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Chapter no 15

If Only I Had Told Her

I only look at my phone because I know itโ€™s Mom calling. I havenโ€™t even turned off our block yet. Autumn must have already made her excuses and bolted.

โ€œTechnically, Mom,โ€ I say instead of hello, โ€œitโ€™s raining and Iโ€™m driving, so I shouldnโ€™t have answered.โ€

โ€œMy advice worked, kiddo!โ€ Mom says. โ€œI get one minute to gloat. And itโ€™s barely raining.โ€

Iโ€™d forgotten what she said before leaving for the weekend: โ€œTalk to her.โ€ Sheโ€™d had a better view on the situation than I did.

Neither mother has ever said anything about us dating in all these years, not directly. Thatโ€™s the thing about being raised by women: you learn about layers of communication from an early age. Without ever saying it, The Mothers have told me many times that they wished, for my sake, Autumn loved me back. It never occurred to me that maybe they were trying to tell me that sheย didย love me back.

โ€œThis was not the outcome I was expecting,โ€ I admit to Mom, trying to share enough to get out of the conversation while saying as little as possible.

โ€œItโ€™s been quite a summer,โ€ she says, and I canโ€™t help but laugh. โ€œYeah.โ€

โ€œClaire and I are at our place having some champagne,โ€ Mom says, and I have to stifle another laugh. โ€œAutumn has escaped to her room, and weโ€™ll leave her alone for now. I promise.โ€ Mom pauses. โ€œShould I nudge Claire toward staying late or at our place tonight?โ€

โ€œUh, yeah. Sounds good,โ€ I say, blushing. Iโ€™d thank my mother for intuiting my clandestine plans and assisting them, but itโ€™s too much for me.

โ€œOkay then,โ€ she says, relieving me. โ€œIโ€™ll let you do what you need to. I love you. Iโ€™m proud of you.โ€

โ€œYou always say youโ€™re proud of me for the weirdest things, Mom,โ€ I tell her. โ€œI love you too. Bye.โ€

 

Iโ€™m going to get two errands done at once by going to that gas station: buying the whole stock of Autumnโ€™s favorite candies and some condoms. I figure the creepโ€™s shift wonโ€™t have started yet.

Iโ€™m wrong though. I park in the same space as the night before, and I can see him through the window. Does he live here? Itโ€™s truly raining now. Iโ€™d planned to call Jack on my way to Sylvieโ€™s, but I donโ€™t like to drive and talk on my phone when itโ€™s raining. I pull out my phone and scroll for Jackโ€™s name.

โ€œHey?โ€ He sounds confused, probably because he told me to call him after I broke up with Sylvie, and he knows itโ€™s too early for that.

โ€œHi,โ€ I say. โ€œIโ€™ll be at Sylvieโ€™s soon. I was calling to tell you that you were right.โ€

โ€œOf course I was right,โ€ Jack says. โ€œAbout what?โ€ โ€œAutumn and I are the two stupidest people on earth.โ€ โ€œWait,โ€ he says. โ€œHuh?โ€

โ€œShe loves me.โ€ Iโ€™m so giddy, my voice sounds ridiculous even to my own ears. โ€œWe talked about so many things last night, and she had no idea.

She never knew. She apologized for middle school, but it wasnโ€™t all her fault. It was mine tooโ€”and weโ€™re together now.โ€ I stop short.

Thereโ€™s silence on the other end. I almost think the call dropped when Jack says, โ€œAre you sure?โ€

โ€œAll the way sure.โ€ I laugh. โ€œIโ€™m serious, dude. We spent all dayโ€”trust me. Sheโ€™s in love me, I swear.โ€

โ€œOkay. Huh,โ€ Jack says. โ€œUm, well, Iโ€™m happy for you? And while youโ€™re happy and distracted, I guess Iโ€™ll share my news. Alexis and I have been hooking up again.โ€

โ€œOh, come on, Jack,โ€ I say.

โ€œItโ€™s only for the rest of summer!โ€ he insists. โ€œIโ€™m not agreeing to indentured servitude again. Itโ€™s just physical.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a good thing sheโ€™s headed to Carbondale, because otherwise you two would end up accidentally married.โ€

โ€œWell, when you break it off with Sylvie, Lexy might cut me off,โ€ Jack says. โ€œEspecially if you tell her that youโ€™re going out with Princess Autumn Fucking Davis.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t call her that,โ€ I say.

โ€œMy point is thatโ€™s what they call her. Iโ€™m only warning you.โ€

โ€œIf Alexis cuts you off because Iโ€™m with Autumn, Iโ€™ll be doing you both a favor,โ€ I say. โ€œAnd I already know how rough this is going to be with Sylvie. Youโ€™re supposed to be celebrating with me and are failing miserably.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m happy she apologized,โ€ Jack says.

โ€œShe did so much more than that,โ€ I say. โ€œTrust me.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m happy that youโ€™re happy,โ€ Jack says. โ€œAre you at Sylvieโ€™s yet?โ€ โ€œIโ€™m making a quick stop. Picking up a few things.โ€ I finally get out of

the car and bolt for the door. My hair gets soaked immediately. โ€œDonโ€™t put it off too long,โ€ Jack says.

โ€œThis is an essential errand,โ€ I say as I head for the candy aisle. โ€œThen Iโ€™m on my way to Sylvieโ€™s. I probably wonโ€™t be able to call you later.โ€

โ€œWhy not?โ€ Jack asks. โ€œYou should come by after.โ€

Iโ€™m loading up my arms with the sugar sludge and powder as I answer. โ€œIโ€™m gonna be with Autumn.โ€ I scan the aisles and realize this place

keeps the condoms behind the counter, so Iโ€™m going to have to talk to the creep. โ€œI should probably go. Iโ€™ll call you tomorrow.โ€

โ€œOkay, Finn.โ€ Jack sighs. โ€œLater.โ€

I hang up. Yup, there they are behind the counter.

I should not have assumed this guy wouldnโ€™t start his shift this early. The pay is probably terrible, and the hours are likely long. Iโ€™ll simply ask for the condoms and hope he wonโ€™t say something gross.

I approach the counter and wait. The creep is making jokes with the customer in front of me. He doesnโ€™t notice me until itโ€™s my turn and I drop the load of sugar onto the counter.

He looks behind me like heโ€™s hoping to see her, and his face falls. I look at the shine of his forehead, not his eyes.

โ€œAnd someโ€”a twelve pack of condoms.โ€ I try to keep my voice casual.

I hate that this guy intimidates me. His behavior oozes everything I hate about stereotypes of my gender, yet somehow, thereโ€™s a part of me that wants to be man enough for him. Itโ€™s probably rooted in my dad not being around, but the point is guys like this one make me feel disgusted yet inadequate.

He rings up Autumnโ€™s candy before grabbing the condoms from the shelf behind him. He glances at me with a smirk, trying to catch my eye. I need to tell Autumn the truth about this guy.

Iโ€™m so in my head I donโ€™t even hear him speak to me. โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œBig plans tonight?โ€ He taps the box of condoms with his index finger.

โ€œYou are so gross,โ€ I hear myself say, and for a moment, the creep and I are both surprised. โ€œSorry,โ€ I say, even though Iโ€™m not. โ€œStop leering at teen girls. Meet someone your own age.โ€

The manโ€™s shiny forehead is suddenly cut by a bright red-purple vein.

His mustache wiggles with his fury.

I throw down my money and head out. I vow to always carry cash with me for the rest of my life in case of a similar situation.

The man shouts something after me, but it doesnโ€™t matter what because Iโ€™m already sliding into my car. I pull out of the parking lot. I have places to be.

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