they were right. Maybe this could help. โFine. Just dinner?โ
Mariโs answering smile was almost enough to make my compliance worth it.