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Chapter no 49

If He Had Been with Me

Angie and Preppy Dave had s*x the second weekend after school started.

โ€œWhere did you do it?โ€ Sasha asks her. Itโ€™s lunchtime and the boys are flinging themselves around in the field, punching shoulders and calling names. The concrete step is warm through my jeans. I remember sitting exactly like this and listening to Brooke tell her story.

โ€œWe were in his car,โ€ Angie says. โ€œWe didnโ€™t plan on it,โ€ she tells us. โ€œIt just kinda happened.โ€ She doesnโ€™t look upset though; she looks beautiful. There is a flush in her pale cheeks, and her eyes are bright.

โ€œReally?โ€ I say. I donโ€™t understand how s*x can happen by accident. After Jamie and I have been kissing for a long time, I tell him that we should stop, because thatโ€™s what the girl is supposed to say at some point. But Iโ€™ve never said that we should stop because I thought we actually needed to. Iโ€™ve never forgotten that weโ€™re in his car, that the moment isnโ€™t right.

โ€œIt hurt like hell, right?โ€ Brooke says. โ€œActually,โ€ Angie says, โ€œI threw up.โ€

โ€œOh my God,โ€ I say. She looks at my face and laughs. โ€œWas heโ€ฆyou know, done?โ€ Brooke says.

โ€œYeah,โ€ Angie says. โ€œBut itย was, like, right afterward.โ€

โ€œYou threw up in his car?โ€ Sasha says. Angie shakes her head.

โ€œNo,โ€ she says. โ€œI rolled over onto my stomach, opened the door, and threw up in the driveway.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ I say. I canโ€™t think of anything to say to this, but Sasha can. โ€œWait, if you werenโ€™t planning on it, did you use anything?โ€

โ€œWell, no,โ€ Angie says. โ€œBut it was just the once, and next time weโ€™ll get some condoms, or, I donโ€™t know, something.โ€

โ€œIt only takes once,โ€ Brooke says.

โ€œMmmhmm,โ€ Sasha says. โ€œAnd you guys need to sit down andย talk

about birth control options before there can be a next time.โ€ โ€œGuys,โ€ Angie says. She sighs. โ€œDonโ€™t ruin this for me.โ€

I frown again. If being in the backseat of a car and vomiting in the driveway didnโ€™t already ruin it, Iโ€™m not sure what we could do that would. I donโ€™t understand how Angie could be happy with such a clichรฉ place to lose her virginity. I donโ€™t understand why Dave didnโ€™t come to his senses when he remembered that there was no birth control. Brooke puts her arm around Angie.

โ€œSorry,โ€ she says. โ€œWeโ€™re happy for you, really.โ€ โ€œYeah,โ€ Sasha says.

โ€œGood,โ€ Angie says, โ€œโ€™cause I canโ€™t stop smiling andโ€”โ€ She sighs again. โ€œI love him so much that every time I think of him holding me afterward, I just want to die.โ€

I would want to die too if I was Angie, but for different reasons. I donโ€™t understand how something like this happens.

On the way home from school, I tell Jamie Angieโ€™s story. He listens quietly and stares straight at the road.

โ€œI mean, I guess Iโ€™m happy for her if sheโ€™s happy,โ€ I say. โ€œBut doesnโ€™t that sound horrible?โ€

โ€œI dunno,โ€ Jamie says. โ€œI think itโ€™d be cute if you threw up.โ€ โ€œWhat?โ€ Jamie looks calm.

He shrugs and smiles. โ€œIโ€™d hold your hair back for you and take care of you.โ€

โ€œI wonโ€™t throw up,โ€ I say.

โ€œAnd you wonโ€™t do it in a car. I know, donโ€™t worry.โ€ Jamie pulls into my driveway.

โ€œWell, not the first time,โ€ I say.

โ€œWeโ€™ll get a hotel room,โ€ Jamie says. He glances over at me now. โ€œA really nice one. And weโ€™ll dress up and have an expensive meal first.โ€

โ€œThat soundsโ€”โ€ I pause โ€œโ€”nice.โ€ I unbuckle my seat belt and turn toward him. Jamie kisses me, and I realize that, during that dinner, he will give me a charm for my bracelet, something subtle that only he and I will understand. Itโ€™s romantic, and I wish I hadnโ€™t already thought of it so that it could be a surprise. I try my hardest to forget.

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