Nico raised his hand to the bull-man. ‘Menoetes, meet Will, Screech-Bling and Hiss-Majesty. Everyone else, this is Menoetes.’
Menoetes grabbed his horns and started jumping up and down in excitement. ‘Oh, the gods definitely answered my prayers today! I’ve been waiting ages for a demigod to show up, and now I actually get Nico di Angelo?’
Will’s jaw dropped open. Nico reached over and gently shut it. The troglodytes, however, didn’t seem fazed at all.
‘Greetings, Menoetes!’ said Screech-Bling proudly. ‘We have not
actually met before, but I am Screech-Bling, the CEO of the troglodytes, at your – SHRIEK – service! And this is my comrade, Hiss-Majesty.’
Hiss-Majesty bowed, doffing their cheese hat with great finesse.
‘Wow, four people who can help me?’ Menoetes clapped his beefy hands. ‘This is the best day of my life.’
‘I’m so lost,’ said Will. ‘Who are you?’
Menoetes flared his bovine nostrils. ‘Menoetes? No? Has Nico told you
nothing of me?’
‘I’ve been … kind of busy?’ said Nico sheepishly. ‘You know, between finding my half-sister down here, and falling into Tartarus, and then all those pesky Roman emperors? You know, all that.’
‘Yes, yes, I did hear such rumblings from Hades,’ Menoetes said. ‘But surely you told your friend here about me at some point!’
Will grimaced and shook his head.
‘Well, I will try not to be mortally offended,’ said Menoetes. Then he offered his hand to Will. ‘I work for Nico’s father. I tend to his cattle and
oversee the farm.’
‘Tell me,’ said Will, taking Menoetes’s hand, ‘what is the farm for?’ Menoetes laughed. ‘Oh, you’re silly. Surely you know –’
Will shook his head again.
Menoetes glared at Nico. ‘Do you not tell him anything?’ ‘Sometimes!’ Nico said. And then he thought, Sometimes I’m afraid to
tell him more.
Menoetes grunted. ‘Well, let me make it easy for you … uh … What’s your name?’
‘Will. Will Solace.’
Menoetes narrowed his eyes. ‘Child of Apollo?’ ‘Yep.’
‘Hmph. Don’t know what you are doing down here, Night Light.’ ‘Hey!’ said Will, scowling.
Menoetes swept his hand to indicate the landscape behind him. ‘All that you see exists so the Underworld can nourish its helpers and keep the machinery moving. There are many living beings who work for Hades,
either in the fields, or in the palace, or in Elysium. They must be fed. Did you think ambrosia and nectar come from nothing?’
‘Of course not,’ said Will. ‘I help manage the infirmary at Camp Half-Blood.’
‘It doesn’t just exist,’ said Menoetes. ‘It is grown. I’m sure your satyrs or dryads up in Camp Half-Blood manage your fields and orchards.’
‘Menoetes has been working for my father since … well, for a very, very long time,’ said Nico. ‘He’s really good with the cattle.’
The bull-man waved off the comment. ‘Oh, stahp,’ he said, and then, in a lower voice, ‘But it’s true. I can show you around if you’d like.’
Nico squirmed. ‘Menoetes, it’s good to see you, but we’re on a quest, so
–’
‘Not a quest! How exciting! Well then, let me lay down the red carpet for
you!’
Nico watched in discomfort as Menoetes sprawled on the ground. ‘Go ahead, O great demigods!’ he said.
‘Please don’t do that,’ said Nico. ‘Do you get it? I’m a red carpet.’ ‘I got that.’
‘Because I’m red.’
Nico sighed. ‘Please stand up, Menoetes.’
The bull-man did, then dusted himself off. ‘The world doesn’t come to a standstill just because you’re demigods.’
‘No one said it did!’ said Nico. ‘We just need to pass through for … uh
…’ He looked down at Screech-Bling. ‘For the shortcut,’ said the troglodyte.
‘The shortcut?’ Menoetes snorted. ‘The shortcut to where?’
Before Nico could reply, Hiss-Majesty blurted out, ‘Oh, they’re going to Tartarus!’ The trog’s eyes glowed with admiration.
‘Tartarus?!’ Menoetes burst into laughter. He doubled over, clutching at his ripped abs. ‘Oh, this is perfect. Thank you so much, my young troglodyte! You’ve given me exactly what I need!’
‘What does that mean?’ asked Will.
Menoetes snapped back to attention. ‘It means I will absolutely tell
Hades that you two are traipsing around his realm without his knowledge. He won’t be too thrilled about that, will he, Nico?’
Nico could feel the sweat breaking out on his forehead. ‘Don’t do that, Menoetes. You can’t.’
‘I can’t?’ Menoetes shrugged. ‘I could call on him right now. Or even write him a letter.’
‘Please! He can’t know –’
‘“Dear Hades, how are you?”’ said Menoetes while he mimed writing. ‘“Hope you’re doing swell. Your cows are lovely, and the nectar reserves
are overflowing this season. By the way, your son brought another demigod into your realm – a child of Apollo, no less! – and they’re totally walking into Tartarus. Yes, that’s right, the place you expressly forbade anyone else to enter. Love you! Signed, your faithful and loyal cattle driver, Menoetes.”’
To cap off the performance, the bull demon pretended to fold up the letter, stuff it in an envelope and seal it with a kiss.
‘Are you done?’ Nico asked.
‘Maybe,’ Menoetes said. ‘Depends on what you’re willing to offer me
not to tell your father.’
Nico tried not to groan. ‘What is it you want this time, Menoetes?’ ‘Me? You’re asking me?’ He feigned surprise. ‘Well, that’s so sweet of
you to think of my needs!’
‘This demon is very dramatic,’ noted Screech-Bling.
‘Every day of every year of the last two thousand, seven hundred years!’ said Menoetes. ‘Get used to it!’
Nico pressed his lips together. ‘Okay, let’s make the usual unfair trade: we complete some inane task for you; you let us pass without interference.’
Menoetes giggled, which was a strange sound coming from a giant bull-headed man. ‘Isn’t that what heroes are for, Nico? You’re always out there pointlessly retrieving items for some misguided moral goal. Why can’t I take advantage of it?’
‘What do you want?’ Nico said sharply.
‘Fruit,’ he said. ‘Specifically, fruit from Persephone’s garden.’
Nico’s heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. ‘You know that’s not possible.’
‘And you know it’s not possible for you to enter Tartarus,’ said
Menoetes. ‘So we’re at an impasse already. Wouldn’t you like to resolve this?’
Screech-Bling folded his arms. ‘You ask too much, bull-man farmer. The troglodytes would never visit Persephone’s garden.’
‘Never,’ agreed Hiss-Majesty. ‘Despite how shiny it is.’
Screech-Bling gazed dreamily into the distance. ‘Yes. So very shiny …’ ‘Hold on,’ said Will. ‘Would someone explain to me why this a big
deal?’
‘Yes, Nico.’ Menoetes’s voice dripped with mock sweetness. ‘Why don’t
you explain it?’
Nico dug his fingernails into his palm. ‘My stepmother’s garden … There’s no place like it in existence. It’s beautiful. And, if I’m being honest, it’s one of my favourite spots.’
‘I’m not hearing the problem,’ Will said. ‘If you know it so well, why can’t we just visit and ask Persephone not to tell her husband?’
‘Because she’s not going to let me take anything from her garden! No one is allowed to do that. It’s full of some of the rarest plants ever. There are bushes of diamonds, Will. Trees with flowering rubies. And I’m pretty sure she’ll know the moment we take something, which means she’ll tell Hades immediately after that. Then we’re toast.’
‘You don’t have many options,’ said Menoetes. ‘You can take the chance and maybe not get caught. Or you can refuse to help me, and you will get
caught.’
‘Why?’ said Nico. ‘Why are you always asking things of others? Do you have a collection of stuff people have retrieved for you?’
‘No!’ said Menoetes, and this time, his offence didn’t seem fake. ‘No, it’s for … Well, I like to share.’
‘Share?’ said Will. ‘With whom?’
‘With my boyfriend!’ he blurted out. ‘Fine, I said it. Are you happy now?’
Nico and Will looked at each other, shocked.
‘Oh, so you have a problem with a male demon being in a relationship with a male giant?’ Menoetes scraped the ground with his human foot, like he was going to charge them.
‘What?’ said Nico. ‘No! It’s just –’
‘I expected better of you, I guess,’ said Menoetes. ‘It seems so –’ ‘Menoetes, calm down,’ Nico interrupted. ‘I’m gay.’
‘And I’m bisexual.’ Will pointed to Nico. ‘He’s literally my boyfriend.’ ‘Oh,’ said Menoetes. ‘Well … sorry. I get a little defensive sometimes.’ ‘That’s okay,’ said Will. ‘But back up the Boyfriend Train a second. You
said … a giant?’
‘Yes,’ said Menoetes proudly, puffing up his chest. ‘Although he’s not a giant giant, mind you. He’s more my size. His name is Geryon, and we’ve been going steady for a while now.’
Nico immediately started coughing so hard that Will pounded his palm on Nico’s back.
‘GERYON?!’ Nico demanded. ‘Black hair? Tiny little moustache? Three bodies?’
‘That’s him,’ said Menoetes dreamily. ‘You know him?’
‘He tied me and my friends up! He tried to kill Percy Jackson!’ ‘That was his old life!’ claimed Menoetes. ‘Ever since the Doors of
Death were closed … well, he’s been different.’
‘Different how?’ demanded Nico. ‘Because he was awful! He helped Kronos. All he cared about was money!’
‘And now he doesn’t,’ said Menoetes. ‘Which is why I want to give him something nice. He doesn’t have anything any more. He lost his ranch business. He started re-evaluating his life, and I’m so proud of his growth! If I can get him just one pretty thing … Well, gift-giving is my love language,’ he said bashfully. ‘But I never have a chance to find gifts. I’m
always working here.’
Will nodded. ‘That … actually sounds really sweet.’
‘Sweet?’ Nico scoffed. ‘You didn’t meet Geryon. You don’t know what he’s like.’
‘Was like,’ said Menoetes. ‘Was. Because now you don’t know what he is
like.’
Nico was left speechless.
‘Maybe we should give him a chance,’ said Will. ‘We both know people who were once terrible and then turned things around. Like Ethan. Or Luke.’
When he put it that way, Nico had to concede the point. And wasn’t that the whole purpose behind this quest, after all? They were rescuing someone who had dared to be different.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Menoetes, we’ll find a way to get you that fruit, as long as you promise to let us pass afterwards.’
Menoetes put his hand on his red chest. ‘I swear on the Styx.’ ‘That’s good enough for me,’ said Will.
‘Me, too,’ Nico decided.
A flurry of hissing and clicking passed between Screech-Bling and Hiss-Majesty.
‘We cannot go with you, demigods,’ Screech-Bling announced. ‘It is too dangerous, even for brave troglodytes. If we were caught, our whole people might face the wrath of Hades!’
‘Shiny though the garden may be …’ Hiss-Majesty added dreamily.
‘I understand,’ Nico said. ‘You’ve done plenty already. It’ll be difficult enough for just two of us to sneak into the garden.’
‘Which brings me to another question,’ Will said, his legs wobbling. ‘Isn’t Persephone’s garden next to Hades’s palace? Do we have to walk all the way back there?’
‘Stop fretting and follow me,’ said Menoetes. ‘I have a solution.’
The bull-man led the group down the hill, through pastures filled with black cattle that seemed utterly uninterested in them. Nico tried to dampen his racing thoughts, but he was drowning in worries about how to avoid his father’s detection – and Persephone’s.
As they passed through the orchards, Menoetes patted one of the
enormous, thick-trunked trees. ‘Have any of you ever had nectar straight from the source?’
Will stared at one of the spirits, who was sticking a spigot into a trunk. ‘Is that what these ghosts are harvesting?’
‘They’re souls, first of all,’ said Menoetes. ‘Sometimes souls in the Fields of Punishment want to work off the horrible things they did in the mortal world, so Hades allows them to come here. Which is perfect for me, since handling too much nectar at once is toxic.’
‘Wow,’ said Nico. ‘I knew about your cattle, but I guess I never asked Father what else you did on this farm.’
Will nodded. ‘How did no one at Camp Half-Blood ever teach us about this?’
‘A lot of gods and demigods just take it for granted,’ said Menoetes. ‘Nectar and ambrosia are so plentiful that most folks don’t ask where they come from.’
‘I think we should have a conversation with Chiron when we get back,’ said Will.
That warmed Nico’s heart.
To their left, spirit workers were pulling ambrosia chunks from the ground like giant tubers and piling them in wheelbarrows. Menoetes waved at them as he brought the group to a hitching post where half a dozen
smoky jet-black donkeys were tied up.
‘Donkeys?’ said Nico. ‘Aren’t they pretty slow?’ Menoetes laughed. ‘You could walk instead.’
‘Donkeys sound great,’ said Will quickly. ‘Please, Nico.’
Nico noticed the dark circles under Will’s eyes. He looked exhausted. It was the reminder he needed that he couldn’t ask too much of Will in a place like this. It wouldn’t be fair.
‘Demonic donkeys it is,’ said Nico.
Menoetes threw saddles on two of the donkeys and then stepped aside. ‘This is how we deliver ambrosia and nectar to the mortal world. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no better way to travel.’
Will narrowed his eyes. ‘You mean these things deliver all our nectar and ambrosia?’
‘No,’ admitted the bull-demon. ‘Like I said before, I’m pretty sure the dryads manage the grove at Camp Half-Blood. But there are many
customers who require it elsewhere, and this is where it comes from.’
With a little help from Nico, Will climbed onto the back of a donkey, and then Nico leaped up onto his.
‘I’m still not sure about this,’ he said. ‘My father is … well, he’s very perceptive. I don’t know how we’re going to avoid his notice.’
‘You’re creative,’ said Menoetes. ‘You know your father and the palace grounds.’
‘If anyone can do this, it’s you,’ said Will. His eyes sparkled with that very Will-like sincerity that Nico loved. He was constantly amazed how powerful it felt to have someone by his side who believed in him.
Nico thought for a moment. ‘We’ll have to approach from the north.
There’s hardly ever any activity on that side of Erebos, so the walls aren’t well maintained. If we can find a break in the defences, we could ride right up to my father’s palace.’
Menoetes nodded. ‘An excellent idea.’
‘Then if we can sneak into the garden … Hmmm. I have an idea for the perfect fruit.’
‘Don’t tell me!’ Menoetes cupped his hands over his ears. ‘It must be a surprise!’
Nico put up his palms. ‘Okay, okay!’ ‘We’re just happy to help you,’ said Will.
Nico still wasn’t sure about that, but they had to do it if they were going to reach Tartarus before it was too late – for Bob, but also for Will.
Menoetes laid his hands on the heads of the respective donkeys, then murmured something to them in ancient Greek. When he was done, he stepped aside.
‘They’ll bring you right back when you’re done.’ The bull-man turned and regarded the troglodytes. ‘As for you, my small friends, you are
welcome to stay with me while you wait.’
Screech-Bling’s eyes gleamed. ‘We shall do so. We have much to learn from one another.’
‘Perhaps a trade could be arranged,’ Hiss-Majesty added. ‘The lizards
and grubs in your farmlands, in exchange for –’ they touched their cheese-wedge hat – ‘fashionable haberdashery?’
Menoetes fluttered his long bull eyelashes. ‘Oh, that would be amazing!’
Before Nico could even process the idea of Menoetes wearing a stack of trog hats, their donkeys rocketed forward. Will let loose a scream of both terror and joy. As he clung to his donkey’s neck, he repeated the same phrase over and over: ‘OHMYGODSOHMYGODSOHMYGODS.’
And the two of them zipped over the land of the dead on the backs of demonic donkeys.
