Chapter no 24

The Rosie Project (Don Tillman, #1)

๎“anks to carefully timed use of sleeping pills, I woke without any feeling of disorientation at 7:06 a.m.

Rosie had fallen asleep in the train on the way to the hotel. I had decided not to tell her immediately about the basement encounter, nor mention what I had observed on the sideboard. It was a large photo of Judy and Isaacโ€™s wedding. Standing beside Isaac, dressed in the formal clothes required of a best man, was Geo๏ฌ€rey Case, who had only 370 days to live. He was smiling.

I was still processing the implications myself, and I thought Rosie would probably have an emotional response that could spoil the New York experience. She was impressed that I had collected the DNA, and even more impressed that I had acted so unobtrusively when I picked up the dishes to assist.

โ€œYouโ€™re in danger of learning some social skills.โ€

๎“e hotel was perfectly comfortable. After we checked in, Rosie said she had been worried that I would expect her to share a room in exchange for my paying for her trip to New York. Like a prostitute! I was highly insulted. She seemed pleased with my reaction.

I had an excellent workout at the hotel gym and returned to ๏ฌnd the message light blinking. Rosie.

โ€œWhere were you?โ€ she said.

โ€œIn the gym. Exercise is critical in reducing the e๏ฌ€ects of jet lag. Also sunlight. Iโ€™ve planned to walk twenty-nine blocks in sunlight.โ€

โ€œArenโ€™t you forgetting something? Today is my day. And tomorrow. I own you until midnight Monday. Now get your butt down here. Iโ€™m hanging out for breakfast.โ€

โ€œIn my gym clothes?โ€

โ€œNo, Don, not in your gym clothes. Shower, dress. You have ten minutes.โ€

โ€œI always have my breakfast before I shower.โ€

โ€œHow old are you?โ€ said Rosie, aggressively. She didnโ€™t wait for the answer. โ€œYouโ€™re like an old manโ€”I always have my breakfast before I shower, donโ€™t sit in my chair, thatโ€™s where I sit . . .ย Do not fuck with me, Don Tillman.โ€ She said the last words quite slowly. I decided it was best not to fuck with her. By midnight tomorrow it would be over. In the interim, I would adopt the dentist mind-set.

It seemed I was in for a root-canal ๏ฌlling. I arrived downstairs and Rosie was immediately critical.

โ€œHow long have you had that shirt?โ€

โ€œFourteen years,โ€ I said. โ€œIt dries very quickly. Perfect for traveling.โ€ In fact, it was a specialized walking shirt, though fabric technology had progressed signi๏ฌcantly since it was made.

โ€œGood,โ€ said Rosie. โ€œIt doesnโ€™t owe you anything. Upstairs. Other shirt.โ€ โ€œItโ€™s wet.โ€

โ€œI mean Claudiaโ€™s shirt. And the jeans, while youโ€™re at it. Iโ€™m not walking around New York with a bum.โ€

When I came down for the second attempt at breakfast, Rosie smiled. โ€œYou know, youโ€™re not such a bad-looking guy underneath.โ€ She stopped and looked at me. โ€œDon, youโ€™re not enjoying this, are you? Youโ€™d rather be by yourself in the museum, right?โ€ She was extremely perceptive. โ€œI get that. But youโ€™ve done all these things for me, youโ€™ve brought me to New York, and by the way, I havenโ€™t ๏ฌnished spending your money yet. So I want to do something for you.โ€

I could have argued that herย wantingย to do something for me meant she was ultimately acting in her own interests, but it might provoke more of the โ€œdonโ€™t fuck with meโ€ behavior.

โ€œYouโ€™re in a di๏ฌ€erent place, youโ€™re in di๏ฌ€erent clothes. When the medieval pilgrims used to arrive at Santiago after walking hundreds of kilometers, they burned their clothes to symbolize that theyโ€™d changed. Iโ€™m not asking you to burn your clothesโ€”yet. Put them on again Tuesday. Just be open to something di๏ฌ€erent. Let me show you my world for a couple of days. Starting with breakfast. Weโ€™re in the city with the best breakfasts in the world.โ€

She must have seen that I was resisting.

โ€œHey, you schedule your time so you donโ€™t waste it, right?โ€ โ€œCorrect.โ€

โ€œSo, youโ€™ve committed to two days with me. If you shut yourself down, youโ€™re wasting two days of your life that someone is trying to make exciting and productive and fun for you. Iโ€™m going toโ€”โ€ She stopped. โ€œI left the guidebook in my room. When I come down, weโ€™re going to breakfast.โ€ She turned and walked to the elevators.

I was disturbed by Rosieโ€™s logic. I had always justi๏ฌed my schedule in terms of e๏ฌƒciency. But was my allegiance to e๏ฌƒciency or was it to the schedule itself? Was I really like my father, who had insisted on sitting in the same chair every night? I had never mentioned this to Rosie. I had my own special chair too.

๎“ere was another argument that she had not presented, because she could not have known it. In the last eight weeks I had experienced two of the three best times of my adult life, assuming all visits to the Museum of Natural History were treated as one event.ย ๎“ey had both been with Rosie. Was there a correlation? It was critical to ๏ฌnd out.

By the time Rosie came back, I had performed a brain reboot, an exercise requiring a considerable e๏ฌ€ort of will. But I was now con๏ฌgured for adaptability.

โ€œSo?โ€ she said.

โ€œSo, how do we ๏ฌnd the worldโ€™s best breakfast?โ€

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข

We found the Worldโ€™s Best Breakfast around the corner. It may have been the unhealthiest breakfast I had ever eaten, but I would not put on signi๏ฌcant weight or lose ๏ฌtness, brain acuity, or martial arts skills if I neglected them for two days.ย ๎“is was the mode my brain was now operating in.

โ€œI canโ€™t believe you ate all that,โ€ said Rosie. โ€œIt tasted so good.โ€

โ€œNo lunch. Late dinner,โ€ she said. โ€œWe can eat any time.โ€

Our server approached the table. Rosie indicated the empty co๏ฌ€ee cups. โ€œ๎“ey were great. I think we could both manage another.โ€

โ€œHuh?โ€ said the server. It was obvious that she hadnโ€™t understood Rosie. It was also obvious that Rosie had very poor taste in co๏ฌ€eeโ€”or she had done as I had and ignored the label โ€œco๏ฌ€eeโ€ and was enjoying it as an entirely new beverage.ย ๎“e technique was working brilliantly.

โ€œOne regular co๏ฌ€ee with cream and one regular co๏ฌ€ee without cream . . . please,โ€ I said.

โ€œSure.โ€

๎“is was a town where people talked straight. My kind of town. I was enjoying speaking American:ย creamย instead ofย milk,ย elevatorย instead ofย lift,ย checkย instead ofย bill. I had memorized a list of di๏ฌ€erences between American and Australian usage prior to my ๏ฌrst trip to the US and had been surprised at how quickly my brain was able to switch into using them automatically.

We walked uptown. Rosie was looking at a guidebook calledย Not for Tourists, which seemed a very poor choice.

โ€œWhere are we going?โ€ I asked.

โ€œWeโ€™re not going anywhere. Weโ€™re there.โ€

We were outside a clothing store. Rosie asked if it was okay to go inside. โ€œYou donโ€™t have to ask,โ€ I said. โ€œYouโ€™re in control.โ€

โ€œI do about shops. Itโ€™s a girl thing. I was going to say, โ€˜I suppose youโ€™ve been on Fifth Avenue before,โ€™ but I donโ€™t suppose anything with you.โ€

๎“e situation was symmetrical. I knew not to suppose anything about Rosie, or I would have been surprised by her describing herself as a โ€œgirl,โ€ a term that I understood to be unacceptable to feminists when referring to adult women.

Rosie was becoming remarkably perceptive about me. I had never been beyond the conference centers and the museum, but with my new mind con๏ฌguration, I was ๏ฌnding everything fascinating. A whole shop for cigars.

๎“e prices of jewelry.ย ๎“e Flatiron Building.ย ๎“e Museum of Sex. Rosie looked at the last of these and chose not to go in.ย ๎“is was probably a good decision: it might be fascinating, but the risk of a faux pas would be very high.

โ€œDo you want to buy anything?โ€ said Rosie. โ€œNo.โ€

A few minutes later, a thought occurred to me. โ€œIs there somewhere that sells menโ€™s shirts?โ€

Rosie laughed. โ€œOn Fifth Avenue, New York City. Maybe weโ€™ll get lucky.โ€ I detected sarcasm, but in a friendly way. We found a new shirt of

the same genre as the Claudia shirt at a huge store called Bloomingdaleโ€™s, which was not, in fact, on Fifth Avenue. We could not choose between two candidate shirts and bought both. My wardrobe would be over๏ฌ‚owing!

We arrived at Central Park.

โ€œWeโ€™re skipping lunch, but I could handle an ice cream,โ€ said Rosie.

๎“ere was a vendor in the park, and he was serving both cones and prefabricated confections.

I was ๏ฌlled with an irrational sense of dread. I identi๏ฌed it immediately.

But I had to know. โ€œIs the ๏ฌ‚avor important?โ€ โ€œSomething with peanuts. Weโ€™re in the States.โ€ โ€œAll ice creams taste the same.โ€

โ€œBullshit.โ€

I explained about taste buds.

โ€œWanna bet?โ€ said Rosie. โ€œIf I can tell the di๏ฌ€erence between peanut and vanilla, two tickets toย Spider-Man. On Broadway. Tonight.โ€

โ€œ๎“e textures will be di๏ฌ€erent. Because of the peanuts.โ€

โ€œAny two. Your choice.โ€

I ordered an apricot and a mango. โ€œClose your eyes,โ€ I said. It wasnโ€™t really necessary: the colors were almost identical, but I didnโ€™t want her to see me tossing a coin to decide which one to show her. I was concerned that with her psychological skills she might guess my sequence.

I tossed the coin and gave her an ice cream.

โ€œMango,โ€ guessed Rosie, correctly. Toss, heads again. โ€œMango again.โ€ She picked the mango correctly three times, then the apricot, then the apricot again.ย ๎“e chances of her achieving this result randomly were one in thirty-two. I could be ninety-seven percent con๏ฌdent she was able to di๏ฌ€erentiate. Incredible.

โ€œSo,ย Spider-Manย tonight?โ€ โ€œNo. You got one wrong.โ€

Rosie looked at me, very carefully, then burst out laughing. โ€œYouโ€™re bullshitting me, arenโ€™t you? I canโ€™t believe it, youโ€™re making jokes.โ€

She gave me an ice cream. โ€œSince you donโ€™t care, you can have the apricot.โ€

I looked at it. What to say? She had been licking it.

Once again she read my mind. โ€œHow are you going to kiss a girl if you wonโ€™t share her ice cream?โ€

For several minutes, I was su๏ฌ€used with an irrational feeling of enormous pleasure, basking in the success of my joke, and parsing the sentence about the kiss: Kissย aย girl, shareย herย ice cream. It was third-person, but surely not unrelated to the girl who was sharing her ice cream right now with Don Tillman in his new shirt and jeans as we walked among the trees in Central Park, New York City, on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข

I needed the 114 minutes of time-out back at the hotel, although I had enjoyed the day immensely. Shower, email, relaxation exercises combined with stretches. I emailed Gene, copying in Claudia, with a summary of our activities.

Rosie was three minutes late for our 7:00 p.m. foyer meeting. I was about to call her room when she arrived wearing clothes purchased that day

โ€”white jeans and a blue T-shirt thingโ€”and the jacket she had worn the previous evening. I remembered a Gene-ism, something I had heard him say to Claudia. โ€œYouโ€™re looking very elegant,โ€ I said. It was a risky statement, but her reaction appeared to be positive. She did look very elegant.

We had cocktails at a bar with the Worldโ€™s Longest Cocktail List, including many I did not know, and we sawย Spider-Man. Afterward, Rosie felt the story was a bit predictable but I was overwhelmed by everything, in a hugely positive way. I had not been to the theater since I was a child. I could have ignored the story and focused entirely on the mechanics of the ๏ฌ‚ying. It was just incredible.

We caught the subway back to the Lower East Side. I was hungry but did not want to break the rules by suggesting that we eat. But Rosie had this planned too. A 10:00 p.m. booking at a restaurant called Momofuku Ko. We were on Rosie time again.

โ€œ๎“is is my present to you for bringing me here,โ€ she said.

We sat at a counter for twelve where we could watch the chefs at work.

๎“ere were few of the annoying formalities that make restaurants so stressful.

โ€œAny preferences, allergies, dislikes?โ€ asked the chef.

โ€œIโ€™m vegetarian, but I eat sustainable seafood,โ€ said Rosie. โ€œHe eats everythingโ€”and I mean everything.โ€

I lost count of the courses. I had sweetbreads and foie gras (๏ฌrst time!) and sea urchin roe. We drank a bottle of rosรฉ champagne. I talked to the chefs and they told me what they were doing. I ate the best food I had ever eaten. And I did not need to wear a jacket in order to eat. In fact, the man sitting beside me was wearing a costume that would have been extreme at the Marquess of Queensbury, including multiple facial piercings. He heard me speaking to the chef and asked me where I was from. I told him.

โ€œHow are you ๏ฌnding New York?โ€

I told him I was ๏ฌnding it highly interesting and explained how we had spent our day. But I was conscious that, under the stress of talking to a stranger, my manner had changedโ€”or to be more precise,ย revertedโ€”to my usual style. During the day, with Rosie, I had felt relaxed and had spoken and acted di๏ฌ€erently, and this style continued in my conversation with the chef, which was essentially a professional exchange of information. But informal social interaction with another person had triggered my regular behavior. And my regular behavior and speaking style is, I am well aware, considered odd by others.ย ๎“e man with the piercings must have noticed.

โ€œYou know what I like about New York?โ€ he said. โ€œ๎“ere are so many weird people that nobody takes any notice. We all just ๏ฌt right in.โ€

โ€œHow was it?โ€ asked Rosie, as we walked back to the hotel.

โ€œ๎“e best day of my adult life,โ€ I said. Rosie seemed so happy with my response that I decided not to ๏ฌnish the sentence: โ€œexcluding the Museum of Natural History.โ€

โ€œSleep in,โ€ she said. โ€œNine thirty here and weโ€™ll do the brunch thing again. Okay?โ€

It would have been totally irrational to argue.

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