why didn’t you tell me that you and miranda navas used to be friends? i say to olivia the next day. i’m really annoyed at her for not telling me this.
it’s not a big deal, she answers defensively, looking at me like i’m weird.
it is a big deal, i say. i looked like an idiot. how could you not tell me? you’ve always acted like you don’t even know her.
i don’t know her, she answers quickly. i don’t know who that pink- haired cheerleader is. the girl i knew was a total dork who collected american girl dolls.
oh come on, olivia. you come on!
you could have mentioned it to me at some point, i say quietly, pretending not to notice the big fat tear that’s suddenly rolling down her cheek.
she shrugs, fighting back bigger tears.
it’s okay, i’m not mad, i say, thinking the tears are about me. i honestly don’t care if you’re mad, she says spitefully.
oh, that’s real nice, i fire back.
she doesn’t say anything. the tears are about to come. olivia, what’s the matter? i say.
she shakes her head like she doesn’t want to talk about it, but all of a sudden the tears start rolling a mile a minute.
i’m sorry, it’s not you, justin. i’m not crying because of you, she finally says through her tears.
then why are you crying? because i’m an awful person. what are you talking about?
she’s not looking at me, wiping her tears with the palm of her hand. i haven’t told my parents about the show, she says quickly.
i shake my head because i don’t quite get what she’s telling me. that’s okay, i say. it’s not too late, there are still tickets available—
i don’t want them to come to the show, justin, she interrupts impatiently. don’t you see what i’m saying? i don’t want them to come! if they come, they’ll bring auggie with them, and i just don’t feel like …
here she’s hit by another round of crying that doesn’t let her finish talking. i put my arm around her.
i’m an awful person! she says through her tears. you’re not an awful person, i say softly.
yes i am! she sobs. it’s just been so nice being in a new school where nobody knows about him, you know? nobody’s whispering about it behind my back. it’s just been so nice, justin. but if he comes to the play, then everyone will talk about it, everyone will know.… i don’t know why i’m feeling like this.… i swear i’ve never been embarrassed by him before.
i know, i know, i say, soothing her. you’re entitled, olivia. you’ve dealt with a lot your whole life.
olivia reminds me of a bird sometimes, how her feathers get all ruffled when she’s mad. and when she’s fragile like this, she’s a little lost bird looking for its nest.
so i give her my wing to hide under.
