Paedyn
รขโฌลThat was not what it looked like.รขโฌย
A soft sigh. A nod that bobs the messy bun atop her head. รขโฌลLike I said, I donรขโฌโขt know what it looked like, because I didnรขโฌโขt see a thing.รขโฌย
รขโฌลEllie,รขโฌย I blurt, exasperated. รขโฌลYou know damn well what you saw.รขโฌย
She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear, as if that could distract from the smile lifting her lips. รขโฌลI was just there to grab a broom, and that is exactly what I did.รขโฌย As if to emphasize her innocence, she lifts said broom and continues down the hall while I trudge behind.
Iรขโฌโขm thankful for the brisk pace she sets that blurs the faces we pass and cools the flush painting my cheeks. My mind refuses to do anything but replay the moment that door swung open to reveal the Enforcer and his future queen tangled in the dark. Weรขโฌโขd sprung apart, but not before recognition widened Ellieรขโฌโขs brown eyes.
And yet, a smile tempts the corner of my mouth. I stifle it with a hand before it has the chance to spread. Because the longer I mull overย the mortifying moment, the funnier I find it. In fact, my entire life is in shambles and all I can do is stare at the jagged pieces in my palm and laugh. I donรขโฌโขt dare look in a mirror because what stares back is a mosaic of every mistake, every tragedy traced into my skin, and the looming shadow of each one to come.
Powerless. Fatherless. Adena-less. These were the things I was already struggling to survive. And yet, itรขโฌโขs the ring on my finger that may be the death of me.
A choking laugh slips from beneath my palm, loud enough to have Ellie throwing a worried glance over her shoulder. I follow her blindly through the castle I only ever thought to be a prisoner within. My fingers fiddle with the intricate band now binding me to another. It glints in the light, harmless like a word not yet sharpened by a lashing tongue.
Of all the places I imagined sitting, a throne was the last of them. A dungeon, yes. At the edge of a blade, certainly.
Because Ordinaries donรขโฌโขt rule. They cower.
The seriousness of my current situation seems to crash into me once again as we round another corner. Servants stare; Imperials leer; laughter dissolves in my throat. Happiness flees in the face of my future.
Because I am the very object of weakness. I am loathed by all of Ilya. And if I am to be put on a pedestal, even to save their kingdom, they will gladly push me off.
Ellie stops suddenly before a door, and I nearly skewer myself on the broom handle she holds. Forcing my mind to wander back to the present, I follow her into the pristine room.
It takes all of two steps to realize that this is most definitely not the chamber I stayed in during the Trials. No, sprawled before me is the sort of decadence Iรขโฌโขve only dreamed of.
My feet fumble atop the plush floors, eyes wide as they skim over the largest bedroom Iรขโฌโขve ever seen. Intricate molding climbs up the far wallย to surround each arched window lining it. Warm light pours in as the sun stretches across the green carpet, as though reaching for me.
The bed itself takes up most of the wall to my right, its floral quilt shadowed by the sheer canopy hanging above it. A desk, vanity, wardrobe, and rug all decorate the space, each one a soft white and far larger than Iรขโฌโขd imagine they could be.
My eyes slowly slide back to Ellie. รขโฌลWhat room is this, and why am I dirtying it?รขโฌย
She presses her lips into a thin smile. รขโฌลItรขโฌโขs the queenรขโฌโขs quarters, of course. Well, the new ones. The memory of her late majesty, Queen Iris, still lives in the previous rooms.รขโฌย Her words have my stomach dropping, skin paling. รขโฌลThis is where youรขโฌโขll be living. I hope everything isรขโฌยฆ satisfactory?รขโฌย
รขโฌลSatisรขโฌโรขโฌย I take a deep breath before Iรขโฌโขve even finished echoing her word in confusion. รขโฌลEllie, it has not been long enough for you to forget that I find everything about this castle to be far above my regular standards.รขโฌย
The smile she gives me is far slyer than I thought her capable. รขโฌลYes, I do recall you informing me how youรขโฌโขd crawled out of garbage the day we first met.รขโฌย
Swallowing my sudden sadness at her words, I manage a small smile.
My heart aches at the thought of our fort. Of the sanctuary Adena and I had scavenged for ourselves in the slums. To think Iรขโฌโขd likened it to garbage makes me sick to my stomach. Though, to the naked eye, Iรขโฌโขm sure thatรขโฌโขs precisely what it looked likeรขโฌโand why it managed to stay untouched for so many years.
Now, it likely lies empty. Cold without her warmth and dull without her brightness.
Sun and sand and her bloody, broken body in my lap suddenly flash before my eyes. I blink back the memory, forcing myself to forget theย sound of her final rattling breath or the thundering feet of bloodthirsty Ilyans surrounding us in the Bowl.
รขโฌลPaedyn?รขโฌย
รขโฌลHmm?รขโฌย My head snaps up to find a worried expression smothering Ellieรขโฌโขs soft features. I hadnรขโฌโขt even realized Iรขโฌโขd been staring at the floor. รขโฌลSorry, yes, everything is more than satisfactory.รขโฌย
Clearing my throat, I step farther into the room. After ignoring what Iรขโฌโขm sure is an equally exquisite washroom to my left, I find something far more enticing to stride toward.
Iรขโฌโขm standing before the balcony within a matter of seconds. Itรขโฌโขs only after throwing Ellie a giddy smile over my shoulder that I push open the glass-paned doors and step out onto the large stretch of stone.
The crisp air combs its fingers through my hair as I take in the beauty spread beneath me. Itรขโฌโขs breathtaking, the gardens from this height. Rows of flowers weave around the circular cobblestone paths, colors colliding at every turn. The fountain where Iรขโฌโขd thoroughly splashed Kitt lies at the center of it allรขโฌยฆ.
Kitt.
That was all he was to me during those Trials. A prince, yes, and a replica of his father in face alone. But also, my friend. A friend I betrayed. And one I thought would surely kill me for that, and so much more.
But now he is so much more. First a friend, then a foe, and now my future.
I shudder at the thought and every implication behind it. Spinning on my heel, I head back into myรขโฌโthe queenรขโฌโขsรขโฌโchambers to find Ellie patiently awaiting my return.
Shutting the balcony doors, I lean against them with a nonchalance I donรขโฌโขt feel and certainly havenรขโฌโขt for a long while. รขโฌลWhere is the queen? I mean, theรขโฌยฆ dowager queen.รขโฌย
I wince at the words Iรขโฌโขve stumbled over, but Ellieรขโฌโangel that sheย isรขโฌโoffers an answer before I have the chance to butcher an elaboration. รขโฌลShe was moved to the west wing of the castle. Thatรขโฌโขs where the infirmary is,รขโฌย she clarifies quietly. รขโฌลBut even if she wasnรขโฌโขt ill, she wouldnรขโฌโขt be occupying this chamber anymore. Because, as you know, these are the queenรขโฌโขs rooms andรขโฌยฆรขโฌย
I brace myself against the doors. รขโฌลAnd I am to be queen.รขโฌย
รขโฌลRight.รขโฌย She attempts a weak smile. รขโฌลAnd Iรขโฌโขm honored to be your ladyรขโฌโขs maid. That is, if youรขโฌโขll have me, of course.รขโฌย
I let out an exasperated laugh, and it feels good. Feels good to have my body shake with something other than pain. Make a sound other than a sob. รขโฌลEllie, if Iรขโฌโขm truly made queen, Iรขโฌโขll ensure you donรขโฌโขt have to work another day.รขโฌย
รขโฌลOh, I donรขโฌโขt mind the work. Keeps me busy,รขโฌย she admits shyly. รขโฌลBesides, I want to serve you.รขโฌย
Another laugh surprises my lips, this one more biting than before. รขโฌลDo you? After everything?รขโฌย I take a few steps toward her. รขโฌลYouรขโฌโขve heard the rumors. Probably even the truth.รขโฌย
รขโฌลIรขโฌโขm sure you had your reasons,รขโฌย she says softly, avoiding my gaze.
Her answer is jarring, like a sudden wave of relief. I swallow, scared of my own question. รขโฌลBut why is it you donรขโฌโขt hate me like the rest of Ilya?รขโฌย
She studies me then, letting a long, silent moment stretch between us. รขโฌลThe rest of Ilya doesnรขโฌโขt know you.รขโฌย
รขโฌลAnd you do?รขโฌย I ask, a little too quickly.
รขโฌลBetter than most. You learn a lot about someone when youรขโฌโขre their maid.รขโฌย Then sheรขโฌโขs walking over to the vanity, pulling out its matching stool, and beckoning me with a pat atop the plushy fabric. รขโฌลNow, come on over and let me get you cleaned up.รขโฌย
I obey, stiff and unsure. Sinking into that cushioned seat feels like slipping into the past. A past where my only concerns were surviving the Trials ahead and the Ordinary blood in my veins. A simpler time, before Iย joined the Resistance and drove a sword through the corrupt kingรขโฌโขs chest.
And this is how Iรขโฌโขm rewarded for it. With a crown on my head and a kingdom at my throat.
รขโฌลYou cut your hair,รขโฌย Ellie says softly, her tone inquiring. Wetting a cloth with warm water, she begins dabbing at the hardened blood speckling my skin.
Sheรขโฌโขs working on a particularly stubborn spot above my jaw as I murmur, รขโฌลIt was getting difficult to run for my life with it so long.รขโฌย
I say this instead of the pathetic truth of it all. Because Iรขโฌโขd rather not reminisce on the feel of blood clinging to my hair so terribly that I begged Kai to cut it off. Because I still pale at the sight of it, feel it drenching my murderous palms, fear when Iรขโฌโขll see it gushing from the next person I love. Though, there are very few left to choose from, and the thought is woefully relieving.
I watch her reach for a pair of thin clippers. รขโฌลWould you like me to even out the ends? Itรขโฌโขs a bit choppyรขโฌโรขโฌย
รขโฌลNo,รขโฌย I blurt. Then Iรขโฌโขm softly adding, รขโฌลThank you. Iรขโฌโขd like to leave it.รขโฌย
Ellie nods, though Iรขโฌโขm sure she aches to ask my reasonings. And if she had, I would have told her. I would have admitted why I cling to the crooked ends of my hair.
The bangs I continually cut for Adena looked the same.
Those jagged silver strands tether me to long nights in the Fort, snipping Adenaรขโฌโขs curly bangs with nothing but the stars to see by. She would giggle at the tickling sensation while I chopped a crooked line through her hair. And then we would laugh, both blaming each other for the unfortunate outcome.
Now I will never again get that privilege. So I hold on to her in the ends of my own hair.
รขโฌลWhat was it like?รขโฌย Ellie finally asks, eyes wide. รขโฌลFleeing across the Scorches like that?รขโฌย
รขโฌลLonely,รขโฌย I murmur. รขโฌลTerrifying.รขโฌย
Ellie nods slowly, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. รขโฌลWell, this length suits you. And Iรขโฌโขm glad youรขโฌโขre back. Safe.รขโฌย
รขโฌลThank you,รขโฌย I offer quietly. รขโฌลIรขโฌโขm just as shocked about that as the court.รขโฌย
รขโฌลYes, I heard about that.รขโฌย Her voice is the embodiment of a wince. รขโฌลAnd I canรขโฌโขt say that the staff took the news much better.รขโฌย
รขโฌลI can only imagine,รขโฌย I groan. รขโฌลIn fact, I wouldnรขโฌโขt be surprised if Iรขโฌโขm poisoned by the kitchen crew before the end of the week.รขโฌย
Ellie shakes her head, cloth persistently gliding over my skin. รขโฌลOh, no, they wouldnรขโฌโขt dare. Not with the king having claimed you as his bride-to-be.รขโฌย
Claimed me.
Those are words I certainly never thought would be associated with Kitt. His brother, on the other handรขโฌยฆ I know exactly what it feels like to be claimed by the Enforcer. And Iรขโฌโขve embraced it.
รขโฌลWell, thatรขโฌโขsรขโฌยฆ reassuring,รขโฌย I mutter.
รขโฌลHeรขโฌโขs been doing much better, you know,รขโฌย Ellie adds softly, her eyes trailing the scar down my neck. Itรขโฌโขs a struggle not to squirm beneath the weight of her obvious concern. But she continues, mercifully. รขโฌลAfter his coronation, he was rarely seen. Kept to himself, locked in that study of his.รขโฌย She leans in, lowering her voice as though we arenรขโฌโขt the only people occupying this room. รขโฌลHeรขโฌโขd dump his food from the window. Some of us servants stumbled upon the pile of scraps beneath it in the courtyard.
รขโฌลBut itรขโฌโขs to be expected, of course,รขโฌย she continues with a sigh. รขโฌลHe was grieving his father, after all.รขโฌย Her eyes slide to mine before quickly darting away. รขโฌลAnd clearly Calumรขโฌโขs visits seemed to help. His majesty was able to hear firsthand what was happening in his kingdom, not just read it from the records.รขโฌย
I nod slowly, still trying to piece this perplexing puzzle together. รขโฌลSo, Calum would visit him? In his study?รขโฌย
รขโฌลWell, not at first,รขโฌย she amends. รขโฌลHe was in the dungeons for several days enduring Plague knows what. But I suppose Kitt saw something in him and decided to talk more civilly.รขโฌย Ellie shrugs. รขโฌลThatรขโฌโขs really all Iรขโฌโand the staffรขโฌโknow on the matter.รขโฌย
Iรขโฌโขve never been so completely shocked and unsurprised in the same moment. Such a contradiction is the only reasonable response to the past hour of my life. Because, despite my hope for him, I never truly believed Kitt would strive to make changes that contradicted everything his father told him to believe. And it seems I was right. This king does not care wholly for a united Ilya, only that this kingdom remains by whatever means necessary.
I almost find the courage to smile, because this is a start.
Kitt has every right to hate me after I killed his tyrant of a father, but he needs me. Together, we could save this kingdom from more than just ruin. We could liberate it from the segregation that has plagued this land for decades. Perhaps, without Edric here to feed his son lies and prey on that insatiable need for approval, Kitt will be able to think clearly for the first time.
And with Calum offering him council, helping him see the truth of this kingdom, there might just be hope. His eloquence combined with that intent way in which he listens help make the Mind Reader so persuasive. Or maybe he simply uses that ability of his to comb through our thoughts, picking apart how we feel and think before saying exactly what needs to be heard.
My eyes fall to the bed, where my only belonging lies slumped on the floor beside it. The dirty pack was likely brought to my chambers by a reluctant servant. But itรขโฌโขs the journal residing inside that I itch to show Calum. Show Kitt.
That bound reminder of my father has me swallowing thickly. Itรขโฌโขs odd, how the man I once knew was merely a thread in the tangle of truth Iรขโฌโขm only now beginning to unravel. Until recently, Adam Gray was simply a father, a Healer who taught me how to survive with tedious observance and training. Then I watched him die. And that one devastating moment plunged me into a life I never thought Iรขโฌโขd survive.
My father was the leader of the Resistance. Except, according to his journal, he wasnรขโฌโขt really my father at all.
Having been trapped within my mind for far too long, I turn my attention back to Ellie. รขโฌลAnd the other Resistance members? I assumed some were taken as prisoners.รขโฌย
She shakes her head solemnly. รขโฌลLast I heard, they were in the dungeons as well. But that was right after that final Trial, and itรขโฌโขs been a while since thenรขโฌยฆ.รขโฌย
She trails off, giving me time to imagine each cruel way they could have died. I wonder how many Resistance membersรขโฌโhow many Ordinaries or the few Elites who supported themรขโฌโwere captured after that battle in the Bowl Arena. How many died brutally, because even after years of planning their uprise, it all went to shit.
Standing, I step out of Ellieรขโฌโขs gentle reach. รขโฌลI need to speak with Kittรขโฌโthe king.รขโฌย I clear my throat. รขโฌลAnd Calum.รขโฌย
She looks horrified by this idea. รขโฌลNot looking like that, you wonรขโฌโขt!รขโฌย It takes mere seconds for the bashfulness to settle in once again. รขโฌลI mean, youรขโฌโขve had a very long journey and must restรขโฌโรขโฌย
รขโฌลI thought Iรขโฌโขd be dead long before this moment,รขโฌย I cut in evenly. รขโฌลThought Iรขโฌโขd be skewered with a sword in that throne room. But Iรขโฌโขm not, and I intend to find out exactly why.รขโฌย My voice lowers into something far more solemn. รขโฌลI may not have much life left to live, so I wonรขโฌโขt spend it resting.รขโฌย
รขโฌลOkay, then,รขโฌย Ellie says quietly. รขโฌลNo rest. But you must bathe before you show yourself to the castle again.รขโฌย
Right. My entire existence has been reduced to appearances.
I nod, suddenly unable to focus on anything but the blood crusted across my skin. It will be a relief to scrub away every remnant of the traitor running for her life. Every drop of blood, sweat, and tears shed on the treacherous journey.
Heading for the bathroom, Iรขโฌโขm suddenly spinning on my heel and blurting, รขโฌลHave you heard from Lenny? I saw him during myรขโฌยฆ travels, but we got separated.รขโฌย
รขโฌลRight. About that.รขโฌย Her gaze strays from my narrowing one. รขโฌลUm, heรขโฌโขs here, actually.รขโฌย
รขโฌลWhat?รขโฌย I choke. รขโฌลWhere is he?รขโฌย
She pads toward me, brown bun bobbing with every step. รขโฌลIรขโฌโขll tell you after that bath.รขโฌย
รขโฌลEllieรขโฌโรขโฌย
รขโฌลMy Lady.รขโฌย She emphasizes the title with a lifted brow.
รขโฌลFine.รขโฌย I huff, turning once again toward the bathroom. Then Iรขโฌโขm calling over my shoulder, falsely cheery and absurdly genuine, รขโฌลbut only because the blood beneath my nails may drive me to insanity.รขโฌย
