Rhain darted in front of me, blocking the doors I was stalking toward. “You cannot do what you’re thinking.”
My eyes narrowed on the god. “I can’t?”
“Besides the fact that she’s a Primal, and you cannot actually kill her?” he said. “You have a coronation to get to.”
“I can try.” I sidestepped him. “And still accomplish both. It’s called multitasking.”
Rhain let out a low growl and continued to block my progress. “I know you’re angry—angrier than I thought you would be. But I cannot let you do this. Veses will be dealt with.”
“How?” I demanded. “Exactly how will she be dealt with?”
Eather pulsed brightly in his eyes. “Do you really think Nyktos will let what she did to you and Reaver slide? He won’t. That bitch’s days are numbered. She’s not long for this realm. The moment Nyktos has those embers in him and Ascends, that’s it for her.”
It took a moment for what Rhain said to penetrate the haze of rage. My gaze flew to the door over his shoulder, where Bele waited in the hall. When I brought Bele back to life, I’d Ascended her and, therefore, threatened Hanan’s position as Primal of his Court. Once the embers were transferred, Nyktos would be able to Ascend another to replace a fallen Primal—namely that bitch.
I stared at the door, hands opening and closing at my sides. I prayed that Rhain was right. That her days truly were numbered, but I wanted nothing more than to rip her fangs from her horrid mouth and shove them down her throat.
Rhain stepped toward me. “Nyktos is waiting for you, Your Highness.” I blinked, startled. “Don’t call me that.”
“But you will be my Queen,” he said, shoulders stiffening once more. This time, they nearly bunched all the way to his ears. “You already have
been.”
I stared at him, unsure how to process him saying that, but I didn’t have the mental space for it.
Not when all I breathed was fury. And sorrow.
Chest squeezing tightly, I closed my eyes. Acid pooled in my stomach. Nyktos…his blood was a part of him he likely never would’ve shared with her if she hadn’t discovered who I was. It was coercion whether he’d offered it or agreed to it. Blackmail. I hated that he’d been in that situation. Loathed that it was because of me, and I hadn’t even known.
Why would he do that for a Consort he’d never wanted?
That went beyond goodness and into a realm I couldn’t even fathom, one I knew beyond a doubt that I didn’t deserve. Hell, I could only think of a few people who would deserve that. Ezra was one. Marisol. My breath snagged. Nyktos. No one should ever have to do such a thing. But he deserved the same kind of sacrifice.
Guilt festered, and not because I felt responsible for what Veses had forced upon him. Because, like Bele had said, Nyktos and Veses hadn’t made sense. I’d known that, but my hurt feelings had overshadowed what was right in front of my face.
But I never would’ve imagined that this was why. I wouldn’t have wanted to.
“How many know?” I asked. “You and Ector?” “And Nektas.”
I wasn’t surprised to hear that. There seemed to be very little Nektas didn’t know. But he wouldn’t have shared this with me.
“You level?” Rhain asked quietly.
“No,” I whispered, opening my eyes. “I…I don’t want him to have done that for me—for anyone.”
“I know,” he said, watching me. “Veses was here…” Understanding flickered across his features. “That’s what set you off that day. You saw them.” He cursed, shoving his hand through his hair. “I couldn’t figure it out—what obviously had changed between you and Nyktos. It was her.”
There was no point in lying. “I saw them.” “And he didn’t tell you why he was with her.” I shook my head.
Rhain’s jaw tightened. “He wouldn’t want you to know his shame.”
“That’s not his shame.” I stiffened until all the many tiny diamonds felt as if they were cutting into my skin. “It’s hers.”
His eyes shone more amber than brown. “You and I know that, but would either of us feel like that if we were in that position?”
“No.” I didn’t need to think about it. And, gods, that…that broke my heart. I could barely bring myself to talk about how Tavius had behaved toward me. I’d even downplayed his actions because it was too hard to speak of them. And what he’d done was nothing compared to what Veses had to Nyktos. I pressed my lips together as I blinked rapidly, trying to clear away the dampness there.
A knock on the door interrupted. “Everything okay in there?” Bele called out.
Rhain looked at me.
Dragging in a deep breath, I nodded as I exhaled slowly, forcing my hands to relax at my sides. “Nyktos is waiting for me.”
He turned for the door, then faced me. “Do you love him?”
The floor felt as if it shifted under my feet. Love? Nyktos? My mouth opened, but I couldn’t find any words to speak.
Rhain tilted his head back. “I…I think I was wrong about you.”
 |
“Did you all notice anything strange?” Lailah asked as we entered the foyer. Shoulder-length braids fell back from her face as she glanced up at the glass candles. “I swear the entire palace was shaking a couple of minutes ago.”
“Odd,” Rhain murmured, and that was all he said.
I couldn’t even think about the fact that I hadn’t actually lost control. That the rage I’d felt had somehow calmed me. There was no space for that, either. I was reeling from what Nyktos had done to keep me safe—what he’d put himself through before I even knew him.
Bile gathered in my throat, threatening to choke me as Saion and Rhahar turned from the doors. They were speaking, but they fell silent and stared, and it went on long enough to draw me from my thoughts.
Bele fluttered her hand in front of her face. “She’s so pretty, isn’t she?” I shot her an arch glare.
“We already knew that,” Saion said, his brows raised. “But the gown…”
“Looks like starlight,” Rhahar finished.
Feeling my cheeks warm, I murmured, “Thank you.”
Saion grinned as he reached for the heavy stone doors, pushing them open. I walked out, descending a short set of steps into the courtyard. The first thing I saw was Orphine and her twin Ehthawn. The two massive, midnight-scaled draken were perched on the Rise, and in the distance, I could see the faint shape of more draken circling over the Dying Woods. The turning of wheels drew my gaze.
A horse-drawn carriage rolled forward amidst a small army of mounted guards. There were nearly…a hundred. I blinked, focusing on the artwork scrawled across the side of the carriage. The vines. The white wolf. It was the same as the doors to the throne room.
One side of the carriage doors swung open, and Ector popped his head out. His eyes widened slightly, and then his expression smoothed out. He extended his hand. “Ready?”
Forcing a swallow, I nodded as Saion straight-up leapt into the driver’s box. I started forward but halted as the other gods mounted horses. Only Bele lingered back by the doors. “Wait,” I called out, my concern rising. Saion looked over his shoulder. “If all of you are here, who is with… Nyktos?”
“Nektas,” Rhahar said as he tightened his grip on the reins. He faced forward again. “And I do believe the entirety of the Shadowland armies.”
Oh.
“Sera?” Ector wiggled his fingers.
Taking a deep breath, I lifted the hem of the gown as I took his warm hand in mine and stepped into the dimly lit carriage. There were two benches, outfitted with thick, white cushions. I sat carefully on one.
“I’ll be out here for most of the trip,” Ector advised. “Be careful,” I murmured.
Ector hesitated and then shook his head. I watched him climb out of the carriage to stand on one of the rails along the side. Rhain drew his horse near Ector, and then the door closed. I heard a tap on the roof. The windowless carriage jerked forward.
Do you love him?
My palms felt damp, so I placed them on the cushion beside me as I tracked the vines and poplar leaves etched along the interior walls and ceiling. The carriage was traveling at a fast clip, and I had no idea how much time passed before the reality of what Nyktos had sacrificed for me, what I felt for him, and why I had reacted so strongly to seeing him with Veses and then learning the truth, hit me.
Do you love him?
“Oh, gods,” I whispered, sinking into the bench’s cushion as I pressed a hand to the tiny diamonds adorning the bodice of my gown. I could feel my heart beating wildly, even through the layers of gossamer fabric. My chest felt warm and like it was swelling, and it wasn’t the embers.
There was only one reason I’d react in such a way. I stared down at the hand pressed to my chest—to the space above my heart.
My heart.
I…I loved him. I loved Nyktos?
Another tremor ran through my hands as I lifted my gaze to the empty bench across from me. I swallowed thickly. I had no idea what love even felt like, so I needed to remain calm. This could just be a byproduct of stress—of everything. Maybe only indigestion.
A strangled laugh left me, echoing through the empty carriage.
Indigestion? Sure.
The carriage door opened, letting in a rush of air that carried the stale scent of lilacs as Ector closed the door. He slid onto the bench across from me. “We’re almost to the entry house of Lethe. It feeds into the City Hall, where Nyktos is waiting for us.”
I stared at him, my heart feeling as if it were the wheels of the carriage. “There hasn’t been any trouble. Just a few Shades, but nothing that wasn’t quickly handled…” Creases formed between Ector’s brows. “Are
you okay? You look a little pale.”
“I think I might vomit,” I whispered.
He blinked twice. “Do we need to stop the carriage?” “No. No. I don’t think so.” At least, I hoped not.
“Bele mentioned that you were nervous. I didn’t believe her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous.” His head tilted. “But, yeah, you’re definitely that.” He leaned forward, resting his hands on his bent knees. “You remind me of my sister.”
That snapped me out of my panic spiral. “A sister?”
He nodded. “She looked as scared right before her wedding as you do now. Said her stomach felt like it was full of winged creatures.”
My stomach felt just like that.
“Of course, that was an entirely different situation. Love match and all.” He smiled faintly. “But I’m guessing the nervousness is the same no matter what.”
“Love match?” Now those winged creatures had invaded my chest. “Childhood sweethearts or something.” He grinned, a distant but warm
glint filling his gaze. “Look, I know you came into this whole thing with… other plans, and probably hadn’t given much thought to a future. And I have no idea what is going on between the two of you half the time, but Nyktos will always be kind to you.”
“I know. Gods, do I ever.” Another laugh rattled out of me. The crease returned to the space between his brows. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? Are you worried something will happen? You shouldn’t—”
“I want to be Nyktos’s Consort,” I blurted out. “I want it more than I think I’ve ever wanted anything…” Well, I likely wanted the Rot to end more, and for Kolis to be dealt with. And I also wanted to murder Veses, slowly and very painfully, so there were other things I wanted just as much, but… “I want this.”
Ector’s mouth remained half-open as the carriage ground to a halt. Neither of us moved. Not even when a knock sounded on the roof. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that,” he whispered, eather pulsing behind his pupils. “Any part of that.”
“Neither was I,” I admitted in an equally quiet voice. “And that makes you nervous?”
I nodded.
The carriage doors opened, and this time I couldn’t detect the scent of stale flowers. There were too many other smells—wood smoke, food, and burning oil. “Everything okay in here?” Rhahar asked.
“Yeah.” Ector’s smile was slow but wide. “I really think it is.”
“Okay.” Rhahar drew out the word, turning to me. “Nyktos is waiting for you inside.”
My chest tightened until I feared I was on the verge of an attack, but then it loosened. I rose on what felt like toothpicks and took Rhahar’s hand,
seeing nothing but the lines of mounted guards beyond him and a section of the Rise. He helped me step out of the carriage as one of the draken flew low over us, its wings outspread. I followed the draken’s descent to the top of a colonnade that had been built upon solid blocks that formed multiple archways which fed into the Hall. I stepped back, taking in the sprawling, pillared structure of shadowstone backdropped by the stone-gray sky and scattered starlight. The City Hall was as I expected, open to the air but at least several times larger than what I was familiar with in Lasania. Beyond the pillars, a soft, buttery glow of light and the hum of…of music and laughter drifted out.
My gaze fell to those stationed at the entrances to the Hall and surrounding the entry house. They were guards, but these wore helmets constructed of a thin layer of shadowstone that covered their faces and necks. The soldiers.
“This way.” Rhahar’s hand stayed firmly around mine, and as the lines of soldiers parted, I realized that it probably had a lot to do with how badly my hand was trembling.
Ector and Rhain fell into step behind me, along with Saion and the twins as Rhahar led me toward a tower that was like a smaller version of the Shadow Temple. The windowless structure, which must’ve been the entry house, was less grand, but it still reflected the light of the stars in such a way that it appeared as if thousands of candles lined the walls.
Rhahar walked fast through the rows of soldiers, and I wasn’t sure if the speed was due to his eagerness to be rid of me or to have me safely within sight of Nyktos.
The winged creatures Ector had spoken about now felt as if they were attacking my heart. The doors of the tower opened, and I immediately recognized hair a shade of red wine under the darker sky. Aios stood next to who I believed was Kars, the muscular, fair-haired guard who’d offered to watch over me. Aios’s gown was sleeveless and an emerald green.
She came forward, taking my hand from a likely relieved Rhahar. “You look beautiful,” she said, smoothing her other hand over one of the plaited braids on the side of my head as Kars bowed. She then folded my arm under hers, walking at only a slightly more sedate pace as the guards surrounded us. “Do you have any questions before we enter?”
Maybe the winged creatures had finally made it to my head because my mind was empty except for… “Have you ever been in love?”
Surprise flickered over her face. “I have.” “What does it feel like?” I whispered.
Her pace slowed. “It’s hard to explain, and I don’t think it feels the same for everyone,” she started. “But to me, it felt like…like being home, even in an unfamiliar place.”
I felt that, but there was also the ember that recognized Nyktos. I knew the ember didn’t drive what I felt for him, but I could have mistaken it for a more significant emotion.
“And it feels like you’re being seen for the first time,” she continued, a soft smile appearing on her lips while my stomach plummeted. “Like you’re being heard. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s like being…known in a way you haven’t felt before.”
Gods, it did make sense. I felt heard and seen by Nyktos, but I also hadn’t been known by many, so…
“I believe it’s something you just know.” Aios squeezed my hand. “Because you would do anything for them. Anything. And you can’t fake or force that.”
Anything.
I thought about when he’d asked me why I had volunteered to pay Kolis’s price. Deep down, I’d known why I’d done it.
I…I’d loved him long before today. Before I learned about the deal he’d made with Veses. Before I acknowledged that I wanted to be his Consort.
And it was why sharing my body with him had felt like more. Because it was for me.
“Fuck me,” I whispered as Rhain fell into step beside us.
Aios’s brows pinched as she shot a look at Rhain over my head. A moment passed. “Are you all right?”
As several rows of guards passed through the doors of the entry house, I nodded, even though I really might hurl this time around. The embers began to hum and wiggle, and my throat shrank in size. I saw another set of doors, ones with the same artwork as the throne room and the carriage. They opened to reveal a brightly lit chamber, now full of armored and heavily weaponed soldiers among the guards.
But I found him immediately.
He stood at the other end of the chamber, near a rounded archway I thought might lead out to the Hall’s main floor. His hair was free, brushing
broad shoulders that stretched the iron-hued material of his sleeveless tunic. As the guards stepped aside, clearing a path to him as he slowly turned, my gaze locked onto…Ash’s.
Nektas’s words suddenly came back to me then. He is how you wish him to be.
And I knew right then, as I stood there trembling, who he was to me.
He wasn’t Nyktos. He never had been. He was Ash, and I… I was in love with him.
Everything stopped. My heart. My lungs. My steps. The air in the chamber. The entire realm. The harsh cut of his jaw loosened, and those full, lush lips parted. His eyes became luminous, silver pools as he stared back, as motionless as I was. I had no idea how long we stood there. My pulse raced, and my chest swelled as a hundred different thoughts cycled through my mind. It could’ve been seconds. Minutes. I had no idea, but I felt like my feet no longer touched the floor.
And then…Ash was moving, prowling toward me in fluid steps with the grace of a predator. I was struck by the memory of watching the kiyou wolves roam the Dark Elms. He moved the same way, and not once had he taken his eyes from me.
I was only vaguely aware of Aios slipping her arm from mine as…Ash stopped in front of me. His touch replaced hers, sending a shock of awareness through my entire system. His fingers curled around mine as he leaned in, lowering his mouth to my ear to whisper, “Breathe, liessa.”
Something beautiful. Something powerful.
I inhaled suddenly and deeply, sucking in air. His hold on my hand tightened as he stepped in closer, stopping the wild tremor in my fingers and arm. The scent of citrus and fresh air filled me.
“That’s it,” he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of my ear and sending a shiver through me. Several moments passed before I stopped gulping in air. He stood so close his thighs nearly touched mine, and…thick tendrils of shadow had spilled out around him—around us—blocking out the chamber and shielding us from those within. His hand shifted slightly in mine, and I felt his thumb run across the inside of my palm. “Better?”
“Yes,” I whispered hoarsely.
Ash didn’t move away. He stayed there, sweeping his thumb back and forth across my skin. “I want to tell you that you look beautiful,” he said,
his voice as soft as the shadows moving around us, warm against my cheek. “But beautiful doesn’t adequately capture what I see. I don’t know if there is a word that does. You have taken my breath with yours.”
My heart skipped as he stepped back, and I lifted my gaze as the shadows dissipated around us. I saw that the brocade along the neck of his tunic, and the slanted, vertical line cutting across his chest and ending at the hem above his thighs were brighter than before. Sharper. Jeweled. The black breeches and boots he wore were spotless. He wasn’t armed. He wore only the cuff, but as I tipped my head farther back, I…I saw the crown— one that was the opposite of the crown Kolis wore.
Nyktos’s sat low, just above his brow and was the color of midnight. The row of swords carved from smooth stone surrounded the middle spike that had been shaped into a crescent moon. The tip of each sword and the entirety of the moon glittered with diamonds.
It was a fearsome yet beautiful crown, made of shadowstone and starlight, just like its bearer.
Ash’s hand still held mine. “Sera?”
“The crown looks heavy,” I said, because that was the only thing I could say despite all the thoughts running through my head.
One side of his lips kicked up. “Wait until you see yours.” My brows lifted. “Is it heavy, too?”
He chuckled, lowering our joined hands. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to wear it after tonight.”
I nodded, swallowing against the dryness in my mouth and throat.
“Saion?” His gaze flicked away from me but returned quickly, skipping over the lace and beaded diamonds along my waist and hips. “Update?”
The god stepped forward. “All the soldiers are stationed along the aisle and at the foot of the dais.”
Turning my head, I saw that the chamber was mostly empty except for Aios and a handful of guards. She smiled at me, and I thought I returned the gesture. I hoped I did, but it felt a little weird. “Where…?” I cleared my throat. “Where is Nektas?”
“He’s around.” Ash’s stare glided over my jaw and lips. “Can someone get me a glass of wine?”
“On it,” came a response. A moment later, Kars appeared with a bronze chalice. He handed the wine to the Primal, only briefly glancing in my direction before stepping back.
“Here.” Ash placed the chalice in my free hand.
“Thank you,” I whispered, greedily but carefully taking a drink of the sweet and crisp wine.
He watched me, remaining quiet until I took another drink. “Are you all right?”
“Of course.”
Ash stared at me, his head tilting just a bit. The crown didn’t move even an inch. I saw that his eyes had narrowed.
My back stiffened, but I forced my voice to come out soft instead of blade-sharp. “Please, don’t read my emotions.”
Ash’s brows snapped together. “I think that was possibly the nicest way you’ve ever made that demand.” His eyes searched mine. “What’s wrong?”
Heat crept up my throat. How could I answer when the only thing currently wrong with me was that I was…very likely in love with him. And because of that, I didn’t know what to do or say.
Ash watched me closely. “Did something happen?”
“No,” I said quickly—maybe too quickly. And perhaps I needed to pull myself together as quickly as I’d responded. Or maybe I could stop behaving this way if I just told him. Not what I’d learned about Veses, because this wasn’t the place for that, but I could…I could be honest.
“Sera?” Ash touched my chin, tipping my head back.
I closed my eyes because even though I was less afraid, I still didn’t feel very brave. “I just…I want you to know that I want this,” I told him in a strangled whisper. “I mean, when I told you before that I wanted to be your Consort, that still holds true. I want this, Ash.”
Silence.
Cracking open one eye and then the other, I saw that Ash stared down at me with eyes full of whipping, luminous strains of eather. He looked shocked. Dazed.
“I thought I would let you know.” My face warmed as my brain seemed to cringe, but some of the pressure had left my chest. There was still a series of wiggles in my stomach, but I felt a little better as I stepped back. His fingers fell from my chin as my hand slipped free of his. I glanced at the opening. The music had stopped at some point. “Should we do this?”
Ash blinked, clearing his throat. “Yeah. Yes. We should,” he said, sounding shaken.
Saion came forward then, and I hoped that no one else had heard my rather awkward declaration. Aios watched us with a perplexed expression, and I suddenly wished I’d asked who she loved. I started to, but Ash’s hand found mine again, and then we were walking toward the entrance.
“Thirty-six,” he murmured, stopping at the mouth of the City Hall. My brows pinched. “What?”
“Thirty-six freckles,” he told me, staring ahead. “I counted them again. It’s become a habit. And I may have lied about not knowing how many were along your back. I do. Twelve.”
My chest swelled, and the embers…they buzzed. There had been a feeling of rightness before, but this…this was different. A smile spread across my lips as I looked up at him. The rightness felt as if it were inked onto my skin, filling my veins, and carving itself into my bone and muscle. And it felt good. Not confusing. Still scary as hell, but good.
Drawing in a shallow breath, I turned my attention to the Hall, finding a draken perched on the columns. There were…dozens of them, but I didn’t think I saw Nektas among them. Iron-gray banners hung from the tops of the columns, bearing the symbol of two crescent moons facing each other below what appeared to be the shape of a wolf’s head. Strings of soft yellow crisscrossed over the entirety of the coliseum, casting a warm glow over the endless rows of tables and the seating under the banners. I’d never seen such light before, and I could only assume that Primal energy fueled them.
“Bow,” Rhain’s voice boomed from the end of the aisle, startling me. The dais was so far away, I could barely make out his form, but his words carried. “Bow for the Asher, the One who is Blessed.”
The slide of slippers and boots over stone echoed, somehow drowning out the sudden pounding of my heart. Ash squeezed my hand, and I felt that. I felt him. Only him.
“The Guardian of Souls,” Rhain continued, and I swore the stars above pulsed. “And the Primal God of Common Men and Endings, the ruler of the Shadowlands. The Primal of Death.”
