I Fail at Dog Diplomacy
Our next lucky winner in the Terrorize a Greek Establishment contest was Papou’s Pastries.
Papou himself was out front. At least, I assumed he was the owner. He was a grandfatherly guy with a helmet of white hair, a splotchy apron wrapped around his belly, and meaty arms swinging a push broom toward a mob of dead Trojans while he screamed at them in Greek.
Grover stumbled to a stop. “Looks like he’s got things under control.”
“Rats!” Papou howled at us in English, maybe looking for sympathy. “I can’t have rats in my bakery!”
He had a point. The undead come and go, but the New York City Department of Health is forever. Rats would get his kitchen shut down immediately.
“We’ll take care of it, sir,” Annabeth promised.
She pulled out her dagger and started weaving among the undead, stabbing them one by one. This was impressive and all, but it made it difficult for me to help her. My sword was better at slashy-slashy than stabby-stabby, and I did not want to slashy-slashy Annabeth. That would make her mad.
Grover waded in with hooves of fury. Nope barked and bit undead ankles. After my last experience, I didn’t want to touch any cursed flesh, but I used Riptide’s hilt to bash some Trojan noses (which sounds like the name of a really bad punk band).
Annabeth yelped as an undead hand brushed her neck. She crumpled, which was enough to send me into slashy-slashy mode. As Grover dragged Annabeth to safety, I showed the Trojans the sharp edge of my ballpoint pen
… and wow, I really need to come up with some better heroic expressions. Once all the Trojans were dust, I rushed to Annabeth’s side.
“I’m fine,” she said, though her legs wobbled when she tried to stand.
Grover locked eyes with me, clearly worried, but when Annabeth says she’s fine, you have to respect that, at least until she’s ready to talk about it.
She did seem to recover a lot quicker than I did.
Papou held his broom at attention and gave us a warrior’s salute. “You are excellent rat killers.”
“Thanks,” Annabeth said.
“Would you like some baklava? I don’t think the rats got into it.” “Yes!” Grover said.
“Nope!” said Nope.
“Thank you, maybe another time,” Annabeth told him.
Papou frowned. “But you will not tell the health department?” “They wouldn’t believe us,” I said.
Papou nodded with the wisdom of a New York shopkeeper who has seen it all. “True. They were very big rats.”
“Come on,” Annabeth told us; then she darted around the side of the building.
I wasn’t sure where she was going, but, hey, alleys were apparently my superpower. When Grover and I caught up with her, she was climbing the rungs of a fire-escape ladder.
How she bounced back so quickly, I didn’t know. I was still queasy from my puke-trip to Troy. I also didn’t understand what Annabeth was planning.
Surely Hecuba wouldn’t still be hanging out on the roof. She must have already moved on to her next target ….
Nevertheless, I picked up Nope, draped him over my shoulders like a fuzzy travel pillow with poor bladder control, and started to climb.
When we got to the roof, I found—shocker!—Annabeth was right.
Hecuba was still holding court on top of Papou’s Pastries in all her shaggy, red-eyed glory.
The hellhound looked conflicted, if hellhounds can look that way. She paced back and forth, alternately growling, whining, and pawing the roof as she sniffed the air.
“She smells Nope,” I guessed, shifting the pup into my arms.
At Sal’s Souvlaki, Hecuba must have been too busy to notice the puppy between the scintillating smells of roasted lamb, terrorized mortals, and dead Trojans. Now she eyed us suspiciously—half-angry, half-intrigued—
as little Nope squirmed in my arms and peed.
“Hey, Hecuba.” I tried to speak calmly, which wasn’t easy in my present state of urine-soaked nausea. “This is Nope. He needs a hellhound mom.”
Nope whined and kicked at my stomach, making clear what he really needed was a quick exit.
I took another step toward Hecuba. “You did a great job of scaring those
—those terrible Greeks. I think they really felt your pain. I know I did.” Hecuba snarled.
Grover’s face told me that I didn’t want a translation of what Hecuba was saying. Annabeth nodded at me to keep going. She held Hecuba’s leash behind her back, but I didn’t want anybody trying to attach it to Hecuba’s collar until the hellhound calmed down a little more … if she calmed down.
I tried to remember how I talked to Mrs. O’Leary. It seemed so natural with my own hellhound friend. With Hecuba it was more like … well, like talking to Hera, a godly queen who didn’t much like me and could also maul me to death.
“We really miss you at home,” I said. “I’m sure Gale is worried about you, wherever she is. And if you’re still gone when Hecate gets back, she’ll be really sad.”
More growling. I sensed that Hecuba had mixed feelings about her housemates.
“I know you’re probably enjoying your freedom,” I said. “I get that. But I found this poor puppy abandoned on the streets. And I thought … I thought about you. Such a good mother to your own kids. You suffered so much when they … you know, when they died. I thought you’d understand how to take care of this poor little guy.”
Nope whimpered. I imagine my pee-soaked pants were really helping to spread his scent around.
Grover stepped next to me. He whispered to Nope in a few soft whines, most likely saying This big, bad, scary hellhound will not kill you,
probably! She might adopt you!
This would not have calmed me down, but it seemed to help Nope. He stopped struggling quite so much.
Hecuba licked the air, then raised her snout as if to say, Bring it here. It looks tasty.
“I’ll take him,” Annabeth said.
“Um …” If anyone got bitten in half by Hecuba, I wanted it to be me, not Annabeth, but she didn’t ask my opinion. She cradled the pup, while at the same time passing me Hecuba’s leash on the down-low. “When she’s calm enough,” she whispered. “Be cool about it.”
“Uh …” I said.
Annabeth bounced Nope in her arms, cooing and calling him a good boy. Hecuba sniffed and growled, watching.
“Annabeth’s smart,” Grover murmured. “She’s modeling being a loving mom. That should make Hecuba jealous.”
“Is that a good thing?” I asked.
“Watch,” Grover said.
Annabeth approached Hecuba and let her sniff the pup. Nope’s butt?
Check. Nope’s face? Check. Drool, pee, earwax? Everything appeared to be in order. Nope squirmed, careful not to meet Hecuba’s eyes, but he seemed to be warming up to the big mama beast.
“There, now.” Annabeth glanced back at me. “What good dogs.” Oh, right. That was my cue.
Grover and I moved closer.
For a moment, we all stood together like one big, happy, strange family.
Maybe it was just an echo of my fever dream, but I felt like my own grief was unknotting. A hellhound-size lump of sadness that had been twisted in my chest was finally starting to loosen.
I realized how much pain Hecuba had been holding on to over the centuries. She’d only been able to express herself in growls, howls, and the occasional raising of the dead. Now, maybe she could remember the good parts of being a mom … the joy of caring for somebody small and cute—a son.
I caught a glance from Grover. He was beaming at me like, See? Annabeth will make a great mom!
Dude, I thought. One thing at a time. I’m still working on college applications.
But I couldn’t deny the feeling. It was nice to be gathered around little Nope, protecting him and showing him love, though I wasn’t going to sniff his butt. Sorry. I have limits.
Finally, Hecuba stuck her muzzle in Annabeth’s face and pushed her back a step. The message seemed to be Back off, Fake Mom. I got this.
“Okay, no problem,” Annabeth said. “I’ll just let Percy …”
She handed Nope back to me, while giving me a look that said NOW.
I really don’t know what she expected of me. Maybe hand-eye
coordination? I guess I was supposed to take Nope with one hand while cleverly moving in to attach Hecuba’s leash to her collar, all while making gentle cooing sounds and not letting on that I had an ulterior motive.
She should have known better. I can’t even chew gum and breathe underwater at the same time. Believe me, I tried. I ended up swallowing both the gum and the salt water.
I cradled Nope in my left arm and found the end of the leash with my right hand. I managed to click it into place on Hecuba’s collar, but I wasn’t exactly subtle about it.
I put just enough tug on Hecuba’s collar that she lurched back, realizing what I’d done, and fixed me with those big red eyes. Did you just—?
“Everything’s fine,” Annabeth promised the dog. “Coo!” Grover added.
Everything was not fine, or coo.
Enraged all over again, Hecuba reared like a horse. She took off across the roof. Unfortunately, the other end of her leash was wrapped around my wrist, so I got yanked along, desperately holding on to Nope.
I was pulled off my feet. A dark portal swirled at the edge of the roof, and as Hecuba jumped through it, Nope and I were sucked into the shadow- world.
