Chapter no 17

Parable of the Sower

Embrace diversity. Uniteโ€”

Or be divided, robbed,

ruled, killed

By those who see you as prey. Embrace diversity

Or be destroyed.

EARTHSEED: THE BOOKS OF THE LIVING TUESDAY, AUGUSTย 3, 2027

(from notes expanded AUGUSTย 8)

THEREโ€™S A BIG FIREย in the hills to the east of us. We saw it begin as a thin, dark column of smoke, rising into an otherwise clear sky. Now itโ€™s massiveโ€”a hillside or two? Several buildings? Many houses? Our neighborhood again?

We kept looking at it, then looking away. Other people dying, losing their families, their homesโ€ฆ Even when we had walked past it, we looked back.

Had the people with painted faces done this, too? Zahra was crying as she walked along, cursing in a voice so soft that I could hear only a few of the bitter words.

Earlier today we left the 118 freeway to look for and finally connect with the 23. Now weโ€™re on the 23 with charred overgrown wilderness on one side and neighborhoods on the other. We canโ€™t see the fire itself now. Weโ€™ve passed it, come a long way from it, put hills between it and us as we head southward toward the coast. But we can still see the smoke. We didnโ€™t stop for the night until it was almost dark and we were all tired and hungry.

Weโ€™ve camped away from the freeway on the wilderness side of it, out of sight, but not out of hearing of the shuffling hoards of people on the move. I

think thatโ€™s a sound weโ€™ll hear for the whole of our journey whether we stop in Northern California or go through to Canada. So many people hoping for so much up where it still rains every year, and an uneducated person might still get a job that pays in money instead of beans, water, potatoes, and maybe a floor to sleep on.

But itโ€™s the fire that holds our attention. Maybe it was started by accident. Maybe not. But still, people are losing what they may not be able to replace. Even if they survive, insurance isnโ€™t worth much these days.

People on the highway, shadowy in the darkness, had begun to reverse the flow, to drift northward to find a way to the fire. Best to be early for the scavenging.

โ€œShould we go?โ€ Zahra asked, her mouth full of dried meat. We built no fire tonight. Best for us to vanish into the darkness and avoid guests. We had put a tangle of trees and bushes at our backs and hoped for the best.

โ€œYou mean go back and rob those people?โ€ Harry demanded. โ€œScavenge,โ€ she said. โ€œTake what people donโ€™t need no more. If youโ€™re

dead, you donโ€™t need much.โ€

โ€œWe should stay here and rest,โ€ I said. โ€œWeโ€™re tired, and it will be a long time before things are cool enough over there to allow scavenging. Itโ€™s a long way off, anyway.โ€

Zahra sighed. โ€œYeah.โ€

โ€œWe donโ€™t have to do things like that, anyway,โ€ Harry said. Zahra shrugged. โ€œEvery little bit helps.โ€

โ€œYou were crying about that fire a while ago.โ€

โ€œUh-uh,โ€ Zahra drew her knees up against her body. โ€œI wasnโ€™t crying about that fire. I was crying about our fire and my Bibi and thinking about how much I hate people who set fires like that. I wish they would burn. I wish I could burn them. I wish I could just take them and throw them in the fireโ€ฆ like they did my Bibi.โ€ And she began to cry again, and he held her, apologizing and, I think, shedding a few tears himself.

Grief hit like that. Something would remind us of the past, of home, of a person, and then we would remember that it was all gone. The person was dead or probably dead. Everything weโ€™d known and treasured was gone. Everything except the three of us. And how well were we doing?

โ€œI think we should move,โ€ Harry said sometime later. He was still sitting with Zahra, one arm around her, and she seemed to welcome the contact.

โ€œWhy?โ€ she asked.

โ€œI want to be higher, closer to the level of the freeway or above it. I want to be able to see the fire if it jumps the freeway and spreads toward us. I want to see it before it gets too close. Fire moves fast.โ€

I groaned. โ€œYouโ€™re right,โ€ I said, โ€œbut moving now that itโ€™s dark is risky.

We could lose this place and find nothing better.โ€

โ€œWait here,โ€ he said, and got up and walked away into the darkness. I had the gun, so I hoped he kept his knife handyโ€”and I hoped he wouldnโ€™t need it. He was still raw about what had happened the night before. He had killed a man. That bothered him. I had killed a man in a much more cold-blooded way, according to him, and it didnโ€™t bother me. But my โ€œcold-bloodednessโ€ bothered him. He wasnโ€™t a sharer. He didnโ€™t understand that to me pain was the evil. Death was an end to pain. No Bible verses were going to change that as far as I was concerned. He didnโ€™t understand sharing. Why should he? Most people knew little or nothing about it.

On the other hand, my Earthseed verses had surprised him, and, I think, pleased him a little. I wasnโ€™t sure whether he liked the writing or the reasoning, but he liked having something to read and talk about.

โ€œPoetry?โ€ he said this morning as he looked through the pages I showed himโ€”pages of my Earthseed notebook, as it happened. โ€œI never knew you cared about poetry.โ€

โ€œA lot of it isnโ€™t very poetical,โ€ I said. โ€œBut itโ€™s what I believe, and Iโ€™ve written it as well as I could.โ€ I showed him four verses in allโ€”gentle, brief verses that might take hold of him without his realizing it and live in his memory without his intending that they should. Bits of the Bible had done that to me, staying with me even after I stopped believing.

I gave to Harry, and through him to Zahra, thoughts I wanted them to keep. But I couldnโ€™t prevent Harry from keeping other things as well: His new distrust of me, for instance, almost his new dislike. I was not quite Lauren Olamina to him any longer. I had seen that in his expression off and on all day. Odd. Joanne hadnโ€™t liked her glimpse of the real me either. On the other hand, Zahra didnโ€™t seem to mind. But then, she hadnโ€™t known me very well at home. What she learned now, she could accept without feeling lied to. Harry did feel lied to, and perhaps he wondered what lies I was still telling or living. Only time could heal thatโ€”if he let it.

We moved when he came back. He had found us a new campsite, near the freeway and yet private. One of the huge freeway signs had fallen or been knocked down, and now lay on the ground, propped up by a pair of dead sycamore trees. With the trees, it formed a massive lean-to. The rock and ash leavings of a campfire showed us that the place had been used before. Perhaps there had been people here tonight, but they had gone away to see what they could scavenge from the fire. Now weโ€™re here, happy to get a little privacy, a view of the hills back where the fire is, and the security, for what it was worth, of at least one wall.

โ€œGood deal!โ€ Zahra said, unrolling her sleepsack and settling down on top of it. โ€œIโ€™ll take the first watch tonight, okay?โ€

It was okay with me. I gave her the gun and lay down, eager for sleep. Again I was amazed to find so much comfort in sleeping on the ground in my clothes. Thereโ€™s no narcotic like exhaustion.

Sometime in the night I woke up to soft, small sounds of voices and breathing. Zahra and Harry were making love. I turned my head and saw them at it, though they were too much involved with each other to notice me.

And, of course, no one was on watch.

I got caught up in their lovemaking, and had all I could do to lie still and keep quiet. I couldnโ€™t escape their sensation. I couldnโ€™t keep an efficient watch. I could either writhe with them or hold myself rigid. I held rigid until they finishedโ€”until Harry kissed Zahra, then got up to put his pants on and began his watch.

And I lay awake afterward, angry and worried. How in hell could I talk to either of them about this? It would be none of my business except for the time they chose for doing it. But look when that was! We could all have been killed.

Still sitting up, Harry began to snore.

I listened for a couple of minutes, then sat up, reached over Zahra, and shook him.

He jumped awake, stared around, then turned toward me. I couldnโ€™t see more than a moving silhouette.

โ€œGive me the gun and go back to sleep,โ€ I said. He just sat there.

โ€œHarry, youโ€™ll get us killed. Give me the gun and the watch and lie down.

Iโ€™ll wake you later.โ€

He looked at the watch.

โ€œSorry,โ€ he said. โ€œGuess I was more tired than I thought.โ€ His voice grew less sleep-fogged. โ€œIโ€™m all right. Iโ€™m awake. Go back to sleep.โ€

His pride had kicked in. It would be almost impossible to get the gun and the watch from him now.

I lay down. โ€œRemember last night,โ€ I said. โ€œIf you care about her at all, if you want her to live, remember last night.โ€

He didnโ€™t answer. I hoped I had surprised him. I supposed I had also embarrassed him. And maybe I had made him feel angry and defensive. Whatever Iโ€™d done, I didnโ€™t hear him doing any more snoring.

Wednesday, August 4, 2027

Today we stopped at a commercial water station and filled ourselves and all our containers with clean, safe water. Commercial stations are best for that. Anything you buy from a water peddler on the freeway ought to be boiled, and still might not be safe. Boiling kills disease organisms, but may do nothing to get rid of chemical residueโ€”fuel, pesticide, herbicide, whatever else has been in the bottles that peddlers use. The fact that most peddlers canโ€™t read makes the situation worse. They sometimes poison themselves.

Commercial stations let you draw whatever you pay forโ€”and not a drop moreโ€”right out of one of their taps. You drink whatever the local householders are drinking. It might taste, smell, or look bad, but you can depend on it not to kill you.

There arenโ€™t enough water stations. Thatโ€™s why water peddlers exist. Also, water stations are dangerous places. People going in have money. People coming out have water, which is as good as money. Beggars and thieves hang around such placesโ€”keeping the whores and drug dealers company. Dad warned us all about water stations, trying to prepare us in case we ever went out and got caught far enough from home to be tempted to stop for water. His advice: โ€œDonโ€™t do it. Suffer. Get your rear end home.โ€

Yeah.

Three is the smallest comfortable number at a water station. Two to watch and one to fill up. And itโ€™s good to have three ready for trouble on the way to and from the station. Three would not stop determined thugs, but it would stop opportunistsโ€”and most predators are opportunists. They prey on old people, lone women or women with young kids, handicapped peopleโ€ฆ They donโ€™t want to get hurt. My father used to call them coyotes. When he was being polite, he called them coyotes.

We were coming away with our water when we saw a pair of two-legged coyotes grab a bottle of water from a woman who was carrying a sizable pack and a baby. The man with her grabbed the coyote who had taken the water, the coyote passed the water to his partner, and his partner ran straight into us.

I tripped him. I think it was the baby who attracted my attention, my sympathy. The tough plastic bubble that held the water didnโ€™t break. The coyote didnโ€™t break either. I set my teeth, sharing the jolt as he fell and the pain of his scraped forearms. Back home, the younger kids hit me with that kind of thing every day.

I stepped back from the coyote and put my hand on the gun. Harry stepped up beside me. I was glad to have him there. We looked more intimidating together.

The husband of the woman had thrown off his attacker, and the two coyotes, finding themselves outnumbered, scampered away. Skinny, scared

little bastards out to do their daily stealing.

I picked up the plastic bubble of water and handed it to the man. He took it and said, โ€œThanks man. Thanks a lot.โ€

I nodded and we went on our way. It still felt strange to be called โ€œman.โ€ I didnโ€™t like it, but that didnโ€™t matter.

โ€œAll of a sudden youโ€™re a Good Samaritan,โ€ Harry said. But he didnโ€™t mind. There was no disapproval in his voice.

โ€œIt was the baby, wasnโ€™t it?โ€ Zahra asked.

โ€œYes,โ€ I admitted. โ€œThe family, really. All of them together.โ€ All of them together. They had been a black man, a Hispanic-looking woman, and a baby who managed to look a little like both of them. In a few more years, a lot of the families back in the neighborhood would have looked like that. Hell, Harry and Zahra were working on starting a family like that. And as Zahra had once observed, mixed couples catch hell out here.

Yet there were Harry and Zahra, walking so close together that they couldnโ€™t help now and then brushing against each other. But they kept alert, looked around. We were on U.S. 101 now, and there were even more walkers. Even clumsy thieves would have no trouble losing themselves in this crowd.

But Zahra and I had had a talk this morning during her reading lesson. We were supposed to be working on the sounds of letters and the spelling of simple words. But when Harry went off to the bushes of our designated toilet area, I stopped the lesson.

โ€œRemember what you said to me a couple of days ago?โ€ I asked her. โ€œMy mind was wandering and you warned me. โ€˜People get killed on freeways all the time,โ€™ you said.โ€

To my surprise, she saw where I was headed at once. โ€œDamn you,โ€ she said, looking up from the paper I had given her. โ€œYou donโ€™t sleep sound enough, thatโ€™s all.โ€ She smiled as she said it.

โ€œYou want privacy, Iโ€™ll give it to you,โ€ I said. โ€œJust let me know, and Iโ€™ll guard the camp from someplace a short distance away. You two can do what you want. But no more of this shit when youโ€™re on watch!โ€

She looked surprised. โ€œDidnโ€™t think you said words like that.โ€ โ€œAnd I didnโ€™t think you did things like last night. Dumb!โ€

โ€œI know. Fun, though. Heโ€™s a big strong boy.โ€ She paused. โ€œYou jealous?โ€ โ€œZahra!โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ she said. โ€œThings took me by surprise last night. Iโ€ฆ I needed something, someone. It wonโ€™t be like that no more.โ€

โ€œOkay.โ€

โ€œYou jealous?โ€ she repeated.

I made myself smile. โ€œIโ€™m as human as you are,โ€ I said. โ€œBut I donโ€™t think

I would have yielded to temptation out here with no prospects, no idea whatโ€™s going to happen. The thought of getting pregnant would have stopped me cold.โ€

โ€œPeople have babies out here all the time.โ€ She grinned at me. โ€œWhat about you and that boyfriend of yours.โ€

โ€œWe were careful. We used condoms.โ€

Zahra shrugged. โ€œWell Harry and me didnโ€™t. If it happens, it happens.โ€

It had apparently happened to the couple whose water we had saved. Now they had a baby to lug north.

They stayed near us today, that couple. I saw them every now and then. Tall, stocky, velvet-skinned, deep-black man carrying a huge pack; short, pretty, stocky, light-brown woman with baby and pack; medium brown baby a few months oldโ€”huge-eyed baby with curly black hair.

They rested when we rested. Theyโ€™re camped now not far behind us. They look more like potential allies than potential dangers, but Iโ€™ll keep an eye on them.

Thursday, August 5, 2027

Late today we came within sight of the ocean. None of us have ever seen it before, and we had to go closer, look at it, camp within sight and sound and smell of it. Once we had decided to do that, we walked shoeless in the waves, pants legs rolled up. Sometimes we just stood and stared at it: the Pacific Oceanโ€”the largest, deepest body of water on earth, almost half-a-world of water. Yet, as it was, we couldnโ€™t drink any of it.

Harry stripped down to his underwear and waded out until the cool water reached his chest. He canโ€™t swim, of course. None of us can swim. Weโ€™ve never before seen water enough to swim in. Zahra and I watched Harry with a lot of concern. Neither of us felt free to follow him. Iโ€™m supposed to be a man and Zahra attracts enough of the wrong kind of attention with all her clothes on. We decided to wait until after sundown and go in fully clothed, just to wash away some of the grime and stink. Then we could change clothes. We both had soap and we were eager to make use of it.

There were other people on the beach. In fact, the narrow strip of sand was crowded with people, though they managed to stay out of each otherโ€™s way. They had spread themselves out and seemed far more tolerant of one another than they had during our night in the hills. I didnโ€™t hear any shooting or fighting. There were no dogs, no obvious thefts, no rape. Perhaps the sea and the cool breeze lulled them. Harry wasnโ€™t the only one to strip down and go into the water. Quite a few women had gone out, wearing almost nothing.

Maybe this was a safer place than any weโ€™d seen so far.

Some people had tents, and several had built fires. We settled in against the remnants of a small building. We were always, it seemed, looking for walls to shield us. Was it better to have them and perhaps get trapped against them or to camp in the open and be vulnerable on every side? We didnโ€™t know. It just felt better to have at least one wall.

I salvaged a flat piece of wood from the building, went a few yards closer to the ocean, and began to dig into the sand. I dug until I found dampness. Then I waited.

โ€œWhatโ€™s supposed to happen?โ€ Zahra asked. Until now she had watched me without saying anything.

โ€œDrinkable water,โ€ I told her. โ€œAccording to a couple of books I read, water is supposed to seep up through the sand with most of the salt filtered out of it.โ€

She looked into the damp hole. โ€œWhen?โ€ she asked.

I dug a little more. โ€œGive it time,โ€ I said. โ€œIf the trick works, we ought to know about it. It might save our lives someday.โ€

โ€œOr poison us or give us a disease,โ€ she said. She looked up to see Harry coming toward us, dripping wet. Even his hair was wet.

โ€œHe donโ€™t look bad naked,โ€ she said.

He was still wearing his underwear, of course, but I could see what she meant. He had a nice, strong-looking body, and I donโ€™t think he minded our looking at it. And he looked clean and he didnโ€™t stink.

I couldnโ€™t wait to get into the water.

โ€œGo ahead,โ€ he said. โ€œItโ€™s sundown. Iโ€™ll watch our stuff. Go.โ€

We got our soap out, gave him the gun, took off shoes and socks, and went. It was wonderful. The water was cold and it was hard to stand up in the waves and the sand kept being drawn away from our feet, even drawn from under our feet. But we threw water on each other and washed everythingโ€” clothing, bodies, and hairโ€”let the waves knock us around, and laughed like crazy people. Best time Iโ€™ve had since we left home.

Quite a lot of water had seeped into the hole I dug by the time we got back to Harry. I tasted itโ€”took a little up in my hand while Harry criticized me.

โ€œLook at all the people in this damned place!โ€ he said. โ€œDo you see any bathrooms? What do you think they do out here. You ought to at least have the sense to use a water purification tablet!โ€

That thought was enough to make me spit out the mouthful of water that I had taken. He was right, of course. But that one mouthful had told me what I wanted to know. The water had been a little brackish, but not badโ€”drinkable. It should be boiled or a water purification tablet should be added to it, as

Harry had said, and before that, according to my book, it could be strained through sand to get rid of more of the salt. That meant if we stayed near the coast, we could survive even if we ran short of water. That was good to know. We still had our shadows. The couple with the baby had camped near us, and the woman was now sitting on the sand nursing her baby while the man

knelt beside his pack, rummaging through it.

โ€œDo you think they want to wash?โ€ I asked Harry and Zahra. โ€œWhat are you going to do?โ€ Zahra responded. โ€œOffer to babysit?โ€

I shook my head. โ€œNo, I think that would be too much. Do either of you mind if I invite them over?โ€

โ€œArenโ€™t you afraid theyโ€™ll rob us?โ€ Harry demanded. โ€œYouโ€™re afraid of everyone else.โ€

โ€œThey have better gear than we do,โ€ I said. โ€œAnd they have no natural allies around here except us. Mixed couples or groups are rare out here. No doubt thatโ€™s why theyโ€™ve kept close to us.โ€

โ€œAnd you helped them,โ€ Zahra said. โ€œPeople donโ€™t help strangers too much out here. And you gave them back their water. That means you have enough so you donโ€™t have to rob them.โ€

โ€œSo do you mind?โ€ I asked again. They looked at each other.

โ€œI donโ€™t mind,โ€ Zahra said. โ€œLong as we keep an eye on them.โ€ โ€œWhy do you want them?โ€ Harry asked, watching me.

โ€œThey need us more than we need them,โ€ I said. โ€œThatโ€™s not a reason.โ€

โ€œTheyโ€™re potential allies.โ€ โ€œWe donโ€™t need allies.โ€

โ€œNot now. But weโ€™d be damned fools to wait and try to get them when we do need them. By then, they might not be around.โ€

He shrugged and sighed. โ€œAll right. Like Zahra says, as long as we watch them.โ€

I got up and went over to the couple. I could see them straighten and go tense as I approached. I was careful not to go too close or move too fast.

โ€œHello,โ€ I said. โ€œIf you two would like to take turns bathing, you can come over and join us. That might be safer for the baby.โ€

โ€œJoin you?โ€ the man said. โ€œYouโ€™re asking us to join you?โ€ โ€œInviting you.โ€

โ€œWhy?โ€

โ€œWhy not. Weโ€™re natural alliesโ€”the mixed couple and the mixed group.โ€ โ€œAllies?โ€ the man said, and he laughed.

I looked at him, wondering why he laughed.

โ€œWhat the hell do you really want?โ€ he demanded.

I sighed. โ€œCome join us if you want to. Youโ€™re welcome, and in a pinch, five is better than two.โ€ I turned and left them. Let them talk it over and decide.

โ€œThey coming?โ€ Zahra asked when I got back.

โ€œI think so,โ€ I said. โ€œAlthough maybe not tonight.โ€

Friday, August 6, 2027

We built a fire and had a hot meal last night, but the mixed family did not join us. I didnโ€™t blame them. People stay alive out here by being suspicious. But they didnโ€™t go away either. And it was no accident that they had chosen to stay near us. It was a good thing for them that they were near us. The peaceful beach scene changed late last night. Dogs came onto the sand.

They came during my watch. I saw movement far down the beach and I focused on it. Then there was shouting, screams. I thought it was a fight or a robbery. I didnโ€™t see the dogs until they broke away from a group of humans and ran inland. One of them was carrying something, but I couldnโ€™t tell what it was. I watched them until they vanished inland. People chased them for a short distance, but the dogs were too fast. Someoneโ€™s property was lostโ€” someoneโ€™s food, no doubt.

I was on edge after that. I got up, moved to the inland end of our wall, sat there where I could see more of the beach. I was there, sitting still with the gun in my lap when I spotted movement perhaps a long city block up the beach. Dark forms against pale sand. More dogs. Three of them. They nosed around the sand for a moment, then headed our way. I sat as still as I could, watching. So many people slept without posting watches. The three dogs wandered among the camps, investigating what they pleased, and no one tried to drive them away. On the other hand, peoples oranges, potatoes, and grain meal couldnโ€™t be very tempting to a dog. Our small supply of dried meat might be another matter. But no dog would get it.

But the dogs stopped at the camp of the mixed couple. I remembered the

baby and jumped up. At the same moment, the baby began to cry. I shoved Zahra with my foot and she came awake all at once. She could do that.

โ€œDogs,โ€ I said. โ€œWake Harry.โ€ Then I headed for the mixed couple. The woman was screaming and beating at a dog with her hands. A second dog was dodging the manโ€™s kicks and going for the baby. Only the third dog was clear of the family.

I stopped, slipped the safety, and as the third dog went in toward the baby, I shot it.

The dog dropped without a sound. I dropped, too, gasping, feeling kicked in the chest. It surprised me how hard the loose sand was to fall on.

At the crack of the shot, the other two dogs took off inland. From my prone position, I sighted on them as they ran. I might have been able to pick off one more of them, but I let them go. I hurt enough already. I couldnโ€™t catch my breath, it seemed. As I gasped, though, it occurred to me that prone was a good shooting position for me. Sharing would be less able to incapacitate me at once if I shot two-handed and prone. I filed the knowledge away for future use. Also, it was interesting that the dogs had been frightened by my shot. Was it the sound that scared them or the fact that one of them had been hit? I wish I knew more about them. Iโ€™ve read books about them being intelligent, loyal pets, but thatโ€™s all in the past. Dogs now are wild animals who will eat a baby if they can.

I felt that the dog I had shot was dead. It wasnโ€™t moving. But by now a lot

of people were awake and moving around. A living dog, even wounded, would be frantic to get away.

The pain in my chest began to ebb. When I could breathe without gasping, I stood up and walked back to our camp. There was so much confusion by then that no one noticed me except Harry and Zahra.

Harry came out to meet me. He took the gun from my hand, then took my arm and steered me back to my sleepsack.

โ€œSo you hit something,โ€ he said as I sat gasping again from the small exertion.

I nodded. โ€œKilled a dog. Iโ€™ll be okay soon.โ€ โ€œYou need a keeper,โ€ he said.

โ€œDogs were after the baby!โ€

โ€œYouโ€™ve adopted those damned people.โ€

I smiled in spite of myself, liking him, thinking that Iโ€™d pretty much adopted him and Zahra, too. โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong with that?โ€ I asked.

He sighed. โ€œGet in your bag and go to sleep, will you. Iโ€™ll take the next watch.โ€

โ€œSome people just came and carried off the dog you killed,โ€ Zahra said. โ€œWe should have got it.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not ready to eat a dog yet,โ€ Harry told her. โ€œGo to sleep.โ€

The names of the members of the mixed family are Travis Charles Douglas, Gloria Natividad Douglas, and six-month-old Dominic Douglas, also called Domingo. They gave in and joined us tonight after we made camp. Weโ€™ve detoured away from the highway to make camp on another beach, and theyโ€™ve followed. Once we were settled, they came over to us, uncertain and

suspicious, offering us small pieces of their treasure: milk chocolate full of almonds. Real milk chocolate, not carob candy. It was the best thing Iโ€™d tasted since long before leaving Robledo.

โ€œIt was you last night?โ€ Natividad asked Harry. The first thing she had told us was to call her Natividad.

โ€œIt was Lauren,โ€ Harry said, gesturing toward me. She looked at me. โ€œThank you.โ€

โ€œIs your baby all right?โ€ I asked.

โ€œHe had scratches and sand in his eyes and mouth from being dragged.โ€ She stroked the sleeping babyโ€™s black hair. โ€œI put salve on the scratches and washed his eyes. Heโ€™s all right now. Heโ€™s so good. He only cried a little bit.โ€

โ€œHardly ever cries,โ€ Travis said with quiet pride. Travis has an unusual deep-black complexionโ€”skin so smooth that I canโ€™t believe he has ever in his life had a pimple. Looking at him makes me want to touch him and see how all that perfect skin feels. Heโ€™s young, good looking, and intenseโ€”a stocky, muscular man, tall, but a little shorter and a little heavier than Harry. Natividad is stocky, tooโ€”a pale brown woman with a round, pretty face, long black hair bound up in a coil atop her head. Sheโ€™s short, but it isnโ€™t surprising somehow that she can carry a pack and a baby and keep up a steady pace all day. I like her, feel inclined to trust her. Iโ€™ll have to be careful about that. But I donโ€™t believe she would steal from us. Travis has not accepted us yet, but she has. Weโ€™ve helped her baby. Weโ€™re her friends.

โ€œWeโ€™re going to Seattle,โ€ she told us. โ€œTravis has an aunt there. She says

we can stay with her until we find work. We want to find work that pays money.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t we all,โ€ Zahra agreed. She sat on Harryโ€™s sleepsack with him, his arm around her. Tonight could be tiresome for me.

Travis and Natividad sat on their three sacks, spread out to give their baby room to crawl when he woke up. Natividad had harnessed him to her wrist with a length of clothesline.

I felt alone between the two couples. I let them talk about their hopes and rumors of northern edens. I took out my notebook and began to write up the dayโ€™s events, still savoring the last of the chocolate.

The baby awoke hungry and crying. Natividad opened her loose shirt, gave him a breast, and moved over near me to see what I was doing.

โ€œYou can read and write,โ€ she said with surprise. โ€œI thought you might be drawing. What are you writing?โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s always writing,โ€ Harry said. โ€œAsk to read her poetry. Some of it isnโ€™t bad.โ€

I winced. My name is androgynous, in pronunciation at leastโ€”Lauren

sounds like the more masculine Loren. But pronouns are more specific, and still a problem for Harry.

โ€œShe?โ€ Travis asked right on cue. โ€œHer?โ€

โ€œDamn it, Harry,โ€ I said. โ€œWe forgot to buy that tape for your mouth.โ€

He shook his head, then gave me an embarrassed smile. โ€œIโ€™ve known you all my life. It isnโ€™t easy to remember to switch all your pronouns. I think itโ€™s all right this time, though.โ€

โ€œI told you so!โ€ Natividad said to her husband. Then she looked embarrassed. โ€œI told him you didnโ€™t look like a man,โ€ she said to me. โ€œYouโ€™re tall and strong, butโ€ฆ I donโ€™t know. You donโ€™t have a manโ€™s face.โ€

I had, almost, a manโ€™s chest and hips, so maybe I should be glad to hear that I didnโ€™t have a manโ€™s faceโ€”though it wasnโ€™t going to help me on the road. โ€œWe believed two men and a woman would be more likely to survive than two women and a man,โ€ I said. โ€œOut here, the trick is to avoid confrontation by looking strong.โ€

โ€œThe three of us arenโ€™t going to help you look strong,โ€ Travis said. He sounded bitter. Did he resent the baby and Natividad?

โ€œYou are our natural allies,โ€ I said. โ€œYou sneered at that last time I said it, but itโ€™s true. The baby wonโ€™t weaken us much, I hope, and heโ€™ll have a better chance of surviving with five adults around him.โ€

โ€œI can take care of my wife and my son,โ€ Travis said with more pride than sense. I decided not to hear him.

โ€œI think you and Natividad will strengthen us,โ€ I said. โ€œTwo more pairs of eyes, two more pairs of hands. Do you have knives?โ€

โ€œYes.โ€ He patted his pants pocket. โ€œI wish we had guns like you.โ€

I wished we had gunsโ€”pluralโ€”too. But I didnโ€™t say so. โ€œYou and Natividad look strong and healthy,โ€ I said. โ€œPredators will look at a group like the five of us and move on to easier prey.โ€

Travis grunted, still noncommittal. Well, I had helped him twice, and now I was a woman. It might take him a while to forgive me for that, no matter how grateful he was.

โ€œI want to hear some of your poetry,โ€ Natividad said. โ€œThe man we worked for, his wife used to write poetry. She would read it to me sometimes when she was feeling lonely. I liked it. Read me something of yours before it gets too dark.โ€

Odd to think of a rich woman reading to her maidโ€”which was who Natividad had been. Maybe I had the wrong idea of rich women. But then, everyone gets lonely. I put my journal down and picked up my book of Earthseed verses. I chose soft, non-preachy verses, good for road-weary minds and bodies.

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