My parents got divorced the summer before ninth grade. My father was with someone else right away. In fact, though my mother never said so, I think this was the reason they got divorced.
After the divorce, I hardly ever saw my father. And my mother acted stranger than ever. It’s not that she was unstable or anything: just distant. Remote. My mother is the kind of person who has a happy face for the rest of the world but not a lot left over for me. She’s never talked to me much—not about her feelings, her life. I don’t know much about what she was like when she was my age. Don’t know much about the things she liked or didn’t like. The few times she mentioned her own parents, who I’ve never met, it was mostly about how she wanted to get as far away from them as she could once she’d grown up. She never told me why. I asked a few times, but she would pretend she hadn’t heard me.
I didn’t want to go to camp that summer. I had wanted to stay with her, to help her through the divorce. But she insisted I go away. I figured she wanted the alone time, so I gave it to her.
Camp was awful. I hated it. I thought it would be better being a junior counselor, but it wasn’t. No one I knew from the previous year had come back, so I didn’t know anyone—not a single person. I’m not even sure why, but I started playing this little make-believe game with the girls in the camp. They’d ask me stuff about myself, and I’d make things up: my parents are in Europe, I told them. I live in a huge townhouse on the nicest street in North River Heights. I have a dog named Daisy.
Then one day I blurted out that I had a little brother who was deformed. I have absolutely no idea why I said this: it just seemed like an interesting thing to say. And, of course, the reaction I got from the little girls in the bungalow was dramatic. Really? So sorry! That must be tough! Et cetera. Et cetera. I regretted saying this the moment it escaped from my lips, of course: I felt like such a fake. If Via ever found out, I thought, she’d think I was such a weirdo. And I felt like a
weirdo. But, I have to admit, there was a part of me that felt a little entitled to this lie. I’ve known Auggie since I was six years old. I’ve watched him grow up. I’ve played with him. I’ve watched all six episodes of Star Wars for his sake, so I could talk to him about the aliens and bounty hunters and all that. I’m the one that gave him the astronaut helmet he wouldn’t take off for two years. I mean, I’ve kind of earned the right to think of him as my brother.
And the strangest thing is that these lies I told, these fictions, did wonders for my popularity. The other junior counselors heard it from the campers, and they were all over it. Never in my life have I ever been considered one of the “popular” girls in anything, but that summer in camp, for whatever reason, I was the girl everybody wanted to hang out with. Even the girls in bungalow 32 were totally into me. These were the girls at the top of the food chain. They said they liked my hair (though they changed it). They said they liked the way I did my makeup (though they changed that, too). They showed me how to turn my T-shirts into halter tops. We smoked. We snuck out late at night and took the path through the woods to the boys’ camp. We hung out with boys.
When I got home from camp, I called Ella right away to make plans with her. I don’t know why I didn’t call Via. I guess I just didn’t feel like talking about stuff with her. She would have asked me about my parents, about camp. Ella never really asked me about things. She was an easier friend to have in that way. She wasn’t serious like Via. She was fun. She thought it was cool when I dyed my hair pink. She wanted to hear all about those trips through the woods late at night.
