Act 5

Much Ado About Nothing Play

(BENEDICK and MARGARET.)

BENEDICK

Pray thee sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to a speech of Beatrice.

MARGARET

Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

BENEDICK

In so high a style Margaret, that no man living shall come over it, for in truth, thou deservest it.

MARGARET

To have no man come over me. Why, shall I always keep below stairs?*

BENEDICK

Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth–it catches.

MARGARET

And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils,* which hit, but hurt not.

BENEDICK

A most manly wit Margaret; it will not hurt a woman. And so I pray thee call Beatrice.

MARGARET

Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.

(Exit MARGARET.)

BENEDICK

And therefore will come.

(Sings.) The god of love,

That sits above

And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve–

I mean in singing.

I think there was never any so turned over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme. I have tried.

I can find no rhyme to ‘lady’ but ‘baby’ an–innocent rhyme;

for ‘scorn,’ ‘horn’–a hard rhyme; for ‘school,’ ‘fool’–a babbling rhyme. Very ominous endings! No, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.

(Enter BEATRICE.)

BENEDICK

Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?

below stairs – (with the servants) foils – long thin fencing swords with button on the end to prevent injury

BEATRICE

Yea signor, and depart when you bid me.

BENEDICK

O, stay but till then.

BEATRICE

‘Then’ is spoken. Fare you well.

And yet ere I go, let me go with that I came for,

which is with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.

BENEDICK

Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

BEATRICE

Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome.* Therefore I will depart unkissed.

BENEDICK

Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. I tell thee plainly Claudio undergoes my challenge;

and either I must shortly hear from him or I will subscribe him a coward.

And I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

BEATRICE

For them altogether,

which maintained so politic* a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them.

But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?

BENEDICK

Suffer love? A good epithet.* I do suffer love indeed, for I love you against my will.

BEATRICE

In spite of your heart, I think. Alas, poor heart.

If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.

BENEDICK

Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?

BEATRICE

Very ill.

BENEDICK

And how do you?

noisome – bad smelling, politic – well organized, good epithet – a good phrase describing Benedick

BEATRICE

Very ill too.

BENEDICK

Serve God, love me and mend.

(Enter URSULA.)

URSULA

Madam, you must come to your uncle.

It is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the Prince and Claudio mightily abused, and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone. Will you come presently?

BEATRICE

Will you go hear this news, signor?

BENEDICK

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.

(Exeunt.

Act 5, Scene 3 A church graveyard

(Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, with other MOURNERS.)

CLAUDIO (Reading a scroll.) Done to death by slanderous tongues Was the Hero that here lies.

Death, in guerdon* of her wrongs, Gives her fame which never dies. So the life that died with shame Lives in death with glorious fame. Hang thou there upon the tomb, Praising her when I am dumb.

Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn.

(Song sung by mourners.) Pardon, goddess of the night, Those that slew thy virgin knight;

For the which, with songs of woe, Round about her tomb they go.

Midnight, assist our moan; Help us to sigh and groan, Heavily, heavily.

Graves, yawn and yield your dead, Till death be uttered,

Heavily, heavily.

(Exeunt.)

guerdon – reward

Act 5, Scene 4 Leonato’s house

(LEONATO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, HERO and NELL.)

FRIAR FRANCIS

Did I not tell you she was innocent?

LEONATO

So are the Prince and Claudio, who accused her.

Margaret was in some fault for this, although against her will* as it appears.

Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all, withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, and when I send for you, come hither masked.

(Exeunt ladies.)

BENEDICK

Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.

FRIAR FRANCIS

To do what, signior?

BENEDICK

To bind me, or undo me–one of them.

Signior Leonato, truth is good signior, your niece regards me with an eye of favor.

LEONATO

That eye my daughter lent her. ‘Tis most true.

BENEDICK

And I do with an eye of love requite* her.

LEONATO

The sight whereof I think you had from me, from Claudio, and the Prince. But what’s your will?

BENEDICK

Your answer, sir, is enigmatical.*

But my will is to be conjoined in the state of honorable marriage, in which, good Friar, I shall desire your help.

LEONATO

My heart is with your liking.

FRIAR FRANCIS

And my help. Here comes the Prince and Claudio.

(Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO.)

against her will – unintentionally, requite – repay, enigmatical – perplexing

DON PEDRO

Good morrow to this fair assembly.

LEONATO

Good morrow, Prince; good morrow, Claudio. We here attend you. Are you yet determined today to marry with my brother’s daughter?

CLAUDIO

I’ll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope.*

LEONATO

Call her forth. Here’s the Friar ready.

DON PEDRO

Good morrow Benedick.

Why, what’s the matter that you have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness?

(Enter HERO, BEATRICE, MARGARET and URSULA [all masked].)

CLAUDIO

Which is the lady I must seize upon?

LEONATO

This same is she, and I do give you her.

CLAUDIO

Why then she’s mine. Sweet, let me see your face.

LEONATO

No that you shall not, till you take her hand before this Friar and swear to marry her.

CLAUDIO

Give me your hand before this holy Friar. I am your husband, if you like of me.

HERO

And when I lived, I was your other wife;

(Unmasking.)

and when you loved, you were my other husband. CLAUDIO

Another Hero!

HERO

Nothing certainer. One Hero died defiled; but I do live, and surely as I live, I am yours.

Ethiope – black, and therefore unattractive in an age which admired blondes

DON PEDRO

The former Hero! Hero that is dead!

LEONATO

She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived.

FRIAR FRANCIS

Let us to the chapel presently.

BENEDICK

Soft and fair, Friar. Which is Beatrice?

BEATRICE

(Unmasking.) I answer to that name. What is your will?

BENEDICK

Do not you love me?

BEATRICE

Why no; no more than reason.

BENEDICK

Why then your uncle, and the Prince and Claudio have been deceived–they swore you did.

BEATRICE

Do not you love me?

BENEDICK

Troth, no; no more than reason.

BEATRICE

Why then my cousin, Margaret and Ursula are much deceived; for they did swear you did.

BENEDICK

They swore that you were almost sick for me.

BEATRICE

They swore that you were well-nigh* dead for me.

BENEDICK

‘Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?

BEATRICE

No truly, but in friendly recompense.*

LEONATO

Come cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.

well-nigh – almost, recompense – repayment

CLAUDIO

And I’ll be sworn upon it that he loves her; for here’s a paper written in his hand, a halting sonnet of his own pure brain, fashioned to Beatrice.

(BEATRICE grabs the sonnet.)

HERO

And here’s another writ in my cousin’s hand, stolen from her pocket, containing her affection unto Benedick.

(BENEDICK grabs BEATRICE’S sonnet.)

BENEDICK

A miracle! Here’s our own hands against our hearts.

Come, I will have thee. But by this light, I take thee for pity.

BEATRICE

I would not deny you; but by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption.*

BENEDICK

Peace! I will stop your mouth. (BEATRICE and BENEDICK kiss.) (Enter a MESSENGER.)

MESSENGER

My lord, your brother John is taken in flight, and brought with armed men back to Messina.

BENEDICK

Think not on him till tomorrow. I’ll devise brave punishments for him.

For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee; but in that thou art like to be my kinsman, live unbruised, and love my cousin.

Come come, we are friends.

DON PEDRO

How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?

BENEDICK

I’ll tell thee what Prince; a college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?

No!

In brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it; and therefore never flout at me for what I have said against it;

for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion. Let’s have a dance ere we are married,

that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels.