God was punishing me for wrongs Iโd committed in my past
life. That was the only explanation I could think of for why Iโd been subjected to my predicament.
Josh and I both refused to back down and take the couch, so we were stuck in the same room, the sameย bed, for the next two nights. A gentleman wouldโve offered to sleep elsewhere, but Josh wasnโt a gentleman. He was the spawn of Satanโฆone who was currently staring at me with narrowed eyes as I tried to finesse my way out of skiing.
โYou guys go ahead,โ I told Ava, making a pointed effort to ignore Joshโs suspicious gaze. โI just remembered I left something at the cabin.โ
โYou sure? I can go with you.โ
โNah. We already wasted enough time with the room situation, and I might hang in the lodge for a bit first.โ I waved a breezy hand in the air. โYou go ahead. Iโll be fine.โ
โOkay.โ Ava sounded doubtful. โWeโll be here.โ
I held my breath and waited until Alex and Ava disappeared on the ski lifts before releasing it. A prickle of anxiety wormed in its way into my system as I eyed the vast expanse of snow before me.
I didnโt think I would be this affected, considering itโd been seven years since my last ski weekend, but that trip
had spawned so many awful memories. Plus, there was the tapeโ
Donโt go there.
โWhat the hell did you leave at the cabin?โ Josh interrupted my reverie. For someone whoโd been so excited about skiing, he didnโt seem in much of a hurry to hit the slopes.
He was fully decked out in top-of-the-line ski gearโblack pants, a blue jacket that stretched across his broad shoulders, and ski goggles heโd pushed up so they sat on top of his gray cap. The outfit lent him a rugged, athletic charm that had half the woman in the vicinity eyeing him with interest.
โI left my phone.โ I shoved my hands in my pockets and gripped the phone nestled at the bottom of the right pocket.
โYou had it in your hand on our walk here.โ
Dammit.ย โWhy are you so concerned with what I left behind?โ I deflected. โDonโt you have a black diamond to attend to?โ
โTripleย black diamond,โ Josh corrected. โAnd Iโm working my way up to it.โ
โWell, donโt let me stop you.โ
His gaze turned assessing. โWait,โ he said slowly, his eyes raking over my form in a way that made my skin itch. โDo you knowย howย to ski?โ
โOfย courseย I do.โ Joshโs eyebrows rose further as monuments to his skepticism, and I added grudgingly, โDepending on how you defineย know.โ
My ex-boyfriend Max taught me duringย thatย weekend when I was eighteen. I hadnโt touched a pair of skis since.
The anxiety expanded and ate at my nerves, but that didnโt stop me from glaring at Josh when he burst into laughter.
Instead of dignifying his mockery with a response, I turned and stalked away the best I could in my stupid ski
boots. Angry puffs of snow sprayed up with each step.
โCโmon Jules. You love me, right?โ Max kissed me and squeezed my ass. โIf you loved me, youโd do this for me. For us.โ
โItโs for security reasons, babe. In case he decides to press charges.โ
โI promise Iโll never show anyone.โ
Sweat trickled down my spine at the memories, but I forced them back into the box where they belonged before they could replay further. Iโd already lived them once; I didnโt need to do so again.
โWait.โ Josh caught up with me, still laughing. The sound chased off the vestiges of my unwanted trip down memory lane, and for once, it didnโt make me want to slap him, though the next words out of his mouth did. โYouโre telling me you dressed up in a ski outfit, rented skis, and came all the way down hereโฆbut youย canโt ski?ย Why the hell didnโt you say anything earlier? You couldโve signed up for lessons or something.โ
โI thought I could wing it.โ It wasnโt the best plan, but it was a plan. Sort of.
โYou thought you couldย wing skiing?โ
My cheeks blazed. โObviously, I changed my mind.โ โYeah, good thing you did, or you wouldโve probably
died.โ Joshโs laugh finally tapered off, but amusement lingered at the corners of his mouth and teased the dimple making a half appearance.
My stomach dipped. Iโd never faced genuine amusement from Josh before. His smile, absent of sarcasm and maliciousness, wasโฆdisconcerting, even when it was only a quarter of a smile.
โIโm spending the rest of the day in the lodge, so donโt worry about me dying.โ I crossed my arms over my chest. โMaybe Iโll find a guy who can teach me how to ski.โ
โLike the one you were eye fucking in the lobby?โ he asked, his tone dry.
โPerhaps.โ I didnโt deign to acknowledge theย eye fuckingย part of Joshโs statement. He seemed strangely fixated on my brief interaction with a stranger, though the guyย hadย been cute. Maybe I could track him down later. Flirting always perked me up, and I could use some action that didnโt come courtesy of my hand or battery-operated friends.
Josh rubbed a hand over his jaw, his brows tight and his cheekbones like slashes against the snowy background. โIโll teach you how to ski.โ
โRight.โ
โIโm serious.โ
I paused, waiting for him to crack and gloat about how heโd fooled me, and how I didnโtย reallyย think heโd teach me, did I?
But the moment never came.
โWhy would you do that?โ My stomach swooped low again for no reason. โWhat about your beloved triple black diamond?โ
Josh offering to help me madeย no sense,ย especially since heโd been going on about that freaking ski run all morning. If he taught me how to ski, weโd have to stick to the beginnerโs bunny slope.
โIโm doing it because Iโm a nice person. I love helping my sisterโs friends,โ Josh said smoothly.ย Right.ย And I was the Queen of fucking England. โBesides, skiing is skiing. Doesnโt matter the slope.โ
โIโm pretty sure thatโs not true.โ Even I, a novice, knew that.
Josh let out a long-suffering sigh. โLook, do you want to learn or not?โ
โIโll teach you how to ski.โ Maxโs teeth flashed white against his face. โTrust me. I wonโt let you fall.โ
My chest knotted. I hated that Max still plagued me in the present when he should be rotting in the past, where he belonged.
Because of him, I hadnโt gone skiing in seven years. Itโd been an unconscious choice, but I hadnโt realized how deep the scars ran until now. Everything that reminded me of Max made me want to hurl, but maybe it was time to replace those bad memories with new ones.
I didnโtย wantย ski lessons from Josh, but I needed them.
They would be a distraction, and when I got like thisโwhen my mind couldnโt stop obsessing over the past to the point where I drove myself crazyโdistractions were the only lifeline I had.
โFine.โ I rubbed the sleeve of my jacket between my thumb and forefinger, taking comfort in the sensation of thick, sturdy material against my skin. โBut if I die, Iโll come back as a ghost and haunt you until the day you die.โ
โNoted. Iโm surprised you donโt know how to ski,โ he said as we walked toward the bunny slope. โThought you grew up near Blue Mills.โ
Blue Mills was Ohioโs most famous ski resort, and it was located less than an hourโs drive from Whittlesburg, the Columbus suburb where I grew up.
โMy family wasnโt big on skiing.โ I zipped and unzipped the top of my jacket to release some of the restless energy pouring through my veins. โWe didnโt have the money for it even if we were.โ
I wanted to snatch back the accidental admission the second it left my mouth, but it was too late.
A frown carved itself into Joshโs forehead.
He knew Iโd attended Thayer undergrad on a need- based scholarship, but what he and even my closest friendsย didnโtย know was how bad itโd been in the early years, before my mother married Alastair. And they sure as hell didnโt know how much worse it gotย afterย she married him, even though Alastair had been the richest man in town.
โYou donโt talk much about your family.โ Josh skipped over the part about us not being able to afford skiingโa
tiny kindness I hadnโt expected but was nonetheless grateful for.
โThereโs not much to talk about.โ I bit the inside of my cheek until a faint coppery taste filled my mouth. โFamily is family. You know how it is.โ
A shadow crossed his face, dimming the light in his eyes and erasing any trace of his dimple. โI donโt think my family situation is a common one.โ
I suppressed a wince.
Right.ย Psycho father who tried to kill Avaย twiceย and who was now serving life behind bars. Not common indeed.
Michael Chen had seemed so normal, but the biggest monsters always lurked beneath the most unsuspecting guises.
Josh and I didnโt speak again until we arrived at the bunny slope.
โWeโll run through the basics first before going up the hill,โ he said. โDonโt need you crashing into a poor child and traumatizing them. Lucky for you, Iโm an awesome teacher, so this shouldnโt take too long.โ
โYour hilarity is only matched by your modesty,โ I deadpanned. โOkay,ย awesome teacher,ย letโs see what you got. And remember.โ I pointed at him. โIf I die, Iโm haunting your ass for eternity.โ
Josh placed a hand over his heart, a scandalized expression spreading across his face. Any hints of his earlier brooding had disappeared. โJR, Iโm shocked. There areย childrenย around. Try to keep your obsession with my ass under wraps until we return to our room.โ
I mimed gagging. โUnless you want my vomit decorating your fancy ski suit, I suggest you stop talking and start teaching.โ
โI canโt teach without talking, genius.โ โOh, shut up. You know what I mean.โ
After another few minutes of bickering, we strapped on our skis and got down to business. I wasnโt a total novice,
so I picked up the basics quickly. In theory, anyway.
I had the etiquette down pat, but we hit aย tinyย bump when Josh ran me through a series of exercises designed to make me more comfortable on skis.
โShit!โ Frustration welled in my stomach when my ass hit the ground for what mustโve been the dozenth time.
I didnโt remember it being so hard the first time around. I prided myself on being a fast learner, but weโd been at it for the better part of the morning and Iโd only marginally improved.
โLetโs try again.โ
To my surprise, Josh had remained calm during our entire lesson, never yelling or teasing me for not picking up what eleven-year-olds around us were accomplishing so spectacularly. Every time I messed up, he repeated the same three words.ย Letโs try again.
For the first time, I saw what he must be like in the emergency room: cool, level-headed, patient. It was strangely comforting, though Iโd never admit it.
โI donโt think Iโm built for skiing.โ I pushed myself off the ground with a wince. โI propose we ditch the slopes for hot chocolate and people watching. We can guess whoโs here with their mistress and whoโll be the first to hook up with a staff member.โ
Theย weย slipped out without thinking. Since when did I
voluntarily include Josh in my activities? But people watching was no fun without someone to appreciate my insights, and since Ava was preoccupied, her brother was my only option.
Josh walked toward me, his steps slow and precise, until he was so close I could smell the faint, delicious scent of his cologne.
I forced myself not to shift beneath the weight of his scrutiny.
โWe could do that,โ he said. โBut that would be quitting.
Are you a quitter, Jules?โ
My pulse kicked up at the sound of my name in that deep, slightly husky voice. Had he always sounded like that, or was I going crazy? His voice used to pierce my eardrums like nails dragging across a chalkboard. Now, it wasโฆ
Nope. Not going there.
โNo.โ I held his stare even as another bead of sweat rolled down my spine, leaving a trail of heat and electricity in its wake. โIโm not.โ
The mere suggestion I was a quitter made my teeth clench.
โGood,โ Josh said, still in that calm, even voice. โTry again.โ
I did, again and again, until my muscles screamed and exhaustion clawed at my bones. But Iย wouldย get the hang of this. Iโd mastered harder things than skiing, and failure wasnโt an option. Iย neededย to prove to myself I could do this. My pride wouldnโt allow anything else.
All the torture finally paid off an hour later when I completed all the exercises without falling and Josh proclaimed me ready for the bunny slope.
โGood job.โ The corners of his mouth pulled up just the tiniest bit. โYou caught on faster than most people.โ
I narrowed my eyes, trying to detect any hint of sarcasm, but he sounded sincere.
Huh.
We walked to the top of the hill, where Josh gestured toward a spot in the distance.
โWeโll take it easy,โ he said. โIโm going to stand there, and I want you to ski down and stop in front of me using the snowplow. Do you need me to go over how to do it again?โ
โNo. I got it.โ
My stomach jumped with nerves and anticipation as Josh took his spot and motioned for me to join him.
Here goes nothing.
I took a deep breath and started my descent. I was going aย littleย faster than I should, given the short distance to Josh, but that was fine. I could just snowplow early.
Honestly, this wasnโt so bad. It was actually kind of exhilaratingโthe wind in my face, the fresh mountain air, the smooth glide of my skis against the snow. It was nothing like my weekend with Max. I might evenโ
โStop!โ
Joshโs shout yanked me out of my rambling thoughts, and alarm kicked me in the gut when I realized how fast I was speeding toward him.
Shit.ย I pushed the backs of my skis out to form an
inverted V, the way heโd taught me, but it was too late. Velocity propelled me faster and faster down the hill untilโ โFuck!โ I crashed into Josh with enough force to knock
both of us to the ground.
My breath whooshed out of my lungs in a painful rush, and he let out an audible grunt as I landed on top of him, our limbs akimbo, snow spraying up and sprinkling us with tiny white crystals.
โWhat part ofย stopย donโt you understand?โ he growled,
annoyance stamped on every inch of his face.
โIย triedย to stop,โ I said defensively. โIt didnโt work.โ
โObviously.โ Josh let out a small cough. โChrist, I think you bruised my ribs.โ
โStop being dramatic. Youโre fine.โ Nevertheless, I glanced down to make sure we werenโt bleeding and that our arms and legs werenโt bent at unnatural angles. I couldnโtย seeย bruised ribs, but his face wasnโt scrunched in pain or anything, so I assumed he wasnโt dying.
โYou couldโve killed me.โ
I rolled my eyes. And people saidย Iย was a drama queen. โIt was a fall, Chen. You couldโve moved out of the way.โ
โSomehow, Iโm not surprised youโre blaming me for somethingย youย did wrong. Youโre something else, JR.โ
โStop calling me JR.โ It was an inane argument to have while we were plastered together on the snow, but I was so freaking sick of that nickname. Every time I heard it, I lost a fraction of my sanity.
โFine.โ The annoyance evaporated from Joshโs expression and gave way to lazy mischief. โYouโre something else, Red.โ
โRed. How creative,โ I said flatly. โIโm ba๏ฌed by how you come up with such unique and totally not obvious nicknames.โ
โDidnโt realize you spent so much time thinking about my nicknames for you.โ Josh tugged on a lock of my hair, a wicked gleam entering his eyes. โAnd Iโm not calling you Red because of your hair color. Iโm calling you Red because you make meย seeย red half the time. Plus, it rolls off the tongue better than JR.โ
My answering smile contained enough sugar to give him diabetes on the spot. โI can see how two syllables might be too much for your puny brain to handle.โ
โBabe, nothing about me is puny.โ Josh lowered his hand and let it drift to my shoulder, where it lingered long enough to sear through layers of fabric and into my bones.
My breath caught in my throat. An unwitting mental image of hisย nothingย flashed through my mind, and a hum of electricity surged through my blood, so swift and unexpected I lost my words.
For the first time in my life, I couldnโt think of a single comeback.
Instead, I was suddenly, painfully aware of how close we were. I still lay on top of him from our fall, and our torsos pressed so tight against each other I could feel his heartbeatโfast, erratic, and completely at odds with his languorous drawl. The white plumes of our breaths mingled in the tiny distance between our faces, and a brief zing of surprise traveled through me at the sight.
Considering the tightness in my chest, I hadnโt thought I was breathing at all.
Joshโs smile faded, but his hand remained on my shoulderโa whisper-light touch compared to his earlier hair tug, yet enough for me to feel it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
I licked my parched lips, and his eyes darkened before dipping to my mouth.
The hum of electricity transformed into a bolt of lightning, lighting me up from the inside.
I should get off him. Iย neededย to get off him before my thoughts wandered down even more disturbing paths, but there was something so reassuring about the solid weight of his body beneath mine. He smelled like winter and heat all wrapped into one, and it was making me light-headed.
Itโs just the mountain air. Get yourself together.
โJules,โ he said softly.
โYeah?โ The word stuck in my throat before it came out all wrong. Weird and raspy and not at all like my normal voice.
โOn a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want to fuck me right now?โ
The moment shattered into a thousand pieces.
My skin flamed as I shoved myself off him, making sure to jab my elbow into his face as I did so.
โNegative one thousand,โ I hissed. โTimes infinity.โ
Joshโs laugh erased any goodwill heโd accrued during our ski lessons.
I couldn’t believe I ever thought he might be tolerable. One decent morning didn’t change the fact that he was still the same insufferable, cocky jerk heโd always been.
The worst part? He wasnโt entirely wrong. For just a moment, I had imagined what his hands would feel like on my skin, what his mouth would taste like, and whether he preferred it slow and sensual or fast and intense.
A ball of angry embarrassment lodged in my throat. Clearly, I needed to get laid, and fast, if I was fantasizing about freaking Josh Chen.
โMethinks the lady doth protest too much.โ Josh propped himself up, a smug grin on his face, his eyes simmering with barely contained heat. At least I wasnโt the only one affected by our closeness. โWe can make this happen, you know. Iโm no longer opposed to the idea. Our relationship is progressing.โ
โThe only relationship we have is in your dreams.โ I yanked off my cap and raked a hand through my messy hair. โLessons are over.โ
โQuitter.โ His soft mockery sent a prickling sensation across my skin, but I refused to take the bait again.
โIโm not quitting; Iโm postponing.โ I jutted out my chin defiantly. โIโll sign up for real lessons with the resort tomorrow. Maybe Iโll get that guy from the lobby as my instructor.โ Blond hair, eager smile, and a muscled body. Lobby Guy practically had โSki Broโ stamped on his forehead. โIโm sure Iโll actually enjoy my time with him.โ
Joshโs grin turned sharp. โWhatever you need to tell yourself, Red.โ
Instead of engaging, I turned on my heels and stormed away as gracefully as I could in my skis. I shouldโve taken them off before my grand exit, but it was too late for that.
The dull ache of irritation throbbed in my stomach and intensified the closer I got to the lodge. God, I was an idiot. I shouldโve known better than toโ
Out of nowhere, the ache escalated into blinding pain. It ripped through me like a serrated blade and forced me to double over with a small gasp.
No. No, no, no.
My pulse roared in my ears.
It was too early. It wasnโt supposed to happen until next week.
But when another spike of pain caused tears to form in my eyes, it was clear Mother Nature didnโt give a damn about my schedules.
It was happeningย now,ย and there was nothing I could do about it.