Sometime later, after several veiled Chosen cleaned the bathing area, I checked the wadded cloth to make sure the key was still in place.
It was.
Pressing my lips together, I returned it to its hiding spot before allowing myself to start thinking reckless things.
Then I paced until dinner was brought in, too restless to sit still. It was a larger meal, one containing two types of meat, vegetables, and glazed
strawberries for dessert. I ate what I could and behaved myself while Callum oversaw the veiled Chosen as they removed the plates.
Then I found myself walking the length of the cage once more, trying to burn off the restless energy that had been building all day and attempting to escape all the things I didn’t want to think about.
But no amount of pacing could prevent my mind from going there. It could not stop what I started to realize was coming.
My chest tightened. I was moving, walking back and forth, but my body felt still—too still. I was slow to realize that the restlessness wasn’t only from being caged. It was also a warning sign of the discomfiting moods that seemed to come and go on a whim. One was on its way now.
“Shit,” I muttered, picking up my pace as I knew the stillness always seemed to make them worse. This was the last thing I needed now or, well… anytime. But especially not now.
Quickly braiding my hair, I started to go through my training exercises, but my mind was too fragmented. I shadowboxed for a few moments and then discovered that I’d stopped and was just standing still again. Too still. Thinking about Ash. Consumed by my worry for him.
What kind of state had he been in—was still in? I had a hard time keeping track of the days here, so I had no idea how long he’d been forced back into stasis. My stomach churned, and my fists clenched. Part of me wished I hadn’t known about how the bones of the Ancients could be used to keep a Primal sedated. The knowledge made me sick.
But Ash wasn’t the only person I was worried about. I’d been forcing myself not to dwell on so many others because it only made me feel helpless. Had Rhain fully healed? And how was Aios truly doing? Mid-swing, I stopped and touched the necklace. Obviously, she was alive. I’d been able to restore her life, but I had no idea how she was processing that. She was only the third person I’d done that to, and her injuries…gods, they had been bad. I didn’t know how long she had been gone before I’d brought her back.
Could’ve been minutes. Maybe longer. How did she feel about that?
Then there was Orphine.
I gave up on training and returned to pacing. Thinking about the draken made my chest hurt because all I could see was the dakkais swarming her, their claws and teeth more than capable of tearing through the draken’s hard flesh.
I was worried about Bele. I could only assume that her Ascension made her more powerful, but none of us had any way of knowing if that meant she could go head-to-head with a Primal. Was she still in the Shadowlands, or had she gone to Sirta? If she hadn’t left, she couldn’t hide in the Shadowlands forever. I didn’t think she’d even try.
Then there was everyone else: Saion, Rhahar, Nektas, and more. So many more. Had they been wounded before the battle stopped? How were they dealing with the loss of Ector? Was little Reaver okay? Jadis? Was she even
aware of what was happening around her, or was she too young? I hoped she was naïve enough to be blind to all of this and was happily setting fire to chairs. But Reaver? He probably knew what was going on, despite what
everyone was likely keeping from him. He was still just a child. A youngling. But his eyes said he’d already experienced several lifetimes of loss and pain.
There was also Ezra.
A ragged breath left me, and I glanced at the windows along the ceiling. It had sounded like she’d been able to negotiate a deal with the kingdom of Terra, but had the Rot spread even farther? How was she handling the overwhelming stress of ruling Lasania—something she had never planned for and maybe didn’t even want?
I hadn’t thought of that when I’d told her to take the Crown.
Guilt settled on my shoulders, weighing me down and joining the worry as I fiddled with the necklace. The dread rose, too. The helplessness. My
knuckles started to ache as my mind decided to revisit all the little things I’d
done, the choices I’d made that’d seemed so insignificant as they happened but had all led up to this very moment once combined.
I should’ve confided in Ash the moment he brought me into the Shadowlands—told him what I had been trained for. If I had, I would’ve known then that he’d never been who I was supposed to kill. I could’ve changed so much.
I should’ve tried harder to get to Kolis. Even if I ended up not being able to kill him, I would’ve saved lives. Gods knew how many, but I could’ve saved Ector. He would still be alive. Aios wouldn’t have experienced death. Rhain would never have been captured and beaten to within an inch of his life.
I should’ve acknowledged my feelings for Ash sooner instead of being too afraid. I would’ve been happy more than sad—sad and angry. I could’ve lived more in the time I had with Ash. Loved more.
I should’ve been smarter when Ash came for me. If I’d been thinking, I
would’ve known that attempting to distract Kolis would also be lethal to Ash. I could’ve aided him instead of being a hindrance.
I should’ve stayed focused when I freed myself instead of being distracted by the violence in the dark chambers. I would’ve made it farther. I could’ve escaped.
Should’ve. Could’ve. Would’ve.
There were so many. Too many to list as I stopped at the foot of the bed and looked at it. I swore I could still see the imprint of where Kolis had sat. That was ridiculous, days had passed.
But I could see it in my mind. Could hear his voice.
Feel his arms.
I should’ve taken control of the situation. I’d been trained to seduce and
use every weapon—including my body—to perform my duty and achieve my goal. If I had, I would’ve prevented myself from feeling like I’d done something wrong. As if I’d brought it on myself. Like I would never forget that he’d made it feel good. That if he hadn’t found release when he did, I
would’ve found it no matter how badly I hadn’t wanted to. I could’ve convinced myself that it was just a part of doing what needed to be done. I felt the awareness in my chest, Sotoria’s presence, as I stood there, staring at the damn bed.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
I should’ve fought back harder. I was a fighter. A warrior. I would’ve been able to stop him if I had. I could’ve prevented Sotoria from having to experience anything like that again. I could’ve—
Spinning around, I raced behind the privacy screen and dropped to my knees at the toilet with a low whimper. I heaved, expelling what I’d
consumed that day and then some, tears stinging my eyes, my throat burning. Clasping the sides of the seat, dry heaves racked my body, causing the sides of my stomach to spasm painfully. It felt like it would never stop.
I didn’t know how long I knelt there, panting as I willed my nausea to settle. Minutes? Hours? At some point, air drifted over my arms. My cheek. I cracked open a watery eye. Nothing was there. I listened for the sound of
someone entering the chamber. There was nothing, but that coolness remained, reminding me of the soft press of a cool hand. Eventually, the tension leaked from my body, and the chilled air vanished, leaving me so damn tired. Closing my eyes, I counted the beats of my heart until I no longer felt like an overcooked noodle.
Pushing wearily to my feet, I went to the sink and used water from a pitcher to clean my teeth and wash my face.
Once done, I changed into a robe and felt sort of normal. My stomach still felt a little weird as I passed the bed, but I believed I was done with the vomiting. Hopefully.
I went to the divan, curling onto my side as I tucked my feet under the soft blanket at the foot of the low sofa.
I told myself that Ash was okay. So were Aios, Bele, and everyone else. Rhain would recover. Jadis was happily causing mayhem, and Reaver was hiding somewhere she couldn’t reach. Orphine hadn’t perished. Ezra was doing her best. She was smart. Strong. Resilient. She had Marisol. Even my mother wasn’t alone. I hadn’t been able to save Ector, but I would save others. I would save Ash. One way or another, I would make sure no one else occupied this cage. I would not be powerless again. Most importantly, I would not blame myself for what Kolis did.
I would not let that stain set in.
 |
Opening my eyes, I saw the still, dark waters of my lake and knew I was dreaming.
But it was different.
I wasn’t swimming. I was sitting cross-legged on the bank, naked as the day I was born, able to feel and sense everything as if I were truly there.
Nothing was dulled as dreams often were. The grass was cool against my
skin. The scent of rich, damp soil filled every breath I took. Above me, the elms swayed in the breeze.
But like the times before, it was my lake, yet not.
Through the thick branches, I saw no moon, but the stars were bright and large, reflecting off the surface of the water like a thousand twinkling lights. The wind that stirred the branches tossed the tangled curls of my hair against the sides of my face, and my arms and waist didn’t carry the choking humidity that plagued Lasania well into what should be the cooler months.
And my lake? There were no ripples, even with the water tumbling off the Elysium Peaks.
As I sat there, I realized there was a contrast between when I had been swimming and when I was not. When I was in the lake, a little bit of the
fuzziness of dreams remained, a sensation of floating and just existing. But there was none of that now. There was a surreal realness when I was not in the water.
But I was alone.
Closing my eyes, I turned my face up to the cool air, fighting back the swell of rising disappointment. I was grateful to be dreaming of my lake again, but I needed…gods, I needed to see Ash, even if only in my dreams. I needed to see him. Hear his voice. Feel his presence. His touch. Ash’s image would erase the others. His voice would replace the sound of Kolis’s. His
mere presence would overshadow everything else. Ash’s touch would
exorcise the reminder of his like one would cut away the rotten flesh of a festering wound.
I needed to see him.
Because even if it was only a dream, I could tell myself he was okay. I could convince myself that I would be okay.
My chest swelled with my breath. “Please,” I whispered—pleaded, really
—as a tide of agony rose. “I need you. Please.”
Nothing but silence greeted me. The wind nor the water made any sound.
There were no soft bird calls. Nothing.
My cheeks felt damp.
Pulling my legs to my chest, I rested my forehead on my knees and began idly rocking. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay…
The air stirred around me, cooler than before. Still, there was no sound.
No—
I stopped swaying as I felt the air thicken. Awareness bore down on me.
My skin pimpled. Tiny hairs rose. My fingers curled inward, digging into my palms as I slowly lifted my head and looked to my left.
Eyes like pools of molten silver framed by a heavy fringe of lashes and set in features savage in their beauty, locked onto mine.
“Ash,” I whispered, afraid to believe my mind had successfully conjured him.
Those eyes swept over my face, and his bare shoulders loosened with a heavy exhale. “Liessa.”
A tremor went through me, and then I sprang into motion, all but throwing myself at him because this was me. I was here with Ash, and it
didn’t matter that it was a figment of my mind and nothing more than a dream.
Catching me, Ash let out a rough laugh as he pulled me onto his lap and against his chest. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply. I shuddered at the scent of citrus and fresh air, soaking in the feel of his arms around me. In his embrace, there was no other sensation, no one else.
“I was… I was nowhere, liessa. Nowhere.” Ash’s fingers tangled in my hair as he held me so tightly I felt his heart beating against my breast. “Then I heard your voice. You were calling to me. I thought I’d woken up. I thought I was going to—” He stopped himself, his voice thickening when he spoke again. “I still found you. That’s all that matters.”
I squeezed my eyes closed. He was right that it was all that mattered. “I’m glad…” My voice cracked as tears stung my eyes. “I’m glad you did.”
Ash’s chest rose sharply. Sliding his hand to the side of my face, he drew back. I fought against him lifting my head.
“Sera? Let me see you.” His thumb smoothed over my jaw. “Please.”
Please.
I could never deny him.
My eyes remained closed as I stopped resisting, letting him lift my head. “Oh, Sera.” His fingers brushed under my cheek. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not.”
His chuckle was strained as if a heavy weight bore down on him. “Liessa.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I see your tears. Feel them.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“It’s okay,” he assured me. “Just tell me why.”
I lifted a shoulder. At this moment, there were too many reasons. I went with the easiest one. “I thought I was going to be alone.”
“I’d never allow that—not awake or in my dreams. Never.” He drew the backs of his fingers over my other cheek. “Open your eyes for me.”
Taking a breath, I did as he requested. Tears clung to my lashes.
His gaze searched my face as intently as it did when he counted my freckles. Except there was an edge to how he traced every inch of it, almost frantically. The wisps of essence pulsed in his eyes and then calmed. “It’s
odd.”
“What is?”
He caught another tear, and this time, I saw the faint smear of red staining his finger. “I’m dreaming.”
I thought it was strange how he spoke as if this were his dream. He’d
done that last time, too, and I still couldn’t understand why my subconscious had him doing that. Something tugged at the back of my mind again. It was
the same sensation I’d had the first time I dreamt of him. It was as if I should
know why, but that didn’t make sense, and the feeling fluttered away as quickly as it came on.
“Yet I can still sense your emotions,” he continued. “You’re feeling so
much—the woodsy, refreshing wash of relief, and the heavier, thicker weight of concern. There’s something…sweet in the midst of it all, too.” His brows knitted, and I wondered what the sweetness meant to him. “But there’s so much anguish—tangy, biting anguish.”
Another tremor went through me. “I’ve missed you.”
Ash smiled faintly, but it was closed-lipped and didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t turn the silver into warm sterling. “It’s more than that. I know it is.” The crease between his brows deepened. “My mind feels…disjointed.
Unsettled. But I think I was awake for a period of time.” His jaw hardened. “I remember struggling against chains—ones I’d created. I remember hearing
his voice.”
My breath snagged as shadows appeared beneath his flesh. “Kolis?” I flinched as I said his name.
The shadows darkened. “His. Others.” His hand glided over my cheek again as his stare bore into mine, and then his hand kept going, brushing back the curls from my shoulder, my neck. His gaze dropped.
I stiffened in his arms. Was he looking for the bite? Was it even visible in a dream? The injuries he’d seen last time hadn’t appeared until I was about to wake up.
His expression didn’t give away what he saw or didn’t. I had no idea why I would dream such a thing, but I hoped to whatever higher being was listening that he saw nothing.
“Tell me,” he said, his gaze returning to mine, but as he spoke, it was almost as if he didn’t see me. Like he saw the faces of those he’d heard when he was awake. “I remember hearing…”
“What?” I whispered, half-afraid of what my mind would cause him to say.
The distance retreated from his gaze. “Tell me what has been done to you.”
A spasm hit me. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“Has he hurt you?” His eyes closed then, the skin creasing at their corners. When they reopened, they were bright. “I know he has.”
“What…what do you mean?”
“I remember what I saw in my last dream.” The shadows slid along his temple, throbbing and separating, almost forming a design of sorts. One that reminded me of the vines I saw on the doors of the throne room and the gods’ tunics—on Rhain’s tunic. “I remember what I heard. What Kyn said. What
Kolis claimed. And you…you flinched when you spoke his name.”
I couldn’t breathe. There was no panic or crushing suffocation like when I was awake, but I couldn’t breathe. “Kyn?”
He nodded, his eyes flat. His skin was ice-cold, and the hand on my neck, where the bite mark would be, was steady. The arm around me was firm, but a storm of violence brewed beneath the surface when he got this still.
“Sera?”
I opened my mouth to answer but couldn’t get any words out. Not even a denial. It didn’t make sense. This was a dream. I could say anything. I could lie. I could tell the truth—one that wasn’t all that bad. Right? So many people had experienced worse than I had. The man I looked at, the one my mind had called forth from memories, had. But the thing crawling up my throat now wasn’t words. It was a scream that burned me as I fought it back. I didn’t even understand why. I was dreaming. I could scream if I wanted to.
But I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want to think about any of this.
Because I was me here, and I was her there. “Sera,” he said quietly. “Please.”
“I don’t want to dream about this.” My voice cracked. “I can barely deal with this when I’m awake.” The words tumbled out of me like the water rushing over the rocks. “I don’t want that in my dreams. I don’t want any of that near us because this is me with you. I’m here, and nothing else—”
“It’s okay, liessa.” Something cold flashed in his eyes, something feral that even sent a chill down my spine before he tugged my cheek to his chest. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about any of that now.” A tremor went through him then, causing my chest to hitch. He held me in silence for several moments, the hand on the back of my head tangling in the strands of my hair.
I let the feeling of his body calm the racing of my heart. His hands were cold, but the rest of him was wonderfully warm. I soaked him in because a part of me knew this could be my only chance, real or not.
“You’re so brave. Do you know that? So godsdamn brave and loyal.” His chin rested on the top of my head as he dragged a hand up my spine. “You are more than worthy of the swords and shields of the Shadowlands.”
Seraphena will be a Consort more than worthy of the swords and shields each of you will wield to guard her.
That was what he’d said before, and a new wave of tears pricked my eyes. “There is no one like you, Sera.”
“Stop being sweet,” I murmured, not even caring that I was basically
telling myself these things. Or it was my subconscious speaking them. And it made sense because, right now, I needed the pep talk.
“I’m not being sweet.” His hand made another soothing sweep across the center of my back. “I’m only telling the truth. You’re the strongest person I
know.”
I smiled, snuggling closer.
“And even when you feel fear?” He managed to somehow pull me closer to him. “You’re never afraid. There is a difference, remember?”
“I remember.”
“Good.” He dipped his head, this time pressing a kiss to my temple. “There’s something I need to ask you, liessa.”
I exhaled, long and slow. “Okay.”
“Do you have access to any weapons?”
I blinked. Okay. I hadn’t expected my mind to come up with that, but I could deal with this line of questioning. “No.” I thought of what I’d found in the chest. “Well, I did find something that I managed to use as a weapon.”
“Was that when you tried to escape?”
How did he know…? He didn’t. I did. My mind was creating what he said.
“What did you find?” he asked.
My lips pursed. “I believe it was a…glass cock.”
Ash went still against me. “I’m sorry. I believe you misspoke.”
“I didn’t.” My lips twitched. “There’s a chest, and in it are a bunch of what appear to be glass cocks. I think they were…” I shook my head, my stomach twisting as I thought about what their presence signified. “I don’t even know if they’re still in the chest. I haven’t looked, but I imagine they’ve been removed.”
Ash didn’t say anything for a long moment, but then he gently guided my head back. As our gazes connected, I detected the faintest scent of stale lilacs.
I tensed, the back of my neck prickling. There was a sound, a distant murmur. I started to turn my head.
Ash stopped me. “I need you to listen to me, okay? Have you told Kolis about what will happen once you begin the Ascension? That only I can Ascend you?”
I frowned. “No, I haven’t.”
“He believes you’re Sotoria.” How did he…?
“You need to tell him that you will die without me,” Ash said. “You are
his weakness. He will do anything to keep Sotoria alive—to keep you alive. Even release you to me to prevent that.”
“What?” I laughed. “Kolis will think it’s a trap. He won’t believe that. I wouldn’t believe it.”
“But he will believe the Fates,” Ash insisted. “He knows they cannot lie.”
I wasn’t so sure about them not being able to lie. They had a knack for stretching the truth.
“Listen to me, Sera. I cannot summon the Arae. Neither can Kolis.” Ash lowered his head so our eyes met. “Only the Primal of Life can. And for all
—”
“For all intents and purposes, that is me,” I finished for him. “Ash…” “He’s going to release me, Sera. Once that happens, summon the Fates.”
His features had sharpened, becoming more hollow. Shadows blossomed
under his eyes, and those murmurs…
They were voices that didn’t come from my lake but elsewhere. I would wake soon. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to stay here.
“Do you understand?” Ash implored. “Promise me you will do this. That you will tell Kolis the truth and then summon the Fates. All you have to do is call for them. They will answer.”
“I…I promise.” Confusion rose as I clasped his wrists. “But how will I know you’ve been released? Kolis could lie to me. He—”
“You will know. Trust me. He’ll make a grand show of it,” Ash said with a faint grimace.
“What I’m about to say next doesn’t change what I told you before.” The eather swirled in his eyes. “You’re brave, strong, and resilient. You don’t need anyone to fight your battles. You never have. You don’t now.”
My chest rose and fell rapidly as I listened to him.
“But I will fight for you. I will free you. And if that takes me laying waste to everything and everyone in Dalos, then so be it,” he swore as my heart stuttered. “Nothing will stop me.”
If he did that, there would be a war. “Ash—”
His mouth closed over mine in a hard, fierce kiss that was its own kind of oath. I felt it all the way to my bones.
“I’m nothing without you, liessa,” he whispered as he started to slip away, and the embers hummed in my chest. “And there will be nothing without
you.”
 |
I awoke with a start, and much like I had the last time I’d dreamt of Ash, I couldn’t believe the interaction wasn’t real.
The feel of him. His voice. Eyes remaining closed, I dragged in a deep breath. I could still smell my lake and him, citrus and fresh—
“Who were you dreaming of?”
Sucking in a gasp at the sound of Kolis’s voice, I jerked upright and nearly knocked into him.
Kolis knelt by the divan.
Heart pounding, I pressed my hand to my chest. Good gods, had he been watching while I’d dreamt of being in Ash’s arms? Anger and disbelief crashed together, forming a combustible mix. “You were watching me sleep? Again?”
His brow furrowed. “I can see the knowledge of me watching you still bothers you.”
“No shit,” I snapped.
His lips thinned as traces of gold swirled across his cheeks. “Do you want to know what is more troubling? How disturbing yet fascinating it is to watch someone find pleasure as they sleep.”
Find pleasure? A chill of revulsion went through me, curling my upper lip as anger boiled. “What are you even talking about?”
“You were smiling,” he said. “I saw your breath catch.” Dear gods, exactly how long had he been watching me? “So don’t lie to me.”
Either this man had absolutely no idea what one looked like when they experienced pleasure, or he was out of his mind. “I didn’t—”
Kolis snapped forward, slamming his palms down on the divan. He leaned in and inhaled deeply. I tensed.
The false King drew back with a frown. “Mountain air and citrus.”
My heart may have stopped as I stared at him. Did he scent Ash on me?
Because that’s how Ash smelled to me. Like fresh air and citrus. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? Thoughts collided with one another like ships tossed about at sea. How could I smell like Ash? The dream… I couldn’t smell like him because I’d only dreamt of him.
“I will ask you one more time,” Kolis said, snapping me from my thoughts. “Who were you dreaming of?”
Oh, a huge, irresponsible, and petty part of me wanted to scream Ash’s
name in Kolis’s face. However, I knew better. “I don’t know.” I tensed as the gold flecks faded from his eyes but still pulsed under his flesh. “I don’t remember my dreams. I don’t even know what I was dreaming about.”
Kolis fell silent while I hoped my years of lying were paying off.
Finally, the traces of eather slowed in his flesh and then disappeared. He rocked back and stood. “I’ve…upset you.”
I said nothing as I gripped the edge of the divan. His gaze flickered to my throat where the puncture wounds were a faded pink.
“That is not what I intended to do. I just…” Trailing off, he closed his eyes. “We’ve made a promise to one another. A vow to start anew.”
I didn’t quite recall stating it like that.
“We will start fresh,” Kolis said, opening his eyes. “We will.”
His words made me think of what I’d dreamt. I will fight for you. I will free you. But that wasn’t all I’d dreamt Ash saying. There was something about the embers and telling Kolis the truth.
“How can I make this happen?”
I frowned, refocusing on him. “Make what happen?” His head tilted. “Make it easier for us to start anew.”
Had he not asked me a similar question before, and had I not told him I
needed time? Though it wasn’t like I believed he would actually give me that. “I… I’m not sure—”
“Anything. There is no limit to what I will do for you.” Nausea churned in my stomach.
“Would you like a new gown? A necklace made of rubies instead of
silver? I could have dazzling rings fashioned from any jewel you want,” he offered. “Is there something else you desire? I can have books brought in from any kingdom. Would you like a pet? I can—”
“I would like to leave here,” I blurted, my mind fully waking up. His eyes narrowed.
“You asked,” I said, struggling to keep the frustration from my voice.
Getting out of the damn cage and seeing exactly where I was in the City of
the Gods would be excellent. “I would like to see something other than this space.”
Kolis’s expression smoothed. “I assumed—never mind.” He cleared his throat and then gave me an uneven smile. “You would like to spend time with me.”
That wasn’t at all what I was suggesting. Like, not even remotely.
“I would like that, too.” He stepped back. “I will have breakfast sent in and give you time to ready yourself.”
As Kolis started to turn, what I had dreamt of Ash saying, or at least what I’d thought was a dream, came back to me. “Kolis?”
He’d made it just outside the cage before stopping. “Yes, so’lis?” “I do have something I need to ask.”
He nodded for me to continue.
“What…what are you going to do about the embers inside me?” I pushed to my feet, curling my arms over my chest. “Kyn…he spoke to you the other day about the embers—”
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“But I do.” I stepped forward, swallowing. “When you two spoke of them, you also talked about maintaining the balance. It didn’t sound like whatever was being done now would work forever.”
“It won’t.” His jaw tightened. “I will need to take the embers once you’ve begun your Ascension, but not a moment before then.” He inhaled, his chin lifting. “Then, I will Ascend you.”
My heart thudded heavily. He…he didn’t know I was already well on my way to Ascending, nor was he aware that he couldn’t just take the embers and
then Ascend me. I wouldn’t survive. I wouldn’t even make it if I listened to my dream and told him that only Ash could Ascend me. But…
“Ascend me?” I whispered, catching up to that part. “You would turn me into what? A Revenant? An Ascended?”
“Revenants are not who they were before,” he said, his brows furrowing. “I have not been able to replicate what I did with your brother.”
Brother. Ugh.
“But that is neither here nor there,” he continued. “You would not become
a Revenant.”
“Then I would become an Ascended?” He nodded.
What I had seen of that woman flashed before me—eyes pitch-black and
full of hunger. “What I’ve seen of the Ascended doesn’t resemble anything mortal.”
“That’s because you haven’t seen many,” he answered. “The Ascended are who they were before.” He paused. “After a time.”
After a time? Well, that was reassuring.
“But, like I said, this is not something we need to concern ourselves with yet,” Kolis said. “Okay?”
I nodded absently, but I was very concerned with a whole lot of it. “But what happens after you…take the embers?”
“I will Ascend as the Primal of Life and Death,” he said. “But you already know that.”
“Yes, but what does that mean for the realms, other than…?” “Ensuring loyalty from my Courts?”
In other words, killing anyone who didn’t agree. Which he could do,
being a true Primal of Life and Death. He’d be able to Ascend a god to replace any Primal he slaughtered.
He eyed me for a moment. “Once I have Ascended and ensured the loyalty here in Iliseeum, I will do the same in the mortal realm.”
Taking that more active role he’d spoken of. I opened my mouth. “No more questions,” he cut in. “I will return soon.”
I stayed quiet, watching him leave as three things occurred to me at once.
I had no idea if I could be turned into an Ascended—that wasn’t something we’d asked of Holland or even knew. Knots of dread started to form, but I wouldn’t dwell on that because it wasn’t even possible. I would not allow myself to become a starved monster, no matter what.
The second thing was that while Kolis didn’t realize I was already entering my Ascension, Phanos had. He’d known that what his ceeren did for me wouldn’t last.
But most importantly, there was a reason Kolis was waiting for the last
minute he didn’t realize had already come. Even though he wasn’t aware that only Ash could Ascend me, he still knew that I could die during the Ascension and sought to prevent that.
He will do anything to keep Sotoria alive—to keep you alive. Even release you to me…
I sucked in an unsteady breath as I backed up, sitting down.
That dream—those dreams—of Ash. They were just that. Something that occurred inside my mind.
But how could Kolis smell Ash on me then? It made no sense, but neither had the realness of the dreams.
Except I thought of the sticky dampness between my thighs when I’d first dreamt about Ash. The sex I’d had in that dream had felt real—
The sensation I’d had both times I’d dreamt of Ash returned. A memory.
Slowly, I looked at the canvas privacy screen. Canvas. In my mind, I saw the painting of my father. It had been kept hidden in my mother’s personal chambers, where only she could look upon it, but I knew she hadn’t done so often. It had been too painful for her. That was how much she missed my father. And I remembered wondering if they had been…mates of the heart.
Mind racing, my lips parted. It was said that such people were two halves of a whole, as if they had been created by the Fates for each other. And their touch was full of energy. It was also said they…
Could walk in each other’s dreams.
My heart started pounding once more. When I touched Ash, I often felt a charge of energy. And both dreams…my gods, they had been too real. Both times I’d dreamt of him and not the wolf, he could’ve possibly been coming out of stasis or no longer in it. He’d also talked about the things that had happened. He’d spoken as if he knew—
But I knew what had happened. I could’ve been feeding the dream version of Ash the information. It had to be that. Because how could we be
that? If mates of the heart were even real. As far as I knew, they were nothing more than legends, usually tragic ones. But either way, mates of the heart
didn’t involve the actual organ in one’s chest. It was something deeper. The kardia. And Ash? He didn’t have that. We couldn’t be that. The dream had been a beautiful respite, a momentary escape, but it had only been a dream.
It couldn’t have been anything more.
