Six months later
โOh.โ
Thatโs all she says.
My mother turns and assesses the building, running a ๏ฌnger over the windowsill next to her. She picks up a layer of dust and wipes it between her ๏ฌngers. โItโs . . .โ
โIt needs a lot of work, I know,โ I interrupt. I point at the windows behind her. โBut look at the storefront. It has potential.โ
She scrolls over the windows, nodding. Thereโs this sound she makes in the back of her throat sometimes, where she agrees with a little hum but her lips remain tight. It means she doesnโtย actuallyย agree. And she makes that sound.ย Twice.
I drop my arms in defeat. โYou think this was stupid?โ
She gives her head a slight shake. โThat all depends on how it turns out, Lily,โ she says. The building used to house a restaurant and itโs still full of old tables and chairs. My mother walks over to a nearby table and pulls out one of the chairs, taking a seat. โIf things work out, and your ๏ฌoral shop is successful, then people will say it was a brave, bold,ย smartย business decision. But if it fails and you lose your entire inheritance . . .โ
โThen people will say it was aย stupidย business decision.โ
She shrugs. โThatโs just how it works. You majored in business, you know that.โ She glances around the room, slowly, as if sheโs seeing it the way it will look a month from now. โJust make sure itโs brave and bold, Lily.โ
I smile.ย I can accept that.ย โI canโt believe I bought it without asking you ๏ฌrst,โ I say, taking a seat at the table.
โYouโre an adult. Itโs your right,โ she says, but I can hear a trace of disappointment. I think she feels even lonelier now that I need her less and less. Itโs been six months since my father died, and
even though he wasnโt good company, it has to be weird for her, being alone. She got a job at one of the elementary schools, so she did end up moving here. She chose a small suburb on the outskirts of Boston. She bought a cute two-bedroom house on a cul-de-sac, with a huge backyard. I dream of planting a garden there, but that would require daily care. My limit is once-a-week visits. Sometimes twice.
โWhat are you going to do with all this junk?โ she asks.
Sheโs right. Thereโs so much junk. Itโll take forever to clear this place out. โI have no idea. I guess Iโll be busting my ass for a while before I can even think about decorating.โ
โWhenโs your last day at the marketing ๏ฌrm?โ I smile. โYesterday.โ
She releases a sigh, and then shakes her head. โOh, Lily. I certainly hope this works out in your favor.โ
We both begin to stand when the front door opens. There are shelves in the way of the door, so I careen my head around them and see a woman walk in. Her eyes brie๏ฌy scan the room until she sees me.
โHi,โ she says with a wave. Sheโs cute. Sheโs dressed well, but sheโs wearing white capris. A disaster waiting to happen in this dust bowl.
โCan I help you?โ
She tucks her purse beneath her arm and walks toward me, holding out her hand. โIโm Allysa,โ she says. I shake her hand.
โLily.โ
She tosses a thumb over her shoulder. โThereโs a help wanted sign out front?โ
I look over her shoulder and raise an eyebrow. โThere is?โย I didnโt put up a help wanted sign.
She nods, and then shrugs. โIt looks old, though,โ she says. โItโs
probably been there a while. I was just out for a walk and saw the sign. Was curious, is all.โ
I like her almost immediately. Her voice is pleasant and her smile seems genuine.
My motherโs hand falls down on my shoulder and she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. โI have to go,โ she says. โOpen house
tonight.โ I tell her goodbye and watch her walk outside, then turn my attention back to Allysa.
โIโm not really hiring yet,โ I say. I wave my hand around the room. โIโm opening up a ๏ฌoral shop, but itโll be a couple of months, at least.โ I should know better than to hold preconceived judgments, but she doesnโt look like sheโd be satis๏ฌed with a minimum wage job. Her purse probably cost more than this building.
Her eyes light up. โReally? I love ๏ฌowers!โ She spins around in a circle and says, โThis place has a ton of potential. What color are you painting it?โ
I cross my arm over my chest and grab my elbow. Rocking back on my heels, I say, โIโm not sure. I just got the keys to the building an hour ago, so I havenโt really come up with a design plan yet.โ
โLily, right?โ I nod.
โIโm not going to pretend I have a degree in design, but itโs my absolute favorite thing. If you need any help, Iโd do it for free.โ
I tilt my head. โYouโd work for free?โ
She nods. โI donโt really need a job, I just saw the sign and thought, โWhat the heck?โ But I do get bored sometimes. Iโd be happy to help you with whatever you need. Cleaning, decorating, picking out paint colors. Iโm a Pinterest whore.โ Something behind me catches her eye and she points. โI could take that broken door and make it magni๏ฌcent.ย Allย this stuff, really. Thereโs a use for almost everything, you know.โ
I look around at the room, knowing full well Iโm not going to be able to tackle this by myself. I probably canโt even lift half this stuff alone. Iโll eventually have to hire someone anyway. โIโm not going to let you work for free. But I could do $10 an hour if youโre really serious.โ
She starts clapping, and if she werenโt in heels, she might have jumped up and down. โWhen can I start?โ
I glance down at her white capris. โWill tomorrow work? Youโll probably want to show up in disposable clothes.โ
She waves me off and drops her Hermรจs bag on a dusty table next to her. โNonsense,โ she says. โMy husband is watching the
Bruins play at a bar down the street. If itโs okay, Iโll just hang with you and get started right now.โ
โข โข โข
Two hours later, Iโm convinced Iโve met my new best friend. And she really is a Pinterest whore.
We write โKeepโ and โTossโ on sticky notes, and slap them on everything in the room. Sheโs a fellow believer in upcycling, so we come up with ideas for at least 75 percent of the stuff left in the building. The rest she says her husband can throw out when he has free time. Once we know what weโre going to do with all the stuff, I grab a notebook and a pen and we sit at one of the tables to write down design ideas.
โOkay,โ she says, leaning back in her chair. I want to laugh, because her white capris are covered in dirt now, but she doesnโt seem to care. โDo you have a goal for this place?โ she asks, glancing around.
โI haveย one,โ I say. โSucceed.โ
She laughs. โI have no doubt youโll succeed. But you do need a vision.โ
I think about what my mother said. โJust make sure itโs brave and bold, Lily.โ I smile and sit up straighter in my chair. โBrave and bold,โ I say. โI want this place to be different. I want to take risks.โ
She narrows her eyes as she chews on the tip of the pen. โBut youโre just selling ๏ฌowers,โ she says. โHow can you be brave and bold with ๏ฌowers?โ
I look around the room and try to envision what Iโm thinking. Iโm not even sure what Iโm thinking. Iโm just getting itchy and restless, like Iโm on the verge of a brilliant idea. โWhat are some words that come to mind when you think of ๏ฌowers?โ I ask her.
She shrugs. โI donโt know. Theyโre sweet, I guess? Theyโre alive, so they make me think of life. And maybe the color pink. And spring.โ
โSweet, life, pink, spring,โ I repeat. And then, โAllysa, youโre brilliant!โ I stand up and begin pacing the ๏ฌoor. โWeโll take everything everyone loves about ๏ฌowers, and weโll do the complete opposite!โ
She makes a face to let me know she isnโt following.
โOkay,โ I say. โWhat if, instead of showcasing theย sweetย side of ๏ฌowers, we showcased theย villainousย side? Instead of pink accents, we use darker colors, like a deep purple or even black. And instead of just spring and life, we also celebrate winter and death.โ
Allysaโs eyes are wide. โBut . . . what if someone wantsย pinkย ๏ฌowers, though?โ
โWell, weโll still give them what they want, of course. But weโll also give them what they donโtย knowย they want.โ
She scratches her cheek. โSo youโre thinkingย blackย ๏ฌowers?โ She looks concerned, and I donโt blame her. Sheโs only seeing the darkest side of my vision. I take a seat at the table again and try to
get her on board.
โSomeone once told me that there is no such thing as bad people. Weโre all just people who sometimes do bad things. That stuck with me, because itโs so true. Weโve all got a little bit of good and evil in us. I want to make that our theme. Instead of painting the walls a putrid sweet color, we paint them dark purple with black accents. And instead of only putting out the usual pastel displays of ๏ฌowers in boring crystal vases that make people think of life, we go edgy. Brave and bold. We put out displays of darker ๏ฌowers wrapped in things like leather or silver chains. And rather than put them in crystal vases, weโll stick them in black onyx or . . . I donโt know . . . purple velvet vases lined with silver studs. The ideas are endless.โ I stand up again. โThere are ๏ฌoral shops on every corner for people who love ๏ฌowers. But what ๏ฌoral shop caters to all the people whoย hateย ๏ฌowers?โ
Allysa shakes her head. โNone of them,โ she whispers.
โExactly. None of them.โ
We stare at each other for a moment, and then I canโt take it another second. Iโm bursting with excitement and I just start laughing like a giddy child. Allysa starts laughing, too, and she jumps up and hugs me. โLily, itโs so twisted, itโs brilliant!โ
โI know!โ Iโm full of renewed energy. โI need a desk so I can sit down and make a business plan! But my future of๏ฌce is full of old vegetable crates!โ
She walks toward the back of the store. โWell, letโs get them out of there and go buy you a desk!โ
We squeeze into the of๏ฌce and begin moving crates out one by one and into a back room. I stand on the chair to make the piles taller so weโll have more room to move around.
โThese are perfect for the window displays I have in mind.โ She hands me two more crates and walks away, and as Iโm reaching on my tiptoes to stack them at the very top, the pile begins to tumble. I try to ๏ฌnd something to grab hold of for balance, but the crates knock me off the chair. When I land on the ๏ฌoor, I can feel my foot bend in the wrong direction. Itโs followed by a rush of pain straight up my leg and down to my toes.
Allysa comes rushing back into the room and has to move two of the crates from on top of me. โLily!โ she says. โOh my God, are you okay?โ
I pull myself up to a sitting position, but donโt even try to put weight on my ankle. I shake my head. โMy ankle.โ
She immediately removes my shoe and then pulls her phone out of her pocket. She begins dialing a number and then looks up at me. โI know this is a stupid question, but do you happen to have a refrigerator here with ice in it?โ
I shake my head.
โI ๏ฌgured,โ she says. She puts the phone on speaker and sets it on the ๏ฌoor as she begins to roll up my pant leg. I wince, but not so much from the pain. I just canโt believe I did something so stupid. If I broke it, Iโm screwed. I just spent my entire inheritance on a building that I wonโt even be able to renovate for months.
โHeeey, Issa,โ a voice croons through her phone. โWhere you at?
The gameโs over.โ
Allysa picks up her phone and brings it closer to her mouth. โAt work. Listen, I need . . .โ
The guy cuts her off and says, โAtย work? Babe, you donโt even have a job.โ
Allysa shakes her head and says, โMarshall, listen. Itโs an emergency. I think my boss broke her ankle. I need you to bring some ice to . . .โ
He cuts her off with a laugh. โYourย boss? Babe, you donโt even have a job,โ he repeats.
Allysa rolls her eyes. โMarshall, are you drunk?โ
โItโsย onesieย day,โ he slurs into the phone. โYou knew that when you dropped us off, Issa. Free beer until . . .โ
She groans. โPut my brother on the phone.โ
โFine, ๏ฌne,โ Marshall mumbles. Thereโs a rustling sound that comes from the phone, and then, โYeah?โ
Allysa spits out our location into the phone. โGet here right now.
Please. And bring a bag of ice.โ
โYesย maโam,โ he says. The brother sounds like he may be a little drunk, too. Thereโs laughter, and then one of the guys says, โSheโs in a bad mood,โ and then the line goes dead.
Allysa puts her phone back in her pocket. โIโll go wait outside for them, theyโre just down the street. Will you be okay here?โ
I nod and reach for the chair. โMaybe I should just try to walk on it.โ
Allysa pushes my shoulders back until Iโm leaning against the wall again. โNo, donโt move. Wait until they get here, okay?โ
I have no idea what two drunken guys are going to be able to do for me, but I nod. My new employee feels more like my boss right now and Iโm kind of scared of her at the moment.
I wait in the back for about ten minutes when I ๏ฌnally hear the front door to the building open. โWhat in theย world?โ a manโs voice says. โWhy are you all alone in this creepy building?โ
I hear Allysa say, โSheโs back here.โ She walks in, followed by a guy wearing a onesie. Heโs tall, a little bit on the thin side, but boyishly handsome with big, honest eyes and a head full of dark, messy, way-past-due-for-a-haircut hair. Heโs holding a bag of ice.
Did I mention he was wearing a onesie?
Iโm talking a legit, full-grown man in a SpongeBob onesie. โThis is your husband?โ I ask her, cocking an eyebrow.
Allysa rolls her eyes. โUnfortunately,โ she says, glancing back at him. Another guy (also in a onesie) walks in behind them, but my attention is on Allysa as she explains why theyโre wearing pajamas on a random Wednesday afternoon. โThereโs a bar down the street that gives out free beer to anyone who shows up in a onesie during a Bruins game.โ She makes her way over to me and motions for the guys to follow her. โShe fell off the chair and hurt her ankle,โ she says to the other guy. He steps around Marshall and the ๏ฌrst thing I notice are his arms.
Holy shit. I know those arms.
Those are the arms of a neurosurgeon.
Allysa is his sister?ย The sister that owns the entire top ๏ฌoor, with the husband who works in pajamas and brings in seven ๏ฌgures a year?
As soon as my eyes lock with Ryleโs, his whole face morphs into a smile. I havenโt seen him inโGod, how long ago was thatโsix months? I canโt say I havenโt thought about him during the past six months, because Iโve thought about him quite a few times. But I never actually thought Iโd see him again.
โRyle, this is Lily. Lily, my brother, Ryle,โ she says, motioning toward him. โAnd thatโs my husband, Marshall.โ
Ryle walks over to me and kneels down. โLily,โ he says, regarding me with a smile. โNice to meet you.โ
Itโs obvious he remembers meโI can see it in his knowing smile. But like me, heโs pretending this is the ๏ฌrst time weโve met. Iโm not sure Iโm in the mood to explain how we already know each other.
Ryle touches my ankle and inspects it. โCan you move it?โ
I try to move it, but a sharp pain shoots all the way up my leg. I suck in air through my teeth and shake my head. โNot yet. It hurts.โ
Ryle motions to Marshall. โFind something to put the ice in.โ
Allysa follows Marshall out of the room. When theyโre both gone, Ryle looks at me and his mouth turns up into a grin. โI wonโt charge you for this, but only because Iโm slightly inebriated,โ he says with a wink.
I tilt my head. โThe ๏ฌrst time I met you, you were high. Now youโre drunk. Iโm beginning to worry you arenโt going to make a very quali๏ฌed neurosurgeon.โ
He laughs. โIt would appear that way,โ he says. โBut I promise you, I rarely ever get high and this is my ๏ฌrst day off in over a month, so I really needed a beer. Or ๏ฌve.โ
Marshall comes back with an old rag wrapped around some ice. He hands it to Ryle, who presses it against my ankle. โIโll need that ๏ฌrst aid kit out of your trunk,โ Ryle says to Allysa. She nods and grabs Marshallโs hand, pulling him out of the room again.
Ryle presses his palm against the bottom of my foot. โPush against my hand,โ he says.
I push down with my ankle. It hurts, but Iโm able to move his hand. โIs it broken?โ
He moves my foot from side to side, and then says, โI donโt think so. Letโs give it a couple of minutes and Iโll see if you can put any weight on it.โ
I nod and watch as he adjusts himself across from me. He sits cross-legged and pulls my foot onto his lap. He looks around the room and then directs his attention back at me. โSo what is this place?โ
I smile a little too big. โLily Bloomโs. Itโll be a ๏ฌoral shop in about two monthsโ time.โ
I swear, his whole face lights up with pride. โNo way,โ he says. โYou did it? Youโre actually opening up your own business?โ
I nod. โYep. I ๏ฌgured I might as well try it while Iโm still young enough to bounce back from failure.โ
One of his hands is holding the ice against my ankle, but the other one is wrapped around my bare foot. Heโs brushing his thumb back and forth, like itโs no big deal that heโs touching me. But his hand on my foot is way more noticeable than the pain in my ankle.
โI look ridiculous, huh?โ he asks, staring down at his solid red onesie.
I shrug. โAt least you went with a non-character choice. It gives it a bit more maturity than the SpongeBob option.โ
He laughs, and then his smile disappears as he leans his head into the door beside him. He stares at me appreciatively. โYouโre even prettier in the daytime.โ
Moments like these are why I absolutely hate having red hair and fair skin. The embarrassment doesnโt only show up in my cheeksโmy whole face, arms, and neck grow ๏ฌushed.
I rest my head against the wall behind me and stare at him just like heโs staring at me. โYou want to hear a naked truth?โ
He nods.
โIโve wanted to go back to your roof on more than one occasion since that night. But I was too scared youโd be there. You make me kind of nervous.โ
His ๏ฌngers pause their strokes against my foot. โMy turn?โ I nod.
His eyes narrow as his hand moves to the underneath of my foot. He slowly traces his ๏ฌngers from the tops of my toes, down to my heel. โI still very much want to fuck you.โ
Someone gasps, and it isnโt me.
Ryle and I both look at the doorway and Allysa is standing there, wide-eyed. Her mouth is open as she points down at Ryle. โDid you just . . .โ She looks at me and says, โI amย soย sorry about him, Lily.โ And then she looks back at Ryle with venom in her eyes. โDid you just tell my boss you want toย fuckย her?โ
Oh, dear.
Ryle pulls his bottom lip in and chews on it for a second.
Marshall walks in behind Allysa and says, โWhatโs going on?โ
Allysa looks at Marshall and points at Ryle again. โHe just told Lily he wants toย fuckย her!โ
Marshall looks from Ryle to me. I donโt know whether to laugh
or crawl under the table and hide. โYou did?โ he says, looking back at Ryle.
Ryle shrugs. โIt appears that way,โ he says.
Allysa puts her head in her hands, โJesus Christ,โ she says, looking at me. โHeโs drunk. Theyโre both drunk. Please donโt judge me because my brother is an asshole.โ
I smile at her and wave it off. โItโs ๏ฌne, Allysa. Lots of people want to fuck me.โ I glance back at Ryle and heโs still casually stroking my foot. โAt least your brother speaks his mind. Not a lot of people have the courage to say what theyโre actually thinking.โ
Ryle winks at me and then carefully moves my ankle off his lap. โLetโs see if you can put any weight on it,โ he says.
He and Marshall help me to my feet. Ryle points to a table a few feet away thatโs pushed up against a wall. โLetโs try to make it to the table so I can wrap it.โ
His arm is secured around my waist, and heโs gripping my arm tightly to make sure I donโt fall. Marshall is more or less just standing next to me for support. I put a little weight on my ankle and it hurts, but itโs not excruciating. Iโm able to hop all the way to the table with a lot of assistance from Ryle. He helps me pull myself up until Iโm seated on top of it, leaning against the wall with my leg stretched out in front of me.
โWell, the good news is that it isnโt broken.โ
โWhatโs the bad news?โ I ask him.
He opens the ๏ฌrst aid kit and says, โYouโll need to stay off of it for a few days. Maybe even a week or more, depending on how it heals.โ
I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall behind me. โBut I have so much to do,โ I whine.
He carefully begins to wrap my ankle. Allysa is standing behind him, watching him wrap it.
โIโm thirsty,โ Marshall says. โAnybody want something to drink?
Thereโs a CVS across the street.โ โIโm good,โ Ryle says.
โIโll take a water,โ I say. โSprite,โ Allysa says.
Marshall grabs her hand. โYouโre coming with.โ
Allysa pulls her hand from his and crosses her arms over her chest. โIโm not going anywhere,โ she says. โMy brother canโt be trusted.โ
โAllysa, itโs ๏ฌne,โ I tell her. โHe was making a joke.โ
She stares at me silently for a moment, and then says, โOkay. But you canโt ๏ฌre me if he pulls more stupid shit.โ
โI promise I wonโt ๏ฌre you.โ
With that, she grabs Marshallโs hand again and leaves the room. Ryle is still wrapping my foot when he says, โMy sister works for you?โ
โYep. Hired her a couple of hours ago.โ
He reaches into the ๏ฌrst aid kit and pulls out tape. โYou do realize sheโs never had a job in her entire life?โ
โShe already warned me,โ I say. His jaw is tight and he doesnโt look as relaxed as he did earlier. Then it hits me that he might think I hired her as a way to get closer to him. โI had no idea she was your sister until you walked in. I swear.โ
He glances at me, and then back down at my foot. โI wasnโt suggesting you knew.โ He begins to tape over the ACE bandage.
โI know you werenโt. I just didnโt want you to think I was trying to trap you somehow. We want two different things from life, remember?โ
He nods, and carefully sets my foot back on the table. โThat is correct,โ he says. โI specialize in one-night stands and youโre on the
quest for your Holy Grail.โ
I laugh. โYou have a good memory.โ
โI do,โ he says. A languid smile stretches across his mouth. โBut youโre also hard to forget.โ
Jesus.ย Heย hasย to stop saying things like that. I press my palms into the table and pull my leg down. โNaked truth coming.โ
He leans against the table next to me and says, โAll ears.โ
I hold nothing back. โIโm very attracted to you,โ I say. โThereโs not much about you I donโt like. And being as though you and I both want different things, if weโre ever around each other again, Iโd appreciate it if you could stop saying things that make me dizzy. Itโs not really fair to me.โ
He nods once, and then says, โMy turn.โ He places his hand on the table next to me and leans in a little. โIโm very attracted to you, too. Thereโs not much aboutย youย I donโt like. But I kind of hope weโre never around each other again, because I donโt like how much I think about you. Which isnโt all that muchโbut itโs more than Iโd like. So if you still arenโt going to agree to a one-night stand, then I think itโs best if we do what we can to avoid each other. Because it wonโt do either of us any favors.โ
I donโt know how he ended up this close to me, but heโs only about a foot away. His proximity makes it hard to pay attention to words that come out of his mouth. His gaze drops brie๏ฌy to my mouth, but as soon as we hear the front door open, heโs halfway across the room. By the time Allysa and Marshall make it to us, Ryle is busy restacking all the crates that fell. Allysa looks down at my ankle.
โWhatโs the verdict?โ she asks.
I push my bottom lip out. โYour doctor brother says I have to stay off of it for a few days.โ
She hands me my water. โGood thing you have me. I can work and do what I can to clean up while you rest.โ
I take a drink of the water and then wipe my mouth. โAllysa, Iโm declaring you employee of the month.โ
She grins and then turns to Marshall. โDid you hear that? Iโm the best employee she has!โ
He puts his arm around her and kisses the top of her head. โIโm proud of you, Issa.โ
I like that he calls herย Issa, which Iโm assuming is short for Allysa. I think about my own name and if Iโll ever ๏ฌnd a guy who could shorten it into a sickeningly cute nickname.ย Illy.
Nope. Not the same.
โDo you need help getting home?โ she asks.
I hop down and test my foot. โMaybe just to my car. Itโs my left foot, so I can probably drive just ๏ฌne.โ
She walks over and puts her arm around me. โIf you want to leave the keys with me, Iโll lock up and come back tomorrow and start cleaning.โ
The three of them walk me to my car, but Ryle allows Allysa to do most of the work. He seems almost scared to touch me now for some reason. When Iโm in the driverโs seat, Allysa puts my purse and other things in the ๏ฌoorboard and sits in the passenger seat. She takes my phone out and begins programming her number into it.
Ryle leans into the window. โMake sure to keep ice on it as much as you can for the next few days. Baths help, too.โ
I nod. โThanks for your help.โ
Allysa leans over and says, โRyle? Maybe you should drive her home and take a cab back to the apartment, just to be safe.โ
Ryle looks down at me and then shakes his head. โI donโt think thatโs a good idea,โ he says. โSheโll be ๏ฌne. Iโve had a few beers, probably shouldnโt be driving.โ
โYou could at least help her home,โ Allysa suggests.
Ryle shakes his head and then pats the roof of the car as he turns and walks away.
Iโm still watching him when Allysa hands me back my phone and says, โSeriously. Iโm really sorry about him. First he hits on you, then heโs a sel๏ฌsh asshole.โ She climbs out of the car and closes the door, then leans through the window. โThatโs why heโll be single for the rest of his life.โ She points to my phone. โText me when you get home. And call me if you need anything. I wonโt count favors as work-time.โ
โThank you, Allysa.โ
She smiles. โNo, thankย you. I havenโt been this excited about my life since that Paolo Nutini concert I went to last year.โ She waves goodbye and walks toward where Marshall and Ryle are standing.
They begin walking down the street and I watch them in my rearview mirror. As they turn the corner, I see Ryle glance over his shoulder and look back in my direction.
I close my eyes and exhale.
The two times Iโve spent with Ryle were on days Iโd probably rather forget. My fatherโs funeral and spraining my ankle. But somehow, him being present made them feel like less of the disasters they were.
I hate that heโs Allysaโs brother. I have a feeling this isnโt the last time Iโll be seeing him.