17
CASHOL
W e return to the cave that night, and even though it is dark by the time we make it back to our
cave and Meh-gan is shivering from the cold, I decide it has been a good day. We have talked
through some of our problems, and Meh-ganโs smile is lighter. She holds my hand as we return, and her laughter is bright and bubbling as we trek back.
My tongue still has the memory of her taste on it.
So yes, all in all, a very good day.
I offer to turn the hopper over to Sevvah, but Meh-gan has recovered from her earlier distress. โMaybe I canโt kill things, but I can at least clean and cook,โ she offers to me. โAnd thereโs no sense in wasting a perfectly good hopper.โ
Truly, she is stronger than she thinks. Not all who contribute to the tribe hunt. It is not necessary as long as we have plenty of hunters to bring in enough for everyone. And with me as her mate, Meh-gan needs to never hunt for herself. But I hold those words back, because Meh-gan wants to learn to be self-sufficient, so I will show her other things she can do.
Our cave is cold from the fire being out all day, so I show Meh-gan how I build a fire. I take my time to demonstrate each step, trying not to notice just how near she leans, or how good she smells. I pay attention to the fire itself, not the curve of her pretty mouth or the teat that presses up against my arm as she leans in to see.
Slow, I remind myself. We are going slow.
This afternoon was a wonderful treat, but if Meh-gan does not wish for me to touch her again, I must honor her wishes. As Vektal said, she needs time, and todayโs crying storm proves that she is upset and scared, despite the smiles she wears on her face. The memory of her anguish makes my cock deflate, and I am able to concentrate on the task at hand. โTomorrow,โ I tell her, โyou will practice more with the fire.โ
Her broad smile, bright and reaching her eyes, is all of the thanks I need.
As I hang her fur wraps in the cave to dry off, Meh-gan skins the hopper and cuts the meat into strips. She is getting much better at that, I realize, and it reminds me of just how much she has pushed herself since she and the other females arrived. My mate works until she is falling asleep, and that cannot help but add to her stress. It will make her tiredโnot just in the body, but in the mind.
It is a good thing she has me to distract her.
Once the furs are hung, I watch as she cleans her hands in a bowl of icy water. I slide in next to her by the fire, tempted to grab one of her cold feet and rub it again, when she gestures at the food spread out on a bone platter.
โYou are not going to burn it?โ I ask her.
Meh-ganโs mouth twitches with amusement. โItโs called โcookingโ and no, Iโm not. Raw isnโt too bad. Iโm getting more and more used to it.โ
I wonder if this is another thing that she is determined to do in order to be more like the rest of the sa-khui tribe. I do not say so. Instead, I pick up the platter and hold out a cube of meat. โEat.โ
Her brows draw together and she laughs. โWhat, youโre going to feed me?โ
โYes, I am.โ
She laughs, shaking her head as if this is the silliest thing ever. I do not careโI like the idea of feeding my mate and I want to do so. I hold the bit of meat out to her and wait, and with another little laugh, she leans forward and takes the morsel into her mouth. Her lips brush over my fingers, and then she leans back, chewing, a smile on her face as her fingertips go to her mouth.
All the blood in my body surges to my cock. Perhaps I should not be feeding her, because now I am thinking about her mouth on my cock, her mouth on my skin, and the night of our resonance when we mated so many times that I lost count. I watch her, hungry with need, as she takes a sip of water from her waterskin and then settles in, moving a little closer to me. โItโs good. Arenโt you going to eat?โ
โAfter you,โ I manage, and I am relieved that I sound normal enough. I offer her another bite, hoping for her lips to touch my fingertips again and sad when they do not.
We talk a little about the weather, and of silly nothings, and she eats from my fingertips, and I am entranced by how delicate she is, how fragile. Why did I take her hunting? Leezh goes with Raahosh, but most of the females stay near the cave, and I can see why. It was difficult for her to keep up with me through the snow, her short legs and small feet unable to power through as I do. When I warmed her feet, they felt like ice, and I made her cry because she felt she was unable to keep up. That she was disappointing me.
I am ashamed that I made her feel as if she was not worthwhile. Nothing has made me happier than Meh-
ganโs smiles.
Well, perhaps her touch.
โIโm sorry about earlier,โ she mentions quietly.
I lick the blood off my fingertips, and I see Meh-ganโs gaze follow my mouth. โSorry about what?โ
โAbout crying. Having a nervous breakdown. All that.โ She manages a wobbly smile. โIt wasnโt the hunting or you or anything. It was justโฆeverything has been getting to me, I think.โ
โI said nothing.โ
โNo, but you got quiet, and I could tell what you were thinking. You have a super-obvious face.โ She smiles to take the sting out of her words. โI bet youโre a terrible liar.โ
โI am not.โ
โSee, right there, you just proved it.โ She grabs a piece of meat from the tray and holds it up to my mouth, and my heart warms. I take the bit, letting my teeth brush against her fingertips, and she lets out a little squeal of delight when I do. โDonโt bite me!โ
โI thought you liked it when I bit you.โ
Meh-gan laughs, and as I chew, she puts her hand to my cheeks and makes a silly face. โAre you flirting with me? You bad boy. Iโm trying to have a moment with you.โ
โI like this moment,โ I tell her, smiling even as I chew. โI like this moment a lot.โ
Her laughter dies and she gives me a shy smile. โI do, too.โ
W ๎๎ ๎๎ ๎๎ ๎ ๎๎ ๎๎ ๎๎ ๎ ๎๎๎๎ ๎๎๎๎ ๎๎๎๎๎๎๎ ๎๎ ๎๎๎ ๎ ๎๎ . M ๎-๎๎๎ ๎๎๎๎๎ ๎๎ ๎๎ ๎ ๎ ๎ ๎๎ and tells me stories of her world that seem ridiculous. How people would keep animals as โpetsโ and let them live with them, and even sleep under the furs with them. She had something called a โdoghโ once and tells me she was a โhors-gurlโ when she was little. She tells me the food in their world comes from small, square containers in a cave, or that she would walk up to a cave and people would hand her a meal in exchange for valuable round disks she calls โmah-nee.โ
It sounds ridiculous. Why would anyone hunt all day for food and then hand it over to a stranger for disks?
But she promises it is so, so I must believe her.
Meh-gan keeps her fingers busy, weaving one of her belts as she talks, but her movements are slower tonight, as if all of her is tired. Her eyelids grow heavy and she yawns through our conversation until I take the leatherwork from her and shake my head. โYou are tired. Go to sleep.โ
โIโฆwanted to getโฆfinished tonightโฆโ she protests, trying to take it from my hands.
โIt will be there tomorrow.โ I put it aside. โGo to sleep. There is no point in tiring yourself over a project.โ
โSupposed to start a new oneโฆtomorrowโฆโ Meh-gan yawns again and gives up. She retreats to the bed and curls up in the furs. โYou coming?โ
โI will sleep over here,โ I say, gesturing at my own pitiful nest of furs. โIt will be easier.โ
She makes a face at my decision, but says nothing else, and within moments, she is asleep. I watch her sleep for a while, poking at the fire, and protective feelings for Meh-gan overwhelm me.
I had no idea she was trying to be so strong. That she was so determined to be thought of as useful that she was fretting over it. That is why she criedโit wasnโt the hopper but her frustration with her own inability to be what she thinks I need her to be.
She does not understand. All I need her to be is Meh-gan. My beautiful Meh-gan with the sharp, sly tongue who laughs at me when I push too hard and looks at me with a welcome smile. I understand her fears, though.
Did I not feel alone when my father died and I realized I had no one left? No family cave to return to? It was not until I moved in with the other hunters that I felt as if I belonged again.
All I can do is make Meh-gan feel welcome and safe. She must learn the rest on her own.
I add the leftover bits of meat to a drying rack and then settle into my furs to sleep, my thoughts on my troubled mate and how I can make her smile. Hunting is not the way. I need to find things around the cave that will make her feel useful and happy.
A whimper stirs me before I can drift to sleep.
I sit up, immediately looking over at my mate.
Meh-gan tosses and turns in her sleep, a frown on her face. She whimpers again, curling into a tight ball.
โNo,โ she mutters. โNo. No.โ
โMeh-gan,โ I whisper. โYou are dreaming.โ
โNo,โ she says again, and the sound is heartbroken. โOh, noโโ
I reach over and touch her shoulder.
Meh-gan gasps and jerks awake, clutching at my arm. Her eyes are wide with fear and she is sweating.
She gulps, blinking rapidly, and I can tell she is terrified.
โIt was a dream,โ I tell her. โJust a dream.โ
Her face crumples. โRight. Sure. A dream.โ
โA bad one?โ I ask.
โWasnโt good.โ Her eyes fill with tears and she sniffs, then takes a deep, shuddery breath. โIt was about the aliens.โ
The ones that stole her. I touch her cheek. โYou are safe from them. I will not let anyone hurt you.โ
โThank you,โ she whispers, and when I pull away, her hands linger on my arm, as if she does not wish to
let me go. โSorry to wake you up.โ
โYou must truly stop apologizing.โ
โI will. Someday.โ She manages a weak smile and then tugs the blankets closer to her. She looks small and very alone in the furs, and I can tell she is unsettled by her dream.
Perhaps I will regret this decision in the morning, but I do not have the heart to be cruel now. โWould you like to come and sleep beside me?โ
She hesitates. โIs it going to bother you?โ
โNo.โ Her fear bothers me more.
Meh-gan gives me a brilliant, shy smile, and then grabs her blankets and drags them over to my nest. I add her furs to the warm pile and then lift one corner, indicating she should crawl in next to me. She does, and immediately tucks herself against me, her back to my front, her bottom fitting perfectly against my cock. She takes my arm and wraps it around her waist, as if she needs desperately to be held, and I slide my other around her, too, cradling her against me.
She lets out a little sigh that sounds so very content.
I hold her close, breathing in her scent, and notice that she settles in right away. Her eyes close and she falls asleep before I can even tease her about how cold her feet are as she presses them against my bare legs.
My cock does ache with her nearness, but not as much as my heart. Perhaps this is another way I am going about things all wrong. Perhaps Meh-gan needs to be held a lot more. Perhaps two nests of furs is a terrible idea.
I hold her closer against me, my tail wrapping around her ankle, and drift off to sleep, dreaming of Meh-gan handing me food in exchange for mah-nee disks.
