When I opened my eyes, all I saw were bars above me and the fragmented glitter of light in the center of the cage’s ceiling. And I felt the softness of a blanket beneath me.
My brows knitted in confusion. How did I get back here? I’d been in a dark hall, with—
“You’re awake. Finally.”
The warm, summery voice sent a rush of adrenaline through me. I shot upright and to the side, losing my balance on the narrow divan. I started sliding off the edge.
Kolis caught me by the shoulder, his hand flat against my bare skin. “Careful.”
I jerked away from his touch, pressing into the back of the divan as I reached down beside me, my fingers scraping off nothing but the thick fur of the blanket.
Kolis knelt before me, his head tilted. “What, pray tell, were you grabbing for?”
My dagger.
Or the broken glass cock.
I’d been reaching for a weapon out of instinct and honed reflex. “I…I don’t know.”
“Hmm.” A single brow lifted.
Stomach shifting unsteadily, I eyed him from behind several strands of hair that had fallen across my face—pale hair now stained crimson.
Fuck.
The attempted escape, what I’d seen in the darkened part of the palace, and my subsequent failure came rushing back. My gaze shot to the floor behind Kolis. The shiny tile was clear of blood and gore. I looked toward the chamber beyond—
“If you’re looking for the guard you senselessly murdered with an object typically designed to bring pleasure—though I must admit that was somewhat impressive,” Kolis observed. “You will not find him.”
I stiffened, and the lingering cobwebs of sleep cleared. I focused on him. He was dressed much like before, wearing nothing more than the gold band around his biceps and loose linen pants.
“He has been removed,” the false King continued. “And the chamber was cleaned.”
Breaths coming in short, quick pants, I refocused on Kolis. “Senselessly murdered?” I winced at the hoarseness in my voice.
“What else would you call it?” “Self-defense,” I snapped.
His cool stare flickered over my face. “Did he attack you?”
“No—”
“Did Callum strike you?” “No, but—”
“Then how is what you did considered self-defense?” he countered.
My lips parted in disbelief. Was he seriously asking that question? “You are keeping me prisoner. I do not need to be attacked to feel threatened.”
“You’re not a prisoner.” His head straightened, sending strands of golden hair falling against his shoulder. “You’re a guest.”
“A guest?” I whispered.
“A troublesome one,” he amended in that same flat, arid tone.
All I could do was stare at Kolis. Part of me wondered if I was still sleeping or if the guard who’d rendered me unconscious had caused some sort of damage to my mind. There had to be a reason Kolis sincerely appeared to believe what he said. Unless he was simply insane.
Which was likely.
But at least he wasn’t referring to Cor Palace as my home anymore. “You slept deeply,” Kolis stated after a moment. “As if you were at
peace.”
I was at peace. I’d dreamt of my lake and the silver wolf—wait.
“How…?” I cleared my throat. “How long have you been watching me?” “Long enough,” he answered.
Disgust churned through me. “Do you have any idea how extraordinarily
disturbing it is to know that you were watching me sleep?”
Warm light glanced off an arched cheek as his head tilted. “It bothers you?”
“Of fucking course it does,” I snapped.
“Your language.” His lips thinned. “It is far more uncivilized than I remember.”
“And watching someone as they sleep is civilized?” I shot back.
A shadow seemed to fall over the false King, darkening the very air around him. His expression hardened, his jaw clenched, and a cold, steely look settled in his eyes.
Kolis shot forward, slamming his hands on the divan beside my legs, making me jump. He smirked as he leaned in, and boy did the Primal know how to give a cruel smile. It was a cold, brutal twist of such a lovely mouth and face. I forced myself to be still as he invaded my space, fighting the
desire to kick his head back.
Kolis halted, inhaling deeply.
A prickly sensation rushed across my skin. “Are you…are you smelling
me?”
“You smell of…” His nose brushed my temple, sending a chill of revulsion through me. He inhaled again, and my pulse raced. “You smell of damp soil.”
Did I? All I could pick up was the stale-sweet lilac stench. My fingers curled into the cushion. But if he really smelled damp soil, it didn’t make any sense. That was what my lake smelled like, and I hadn’t gone past the breezeway.
Seconds ticked by as Kolis studied me with an unsettling, unblinking stare. Still, by the time he blinked, my fingers ached from how tightly I gripped the edge of the divan.
“I want to apologize to you,” he said in a strained sort of way as his stare moved to my mouth and jaw. “For striking you. I am truly sorry. I did not intend to do that.”
His apology lingered in the silence like a noxious, choking cloud as I eyed him. He sounded genuine, but so had my stepbrother Tavius on the rare occasions his father called him to the carpet on some inexcusable, wretched act he’d committed. So had the parents of the beaten children the Ladies of Mercy rescued. I’d seen enough abuse to know there were two types of those who hurt others: ones who felt remorse for their actions, and those who simply did not. I thought I knew which category Kolis fell into, but in the end, it rarely mattered if the apology and remorse were genuine or not
because nothing justified the violence, and the abuser almost never changed.
Kolis could take his apology and choke on it, but I had enough common sense to keep that to myself. At least for the moment.
Kolis stayed where he was for several more seconds, then rose to his towering height. A ragged breath left me as a little of the painful tension in my legs and back eased.
“You’re even more filthy than last we spoke,” he stated. “When Callum returns, you will do as he requests, and you will not attempt to harm him.”
Slowly, I lifted my head and looked up, my eyes moving over his large
hands and arms, the golden band, and—my gaze darted back to it. I frowned. The cuff had looked white for a moment.
“Are you listening to me?” he snapped. Blinking, I refocused on him and nodded. “Then do you understand?”
“That’s…that’s it?” I placed my feet on the floor. “I tried to escape, and that is all you have to say?”
A faint, bemused smile appeared. “Should I say more? Should I be angry with you?”
“Uh, I would assume so.”
“I am displeased, so’lis,” he said, causing a shudder from within. “But I expected nothing less from you.”
“Is that so?” I murmured, not trusting his seemingly ambivalent response. “You’ve tried to escape me many times before.” His stare sharpened on
me. “That is, if you are who you claim to be.”
Unease blossomed as I swallowed dryly. Kolis believing that Sotoria and I were one and the same was the only thing keeping me alive. “I…I don’t remember any of that,” I admitted, knowing that telling the truth whenever possible made the lies more believable.
“Is that so?” he parroted what I’d said. I nodded.
“Then you don’t remember what happens when you displease me,” he
said.
The back of my neck tightened as I held his stare. “No, but I’m sure I can guess.”
Kolis laughed softly. “No, you cannot.” Ice hit my chest, and I shivered.
“I hope you do not rediscover that knowledge,” he added, his stare
moving over me.
“I don’t need to rediscover it to know,” I bit out. “I know what happens to those who fall out of favor with you. To others who’ve been your guests.”
I saw small twitches in his jaw muscles and above his eyes as he stared down at me. “You speak of others I not only provided for, lavishing them with the finest silks and the richest wines and foods, but also protected without ever expecting a single thing from them other than companionship?”
I choked on a rage-filled breath. Did he really think keeping someone in a cage could ever be considered anything but keeping them a prisoner? “Were you protecting them once you grew tired of them and tossed them aside, allowing anyone to do anything to them? To assault and abuse them. To kill
—”
Kolis snapped forward, bringing his face to within inches of mine. It took everything in me not to react. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” His flesh began to thin as his chest rose with a deep breath. He slowly straightened. “But I know who has been talking to you. Aios.”
I said nothing as I held his stare.
“Did she tell you why I grew tired of them? Why they were tossed aside?
I’m sure she didn’t. Each and every one of them was ungrateful. No matter what I gave them. No matter what I did. They were either morose or conniving, believing their lives were better without what I could provide.” His chin lifted. “All I did was allow them to discover how false that belief was.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing—justification for not only kidnapping but also his role in their demise. And his tone told me he truly believed he’d done nothing wrong.
Kolis eyed me. “I can sense it.”
“What?” I asked, wondering if my rage was so palpable it had forced him to develop an ability similar to Ash’s.
“The essence in you.” Shimmery gold pressed against the flesh of his throat. “The embers. They are even more powerful than before.” His chin lowered. “That shouldn’t be possible. You are, after all, mortal. Yet you not only harnessed it to strike a draken, but you also invoked compulsion on not one but two Primals.”
“And?”
“And?” Kolis repeated with a soft laugh. “Only the Primal of Life can wield compulsion against another Primal.”
My heart tripped. “I’m not the Primal of Life. Obviously.”
“Yes, obviously,” Kolis repeated. “Callum will be returning soon. Do not displease me. I would hate for there to be a need to station a dakkai in this chamber,” he said, and my stomach hollowed at the thought. “Their temperament and stench don’t make them good companions, so’lis.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, feeling palpable rage that wasn’t mine erasing any concern regarding the dakkai. “So’lis?”
Kolis was motionless for several moments, then he smiled, and my body turned cold.
It was a beautiful smile.
He was beautiful.
But there was something wrong with that smile. It was…practiced, as if he’d studied many types to perfect one, but the emotion behind it wasn’t there.
It wasn’t anywhere in his perfect features.
“So’lis is the language of the Ancients and Primals,” he said, the Ancients being the first Primals, the ones who prophesied a being that would wield the supreme power of both life and death. “It means one thing.”
If that were true, it would be a first.
“And I’m sure you’ve noticed that it is similar to my name.” I had.
“Ko’ in the old language can be translated to the word our. Lis is soul,” he
explained as my muscles began to lock up. “Ko’lis would translate to our soul. That is what my name symbolizes.”
“How sweet,” I remarked. “What does So’ translate to?” The gold slowed in his eyes. “My.”
My chest hollowed.
My soul.
 |
I paced the length of the cage, hands fisted at my sides as I waited for Callum’s return. I’d been doing that since Kolis left.
My thoughts kept switching from what I’d seen in the darkened part of the palace to the future. I should’ve asked him about the Chosen I’d seen. It was important for Ash to know what Kolis was doing here.
Except how in the realm would I get that information to Ash?
I’d tried to kill Kolis. And failed.
I’d tried to escape.
And failed again.
That left me with the reality of the situation. The only option.
Sure, here’s a rewritten version with the same tone:
That was always the only option. That irritating voice that sounded like mine had returned. Wonderful.
My fists clenched as I quickened my pace, the stained gown snapping at my ankles. But I couldn’t go through with it. I’d already made that decision. Just as I’d decided I didn’t care about the greater good. I wouldn’t be someone who sacrificed everything.
But I was that person. And I did care.
I couldn’t deceive myself into believing otherwise, no matter how desperate I was. If I weren’t that kind of person, I wouldn’t have stopped to help the Chosen. I might not have escaped, but I would’ve gotten further.
What Holland had once told me resurfaced. It was something he’d said in the years after Ash rejected me as his Consort. I couldn’t remember exactly what prompted Holland to say it. I’d probably been complaining about not wanting to do something—that was common back then.
“I know you feel like you’ve been given no choices in life,” he’d said in that gentle way of his when he told me something he knew I didn’t want to hear. “But every day, there is a choice to keep going, to face the future head-on or not. Every day, there is a choice to be honest with yourself or to lie.
One will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and the other the easiest, but there is always the opportunity for choice if you don’t take the easiest path.”
He’d said that when he was Sir Holland, a Royal Knight trained to
prepare me to complete my duty and defend myself. One who often liked to spout what I’d fondly considered nonsensical, philosophical bullshit. But he’d never been just Sir Holland. He hadn’t even been mortal. He was an Arae. A Fate. His philosophical ramblings were never bullshit.
They were still mostly nonsensical, though.
However, I did get what he’d been saying. Maybe. But I felt what he’d meant…like there was no choice. I’d lived in that state since I could remember, and it was like that now.
But he was right.
There were many choices. To do nothing and let fate determine what happened to you. Or to face reality and make it hard for the Fates to dictate your path. There was also the choice to keep going. Once before, I hadn’t made that choice. Either the Fates, luck, or possibly even the embers had
prevented that decision from becoming my last, but it had been a choice. One
I regretted to this day because it had been the wrong one.
And I knew if I chose to say fuck the greater good and attempt another
reckless escape, it would be another choice I regretted for however long I had left. Trying to convince myself otherwise was foolish, but so was believing I had complete autonomy. That I somehow played an active role in the choices left to me. That was bullshit. The truth was that none of this was right or fair.
But the fact that this—all of this—was so much bigger and more important than me was also true.
Kolis had to be stopped.
Choosing to fight my way out of here meant choosing myself, and that would likely end in me dying before my Ascension. Kolis seemed to take my escape attempt and murder in stride, but he had less control over his anger than I did on a really bad day. And if that happened, all would be lost.
Choosing myself wouldn’t help gain Ash his freedom, and that…gods, that was more important to me than even fulfilling my duty.
Because I loved him. I was in love with him. And right or wrong, I would do anything for him.
I stopped, my eyes closing.
Shaking my head, I opened them again. How was I going to do this?
Bitter sorrow rose, stirring the embers. They thrummed.
I knew how.
Folding my arms across my waist, I began pacing once more, giving my mind time to calm—well, to get as calm as my head would ever be. More like my mind was manageable and clear enough that I could face the reality of the situation and approach all of it logically, which wasn’t exactly a skill of mine, but I knew there were two possible outcomes from here.
Either I found another more reasonable and thought-out plan to escape,
one that actually included a strategy, and I managed to reach Ash so he could take the embers.
Or I was unable to escape and killed Kolis.
Both options required the same thing, and gods, didn’t knowing that just make me want to vomit? It fucking hurt somewhere deep, felt like a dagger
repeatedly plunging into my chest. But I couldn’t let myself dwell on it. Instead, I breathed through it.
I had to.
Which meant I would have to exploit Kolis’s love for Sotoria, and I knew what that would involve. The only difference now was that I didn’t have to
seduce Kolis into falling in love with me. That part was already done thanks to Sotoria’s soul—as long as he remained convinced I was her.
I would only have to earn enough of Kolis’s trust to gain some level of freedom to make my escape.
“Only.” I laughed hoarsely.
Successfully escaping so Ash could take the embers was the option I was shooting for. It was the only way the Rot could be stopped from destroying Lasania, my home, and eventually, the entire mortal realm.
And even if the kingdom didn’t know I existed, they still mattered. Ezra and her Consort, Lady Marisol—and every other living person—were worth any and all sacrifices I may have to make. Even my mother was.
A short, weak laugh left me. Okay, maybe she wasn’t exactly worth it, but the mortal realm was, and the people there had no idea their doom approached.
And if I couldn’t gain freedom from this cage? Then I would have to kill Kolis.
I needed to do better than what I’d managed on the beach near Hygeia. Common sense told me that escaping was the least likely outcome,
leaving me with killing Kolis. That wouldn’t fix everything. It wouldn’t
prevent the catastrophic damage that would hit both realms or end the Rot,
but it would stop him from hurting those who survived. It would end his tyrannical rule where he could force dozens of innocents to sacrifice themselves.
But maybe killing Kolis would slow the Rot. Another dry laugh left me. I knew better. The Rot had begun with my birth, which signaled the eventual death of the embers. If Ash didn’t Ascend to become the Primal of Life,
mortals were, well…fucked. But it may give Ash and the others time to
figure out what, if anything, could be done regarding the Rot. There had to be something. Because, eventually, it would spread from the Shadowlands to all of Iliseeum.
Until then, killing Kolis protected Ash and the people of the Shadowlands
—Aios, Bele, Reaver, little Jadis, her father, Nektas, Saion, Rhahar, and so many others, including those in the city of Lethe. Even Rhain, who I still wasn’t sure liked me.
They mattered.
They all deserved a life worth living. And Ash? Gods, he deserved to live without the threat of Kolis’s boot on his neck, where his innate kindness was rewarded instead of punished. A life that hadn’t made him fear falling in love so strongly that he’d had another Primal remove his ability to do so.
But there was something I had to accomplish as soon as possible. I needed to gain Ash’s freedom.
He could not remain imprisoned. It wasn’t as if him being kept in a cell made him easier to reach. That required me escaping one cage to enter
another—likely a well-guarded one. But even if it were easier, I couldn’t bear the thought of him being held captive, subject to whatever cruelty Kolis devised.
Ash needed to be far away from the false King. He needed to be home with his people, especially if Kolis was serious about a war starting.
And I knew how to accomplish all of that.
My hand fell to my side as my heart kicked sharply. It wasn’t the
knowledge that I might fail in an escape attempt or that I needed something to actually kill Kolis with that made me feel like vomiting. It was the fact that I knew what I had to do.
I needed to become that blank canvas. The empty vessel. No emotion. No personal needs or wants. Only skin-deep. It was the only way.
My chest clenched, and my head fell back. I stared at the gold bars above me.
Resolve sank in, entrenching itself as I opened my eyes. Slowing my breath once more, I stopped again. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to myself and Sotoria.
There was no answer.
Not from her or my annoying inner voice. I looked down where my toes peeked past the edge of the gown.
Wait.
My gaze lifted to the bed. The key. Gods, I’d nearly forgotten all about it.
Crossing the short distance, I lowered myself to the floor and peered under the bed. Relief swelled as I spied it. They hadn’t seen it yet.
I wasn’t sure how useful it would be now, but I couldn’t leave it there.
Glancing at the closed doors of the outer chamber, I went down on my belly and scooted as far as I could. I stretched out my arm, trying not to think about the dreams I’d had as a child of monsters beneath my bed. My fingers
brushed the cool metal. I grabbed it and quickly rose, looking around the cage. Where could I hide it?
The chests couldn’t be that secure. Nothing in this cage was secure, except…
I thought of the one place very few men traversed.
Smirking, I hurried into the bathing area and knelt at the shelf. There were baskets on the bottom. I opened one lid, finding the feminine cloths used to protect the clothing during menstruation.
Speaking of menstruation, when was my last? Gods, I was always terrible at keeping track of them. I knew I’d had one…last month? Though I wasn’t quite sure how long I’d been here. The sky beyond the windows near the ceiling was light, but that told me nothing since I knew the sun could shine
much longer in Dalos than elsewhere. I could’ve been out for a day, but based
on the finally Kolis had tacked on when I woke, it could’ve been longer. So, who knew?
It didn’t matter.
It wasn’t like I was having sex with anyone that could get me pregnant.
Or sex at all.
I unwound the slim bundle of cloth and slipped the key inside. Once I was sure it was hidden, I rose and caught my reflection in the mirror.
“Gods.” I winced.
Blood spotted my cheeks and forehead. The bruise on my swollen jaw
was a lovely shade of purple edged in red. The split in my lower lip was raw. I could see the bruises, the imprint of fingers on my throat, even from where I stood. I looked over my shoulder at the arms of the white chair and felt sick.
It could’ve been worse, I reminded myself. Most didn’t walk away from taking a hit from a Primal. I did. It wasn’t anything to be proud of. It was just something to remember.
This had been nothing compared to the lashes Tavius had delivered. I was sure it was nothing compared to what Sotoria faced.
I thought of what Kolis had shared, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Sotoria meant something like his name did.
Our soul.
Damn. I bet his parents would be so very proud. I snorted as I stared at my reflection.
Hers would translate into my…something. That was if toria actually meant anything.
So’lis.
My soul.
A shudder went through me. Gods, he’d called her his soul? No wonder that enraged her—
The doors to the chamber opened without warning, and my stomach plummeted.
I was no longer alone.
