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‌Chapter 3: From Overthinking to Social Anxiety‌

Control Your Mind and Master Your Feelings

In chapter one, we briefly talked about what anxiety was and the

types of anxiety there are. To rehash, anxiety is a feeling of nervousness, being on edge, and constant worry about things we can’t control.

Anxiety is instinctive with the fact that our cortisol hormones raise

when we feel we are in danger. However, most anxiety attacks are not happening because you are in actual danger but because the brain

interprets you as being in danger. Anxiety can be closely related to and stem from depression, and vice-versa. This is because the hormones that our brain produces are almost identical to the hormones resulting from anxiety and depression, meaning the two disorders cause the same hormone releases such as cortisol surges. The types of anxiety disorders are:

  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – OCD
  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder – GAD
  • Social Anxiety Disorder – SAD
  • Panic Disorder
  • Agoraphobia

We are going to focus mainly on Social Anxiety Disorder for this

chapter because social media and addictions to technology are two main causes of having a social anxiety disorder. The main reason why people have a social anxiety disorder is because they are usually in their head overthinking about what others think of them. We often hide behind

social media because it is easier to have a conversation through text message rather than in person. With how generations are developing, social media is becoming the main way to communicate, which causes addictions and is not healthy by any means. This chapter will explain why.

Social Anxiety Disorder – SAD

Many people experience feeling shy, or nervous in a social setting, but after some time their nerves die down and they become socially interactive. Others may be complete social butterflies but become overly afraid when it comes to having to give a presentation or speech in front of a large crowd. This is normal if you can get through it. However, someone who experiences social anxiety disorder feels distressed in these situations and may go to great lengths to avoid social interaction

and contact because it makes them feel really uncomfortable. Social

anxiety is also known as social phobia and is the most common of the

anxiety disorders listed above. Check out the following list to see if your shyness goes beyond normal and if you could be developing a social

anxiety disorder.

This list is a view on what socially anxious people have an extreme difficulty time with:

  • Talking to strangers, meeting new people.
  • Public speaking or speaking in front of a group of people.
  • Dating and relationship conflict.
  • Making and maintaining eye contact.
  • Entering and exiting rooms with new people.
  • Using public restrooms.
  • Going to social events such as parties and business meetings.
  • Eating in front of others.
  • Going to work, school or college.
  • Starting conversations and finishing them.

Not all these situations are the same for everyone experiencing such a disorder. For example, one person might struggle with starting

conversations but have no problem using a public restroom. Whereas,

for another person, it could be the opposite. Others may be really good at having one-on-one conversations but cannot face their fear of having to talk to a group of people. Social anxiety disorder happens differently for everyone.

There are many reasons why a socially anxious person may feel

fearful of some of the above situations but in most cases, the reasons are pretty general. Someone may be fearful of being judged or humiliated in a social setting. Others may obsess about if they say or do something to upset or offend someone else. Another reason for being socially afraid is because they want to avoid being the center of attention at all costs because they overthink every situation that they are in. This is where overthinking causes social anxiety, and most times, you just need to get out of your head, and into the present moment.

Just like most anxiety disorders, the symptoms one may experience in a social setting are very close to the same stressful feelings. Here is a list of just some of the symptoms a person suffering from a social

anxiety disorder may experience:

  • Fast heart rate
  • Tense muscles
  • Dizziness and feeling like you are about to pass out (faintness)
  • Digestive problems such as gut rot and bowel issues.
  • Shortness of breath
  • Feeling spacey, or like you are not here – “Out-of-body”

sensation as if you feel you are in a bubble or not inside your body controlling yourself.

If these sound familiar, then you may experience them right before a

social encounter or spend weeks obsessing over an upcoming event. Whatever the scenario, some or all of these symptoms may happen during an event, or before and/or after an event. So, you can see now that overthinking can lead to having such an overwhelming disorder.

If you let the disorder get the best of you, it can really take control of your life. You will start to avoid situations that involve people – or any

interactions for that matter. You may even develop an awkward sense of communication, which will make your symptoms worse. When you

avoid social situations, it will affect your interpersonal relationships and can lead to the following:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Negative thinking
  • Depression
  • Isolation
  • Criticism sensitivity
  • Social skills that don’t improve or develop
  • Generally, social anxiety disorder starts in early adolescence and can be linked to bullying, teasing, or a history of abuse. Children with controlling or “narcissistic” parents may develop a shyness in social settings, which may develop long into adulthood. Another link to a
  • social anxiety disorder – or any anxiety disorder for that matter – is that the amygdala could be overactive, stimulating the limbic system to crash.
  • The best way to overcome social anxiety is to act against your urges to isolate and withdraw from people. Instead, engage with one person, and gradually get comfortable doing more, and talking to new people.
  • This is called exposure therapy, and will help you cope with and
  • understand yourself when introduced to the social world gradually.

Social Media Addictions

Something that most people don’t realize that is happening is, when someone develops a social anxiety disorder, they avoid social interaction, and they become a social media expert. But this expertise

can branch into an addiction to social media really quickly, which

becomes very unhealthy for your mental health. For example, do you get anxious when your phone dies and don’t have a computer or WIFI around to check your social media accounts? Do you freak or “lose

control” when you can’t view your messages or see what your friends or other people are up to? Does it feel like the end of the world if you forgot your passwords?

This is actually called social media anxiety disorder. According to

anxiety theorists, and social media developers, 20% of people with social media accounts get anxious or become fearful if they go more than three hours without checking their social feeds. It turns out that the more

technology we obtain, the more stressed out and anxious we become.

Sounds contradicting right? Well, let me explain exactly what social media anxiety disorder is.

Similar to a social anxiety disorder, a social media anxiety disorder only happens if you become overwhelmed or develop an extreme sense of fear if you cannot check your account. For most people, this seems ‘abnormal’ and they won’t get stressed or even worry about their social accounts. However, the more technology and new products that get

introduced to our society, the more chances there are at developing a

social media anxiety disorder. That is why I say, the more technology we have, the more stressed we are becoming.

Some signs that you or someone you know may have a social media anxiety disorder are as follows; however, not everyone with this

disorder experiences every symptom:

  • Interrupting, or tuning out conversations to check their social media accounts.
  • Lying to yourself and others about how much time is spent online.
  • Withdrawal and isolation from people you care about.
  • Trying to stop your social media influence more than once without having accomplished it fully.
  • Neglecting work and other responsibilities due to the constant check of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc…
  • Experience severe anxiety when you cannot gain access to your accounts – any account.
  • An overwhelming urge to share things with the world and all your friends.
  • Spending more than six hours a day social networking.
  • Having your phone or a technological device with you all the time only to check your social feeds, or to have it in your mind that you can access it whenever you want.

Spending too much time on the internet and checking your social media feeds, and notifications can greatly impact the way you live your life. You may lose out on job opportunities, fail to resolve conflict in

your interpersonal relationships, and your education may suffer. This is because the more hours you spend online, the less time you have to work on your career, yourself, your intimate relationships, your friends, and your study.

There are many factors that play a part in social media addictions. It has been proven to cause eye strains, neck tension, and back problems.

If the length of time you spend on social media is not reduced it can actually lead to obesity, heart disease, dietary problems, and an

increased risk of a stroke happening. That’s not all, mental health issues such as anxiety can develop as well. Other mental health issues caused

by social media addiction include depression, attention hyper deficit disorder (ADHD), impulsive disorder, loneliness, and even paranoia.

The reasons for these mental health issues stem from overthinking as well; by feeling the pressure of having to share your life, and also feeling as though you are having to compare your life to other people.

The competition for perfection and the way you want others to view

your life becomes addictive which leads to overthinking, and constant worry. For example, you may scroll through social media and live

vicariously through someone else, seeing as they have children, are married, and have a great career. While your life seems depressing because things aren’t as you want them to be – perfect. However, what you must understand is no one’s life is completely perfect and as

envious as you may feel, the grass may not always be greener on the other side. If you are trying to show this ‘picture perfect’ lifestyle,

chances are, someone else is doing quite the same.

The Facts

When you look at the definition of addiction, it usually refers to someone acting on their urges no matter the consequences which

normally leads to negative effects. The addiction becomes a harmful habit, and the person with the addiction does anything in their power to get their ‘fix’. This can greatly impact someone’s performance at work,

school, and in relationships, as briefly stated above. When we look at what social media platforms, such platforms refer to websites that allow people to share parts of their lives or gets them to express themselves

and engage in online social networking.

So, when you combine these two definitions you get someone who uses social media excessively without the will to reduce their habit or control their urges. It’s almost as if the person cannot go an hour

without having to check their online accounts. They become so involved with social media, that they know everything about everyone, and

what’s happening in theirs or someone else’s world. When they are ‘out of the loop’ they become overly anxious and have spiraling thoughts of

‘what’s happening with this situation,’ or ‘I need to check in, just in case it’s important.’ This leads to an obsession which leads to the addiction, which then turns into a downward spiral of a full-on disorder.

The information provided is not to say that social media is bad or unhealthy. However, social media use can become unhealthy when it is abused, or overused and this is when it becomes a problem. People use

social media to express their creativity and talk about themselves. These social media sites allow the user to communicate and create a sense of belonging or give someone a sense of personal purpose. The problem is not with the media sites or the actual individual, the problem is that these sites mask the opportunity to speak in person. When we don’t communicate or interact face-to-face, a ton of information gets missed

which can cause miscommunication and more conflict.

For example, when you talk online, you do not get to see the opposing parties posture, there is no eye contact, and you will not hear their tone of voice or feel their vibes. We assume that someone is in a

bad mood based solely on their choice of words and vice-versa, when this may not always be the case – causing miscommunication which

causes conflict. Finally, you guessed it, this causes the individual experiencing the misguided non-verbal interaction to overthink and then find problems that they cannot solve. The only real way to solve

this type of issue is to be in person and have a conversation – if it’s not too late by the time online networking has taken control of the circumstance.

This brings me to my next point that misguided information, overuse of social media, constant comparing to others and competing for the spotlight (online), can lead to an overload of anxiety. Because of social media being a mask for face-to-face interactions, it only makes sense to assume that eventually social media will be the dominant form of

communication and cause of social anxiety due to the overthinking resulting from anxiety and it’s disorders.

What I mean by this is, the more we hide behind our devices and messages, or ‘show off’, the more awkward face-to-face conversations will be which will make more and more people avoid personal contact. This is because the only way we will know how to talk is through our devices, and face-to-face interaction will become extremely difficult.

Hence social media and networking being more addictive and habitual, which results in social anxiety disorder becoming extremely common.

Still not sure whether or not you have an addiction? Ask yourself these following questions to get a clearer sense of if you do or not.

  • How much time do I spend on social media per day?
  • When I am not on social media accounts, how much extra time do I spend thinking about my conversations and profiles?
  • Have I had an urge in the last twelve hours to check my social media accounts?
  • Am I living envious of someone else and feeling the need to compete with them on social media sites?
  • Do I use social media to avoid or forget my real-life problems?
  • Have I tried to reduce my social media access, or time on it and gotten nowhere?
  • Am I anxious when I have been logged off of my accounts, and cannot log back on?
  • Has social media changed, or impacted my life in a negative way?

If your answers were mostly yes, then you may have a social media addiction, and should further investigate so that it doesn’t become a disorder. Remember to take a break from social media and online

accounts at least one day a week to avoid the addiction from escalating. Although, if you cannot seem to do this, then speaking to a therapist about your problems with social media, may help you to find your

triggers so that you can work on spending less time online, and more time with what is important such as friends and family. Remember, even though it might not be apparent at first sight, social media addiction can be indirectly linked to the habit of overthinking. That is why it can be

essential in your fight against overthinking to learn how to keep excessive social media use in check.

Technology Addictions

Technology additions are the same as social media addiction except instead of being addicted to social media, you are addicted to your cool new gadgets and devices. Anything to do with technology, you know about. You are emptying your wallet constantly to get the next best thing. It has become the norm for the adolescent to play video games in their rooms, the toddler to tinker on their tablets, or the adult to be

zoned into their phones. Technology is everywhere, and it is used for many reasons whether someone needs it for work and has two phones.

Or, the entrepreneur needs the tablet to promote and manage their growing business. The up and coming authors spend hours typing away at their desk. Examples like these are endless and it is safe to say that

technology has become an integral part of our lives. But the question is, at which point does the use of technology start being a problem?

Understanding the signs of having a technology addiction is the first step to getting the help you need to overcome it. Here are some warning signs that technology could be a problem for you:

  • Always thinking about the internet or the next new item.
  • Use the internet, or your device, to play games to satisfy your loneliness or depressive issues.
  • Feel irritable, restless, or moody when you attempt to cut down on device time.
  • Procrastinate work and other responsibilities by being on your devices.
  • Have an immediate urge to check your phone and messages instantly.
  • ‌You have phantom vibration 2, which has you constantly check
  • your phone.
  • Ignore what’s happening around you because you are too distracted by your devices.
  • Have feelings of anxiety when you are away from the internet.

If this sounds too familiar, then you may have an addiction problem to your device or the internet. The problem with technology addictions

is that in this generation it has become unstoppable. Everywhere you go, you will see people in groups or at restaurants and they are on their

phones or showing others what’s on their devices. There is no such thing as “real person” interaction anymore and the technology problem is getting out of hand. More and more parents are neglecting their

parental responsibilities by handing their child a tablet or smartphone to distract their kids from asking for too much or annoying the parent.

This results in behavioral problems and withdrawals when the device is taken away. The main factor here is that tech designers and device

developers use tricks to trigger dopamine hormones (the feel-good hormone) and manipulate our brains to get us addicted to our devices, which extends the usage for our screen time.

Technology addiction leads to:

  • Anxiety and depression
  • ADHD, because it is used as a distraction
  • Sleep problems
  • Obesity
  • Eye problems
  • Damage to your hearing

This is becoming a rising problem, according to science, researchers have found that most Americans look at their smartphones at least 52-

80 times a day. The daily usage of screen time and device use is roughly nine hours or more which includes texting, gaming, social media scrolling, etc… Perhaps the most distressing fact is that the average

gamer (playing games at least once a day) will have 10,000 hours of logged playing time by the age of 21.

If technology addiction has become a problem for you and your family, then there are ways to reduce the activity. In short, you can start by timing or being aware of your usage during the day. Then the days

and weeks following, make a conscious effort to minimize yours and

your child’s screen time. Notifications that aren’t so important can be turned off, and create a device free area or timezone so that you can

spend it doing other things like spending time with real people in the

real world. It is time to start a digital detox, and only you are in control of how to go about this.

Chapter Summary

The stats and information provided in this chapter have been

thoroughly researched to provide you with the knowledge for how to fix problems caused by excessive social media or technology use. Even

though this chapter was solely about technology, and anxiety revolving around social media, it doesn’t mean that is had nothing to do with overthinking. If you think about it, overthinking and anxiety happen

when you worry excessively and overthink. As the previous chapter has stated, our limbic system crashes due to the decrease or change in the shape of the amygdala and hippocampus, the overuse of technology can greatly reshape these parts of the brain as well.

In this chapter, we learned:

  • How social media affects our anxiety
  • What social media anxiety disorder is
  • What technology addiction is
  • The physical, and mental disadvantages of the overuse of technology and social media
  • What social anxiety disorder is and how it relates to over thinking and the social media crisis.

In the next chapter, you will learn how to stop overthinking. The

next chapter is to get you motivated for curing your problem and moving towards a life of fulfillment and happiness. The five solutions revolve around your cluttered mind, what happens in your body, your environment, your habits and routines, and finally the toxic people you might be surrounding yourself with.

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