โNO!โ
Unmistakably, it had happened.
She was back in the Midnight Library.
Mrs Elm was at the computer.ย ๎ขe lights wobbled and shook and ๏ฌickered overhead in fast arrhythmic blinks. โNora, stop. Calm down. Be a good girl. I need to sort this out.โ
Dust fell in thin wisps from the ceiling, from cracks ๏ฌssuring and spreading like spider webs woven at unnatural speed.ย ๎ขere was the sound of sudden, active destruction which, in her sad fury, Nora found herself managing to ignore.
โYouโre not Mrs Elm. Mrs Elm is dead . . . Am I dead?โ
โWeโve been through this. But now you mention it, maybe youโre about to be . . .โ
โWhy arenโt I still there? Why arenโt I there? I could sense it was happening but I didnโt want it to. You said that if I found a life I wanted to live in โ that Iย reallyย wanted to live in โ then Iโd stay there. You said Iโd forget about this stupid place. You said I could ๏ฌnd the life I wanted.ย ๎ขat was the life I wanted.ย ๎ขat was the life!โ
Moments ago she had been in the garden with Ash and Nora and Plato, a garden humming with life and love, and now she was here.
โTake me back . . .โ
โYou know it doesnโt work like that.โ
โWell, take me to the closest variation. Give me the closest possible thing to that life. Please, Mrs Elm, it must be possible.ย ๎ขere must be a life where I went for the co๏ฌee with Ash and where we had Molly and Plato, but I . . . I
did something slightly di๏ฌerent. So it was technically another life. Like I chose a di๏ฌerent dog collar for Plato. Or . . . or . . . Or where I โ I donโt know โ where I did Pilates instead of yoga? Or where I went to a di๏ฌerent college at Cambridge? Or if it has to be further back, where it wasnโt co๏ฌee on the date but tea?ย ๎ขat life. Take me to the life where I did that. Come on. Please. Help me out. Iโd like to try one of those lives, please . . .โ
๎ขe computer started to smoke.ย ๎ขe screen went black.ย ๎ขe whole monitor fell to pieces.
โYou donโt understand,โ said Mrs Elm, defeated, as she collapsed back into the o๏ฌce chair.
โBut thatโs what happens, isnโt it? I pick a regret. Something I wished I had done di๏ฌerently . . . And then you ๏ฌnd the book, I open the book, and Iย liveย the book.ย ๎ขatโs how this library works, right?โ
โItโs not that simple.โ
โWhy? Is there a transference problem? You know, like what happened before?โ
Mrs Elm looked at her, sadly. โItโs more than that.ย ๎ขere was always a strong possibility that your old life would end. I told you that, didnโt I? You wanted to die and maybe you would.โ
โYes, but you said I just needed somewhere to go to. โSomewhere to landโ, thatโs what you said. โAnother life.โย ๎ขose exact words. And all I needed to do was think hard enough and choose the right life andโโ
โI know. I know. But it didnโt work out like that.โ
๎ขe ceiling was falling down now, in pieces, as if the plaster was no more stable than the icing of a wedding cake.
Nora noticed something even more distressing. A spark ๏ฌew from one of the lights and landed on a book, which consequently ignited into a glowing burst of ๏ฌre. Pretty soon the ๏ฌre was spreading along the entire shelf, the books burning as rapidly as if they were doused in petrol. A whole stream of hot, raging, roaring amber.ย ๎ขen another spark arced towards a di๏ฌerent shelf and that too set alight. At about the same time a large chunk of dusty ceiling landed by Noraโs feet.
โUnder the table!โ ordered Mrs Elm. โNow!โ
Nora hunched down and followed Mrs Elm โ who was now on all fours โunder the table, where she sat on her knees and was forced, like Mrs Elm, to keep her head down.
โWhy canโt you stop this?โ
โItโs a chain reaction now.ย ๎ขose sparks arenโt random.ย ๎ขe books are going to be destroyed. And then, just as inevitably, the whole place is going to collapse.โ
โWhy? I donโt understand. I was there. I had found the life for me.ย ๎ขe only life for me.ย ๎ขe best one in here . . .โ
โBut thatโs the problem,โ said Mrs Elm, nervously looking out from beneath the wooden legs of the table as more shelves caught on ๏ฌre and as debris fell all around them. โIt still wasnโt enough. Look!โ
โAt what?โ
โAt your watch. Any moment now.โ
So Nora looked, and at ๏ฌrst saw nothing untoward โ but then it was happening.ย ๎ขe watch was suddenly acting like a watch.ย ๎ขe display was starting to move.
00:00:00
00:00:01
00:00:02
โWhatโs happening?โ Nora asked, realising that whatever it was probably wasnโt good.
โTime.ย ๎ขatโs whatโs happening.โ
โHow are we going to leave this place?โ 00:00:09
00:00:10
โWeโreย not,โ said Mrs Elm. โ๎ขereโs noย we. I canโt leave the library. When the library disappears, so do I. But there is a chance that you can get out, though you donโt have long. No more than a minute . . .โ
Nora had just lost one Mrs Elm, she didnโt want to lose this one too. Mrs Elm could see her distress.
โListen. I am part of the library. But this whole library is part of you. Do you understand? You donโt exist because of the library; this library exists because of you. Remember what Hugo said? He told you that this is the simplest way your brain translates the strange and multifarious reality of the universe. So, this is just your brain translating something. Something signi๏ฌcant and dangerous.โ
โI gathered that.โ
โBut one thing is clear: you didnโt want that life.โ
โIt was the perfect life.โ
โDid you feel that? All the time?โ
โYes. I mean . . . I wanted to. I mean, I loved Molly. I might have loved Ash. But I suppose, maybe . . . it wasnโtย myย life. I hadnโt made it by myself. I had walked into this other version of me. I was carbon-copied into the perfect life. But it wasnโt me.โ
00:00:15
โI donโt want to die,โ said Nora, her voice suddenly raised but also fragile.
She was shaking from her very core. โI donโt want to die.โ
Mrs Elm looked at her with wide eyes. Eyes shining with the small ๏ฌame of an idea. โYou need to get out of here.โ
โI canโt!ย ๎ขe library goes on for bloody ever.ย ๎ขe moment I walked in it, the entrance disappeared.โ
โ๎ขen you have to ๏ฌnd it again.โ โHow?ย ๎ขere are no doors.โ
โWho needs a door when you have a book?โ โ๎ขe books are all on ๏ฌre.โ
โ๎ขereโs one that wonโt be.ย ๎ขatโs the one you need to ๏ฌnd.โ โ๎ปe Book of Regrets?โ
Mrs Elm almost laughed. โNo.ย ๎ขat is the last book you need.ย ๎ขat will be ash by now.ย ๎ขat will have been the ๏ฌrst book to burn. You need to go that way!โ She pointed to her le๎, to chaos and ๏ฌre and falling plaster. โItโs the eleventh aisle that way.ย ๎ขird shelf from the bottom.โ
โ๎ขe whole place is going to fall down!โ 00:00:21
00:00:22
00:00:23
โDonโt you get it, Nora?โ โGet what?โ
โIt all makes sense. You came back here this time not because you wanted to die, but because youย want to live.ย ๎ขis library isnโt falling down because it wants to kill you. Itโs falling down because it is giving you a chance to return. Something decisive has ๏ฌnally happened. You have decided you want to be alive. Now go on,ย live, while you still have the chance.โ
โBut . . . what about you? Whatโs going to happen to you?โ
โDonโt worry about me,โ she said. โI promise you. I wonโt feel a thing.โ And then she said what the real Mrs Elm had said when she had hugged Nora back at the school library on the day her dad had died. โ๎ขings will get better, Nora. Itโs going to be all right.โ
Mrs Elm placed a hand above the desk and hastily rummaged for something. A second later she was handing Nora an orange plastic fountain pen.ย ๎ขe kind Nora had owned at school.ย ๎ขe one she had noticed ages ago.
โYouโll need this.โ โWhy?โ
โ๎ขis one isnโt already written. You have to start this.โ Nora took the pen.
โBye, Mrs Elm.โ
A second later, a massive chunk of ceiling slammed onto the table. A thick cloud of plaster dust clouded them, choking them.
00:00:34
00:00:35
โGo,โ coughed Mrs Elm. โLive.โ
