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Chapter no 42

Shatter Me

โ€œWe’re here, and it’s nighttime. So according to my calculations, we must not have done anything stupid.โ€

Kenji shifts into park. We’re underground again, in some kind of elaborate parking garage. One minute we were aboveground, the next we’ve disappeared into a ditch. It’s next to impossible to locate, much less to spot in the darkness. Kenji was telling the truth about this hideout.

I’ve been busy trying to keep Adam awake for the past few minutes. His body is fighting exhaustion, blood loss, hunger, a million different points of pain. I feel so utterly useless.

โ€œAdam has to go straight to the medical wing,โ€ Kenji announces. โ€œThey have a medical wing?โ€ My heart is parasailing in the

springtime.

Kenji grins. โ€œThis place has everything. It will blow your goddamn mind.โ€ He hits a switch on the ceiling. A faint light illuminates the old sedan. Kenji steps out the door. โ€œWait hereโ€”I’ll get someone to bring out a stretcher.โ€

โ€œWhat about James?โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ Kenji’s mouth twitches. โ€œHe, uhโ€”he’s going to be asleep for a little while longer.โ€

โ€œWhat do you mean . . . ?โ€

He clears his throat. Once. Twice. Smooths out the wrinkles in his shirt. โ€œI, uh, may or may not have given him something to . . . ease the pain of this journey.โ€

โ€œYou gave a ten-year-old aย sleeping pill?โ€ I’m afraid I’m going to break his neck.

โ€œWould you rather he were awake for all of this?โ€ โ€œAdam is going to kill you.โ€

Kenji glances at Adam’s drooping lids. โ€œYeah, well, I guess I’m lucky he won’t be able to kill me tonight.โ€ He hesitates. Ducks into the car to run his fingers through James’s hair. Smiles a little. โ€œThe kid is a saint. He’ll be perfect in the morning.โ€

โ€œI can’tย believeย youโ€”โ€

โ€œHey, heyโ€”โ€ He holds up his hands. โ€œTrust me. He’s going to be just fine. I just didn’t want him to be any more traumatized than he had to be.โ€ He shrugs. โ€œHell, maybe Adam will agree with me.โ€

โ€œI’m going to murder you.โ€ Adam’s voice is a soft mumble.

Kenji laughs. โ€œKeep it together, bro, or I’ll think you don’t really mean it.โ€

Kenji disappears.

I watch Adam, encourage him to stay awake. Tell him he’s almost safe. Touch my lips to his forehead. Study every shadow, every outline, every cut and bruise of his face. His muscles relax, his features lose their tension. He exhales a little more easily. I kiss his top lip. Kiss his bottom lip. Kiss his cheeks. His nose. His chin.

Everything happens so quickly after that.

4 people run out toward the car. 2 older than me, 2 older than them. A pair of men. A pair of women. โ€œWhere is he?โ€ the older woman asks. They’re all looking around, anxious. I wonder if they can see me staring at them.

Kenji opens Adam’s door. Kenji is no longer smiling. In fact, he looks

. . . different. Stronger. Faster. Taller, even. He’s in control. A figure of authority. These peopleย knowย him.

Adam is lifted onto the stretcher and assessed immediately. Everyone is talking at once. Something about broken ribs. Something about losing blood. Something about airways and lung capacity andย what happened to his wrists?ย Something about checking his pulse andย how long has he been bleeding?ย The young male and female glance in my direction. They’re all wearing strange outfits.

Strange suits. All white with gray stripes down the side. I wonder if it’s a medical uniform.

They’re carrying Adam away.

โ€œWaitโ€”โ€ I trip out of the car. โ€œWait! I want to go with himโ€”โ€

โ€œNot now.โ€ Kenji stops me. Softens. โ€œYou can’t be with him for what they need to do. Not now.โ€

โ€œWhat do you mean? What are they going to do to him?โ€ The world is fading in and out of focus, shades of gray flickering as stilted frames, broken movements. Suddenly nothing makes sense. Suddenly everything is confusing me. Suddenly my head is a piece of pavement and I’m being trampled to death. I don’t know where we are. I don’t know who Kenji

is. Kenji was Adam’s friend. Adam knows him. Adam. My Adam. Adam who is being taken away from me and I can’t go with him and I want to go with him but they won’t let me go with him and I don’t know whyโ€”

โ€œThey’re going to help himโ€”Julietteโ€”I need you to focus. You can’t fall apart right now. I know it’s been a crazy dayโ€”but I need you to stay calm.โ€ His voice. So steady. So suddenly articulate.

โ€œWhoย areย you . . . ?โ€ I’m beginning to panic. I want to grab James and run but I can’t. He’s done something to James and even if I knew how to wake him up, I can’t touch him. I want to rip my nails out.ย โ€œWho are you

โ€”โ€

Kenji sighs. โ€œYou’re starving. You’re exhausted. You’re processing shock and a million other emotions right now. Be logical. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe now. Adam is safe. James is safe.โ€

โ€œI want to be with himโ€”I want to see what they’re going to do to him

โ€”โ€

โ€œI can’t let you do that.โ€

โ€œWhat are you going to do to me? Why did you bring me here . . . ?โ€ My eyes are wide, darting in every direction. I’m spinning, stranded in the middle of the ocean of my own imagination and I don’t know how to swim. โ€œWhat do you want from me?โ€

Kenji looks down. Rubs his forehead. Reaches into his pocket. โ€œI really didn’t want to have to do this.โ€

I think I’m screaming.

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