“I mean, I know it’s been awkward as ass, but there’s no need to leave.”
—Bridget Jones’s Diary
Wes
I was done.
Everyone was still partying, but I needed to get the hell out of there. After the Clark bombshell, I’d sat in the kitchen for a solid hour, pretending to be into the card game while my brain kept exploding over and over again.
Liz had a boyfriend.
I’d always known it was a possibility, but I guess I hadn’t truly accepted that possibility because I felt floored by the revelation. And before I had a moment to get a grip on the shittiness of that little morsel, Wade informed me that Clark was her roommate.
Her roomfuckingmate.
She lived with her new boyfriend.
I felt sick. My gut was literally churning and it was very possible I was going to vomit, so I needed to get out of there fast. I’d looked for Liz after she left the kitchen—God only knows why—but she seemed to have disappeared completely. I made my way through the packed living room, bouncing oP the jumping people who all seemed to be singing along to “DJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love,” until I reached AJ’s side. I tapped him on the arm and shouted, “I’m going to walk
back.”
“What?” He stopped dancing and leaned closer to hear me, looking at me like I was nuts. “You’re going to walk back? Now?”
“Yeah,” I snapped, absolutely uninterested in talking about it.
“Why? Do you even know how to get back from here?” He took a drink of his beer before saying, “Why the hell would you want to miss this?”
“I just do.” I was going to lose it if I stayed another minute, so I said, “I’ll see you back home.”
“Wait,” he yelled as I walked away, but I needed to leave. I pushed through the people, not even bothering with “excuse me” as I elbowed through the crowd, and I’d made it to the front door when he grabbed my arm. “Bennett!”
I turned around and it was almost comical how sweaty he was and how confused he looked. Thankfully the foyer was quieter than the rest of the apartment, so I didn’t have to yell anymore.
“Dude, I have to go,” I said, shaking my head.
“You okay, though? Wandering through the streets of LA in the dark seems like a bad idea.” He sounded like a worried parent when he said, “I don’t know how much you’ve had, but I’ll wait for an Uber with you if you want.”
God, he’s such a good dude. I didn’t know what to say or how to explain my
behavior, so I said, “I’m totally sober; I just can’t be here anymore.” “Well, maybe we can—”
“Remember my ex?”
He stopped talking and didn’t get it for a second, muttering, “No, I don’t think so,” under his breath before saying, “Wait—the redhead from high school?”
I’d gotten hammered one night during summer league and spilled a lot to AJ, probably more than I’d ever shared with any other human. We’d never really discussed it after that night, but I somehow knew he remembered all of it.
He was just that guy.
“Yeah.” I nodded and said, “Well, apparently this is her apartment.”
“What do you mean this is—oh my God!” His eyes got huge, and he said,
“Liz?”
“Shhhhhh,” I said, looking behind him to make sure no one was listening. “Shut up, will you?”
“Are you telling me,” he whisper-yelled, “that Buxxie is your ex?” “Yes,” I bit out, “and calm your ass down.”
“But Bennett,” he said, looking at me like I’d just delivered the world’s most shocking news. “I don’t understand. You didn’t know—”
“I knew she was a student at UCLA, but I didn’t know she lived in this apartment, and I sure as hell didn’t know she has a boyfriend.”
“Duuuude.” AJ tilted his head and looked at me like I was a pathetic puppy.
“No way did it go down like this.”
“Unbelievable, right?” I still felt queasy about the whole thing, mostly because I couldn’t stop hearing Clark call her “baby.”
Gross. It was gross, right?
“Baby” was an oPensive pet name, in my opinion.
Fuck.
“Go,” AJ said, pointing at the door. “Because your face is getting redder by the minute. Get out of here, clear your head, and text me when you get home so I know you made it safe.”
“Thanks, man,” I said, pulling open the door and exiting the noisy apartment. I wasn’t looking forward to discussing this with AJ later—that guy loved talking about feelings—but at least I knew I could trust him to keep it to himself.
I left the building and just started walking, grateful for the fresh air and quiet, but it didn’t take long for me to get good and lost.
UCLA was a huge school, and during daylight hours, I had the area pretty much 1gured out. But when it was dark, forget about it. My sense of direction went to shit. I gave my car to my sister because I had a whole team to mooch rides oP, but 1guring out where you were on foot was somehow more challenging than when you were behind the wheel.
I texted AJ: I think I’m walking in circles in the neighborhood by the party. Is there a trick to getting out?
I looked at my display and realized I’d been walking for forty minutes. I was starting to think my GPS was dicking me around.
Of course, the entire time I’d been walking I was picturing Liz and Clark, so the haze of jealous rage might’ve impaired my nighttime navigational skills.
Yeah, I was insanely jealous. Jealous to the nth degree.
So jealous it was choking me.
Which pissed me oP because it was stupid, right?
But even though my brain knew it was logical for her to date someone else, my body wanted to wipe the Aoor with Clark for being the one whose arm she wrapped her hands around.
Honestly, I should be happy for her because the dude seemed nice. Really,
really nice, actually. But somehow I just knew he wasn’t right for her. I might not be The One (even though I was pretty sure I was), but there was no way Ponytail was, either.
She said “new.”
That they were “new.” So, how new?
Were we talking days, weeks—what constituted new? Had they kissed yet?
“No,” I muttered to myself as I walked, the thought of that making my stomach churn. I mean, it’d been years—of course she’d kissed someone else by now. I knew that, but seeing her face again and smelling her perfume and hearing the sound of her voice made everything feel so close.
My phone buzzed in my hand. AJ: Airdrop your location
I did, and then my phone buzzed again. I expected it to be AJ, but it was my sister.
Which also wasn’t a surprise. Sarah was in all my business, all the time.
Sarah: How’s the epic party? Are you hard-core kegging?
I texted: Walking home, actually. Sarah: So early?
I replied: Liz was there.
Almost immediately, she was FaceTiming me.
Dammit. I didn’t feel like talking about it, but I also knew she wouldn’t go away.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” I said as I answered, fully aware that I would never not tell her. Sarah had gone from annoying little sister to the only
person in the world I could count on after my dad died and my mom had her issues, so we kind of told each other everything.
Spoiler: You get really close with your siblings when you have to learn survival
together.
“Oh my God,” she said, like I hadn’t spoken. “Did you talk to her?”
Sarah had on her glasses, which meant she was ready for bed. The kid hated glasses and had always waited until right before bed before taking out her contacts.
“I did,” I said, not wanting to rewind that polite small-talk nightmare.
“Oh my God, Wes, I was right!” Sarah, the romantic, had wanted me to track down Liz the second I got to LA. “This is fate, I just know—”
“She was with her boyfriend.”
“She has a boyfriend?” My sister, not one to be deterred, immediately launched into a fact-1nding mission. “And he was there? Is it serious?”
“I had the privilege of meeting him and talking to them—together—as a
couple.”
“Noooo—quel nightmare,” she sighed in horror, her eyes wide. “What was he like?”
I hated him. I hated him so much. Because, “He seemed like a really great guy.”
“Oh my God, the worst,” she said, groaning and shaking her head. “What
about the time? Do you know how long they’ve been talking?”
“That’s the weird part,” I said, leaning back and stretching out my legs. “Liz said it’s new, that they’ve just started dating, and then they both said they’re still getting used to it. The guy was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that’s right—I’m your boyfriend.’”
“What?” Sarah must’ve Aipped on a light because it was brighter now. “They are still getting used to it?”
“I know,” I said, still a little confused by that. “Like how?” “Obviously it isn’t serious, then. What else?”
“What else what?”
“What else happened with Liz, you moron? What did you two say to each other?”
“It was all very polite,” I said, my gut in a knot as I replayed the very cordial reunion. “Like we were total strangers.”
“Gross,” she said, almost in a whine.
“I know.” I sighed and tried pushing back the disappointment. “But even if she was single, Sar, it probably wouldn’t matter because she still hates me.”
“She said that?”
“No, but it was obvious.” It was all over her face when she looked at me. “Trust me.”
She leaned closer to the camera and pointed her 1nger at me. “Wesley, you need to tell her the truth.”
“I mean, how can I when she isn’t single?” I’d love for her to know the truth, but there wasn’t a good way to just spit out those words. “It doesn’t exactly come up in the conversations we aren’t having.”
“I don’t know, but you just have to say it. Spit out the words.” She shrugged and said, “Even if it’s awkwardly blurted-out in the middle of the quad, just get the truth out there.”
“I don’t think UCLA has a quad.”
“Wesley.”
“Sarah Beth.” I looked up at the full moon and stood. “I honestly don’t think that would change anything.”
“But it could change everything, you idiot!” She was all 1red up now, making me actually regret telling her because I was too exhausted to deal with her attitude.
“I’ll think about it,” I said, dropping to sit on the curb.
“Why wait? Why think? Go back to the party and shout it, Wesley!” “I have to go.”
“Dammit, Wes, you need to strike now, while it’s new—don’t you see that? If you drag your feet, it might become… not new with the boyfriend, and then it definitely won’t matter.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, kid,” I said. “I’m hanging up now.” “But—”
I disconnected the call. I knew she had the best of intentions, but I didn’t want to talk about this. Not with her or anyone.
No, I’d much rather stew and lose my mind over this all by myself. And she was wrong, by the way.
Because I knew Liz. Giving her the hard press with shouted confessions, after not speaking for almost two years, would only push her away. It was why I hadn’t tracked her down on move-in day.
I was being patient.
If we were ever going to have a second chance, I needed to convince her to become my friend 1rst. To let me in again.
Which seemed a hell of a lot more difficult now that she had a boyfriend. As if on cue, my daily watch alarm went oP.
It was 12:13 a.m.
Seriously, Universe, you’re hilarious.
Fuck me.
Liz had teasingly set the alarm for me the summer we were together, so that every night I would be forced to stop and recognize the anniversary of the moment we’d kissed under the streetlight on prom night.
Silly little love lover.
I wasn’t sure why I’d never deleted the alarm, to be honest.
“Bennett, you little bitch,” I heard as a car slowed beside me. I narrowed my eyes and saw Wade, Mickey, AJ, and a girl I didn’t know, all crammed into a silver Honda that had a silver-haired man behind the wheel. Mickey rolled down the front passenger window and said, “Get in.”
“I can’t believe you’re done at the party already,” I said, putting my phone in my pocket.
“Campbell said she was hungry,” AJ said from where he appeared to be squeezed against the door in the back seat, “so Brooks called an Uber so we can go get some food.”
The girl—Campbell, presumably—gave me a wave and a smile.
“Get your sweet ass in the car,” Wade said, sticking his head out the back window, “’cause we’re goin’ to Fat Sal’s.”
I wasn’t sure if they were going back to the party after Fat Sal’s or not, but at least I could call myself an Uber from there if that was the plan. I squeezed into
the back seat, wedged between Wade and the door as I slammed it, and the driver stomped on the gas.
“What kind of a dumbass walks home when they don’t know where they’re going?” Mickey asked, giving me a drunk grin. “You had our little AJ all worried about you.”
“I’d worry about you, too, if you went wandering around LA in the dark by
yourself,” AJ said, which made Wade laugh.
“Of course you would,” he said, reaching out a hand to pat AJ’s knee. “Mama Bear.”
“Why did you walk?” Campbell asked, leaning forward to talk to me around the Wade that was between us. “Couldn’t get an Uber?”
I got tripped up for a second, because this girl was Liz’s roommate, right? I doubted she knew anything about me—yet—because Liz hadn’t even known I was here until a few hours ago, but I had a weird feeling that I should try to make a good impression.
“Something like that,” I said, acting like it was a whim instead of me having a full-on meltdown over her roommate’s current relationship status. “I’m Wes, by the way.”
“Campbell,” she said, smiling. “And you used to date Liz, right?”
“What the what?” Wade shouted, even though he was right next to me. His mouth hung wide open for a second before he said, “You went out with Buxxie?”
Dammit. The last thing I wanted was to discuss Liz and my history with
Wade.
Or anyone, for that matter. Well, except for Liz.
“She was my next-door neighbor back home,” I said, trying to downplay it. “The girl next door?” he said, laughing. “Whooo, Bennett, I gotta know
more.”
“It was a long time ago,” I said, dismissing him because I was dying to hear what Liz had said to her roommate about me. I turned back to Campbell and said, “So, yes, I did.”
“That’s what Clark said,” she replied, “but no worries—he’s super chill about it.”
“Oh,” I said like a dumbass, but I had trouble pulling words together because, like… did that mean Liz hadn’t said anything about me? Was her boyfriend the one talking about me? “That’s good.”
And why was Clark so chill? Shouldn’t he be the slightest bit jealous of our history?
And why am I being so neurotic?
“Yeah,” she agreed. “And Wade told me all I could ever need to know about
you.”
“Oh?” I said, glancing at Brooks’s stupid smirk, wondering what the hell he could’ve said.
“He said you’re a pitcher from ‘NebraskaIdaHoma.’”
“All those states in the middle of the country just run together,” Wade said defensively, shrugging. “I can’t be expected to keep track of which one our little lefty comes from.”
“Brooks is a shining endorsement of the Texas school system, don’t you think?” AJ said to Campbell.
“Well, they say everything is bigger in Texas,” she said, “so—”
“That’s right, honey,” Wade interrupted, looking drunk as hell while he beamed at her.
“—I think it’s safe to say ignorance is not excluded from that expression.”
Campbell grinned at Wade, her head cocked like she was waiting for his comeback, and it made sense that she was friends with Liz. They both had a sweetness about them that was surrounded by a layer of smart wit, like they were capable of being kind while also destroying you if you dared to deserve it.
Wade’s voice was all con1dence when he said, “Honey, I will fucking label an entire United States map for you—with every state capital starred—if that will make you like me.”
“Can you do it while you’re drunk?” she asked, sounding like she was trying not to laugh. “On a Fat Sal’s napkin?”
“Tonight?” he asked, looking marginally less cocky as the car came to a stop across the street from the restaurant.
“Sure,” she said, and she kept talking as we all got out of the Uber. “I will make a US map while we wait in the food line, and then you can show oP your geographical knowledge while we eat.”
“This is a fantastic plan,” I said as we got in line.
“Okay—you guys order,” Mick said to AJ and me, handing me a wad of cash, “and we’ll grab that open table and get started.”
“Yeah,” Campbell agreed, holding out her card. “I’d like the stromboli fries, please.”
“Get me the Fat Bruin,” Mick said. “What do you want, Brooks?”
“Fat Texas and fries,” Wade said, still wielding that drunk-ass smile. “And quit being so excited to see me fail.”
“Can’t quell this thrill,” Mick said, shaking his head. “It’s what I live for.”
As soon as the three of them went over to the one empty table (Fat Sal’s was crazy busy on Friday nights), AJ said, “So how’re you doing?”
“I’m 1ne,” I said, glancing back at the patio to make sure Campbell was way out of earshot. “It’s 1ne.”
“Good.” He stepped forward when the line moved. “I just can’t believe it’s Buxxie, though. Buxxie is your ex? That’s wild.”
“How well do you know her?” I asked, genuinely curious. Now that I was marginally calmer—only because I was distracted—I wanted to hear all about what he knew of California Liz.
“I don’t know her at all,” he said, “but I know of her from Wade and Mick.”
They were both sophomores.
“Yeah?” I said, impressed by how casual I sounded when I really wanted to pull out a notebook and write down every detail he had pertaining to Liz Buxbaum.
“Yeah. Apparently Liz works for the video production department, so she’s always around, 1lming and taking photos of practices and workouts. Her team is the one that generates the content that the athletic department puts on social media.”
“No way.”
Liz works in the athletic department?
I had not expected that.
“Yeah. I guess that’s how everyone knows her.” “Everyone knows her?”
“Sounds like.” The line moved and he stepped forward again. “And I asked a few guys about Clark, but apparently this thing with him and Liz is brand-new, because no one seems to think they’re anything more than friends.”
“I see.” I felt a little better hearing that, because my chances were a hell of a lot greater if they’d just started dating than if they’d been together for a while.
“So what’s your plan?” AJ asked.
That brought my full attention to him, to his face as he gave me a weird look. I’d never once mentioned to him—even when drunk—my intention to ultimately win her back, so I was a little surprised by the comment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re wearing the same asshole expression you get on your face when you’re trying to sit a batter. You look… intentional, Bennett.”
The people in front of us moved out of line, and I stepped up to the counter to order.
Yeah, I was de1nitely intentional.
Regarding Lizzie, I had all the intentions in the world.
