Habits by definition, are things you do every day to the point where it becomes automatic or second nature to do them. It takes about sixty six days to create a new habit and about twenty one days to break one. So, when you think about overthinking, think about how many days you have done it to make it habitual. The start of creating a habit is to create a daily routine while introducing the new habit that you want to take its place and sticking to it every day for two months and longer. Now, sticking to a daily routine means that you need to build structure in
your life and with structure comes healthy decision making. But, you can’t make healthy decisions without your thoughts getting in the way
and so what’s needed first is to develop a new thought pattern and make that a habit first. So, where do you start? Let’s start with positive thinking and work from there.
Making Positive Thinking Habitual
Positive thinking habits are more than just thinking of something and being positive about it. It’s also about learning what is negative in your life – whether it be your thoughts, your career, your home life,
your relationships, etc… Then looking at the negatives in a non-
judgmental way and finding the lesson from them. For example, say you are a painter, and had a disagreement with your friend about which
colour to paint the outside trim of their house. You think it should be
red and your friend thinks it should be white. You explain your reasons for why it should be red and your friend still disagrees with you because
their reasoning is that it’s their house. The whole interaction gets blown out of proportion and you either lose your friend, or you are asked not
to paint it anymore. Your mind might go into catastrophe mode and think that your friend has a bad sense in color, or you may have stepped over boundaries a bit too far and are in regret about the whole situation. Now, look for the positives, here are a few suggestions:
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- Looking back, you now have a sense of what your friend was interested in.
- You learned that arguing your point, just because you think it was better, got you nowhere.
- You have learned from this valuable lesson and will improve your interactions in the future.
- If you guys are not friends anymore, then it just means that not everyone can get along.
- You know what you like, and you stood for what you thought was right at the time.
Positive thinking can get you further than thinking negatively about
it. If you were to continue to obsess over the whole ordeal, you may not
learn anything and you would have made the same mistake in the future losing even more friends. There is always something brighter to look at
then to dwell on the negative aspects of everything.
When you can think more positively, you will set yourself up to see
things more clearly which only starts with positive inner self-talk. Right now, your thoughts may be automatically negative because that is why
you overthink all the time, ruminating on things that bring you down. Negative self-talk keeps you feeling less confident and showing less self- esteem, which others may take advantage of because they know your weaknesses. So, how do you make positivity into a habit?
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Determine the areas in your life you want to change
This step is about looking at everything from work, interpersonal relationships, certain trigger situations, certain topics brought up in conversation, etc… Then to be mindful of how you automatically react to these events or scenarios. If your spouse says they need to talk to you, and you automatically think ‘oh no, what now’, this thought process is going to have your mind spiral down into a black hole where it will be hard to get out of. The minute you have this thought, notice it, then change it. Instead of ‘oh no,’ be curious and
think ‘I have a feeling I know what they want to talk about, but I am going to take this talk as an opportunity to work on my listening skills and communicate my needs too.’ This way, you have noticed your thought process and changed it, which stops the downward spiral of overthinking.
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Check yourself
If it has become habitual for you to think negativly, then you are going to view the world as negative resulting in overthinking and a distressed mood. Periodically throughout the day, stop for a minute and be mindful of what you are thinking. Since you are doing this purposely you may not have anything going on, and so purposely present yourself with something positive you can say about what you are doing at that moment. If your thought is negative, put a positive spin on it such as turning ‘I’m not going to do better than I am at this,’ to ‘I will continue to do my best’.
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Find humor in everything
The best medicine for a dark mood or a brain full of worrisome
thoughts is to smile or laugh. Give yourself permission to laugh at something today and every day – even if it’s yourself. Have you done something that seemed silly or not so smart lately? Laugh at it. Did you and your coworkers have an argument? Smile about it because smiling about it is much easier than obsessing about it. Once you smile, it will send a signal to your brain that it’s not very bothersome, which will send happy chemicals through your body leaving you feeling more positive in future similar situations.
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Be around positive or like-minded people
It’s hard to change your unhealthy negative mindset when you surround yourself with people that feel and think the same way. Even
though you may feel close to these people, remind yourself that you are adopting change for the sole reason of overcoming ways of overthinking. In the last chapter of this book, we will define what
toxic people are and how to escape them. In the meantime, surround yourself with people that give good advice and who have your best interests at heart.
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Practice positive self-talk
This includes positive affirmations to tell yourself every day and creating mantras that will help you get through a negative thought- spiral. A good idea is to create your own flash cards, then whenever you need them, pull them out and read them. Some examples are I am grateful for all of my experiences; I have happy people in my life, and they deserve me at my best; I deserve greatness because I believe in myself; one step forward is all it takes to overcome this struggle.
Think about things you are grateful for, say encouraging things to yourself that you would usually say to someone else, and remember to remind yourself that you are everything you need in this world
because you are worth it.
When you think about positivity, think about the most positive
person in your life, or the one person you look up to the most, and try to implement ways of their thinking into your own life. Become
experienced and curious about creating the most positive things and developing them into your life. Your life is what you make of it, so if you don’t like it, be okay to change it. With change comes experience and
that’s always a positive thing.
How to Implement Structure into Your Life
Is your life all over the place? Do you feel as though you never have any spare time on your hands to do anything? Do you feel so stressed out that even when you do try to relax, it never works? Do your ruminating thoughts keep you up at night about all of the many things
you have to do tomorrow and the next day and the next? Welcome to an unstructured and unbalanced habit that you created. Structure and balance help you get things done and feel as though you do have time on your hands. When you have structure in your life, you have a plan and a daily routine that you follow leading up to your main goals and life aspirations. Structure is the one thing keeping your head on straight
and your life on track.
Lack of structure can leave someone feeling as though we have tasks that are never-ending, and relationships that seem to be falling apart because we are always saying yes, then never following through. People are so spontaneous – which is a great thing – but not so great when you have too many things to do. A plan can get someone on track, and a
daily schedule can help you when the days are long and tiring. So, get out your planner and start planning a more structured routine to create some balance in your life. Here are a few steps to get you started.
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Create theme days or theme weeks
This is a step for you if you have a ton of different things to do. It’s a process where you group similar tasks together and focus on completing them. For example, if Mondays is your busiest day of the week, then you will want to have a lighter load of things to do on this day. Use Tuesday to catch up on the things you missed Monday and use Wednesday as a steady flow day – whichever works best for you.
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Plan the week coming on a Sunday, or the day right before your work week starts
When you plan your week before it starts, you will have a better vision and idea on what you can get done and when. This day is when you would put important meetings in your calendar, schedule in friend time, downtime, and family time. Use a planner to estimate your days by the hour and make notes of what you cannot estimate right now to reassess later in the week. This will keep you organized and refreshed before a hectic week starts.
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Every night plan tomorrow
Once you have your week down pat, you can then focus on the shorter goals or tasks like what are you going to do from this time to this time tomorrow. The reason it’s beneficial to do this every night is because throughout the day, we might have not been able to get everything done, and so we would then have to schedule it in for the
next day. When you do make a schedule like this, it’s best to stick to it because when you get behind is when life becomes stressful, so try not to take on too much and always make sure you have time for yourself to recuperate. After all, you can’t get anything done if your mind is packed or jumbled up.
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Create a morning and night routine
If your life is too crazy to stick to the same thing every day, or if you are the type of person that likes spontaneity, then a set schedule may not work for you. In this case, start small. Figure out what you want to do in the morning or night, and then figure the rest out as you go. For example, if you want to start jogging make it a morning routine before breakfast or at night before your shower. If you want more
downtime in the mornings, schedule in a little meditation before work. Here is an example morning routine:
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Wake up, have orange juice (or coffee, whatever you like)
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Take a morning stroll
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Come home, shower
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Get dressed
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Read the paper or watch the news
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Start your work day
Make your night time routine relaxing and your morning routine energizing. The rest of the day is up to you on what you decide to do. The point is that if your life doesn’t hold structure, you need to fit it in somewhere for your mind to be able to relax.
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Take care of yourself
This is a given, but you must remember in your schedule to eat healthy, get enough exercise, have some downtime, and create social events to get enough interpersonal communication in your day. If you don’t have enough time in one day to get this done, dedicate one day to doing it. If you struggle with doing stuff for yourself, just think about what your favorite thing to do is, or what you have always wanted to do or try. Once you know that, pencil it in your schedule.
Creating structure takes dedication, motivation, decision-making,
and finally sticking to it. Sticking to your structured life makes room for healthy attitudes and positive lifestyles because you have created balance and control. Making time for yourself also helps you continue
through those days that seem stressful because all work and no play is no fun.
Say Goodbye to Old Habits
People always talk about changing their life for the better, but never end up doing it because they don’t know how. Making change
means changing your old habits to ones that you will be happy doing. If
you are unhappy doing something, then your old habits will take control and new habits will stay just an idea. As it takes two months or more to create habits, your new routine and structured lifestyle has to be something you enjoy doing or it will never stick.
When it comes to breaking habits, there are some steps you must take in order to start new habits. These steps are provided for you below:
Define your triggers
Every habit has a trigger. For example, if you are a smoker, you may have a smoke after every meal, when you drink, or when you are with other people. So you must replace these triggers with new ones, the underlying need of a smoker could be that they need something to do with your hands. Since you cannot stop eating, replace having a
smoke with chewing gum, or take up knitting, or writing. Every habit has five triggers and you must define these triggers to completely rid yourself of this habit. These cues or triggers include:
Location
Time
Emotional states (stress, bad moods)
Other people (influences)
An immediate reaction following the habit.
Once you learn what triggers your habit, you can start taking small steps toward solving it.
One step at a time
Creating new habits take time and patience in order to kick it for good. Be patient with yourself and start small. Break up your habit in steps. For example, if you automatically leave your plate on your living room table when you are finished eating, and then forget about it, practice bringing your plate to the kitchen. Eventually you will learn to rinse your plate, then to wash it, then to rinse wash, dry, and put away. When you do that every time you eat, it will become a habit.
Mark your projected change on a calendar
More often than not we tend to fall back into our old habits.
Sometimes it’s because we forget, other times it’s because we don’t have the willpower to continue. Look at your calendar and make a note of your habit you are trying to change. Write down why you
want to change it, then the benefits you will obtain from doing it. This should move you forward and keep you on track.
Create an ‘if, then’ action plan
Habits, like routines, are ‘loops’ that we repeat systematically without realizing it. If you want change (as said previously), then you must do
something different, otherwise all you can expect are the same results. Create an ‘if, then’ to disrupt the pattern and consciously do something different. For example, if I go for a jog at (certain time), then I will feel better about myself. Or if I don’t meditate now, then I won’t be making much change. After that, put a positive spin on it, ‘I want to make a change because I want a better situation for myself and stop these obsessive thoughts.’
In any situation, breaking a habit means that you need to be
conscious of it and then make the necessary changes to stay away from it. Next time you do something that you want to change, pause, think about it, do something different than you are used to, and think about what can benefit you from doing this new thing. Then repeat the steps every single time. Not only will you be practicing self-awareness, but
you will also be making healthier choices, and practicing making wiser decisions, which will make you feel better.
Chapter Summary
Breaking habits and developing new ones can only be your decision to make. No one can force you out of a decision, but much of your overthinking is caused by having this negative habit implemented into your daily life. In order to break this from your life and free your mind, you must follow the steps in this chapter to rid yourself of this
unhealthy habit. As habits are mostly taught, you can learn how to teach yourself out of these habits. Think back to when you were young and didn’t stress about half of the things you stress about now. Yes, you may have been young and naive, but sometimes being young and naive is
beneficial for the sole fact that you were innocent once and didn’t care what the world throws at you. That was when your mind was free, and to overcome this state of mind that you are in now, you just have to create a habit around positive thinking and getting out of your own head.
In this chapter, you learned
- How to turn positive thinking into a habit.
- The importance of positive thinking.
- How to create a routine based around structure.
- How to live a balanced life through a structured routine.
- How to break a habit.
- How to replace a habit with a habit you want.
- The benefits of change.
In the next chapter, you will learn about toxic people and how to spot a negative or dark personality that will only drag you down. This last chapter is perhaps the most important chapter to take notes from considering most of our experiences involve other people and who we choose to hang around with. You will learn about abusive relationships and figure out how to surround yourself with the right people. Learn
how to create boundaries, and develop confidence in your decisions and in your life with the company you choose to keep in Chapter Nine.
