My hand tightened on the stem of the glass as Bele spoke. “Ector and Saion were heading off to Lethe, and I was waiting for Aios to come. I was on my way to the kitchens, minding my own business, when I saw her entering Nyktos’s office,” she told me. “And I was like…great, that bitch is here.”
I started to lift the glass to my lips but saw that it was empty. I thought about refilling it but decided there came a point between the first and second glasses where liquid courage turned into liquid ridiculousness.
“I thought things would change,” she said, and my gaze flew to her. Bele rose, crossing her arms. “That Veses wouldn’t be…visiting now that Nyktos was taking a Consort.”
“Well, apparently, they haven’t,” I said, wiping my hands on the soft dressing robe.
Bele opened her mouth and closed it. Several seconds ticked by. “I don’t know what’s going on there—between Veses and Nyktos,” she said, and the wine immediately soured in my stomach. “Hell, I don’t even really know what’s going on with you and Nyktos. None of us do.”
“Please tell me his guards don’t sit around and discuss Nyktos and me,” I said.
“We don’t sit around and talk about you. We’re usually standing while doing it,” she replied, and I sighed. “None of us really gets it. You two. Nyktos didn’t want a Consort. Didn’t need one. And you wanted to kill him—or thought you needed to. Whatever. But I’ve seen the way you look at him,” she said, and my cheeks warmed. “I’ve seen how comfortable you are touching him. Very few would even dare think of doing such a thing.”
Veses had. And did.
My veneer of emptiness cracked a little. I got up and moved to the table, needing to pace a bit.
“And I’ve never seen him so involved with another as he is with you.
So annoyingly concerned.”
Annoyingly concerned? I almost laughed. “It’s the embers, Bele. It’s important that I stay alive.”
Her nose wrinkled. “If it were just the embers, he wouldn’t have verbally slain us the morning he gave his speech in the throne room about how brave you were.”
“What?”
“Yep. After you left with Orphine and most of the other guards went back to their stations, he laid into the rest of us.” She grinned. “Honestly, Nyktos can come up with some impressive and creative threats, and he delivers them with a level of coldness where no one doubts his sincerity.”
“I didn’t know he’d said anything to you all,” I murmured, having figured that had been what his speech was about. He could’ve made a point to speak to his most trusted guards directly because he feared they would be more likely to aid me in escape. Or he could’ve just wanted to make sure they were simply more welcoming toward me. I shook my head. It didn’t matter either way. Nyktos cared about how I was treated. What he was doing with Veses didn’t change that.
“Anyway, I’m guessing you saw something,” Bele said, drawing my attention back to her. “Because that’s the only thing I can think of that would cause you to get that angry.”
“Why would you think that?” I sat and rocked the chair back, propping the toes of my feet on the edge of the table.
“Because I’ve seen them together before.”
I stopped breathing, just for a few seconds as I stared at her, and then I dragged in a deep breath, holding it as the realization that what I’d seen hadn’t been a one-off thing sank in. Not that I had really believed it to be, but I supposed I had wanted it to be that.
“What…?” I swallowed, telling myself I didn’t need to know any more. I let the chair settle on all four legs and dropped my feet to the floor. The movement didn’t stop me from asking, “What did you see? Them fucking?”
“Good Fates, no. I would be traumatized. It would be like walking in on your brother having sex.” She shuddered as she turned, walking back to the couch. “I saw her feeding from him. That doesn’t always lead to or include sex.”
I guessed it didn’t, but the way Veses had been moving… Biting down on the side of my lip, I stopped those thoughts. I didn’t need to replay what I had seen. “When did you see them?”
Bele flung herself onto her back once more, propping her feet up on the arm of the couch again. “About a year ago. I was getting back from doing some scouting in the Court in Dalos and had some news to give him. I walked in on them. Never in my life have I nope-d out of a chamber as quickly as I did then.” She looked away, dragging her sharp teeth across her lower lip as it sank in that this thing with Veses had been occurring for a year. A whole year. “I shouldn’t even be talking about this.”
I went to the bed and sat on the edge again. “Because Nyktos would be angry with you?”
“I don’t give a fuck if he is. Don’t get me wrong, I love Nyktos as if he were my blooded brother. Just as Aios does. But if he doesn’t want people talking about what he’s been doing, he should make sure that no one finds out about it,” she said. “I shouldn’t be talking about this because I don’t know what the hell I saw the day I walked in on them. I mean, I know what I saw, but I don’t get it.”
Neither did I.
“Aios claims that Veses was decent once, but after some of the shit I’ve seen her do in Dalos, I find that hard to believe.” Bele’s eyes flashed with an intense burst of eather and then calmed. “Nyktos knows what kind of Primal she is. Not only that, she supports Kolis. Nyktos doesn’t trust her. He doesn’t like her.”
A conflicting mix of emotions budded, but I crushed them before I could make sense of them. Instead, I kept them locked away in that box. “If that’s the case, then why would he allow her to feed from him—for at least the last year?”
“As I said, that’s what I don’t get.” Bele stared at the ceiling. “Why would he allow her to do that? There has to be a reason.”
I stared at my hands—at the nails that had cracked and chipped from clawing at the ground. I couldn’t think of a single reason that not only explained but made sense for why Nyktos would allow Veses to feed from him. I curled my fingers inward, hiding my nails. And I didn’t want to think about those reasons—about any of this.
The embers suddenly shimmied to life inside me, stretching as if waking up. I tensed as my gaze flew to the doors, my heart thumping.
She followed my gaze. “What?” “He comes,” I said.
“Fucking special Primal embers,” she muttered. “Like why don’t I feel that since I’ve technically Ascended?” she went on. “It’s total bullshit.”
The door swung open, but not the main one. Nyktos walked in through the adjoining door and came to a halt as his gaze landed on me.
Time felt as if it stopped as we looked at each other, and an urge to rise and go to him came out of nowhere. I even pitched forward as if to stand before I caught myself.
Then Nyktos moved and approached the bed. The steel-gray of his tunic and the silver brocading across the neck and over his chest and stomach reminded me of the color of his eyes and the wisps of eather in them. He halted again, seeming to suddenly become aware of Bele’s presence.
She kicked her head back and grinned up at him. “Hi.” “Can you give us a moment?” he said.
“But I was just getting comfortable,” Bele protested.
Nyktos stared at her, and whatever she saw got her moving. “Fine.” She popped up. “I’ll give you two several moments,” she said, and I almost reached out and stopped her.
I knew what was coming, and I wasn’t ready.
But I wasn’t a coward. That was what I told myself as I watched her slowly leave the room and close the door behind her. I may have been foolish and naïve—too reckless this time around, in a way I’d never experienced before—but I wouldn’t run again.
Feeling Nyktos’s stare, I pulled my attention from the door. Our gazes locked. Only faint traces of eather were visible in his eyes. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Perfect for someone who has been in stasis for three days,” I said, proud of how steady my voice was and how unbothered I sounded.
Something I didn’t recognize rippled in his eyes. He glanced at the bathing chamber, and then his gaze settled on me. He didn’t speak. Silence fell between us.
It was me who ended it. “I found where Delfai is.” “I know. Nektas told me. He’s in Irelone.”
“Then I need to go there—”
“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” he interrupted, taking a deep breath. “I mean, that’s not what I’m here for.”
The impenetrable emptiness felt more like a veneer in that moment. “What is it that you want to talk about?”
He came forward about a foot before stopping. “I’m sorry.”
Every muscle in my body locked up. “For the compulsion?” I waved my hand. “I didn’t like it, but I understand why you did it. I doubt anyone wants to rebuild this palace.”
His brows pinched as his gaze swept over my features. “I do need to apologize for that. I don’t like to use it, even when it’s necessary.”
“I know.”
Eather stilled in his eyes as he stared at me. “But I’m apologizing for what you thought you saw.”
Disbelief rocked the emptiness, threatening to shake it up. “I know what I saw.”
“You don’t.”
Anger sparked, but I refused to let it ignite. I knew it wouldn’t stop there because a far more dangerous emotion loomed behind it. One that hurt. One that could hurt others. “I saw you with the Primal you called the worst sort in your lap. She was riding you as she drank from you. Is that not what I saw?”
“She wasn’t—” Tension bracketed his mouth.
“Wasn’t what? Tell me how what I saw wasn’t what it looked like,” I demanded. “That it wasn’t the first time it’s happened.”
His gaze sharpened. “What was said to you?”
“Does it matter?” I thought of Bele’s confusion over why he would allow this. Of my own. “So, this wasn’t the first time?”
He stared in silence for several moments. “No.”
I already knew that. I didn’t even know why I’d asked. Didn’t know why I continued to open my mouth. “Why were you with her?”
The glow dimmed in his eyes. “Because I was.”
“Because I was,” I heard myself repeat as I stared at him. A shocked laugh left me as my stomach pitched. “That’s all you have to say?”
He turned his head away. Silence.
Of course, he would go silent now. I felt another spark of fury, stronger than before. “When I made that deal with you—pleasure for the sake of pleasure—I should’ve made the same demand you made of me.
That such intimacies remained only between us. My mistake.” The embers in my chest hummed as I forced a deep, slow breath in and out of my lungs. But the anger let some of the bitterness seep from the box and rise to the surface. “Or, at the very least, discussed who else you would be sharing such intimacies with so I could be prepared in case I happened to walk in on something hours after telling you that I wanted to be your Consort.”
He flinched.
The Primal actually flinched. I should’ve celebrated the blow I’d intended to land, but I couldn’t. It didn’t feel good. I rose and walked to the fireplace. “We don’t need to discuss this.”
“I think we do.”
“We don’t. Because I don’t care.”
“That’s not true,” he argued, and I turned, not even surprised to see that he had followed in that annoyingly quiet shadowstep way of his. “What happened by the pool was because you care, and I—” He looked away, his chest rising sharply. “What matters is that I caused you to lose control. I hurt you.” His eyes met mine again, now full of whirling wisps of eather. “I didn’t want that. I never wanted that. And I hate that I hurt you. I am sorry, Sera.”
I stepped back, a physical reaction I couldn’t stop because he sounded genuine. Like he really did know that he’d hurt me. That I had a reason to be hurt. Somehow, him acknowledging that was so much worse than I could’ve imagined. I felt the veneer becoming even more fragile. “Don’t apologize,” I said, finding my voice as I folded my arms over my chest. “What you hurt was my ego. That is all.”
Nyktos shook his head. “Sera—” “It is I who is sorry.”
He jerked, his eyes widening. “For what?”
“For what you think you know,” I parroted his words. “I was foolish and naïve to believe you when you said there had been no one before me. I should’ve seen right through that the first time we were together. That is how you hurt my ego.”
His nostrils flared. “That wasn’t a lie.” “I think it’s time for you to stop lying.” “I’ve wanted no one but you, Sera.”
I laughed, the sound cold as I refused to let his words sink in. Because I couldn’t trust him, and I couldn’t trust what I would do with those words. “I know what you think you saw, Sera, but we were not having sex,”
he said, his eyes flashing an intense silver as my gaze snapped to his. “If you think you saw that, you are wrong. I have absolutely nothing to gain by lying.”
I backed up but then stopped. I wasn’t sure what he had to gain by lying, nor was I sure what I had to gain by the smidgen of relief I felt. “Then what did I see?” I asked again because, as I’d already proven, I was a fool.
A muscle ticked along the curve of his jaw, and I let myself glance at his throat. There was no bite mark, but I could still see it in my mind. “What you saw is…it’s complicated.”
I inhaled deeply, confused and rapidly losing control of my hold on my anger. “Again, that’s all you have to say? Don’t even bother answering. I don’t care that you were with her. That’s not—” I stopped myself with another laugh. Stop lying. I stiffened, realizing there was no face to save. When I lost control under the palace, I’d laid myself bare. “You know what? Seeing you with her did hurt my feelings. I don’t know why. It shouldn’t have. You have made no promises to me. And I have asked none from you. This union between us was never something that either of us desired. We don’t need to discuss what you were or weren’t doing any further. I know what I saw. You’ve apologized. It is what it is.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means the deal we made? It’s over. The only thing between us now are these stupid embers. I want them gone, and then I want to be gone.”
He took a measured step toward me. “Gone from what exactly?” “From here,” I said. “From you.”
Hollows formed beneath his cheekbones. “You can’t be gone from me.”
I stiffened. “If you say that because I must become your Consort, I understand all the reasons why. But I will be that in name only. And once you remove the embers and Kolis is defeated, I want out of this. I want my freedom. That’s the deal I should’ve made with you.”
Eather churned in his eyes. “Is that the deal you’re asking for now?”
I lifted my chin, holding my arms tight against me to stop them from trembling. I had to, or that shaking would move into my chest. And I had
to say what I did next because I couldn’t feel that hurt again. I couldn’t lose control. “Yes.”
Nyktos went completely still. “Then so be it,” he said, and the words felt like an oath.
A bond. Unbreakable.
