Iย should have told her.ย e second I was released from custody, I should have gone straight to her apartment and told her everything.
Iโve been pacing the studioย oor for over an hour now. I only pace when
Iโm pissed, and right now Iโm not sure Iโve ever been this angry. Iโm going to burn a hole into thisย oor if I donโt stop.
But I know sheโs read my message by now. Itโs been over two hours since I left it on her pillow and Iโm starting to think sheโs already given up on me. I donโt blame her. As much as I want to try to convince her that Treyโs not good for her and Iโm not as bad as she now thinks I am, I have a feeling I wonโt even get that opportunity.ย ereโs no telling what sheโs been told about me by now.
Just as I begin to head toward the stairs, I hear a knock on the glass door.
I donโt rush to the door. I sprint.
When I open the door, her eyes meet mine brieย y before she glances nervously over her shoulder. She grabs the door and quickly slips inside, shutting it behind her.
I hate that. I hate that sheโs scared to be here and scared who might have seen her walk in the door.
She doesnโt trust me.
She turns and faces me, and I hate the disappointmentย ooding her eyes right now.
We need to talk and I donโt want to do it right here, so I reach around her and lock the door. โย ank you for coming.โ
She doesnโt respond. She waits for me to say something else. โWill you come upstairs with me?โ
She glances at the hallway over my shoulder and nods. She follows me across the studio and up to my apartment. Itโs crazy how di๏ฌerent things are between us now. Two hours ago, everything was perfect. And now . . .
Itโs amazing how much distance one truth can create between two people.
I walk to the kitchen and o๏ฌer her something to drink. Maybe if I pour her a drink, the conversation might last longer.ย ereโs so much I want and need to explain to her, if she will just give me that opportunity.
She doesnโt want a drink.
Sheโs standing in the middle of the room and it appears as if sheโs afraid to approach me. Her eyes roam around the room as if sheโs never been here before. I can see the look on her face. She sees me di๏ฌerently now that she knows.
I quietly watch her assess the room for a while. Eventually her eyes meet mine again, and thereโs a long pause before she works up the courage to ask me what she came here toย nd out.
โAre you an addict, Owen?โ
She doesnโt skirt around the subject at all. Her straightforwardness makes me cringe, because nothing is a simple yes-or-no answer. And she doesnโt appear to want to wait around for the explanation with the way sheโs eyeing the stairwell.
โIf I said no, would it even make a di๏ฌerence for us?โ
She regards me silently for several seconds, and then she shakes her head. โNo.โ
I had a feeling that would be her answer. And just like that, I no longer feel like explaining my side of the situation. What would be the point when my answer doesnโt matter? Telling her the truth could just further complicate things.
โAre you going to jail?โ she asks. โIs that why you said youโre moving?โ
I tilt the bottle and pour myself a glass of wine. I take a long, slow sip from it before answering with a nod. โProbably. Itโs myย rst o๏ฌense, so I doubt Iโm away for long.โ
She exhales and closes her eyes. When she opens them again, sheโs looking down at her feet. Her hands move to her hips and she continues to avoid eye contact with me. โI want custody of my son, Owen.ย ey would use you against me.โ
โWhoโs they?โ
โLydia and Trey.โ She looks up at me now. โย eyโll never trust me if they know Iโm involved with you in any way.โ
I expected something along the lines of good-bye when she showed up here, but I didnโt expect the hurt that would come along with her words. I feel stupid for not thinking about how this would a๏ฌect her. Iโve been so worried about what she would think of me when she found out, it really didnโt occur to me until just now that her relationship with her son could be jeopardized.
I pour myself another glass of wine. Probably not a good idea for her to witness me downing wine now that she knows about my arrest record.
I expect her to turn and walk out now, but she doesnโt. Instead, she takes a few slow steps toward me. โWill they let you choose rehab, instead?โ
I down the second glass of wine. โI donโt need rehab.โ I place the glass in the sink.
I can see the disappointment take over. Iโm familiar with that look. Iโve seen it enough by now to know what it means, and I donโt like that her feelings have so quickly moved from wanting me to pitying me.
โI donโt have an issue with drugs, Auburn.โ I lean forward until weโre just a foot apart. โWhat I have an issue with is the fact that you seem to be involved with Trey. I may be the one with the criminal record, but heโs the one you should be careful of.โ
She laughs under her breath. โHeโs a cop, Owen. Youโre going to jail for possession. Which one of you do I trust?โ
โYour instincts,โ I say immediately.
She looks down at her hands, folded across the bar. She presses the pads of her thumbs against each other. โMy instinct is to do whatโs best for my son.โ
โExactly,โ I tell her. โWhich is why I said to trust your instincts.โ
She looks up at me, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I shouldnโt have brought this on her, I know that. I know exactly what sheโs feeling when she looks at me. Frustration, disappointment, anger. I see it every time I look in the mirror.
I walk around the bar and take her by the wrist. I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her. For a few seconds, she allows it. But then she pushes me away with an adamant shake of her head. โI canโt.โ
Itโs just two words, but they only mean one thing.
e end.
She turns and heads straight down the stairs. โAuburn, wait,โ I call after her.
She doesnโt wait. I reach the top of the stairs and listen as her footsteps echo across the studio.ย is isnโt how itโs supposed to end. I refuse to let her leave like this, because if she leaves with this feeling, itโll be easy for her never to come back.
I immediately descend the steps and run after her. I reach her just as her hand meets the lock on the front door of the studio. I pull her hand away and spin her around, and then I press my mouth to hers.
