18
MEGAN
I wake up with my nose pressed against Cashol’s warm, broad chest, and my feet tucked between
his thighs, his tail locked around one ankle. I’m cramped and his weight is resting on one of my
hands, but I still feel more refreshed after sleeping next to him than I have in weeks. I sit up slowly, uncurling myself from our heap of furs and trying not to wake him up. It’s early, judging by the sounds in the main cave, and that means I can get a jump start on the day. I need more leather cords for my belts, so that means cutting leather strips and tying them together, and that means digging through storage and—
Cashol makes a soft sound and drags me back into bed next to him. “Come back.”
“I should get up,” I protest, smiling as he wraps his big body around me, trapping me against his chest.
He’s enormous, this man, and he makes me feel positively puny next to him.
“But why?” He holds me against him and I wish he would kiss my neck, or rub that morning wood he’s sporting against my backside, but he doesn’t. He just cuddles me.
“Because there’s a lot to get done.” My mind is on fire with belts, really. Cashol brought a pack with him yesterday, but he mostly used it like I would a purse—it held knives, and cords, and he constantly pulled it out looking for items. I think I can make him a belt and sew small pouches on it to organize his things, and perhaps another belt to cross over his shoulder. They would need additional loops for things like rope, but I bet I can make it work and make it easier to access.
And I’ll get started…just as soon as Cashol lets me go.
He only snuggles me closer to his chest.
“The fire’s out,” I cajole. “Don’t you want me to practice my fire-making skills?”
He groans and opens one eye to squint at me. “Why did I mate to a female who is up first thing in the morning?”
“You’re just lucky,” I tease, prying his tail off my ankle. “And you know I’m right.”
Cashol sits up as I get out of bed and head for the cave’s version of a bathroom. I wash up afterward, shivering at the cold water, and then sit down by the fire to make it myself. Normally we stir the coals, leaving a large chunk of fuel burning in the center so it won’t be completely dead by morning, or I grab a coal from the main fire and transport it to my hearth using a hollowed out animal horn. Today, though, I want to learn. Cashol gets dressed, yawning as he sits beside me, and then walks me through how to make a fire. I use the bow he hands me, but try as I might, I can’t get enough power going to produce a spark.
“Give it time,” he tells me as he sees my frustration. “No one learns in a day.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I must go and check my trap lines, but I will return quickly and then we will spend the rest of the
day together, yes?”
“If you want to.”
“Oh, I want to.” He grins at me. “We are going to have a day of laziness.”
Yeah, sure.
T , C . I’ meal to be prepped when he strolls back in with several fat carcasses and hands them off to the elders to go in the day’s stew.
“You’re back,” I say with surprise as he comes over to my side. I’m sitting not too far away from the main fire, only half-listening in on the conversation as Kemli and Sevvah discuss the best way to dry a certain type of needle-leaf. I have the pieces for Cashol’s new belt spread out in front of me, and I pause in my work when he presses a happy kiss atop my head. “Why are you back so fast?”
“It is because he has a pretty mate to return to,” Kemli teases us, turning to give Cashol a knowing look. “It makes his feet speed over the snow.”
Cashol just leans in close and whispers in my ear. “I move faster by myself.”
“Because you didn’t have to drag me along?” I feel guilty that I made the effort so much harder for him yesterday, and then made it even worse by crying.
He shakes his head, his hair tickling my face as he leans over me. “Because I ran most of the way.”
I snort-giggle with amusement as he gives me a cheeky look.
Cashol plucks the leather strips out of my hands and ignores the protest I make. “You have been working too hard. For the rest of the afternoon, it shall be a day of laziness.”
“Oh, I don’t know…” I glance over at the women, wondering if we’re going to be judged. Sevvah just rolls her eyes at Cashol and goes back to talking to Kemli. Neither one looks all that concerned with the thought of
me having a “day of laziness.” “Are you sure?”
“I am sure,” Cashol says, gathering up the leather strips and loops and tossing them into a pile. “I am going to relax, and you are going to keep me company.” He gestures at the bathing pool in the center of the cavern.
“And we are going to start in there.”
“Mmmhmm.” As he grabs the pile of leather pieces, several of them drop to the ground. I scoop them up and follow after him as he heads to our cave. “It sounds to me like someone’s making excuses so I’ll wash his
back for him.”
“And my front,” he adds cheerfully.
I laugh. “Can’t do just one side, I guess. I’d hate for your dirt to be uneven.”
“It is true. I am very, very dirty.” Cashol gives me an arch look that makes me burst into a fit of giggles. It’s clear he’s just talking about general dirt, and I’m taking it to a filthy, sexual place, but it’s so damn funny to hear. He just makes me laugh, and I love it. Being around him makes my heart feel so much lighter, and I already feel better. I spare one last glance at the elders to see if they’re judging us, but no one seems to have noticed. Maybe they really don’t care. Maybe I can just relax and not worry about fitting in.
We drop our things off back to our cave, and I’m a little surprised when Cashol immediately strips and saunters out to the bathing pool, buck-ass naked. He is clearly not shy. I undress but keep a fur wrapped around me as I head toward the bathing pool, and drop it at the side. I’m not entirely used to the nudity. Not quite yet.
Nora and Josie are already bathing, and I smile awkwardly at them as my big, naked mate hops into the pool and accidentally splashes them. “Hey, watch it,” Nora says. “I’m trying not to get my hair wet.” Her highlights are growing out, revealing ash-brown roots, and she’s got a carved stick poked through a bun of hair to keep it dry. “So how’s the newlyweds?”
“Great,” I say, and poke Cashol in the side before he can contradict me. I beam at both of them. “Where’s Dagesh today?”
Nora gives a great, gusty sigh and sinks lower into the water. “Hunting with Harrec and Warrek. He won’t be back for a week or so. They’re replenishing one of the caches near the Ancestors’ Cave.” She makes a moue of displeasure. “I miss him already.”
Cashol makes an unhappy sound. “They left already? And took Warrek with them?”
“Yeah, Dagesh figured that you wouldn’t be up for leaving your mate for so long just yet.” She shrugs. “It’s no big deal. I think Warrek was thrilled to be invited.”
“And Farli’s thrilled that she doesn’t have to have lessons while he’s gone.” Josie grins. “She’s supposed to join us but she went to the storage cave for more soap-berries and hasn’t come back yet.”
I glance over at Cashol, and he’s got a troubled look on his face. It’s clear that not going on the hunt is bothering him, and I fight down a surge of panic. I’m glad he didn’t go. The thought of him leaving my side for that long makes me utterly panicky. I can deal with a few hours, but a week? I’m not ready. Before Cashol can speak up, I grab him by the shoulders and push down, trying to dunk him in the deep pool. He goes under, the water bubbling with his breath, and Josie erupts into a fit of laughter.
A moment later, his tail locks around my foot, and before I can celebrate my “win,” I’m pulled under, too.
Sputtering, I find my way back to the surface and Cashol pulls me into his arms, nipping at my jaw. “That was naughty of you.”
I grab his chin and slide my arm around his shoulders, floating next to him in the water. “I don’t want you volunteering to go on a long hunt,” I whisper, keeping my voice low enough so the others don’t hear. “You have to stay with me.”
He nods, sensing my unease. “I will not leave your side, do not worry.”
Relieved, I sink into his arms. “Maybe you don’t dunk me, either.”
“Maybe you do not dunk me,” he counters.
“Oh my god, enough with the flirting,” Nora says, splashing a small wave over at us. “You’re making me miss my man.”
“Sorry.” The water’s like a hot tub, and I can blame my blush on that, I hope. I glance over at Josie and she’s smiling at us, but there’s a wistful expression on her face. I know how it feels to want this so badly.
There’s not many left that haven’t resonated, and it’s hard to not feel like a reject when there’s so many single guys and your khui doesn’t speak up. I make a mental note to try and spend some time with my friend tomorrow, so she feels included.
“Look what I found!” Farli comes racing out of one of the storage caves, a basketball-sized not-potato in her skinny arms. She’s completely naked, too, her long hair pulled back into twin braids that run alongside her curving horns. “Look!”
“Uh, we’re not washing with that, baby girl,” Nora comments. “That’s a vegetable.”
“Not that, ding-dong,” Josie says, and points. “It’s got a big bite taken out of it.”
Farli nods at Josie, turning the root so we can all see. Sure enough, the white meat of the not-potato root is exposed, and it looks as if a big chunk was gnawed out of it.
“Yuck.” Nora wrinkles her nose.
“Did someone take a bite and put it back?” Farli asks, juggling it in her arms.
I laugh at the suggestion. “Oh sure.”
The girl turns wide eyes to me. “Really?”
“Oh yeah, it was me. I tasted that one and decided it was no good, and put it back. You have to taste all of the roots to decide which ones are the best,” I tease. “I thought everyone knew that.”
Nora shakes her head at me, laughing, as Farli’s eyes grow even wider.
Josie moves to the lip of the pool, gesturing at Farli. “You should probably throw that out. No one’s going to
want to eat it.”
Farli looks over at me uncertainly.
“I’m teasing,” I say, feeling a little bad at the joke. “I don’t even like not-potato when it’s raw.”
“Did you find berries?” Josie asks Farli.
“I did!” She dumps the chewed-on root by the pool and then races back to the caves again. “Be right back!”
Josie sighs, grinning. “She’s just the cutest kid.”
“Bah. You are both close to the same age,” Cashol says, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around my waist.
“We are not!” Josie says, outraged. She splashes toward us. “At least I’m not the one eating all the damn food in storage.”
“My mate does have an uncontrollable appetite,” Cashol says solemnly. “I must hunt and hunt to feed her belly.”
“Oh, are we talking about food?” Nora teases, the minx. “I thought we were going on about different insatiable appetites.”
Josie immediately puts her fingers in her ears. “La la la, I can’t hear you.”
Nora cackles with delight, and I sink lower into the water, trying to hide my laughter. Nora’s fun. She makes no bones about who she is. She absolutely hated being here until she took one look at Dagesh, and then she decided she loved this place. Every knows the two of them are very enthusiastic and noisy in the furs.
Everyone. And Nora doesn’t care. She’s happy and she’s in love, and she doesn’t give a fig what anyone else thinks.
God, I wish I was like her. I wish I didn’t have this gnawing fear in my belly that I’m not going to be enough for any of these people.
Farli returns with a large soap-berry pouch and sets it down on the ledge between Nora and Josie, and then gets into the water next to them. Cashol holds onto me, dragging me through the water over to the
berries and grabs a handful.
“What are you doing?” I ask him.
“I am going to wash my mate,” he says proudly.
“Oh my god, that’s so cute,” Josie squeals. “I’m so happy for you guys.” She says it to both of us, but she looks at me.
If only she knew how fucked up we are. But then again…are we? Because Cashol’s been plenty flirty since we had that talk in the hunter cave yesterday. He went down on me and made me come, and wanted nothing in return except to hold me. I slept so good last night, snuggled in his arms. And today he’s back from hunting early so he can lounge in the pool with me and wash my hair. I have to admit, I’m eating up all the attention I’m being showered with. I know I’m a needy sort in a relationship, but I’ve never had anyone feed my neediness.
I’ve never had anyone be as into me as I am to them.
I don’t want to get my hopes up with Cashol.
But my new mate cheerfully smashes berries onto my “flat, hornless head” and then leans in to nip at my
ear, and I think about what he said.
When you are ready, I will be here.
No one’s ever been there for me before…but I’m starting to believe him.
