Allysa drops onto the couch beside me and Rylee. โI miss you so much, Lily,โ she says. โIโm thinking about coming back to work a day or two a week.โ
I laugh, a little shocked by her comment. โI live downstairs and I visit almost every day. How can you possibly miss me?โ
She pouts as she pulls her legs up beneath her. โFine, itโs not you I miss. I miss work. And sometimes I just want out of this house.โ
Itโs been six weeks since she had Rylee, so Iโm sure she would be cleared to come back to work. But I honestly didnโt think sheโd even want to come back now that she has Rylee. I bend forward and give Rylee a kiss on her nose. โWould you bring Rylee with you?โ
Allysa shakes her head. โNo, you keep me too busy for that.
Marshall can watch her while I work.โ
โYou mean you donโt haveย peopleย for that?โ
Marshall is passing through the living room when he hears me say that. โShush, Lily. Donโt speak like a rich girl in front of my daughter. Blasphemy.โ
I laugh. Thatโs why I come over here a few nights a week, because itโs the only time I laugh. Itโs been six weeks since Ryle left for England, and no one knows what happened between us. Ryle hasnโt told anyone, and neither have I. Everyone, my mother included, believes he simply left for the study at Cambridge and that nothing has changed between us.
I also still havenโt told anyone about the pregnancy.
Iโve been to the doctor twice. It turns out I was already twelve weeks along the night I found out I was pregnant, which makes me eighteen weeks along now. Iโm still trying to wrap my head around it. Iโve been on the pill since I was eighteen. Apparently being forgetful a few times caught up with me.
Iโm beginning to show, but itโs cold out so itโs been easy to hide. No one suspects a thing when you have on a baggy sweater and a jacket.
I know I need to tell someone soon, but I feel like Ryle should be the ๏ฌrst one I tell, and I donโt want to do that over a long-distance phone conversation. Heโll be back in six weeks. If I can somehow keep things quiet until then, Iโll decide where to go from there.
I look down at Rylee and sheโs smiling up at me. I make silly faces at her to make her smile more. There have been so many times Iโve wanted to tell Allysa about the pregnancy, but it makes it hard when the secret Iโm keeping is being kept from her own brother. I donโt want to put her in that kind of situation, no matter how much it kills me that I canโt talk to her about it.
โHow are you holding up without Ryle?โ Allysa asks. โYou ready for him to come home?โ
I nod, but I donโt say anything. I always try to brush off the subject when she brings him up.
Allysa leans back into the couch and says, โIs he still liking Cambridge?โ
โYes,โ I say, sticking my tongue out at Rylee. She grins. I wonder if my baby will look like her. I hope so. Sheโs really cute, but I might be a little partial.
โDid he ever ๏ฌgure out the subway system there?โ Allysa laughs. โI swear, every time I talk to him, heโs lost. He canโt ๏ฌgure out whether to take the A-line or the B-line.โ
โYeah,โ I tell her. โHe ๏ฌgured it out.โ Allysa sits up on the couch. โMarshall!โ
Marshall walks into the living room and Allysa pulls Rylee out of my hands. She hands her to Marshall and says, โWill you change her diaper?โ
I donโt know why she asks him that. I just changed her diaper.
Marshall scrunches up his nose and lifts Rylee out of Allysaโs arms. โAre you a stinky girl?โ
Theyโre wearing matching onesies.
Allysa grabs my hands and yanks me off the couch so fast, I squeal.
โWhere are we going?โ
She doesnโt answer me. She marches toward her bedroom and then slams the door once weโre both inside. She paces back and forth a few times and then she stops and faces me.
โYou better tell me what the hell is going on right now, Lily!โ I pull back in shock.ย What is she talking about?
My hands instantly go to my stomach, because I think maybe
sheโs noticed, but she doesnโt look at my stomach. She takes a step forward and pokes a ๏ฌnger in my chest. โThereย isย no subway system in Cambridge, England, you idiot!โ
โWhat?โ I am so confused.
โI made that up!โ she says. โSomething hasnโt been right with you for a long time. Youโre my best friend, Lily. And I know my brother. I talk to him every week, and he isnโt the same. Something happened between you two, and I want to know what it is right now!โ
Shit. I guess this is happening sooner rather than later.
I slowly bring my hands up to my mouth, not sure what to tell her. Howย muchย to tell her. I had no idea until this moment how much itโs been killing me that I havenโt been able to talk to her about this. I almost feel a little relieved that she reads me so well.
I walk to her bed and take a seat on it. โAllysa,โ I whisper. โSit down.โ
I know this is going to hurt her almost as much as it hurt me. She walks over to her bed and sits down next to me, pulling my hands to hers.
โI donโt even know where to start.โ
She squeezes my hands, but says nothing. For the next ๏ฌfteen minutes, I tell her everything. I tell her about the ๏ฌght. I tell her about Atlas picking me up. I tell her about the hospital. I tell her about the pregnancy.
I tell her about how, for the last six weeks, I cry myself to sleep every night because I have never felt so alone and so scared.
When Iโm ๏ฌnished telling her everything, weโre both crying. She hasnโt responded to what Iโve told her with anything other than the occasionalย โOh, Lily.โ
She doesnโt have to respond, though. Ryle is her brother. I know she wants me to take his past into consideration just like the last time it happened. I know sheโll want me to work things out with
him because heโs her brother. Weโre supposed to be one big, happy family. I know exactly what sheโs thinking.
Sheโs quiet for a long time as she struggles through everything Iโve told her. She ๏ฌnally lifts her eyes to mine and squeezes my hands. โMy brotherย lovesย you, Lily. He loves you so much. You have changed his entire life and have made him someone that I never thought he could be. As his sister, I wish more than anything that you could ๏ฌnd a way to forgive him. But as your best friend, I have to tell you that if you take him back, I will never speak to you again.โ
It takes a moment for her words to register, but when they do, I start sobbing.
Sheย starts sobbing.
She wraps her arms around me and we cry over the mutual love we have for Ryle. We cry over how much we hate him right now.
After several minutes of us sobbing pathetically on her bed, she releases me and walks over to her dresser to retrieve a box of tissues.
Weโre both wiping our eyes and snif๏ฌing when I say, โYouโre the best friend Iโve ever had.โ
She nods. โI know. And now Iโm gonna be the best aunt.โ She wipes her nose and snif๏ฌes again, but sheโs smiling. โLily. Youโre having aย baby.โ She says it with excitement, and itโs the ๏ฌrst moment Iโve been able to share any sense of joy over my pregnancy. โI hate to say it, but I noticed you put on weight. I thought you were just depressed and eating a lot since Ryle left.โ
She walks to the back of her closet and starts pulling things out for me. โI have so many maternity clothes to give you.โ
We start going through clothes and she pulls down a suitcase and opens it. She begins to throw things toward the suitcase until it starts to over๏ฌow.
โI could never wear these,โ I tell her, holding up a shirt that still has the tag on it. โTheyโre all designer. Iโll get them dirty.โ
She laughs and shoves them into the suitcase anyway. โI wonโt need them back. If I get pregnant again, Iโll just have my people buy me more.โ She pulls a shirt off a hanger and hands it to me. โHere, try this one on.โ
I take my shirt off and then pull the maternity shirt over my head. When I get it into place, I look in the mirror.
I look . . . pregnant. Likeย you-canโt-hide-this-shitย pregnant.
She puts a hand on my stomach and stares in the mirror with me. โHave you found out if itโs a boy or a girl?โ
I shake my head. โI donโt really want to know.โ
โI hope itโs a girl,โ she says. โOur daughters can be besties.โ โLily?โ
We both spin around to ๏ฌnd Marshall standing in the doorway. His eyes are on my stomach. On Allysaโsย handย still on my stomach. He tilts his head. He points at me.
โYou . . .โ he says, confused. โLily, thereโs a . . . do you realize youโre pregnant?โ
Allysa calmly walks to the door and puts her hand on the doorknob. โThere are some things you are never, ever to repeat if you want to keep me as your wife. This is one of those things. Understood?โ
Marshall raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. โYes. Okay. Got it. Lily is not pregnant.โ He kisses Allysa on the forehead and looks back at me. โI am not telling you congratulations, Lily. For absolutely nothing.โ Allysa shoves him all the way out the door and closes it, then turns back to me.
โWe need to plan a baby shower,โ she says. โNo. I need to tell Ryle ๏ฌrst.โ
She waves her hand dismissively. โWe donโt need him to plan a shower. Weโll just keep it between the two of us until then.โ
She pulls out her laptop, and for the ๏ฌrst time since I found out I was pregnant, I feel happy about it.
