Gabriel
GETTINGย the band ready to start a tour is like herding wild cats. There is noise, there are squabbles, and no one is where theyโre supposed to be. I gave up overseeing the details a long time ago. Iโve underlings to perform that thankless task now. And I pay them well. But it still falls to me to make final checks.
I watch stagehands moving to and fro, carrying crates and laughing along the way. For them, this is the experience of a lifetimeโa chance to rub elbows with the band they idolize. I envy their joy. My joy ended around six this morning when I woke up and realized I was yet again, as though my life depended on it, wrapped around the woman I had intended to hate. And it had been a bloody uncomfortable realization.
It was bloody uncomfortable to ease my swollen, aching cock away from the swell of her arse and roll myself out of that warm, fragrant bed when all I really wanted to do was wallow there, ease between soft thighs and pushโฆ
โWhere are we putting Sophie?โ I ask Brenna, who stands next to me as the buses are loaded up.
โWhy do you care?โ She takes a long sip of her coffee.
I donโt know. Iโve gone over the ledge into madness.ย I give Brenna a look. โSheโs a new employee. It shifts the balance. Accommodations will have to be rearranged.โ
โWe have five new employees,โ Brenna retorts. โYou know any of the othersโ names?โ One red brow lifts behind purple cat glasses. โOr job functions?โ
Hell. Evasive maneuvers are needed.
โWhat has your knickers in a twist?โ I ask. Before she can answer, Rye strides past. They ignore each other as usual, and Brennaโs pert nose rises a touch higher. I repress an eye roll. โYou two really ought to fuck and get it over with.โ
I can almost hear her teeth grinding. Her voice is breezy, though, when she finally speaks. โThere is entirely too much fucking going around this nosy little bunch, thank you very much.โ
โWho?โ I canโt help asking.
Brennaโs gaze slides to mine. โSophie and Jax, for one.โ
Itโs as if sheโs kicked my legs out from under me. The sensation of falling is so strong, the sudden pain in my chest so sharp, I can clearly picture myself on the ground, two stiletto heels implanted in my chestโone of Brennaโs and one of Sophieโs.
โWhat?โ The question lashes out like a whip. And Brenna visibly flinches.
Slowly she lowers her cup from her face and takes a step back. โAh, yeah, you know what? Thatโs just speculation.โ
โBased on what, exactly?โ I grind out.
Brenna looks around as if trying to find an avenue of escape. Not bloody likely.
I take a step into her space. โTalk, you.โ
โThis morning Jax said heโd hooked up with Sophie, and she confirmed it,โ Brenna blurts out. โThough really, she sounded extremely sarcastic when she called the sex โmoving,โ so it might have been a jokeโฆโ
Her words drift off, as the ringing in my ears grows stronger. My heart knocks against my ribs so hard, I feel the reverberations in my throat. Jax? Sheโs with Jax? She fucking slept inย my bedย while she fucking fucked fucking Jax?
I turn on my heel, not knowing where the bloody hell Iโm going, when my gaze lands on the man in question, who is about to get on his bus.
โJohn,โ I bark out loud enough for my voice to echo over the lot.
Hearing me use his real name makes him pause and look over his shoulder. โWhat?โ
Whatever he sees on my face gets him strolling over to me. I grit my teeth.
โWhatโs this about you and Sophie?โ
The git gives me a stupid grin. โOh, yeah, just a bit of fun.โ He glances at Brenna, who is slowly shaking her head. โRight, Bren?โ
I donโt let her respond. โDid you not give Killian a lecture about sleeping with employees when Libby came on board?โ
He rubs his chin, and I have the urge to punch it.
Jax snaps his fingers. โRight. He clearly listened well.โ Fuckwit.
โGood advice which would apply to you as well, would it not?โ Jax nods, still grinning that smug little shitter grin. โIt would.โ
I take a calming breath, which bursts out of my lungs when Jax smiles wide and says, โBut donโt worry, there wasnโt much sleeping involved.โ
My breathing goes haywire.
โCareful,โ Brenna whispers in my ear. โYour knickers are getting all twisted.โ
I wrench my head in her direction, and she pales.
โAck, joke gone bad, joke gone bad,โ Brenna wails, flapping her hands. โRun away. Run away.โ
Jax watches her go, a smile on his lips. โWhatโs with her?… Hey, man.โ He holds his hands up. โEasy with the crazy eyes. Itโs just Sophie.โ
Wrong thing to say.
โWhatโs just me?โ Sophie asks, appearing at my side. I round on her. โYou.โ
โMe.โ She points to her chest then to Jax. โJax. We all speak good now.โ
Jax chuckles, but when I glare at him, he suddenly becomes invested in scurrying off toward Killian and Libby.
Sophie frowns. โWhatโs that all about?โ โAre you fucking Jax?โ
Her eyes go wide and shocked. Guilty? I canโt tell. It annoys me further. A flush rushes over her cheeks. โAre you serious with this?โ
Yes. No. I donโt fucking know.
โAnswer the question, Sophie.โ
She glances around before grabbing me by the arm. I let her lead me away because I want an answer. She stops in the narrow gap between my coach and the bandโs.
โLook, you,โ she hisses, poking my shoulder. โI donโt have to tell you a fucking thing about my personal life.โ
โYou cease to have one if you start fucking the band members.โ
โMembers?โ she squeaks. โSo, what? Iโm fucking my way through them now? Is that it?โ
The thought is so repellant, bile fills my stomach. My fists clench. โJax.
Letโs concentrate on Jax now. Did you sleep with him?โ
โI cannot believe youโre asking me this,โ she snaps. โThat youโre actually snorting like some sort of enraged bull and expecting me to answer.โ
โI did not snort. I merely asked a question. Which I want an answer to.
Now.โ
The flush rushes down to the tops of her breasts. โFuck you,ย Scottie. I donโt know who you think you are, but let me tell you, Iโm not some empty- headed bimbo you can bark at. I am done with this conversation.โ
She turns to go, her expression utterly closed off for the first time since Iโve met her. But I saw the hurt I caused, and the humiliation, before she shut down. The bottom drops out of my gut.
โSophie.โ I grab hold of her and spin her around.
Her shoulders meet the side of the bus before I cage her in. She struggles, even as I press close. My cheek touches hers, and she stills. For a long, painful moment we both just breathe, heavy and agitated.
โYouโre right. I have no say,โ I whisper into her hair. My lids lower, and I draw in another lungful of her sweet scent. โAnd I donโt think youโre a bimbo. I only wanted toโฆ That isโฆโ I choke on a curse. โNot with one of the boys, all right? Not them. Please.โ
A breath shudders out of her, and I feel it along my neck. My back tenses, my skin prickling. Itโs all I can do to remain still, not rock into her softness. I know sheโs wondering why Iโm demanding this. I wonโt be able to tell her sheโll rip my guts out if she does, that I wonโt be able to focus for shite if sheโs with one of the guys. If sheโs been with Jaxโฆ
A tremor runs through my body as I struggle to hold still.
Her breath hitches again. If she touches me, I might shatter. But she doesnโt. She simply sighs. โYouโre such an ass.โ
โEstablished.โ
โA reactionary ass,โ she says bitterly. โWho apparently canโt be bothered to realize thereโs no way I could have been with Jax last night when I was withย you.โ
My head hits the side of the bus with a thud as my body sags against hers. Relief and embarrassment are a warm, sticky cocktail swimming
through my blood. โShit.โ
โYeah, shit,โ she repeats with soft sarcasm. โHe covered for me when everyone caught me doing the walk of shame back to my room. Though he doesnโt know who I was actually with.โ Her small fist nudges my ribs. โNow get off me before someone sees us and they really start talking.โ
With a grunt, I push off the bus and take a step back. Her cheeks are flushed a lovely rose, her eyes shining with anger. I feel all of two feet tall. Iโm not this manโout of control, possessive, foolish.
I run a hand over my tie. โI spoke out of turn.โ
She purses her full lips, her narrowed gaze demanding more. I swallow hard. โI should have askedโโ
โNo,โ she snaps. โYou should have minded your business.โ
A flush of heat hits my cheeks. โMs. Darling, I cannot recant my earlier statement. Getting involved with a member of the tour is a bad decision and one that can affect everyone. Which means it will always be my business.โ
All true.ย And I sound like an utter git. Fuck it all.
โYouโre talking like a duke again.โ She straightens and smoothes a hair back from her face. โWhichย meansย youโre feeling guilty.โ
โKnow me so well already, chatty girl?โ
โYes, I do.โ She moves to pass me but pauses. โYouโre not fooling anyone. And when you want to admit you were jealous, Iโll be waiting.โ
With that, she walks away, her round hips swaying. I appreciate the view, even as Iโm mentally kicking myself.
โIt will be a long wait,โ I call.
She flips me off without missing a step. Hell, I do like this girl. Too bloody much.
Sophie
MEN CAN SUCK IT. Especially hot, suit-wearing, bossy, jealous, chest- thumping men. And heย wasย jealous. Gabriel can deny it all he wants, but that whole freakout had nothing to do with looking out for his โboys.โ
Maybe itโs weak of me to admit Iโd find the whole incident a turn onย ifย heโd done something physical about his jealousyโthrown me over his shoulder, proclaimed me his before fucking my brains out. Yeah,ย thatย would have been hot. But no, it was much more,ย stay away from my friends, and Iโll stay away from you. Not cool.
And embarrassing, because as quickly as I took him off to finish our discussion in private, I know people saw the start of it. You donโt bite the head off your lead guitarist in public and expect people not to talk. Especially when your guitarist runs away as though his life depended on it; thanks very much, Jax, you weenus.
Iโm still fuming when Brenna seeks me out. โSo sorry about that,โ she murmurs, walking with me to my room.
โWere you going to assign me a bus?โ I ask, zipping up my bag. โOr just throw me under one?โ
She winces, her nose wrinkling. โI know, I know. I am a gossiping hag. I was low on caffeine and in a pissy mood.โ Her gaze travels over me as if looking for battle scars. โI didnโt think Scottie would flip his shit like that. He doesnโt normally have a bad temper, but heโs been a bit off lately.โ
โOff?โ I ask, despite not wanting to talk about The Incident at all. โDistracted. Snippy.โ Brenna shakes her head, her ponytail swaying
over her shoulders. โHeโs always fairly deadpan and unflappable, stone cold.โ
Gabriel leaning into me, his breath on my cheek, whisperingย pleaseย flashes through my mind. That man wasnโt cold or unflappable. But I donโt want to think about that version of Gabriel. My attraction to him is inconvenient and annoying. I have a job to doโone other photographers would kill for.
But Brenna is still eyeing me with remorse and worry. โI am sorry, Sophie. I didnโt mean to set him on you like that. Do you want me to talk to him?โ
And poke the bear? I can imagine how that would go. โNo, itโs fine. We worked it out.โ
She looks dubious but nods. โRight then. Youโll be traveling with the guys.โ
โReally?โ I donโt know where I expected to be placed in our traveling caravan, but I hadnโt thought right with the band.
โThey like to travel in one coach for camaraderie, and your job is to capture that, so it makes the most sense.โ
โAnd theyโre okay with this?โ
Brenna grabs one of my bags, and we exit the room, heading down to the waiting cars that will take us to the buses. โYeah. Theyโre a pretty open bunch, all things considered. And they trust me when I say you wonโt post without permission.โ
Translation: Donโt fuck that trust up for me.
โI want to thank you again for this opportunity,โ I tell her. โI wonโt let you or the guys down.โ
Brenna smiles. โI know. Iโm a good judge of character.โ
I have to laugh at that. โI am too. I just seem to ignore my common sense when I most need it.โ
โShit, if weโre talking about our love lives, I know I have you beat. Iโm a train wreck with an atomic bomb on the top.โ
Before we enter the coach, Brenna hands me a small key for later use. Weโre alone for the moment, and she shows me around. Thereโs not much to see. The front has a lounge space and a galley kitchen-bar to the side. Itโs dark and sleek, and there are three TVs on different walls.
โThe guys store instruments and a few small amps in the bins,โ she says, pointing to ebony wood cabinets overhead. โAnd then there are the
bunks.โ
Mid-bus is reserved for bunks that line both walls, leaving a narrow hall. Four beds and then a small master bedroom at the very back, with an even smaller bathroom between them.
โKillian and Libby have the bedroom,โ Brenna tells me. โYou get this top back bunk. Itโs with the guys.โ Her sherry-colored eyes narrow with worry. โYouโre okay with this? Because if youโre not, itโs fine. I can move you to one of the roadie coaches.โ
โThey all have bunks too, donโt they?โ I ask.
โYes, Iโm afraid we get cozy during tour travel. Except for Scottie, who has an entire bus to himself.โ
โIโm not surprised in the least.โ
โAnd a word of warning; donโt try to visit him there. He snarls if he finds anyone near his private spaces.โ
He left me alone in his house today. Then keeps me at armโs length in the next breath. Iโm beginning to think the man simply doesnโt know how to let people into his life. โIโll be fine rooming with the guys.โ
โYou will,โ Brenna assures me. โThey might be pigs now and then. But theyโre good guys. The best. Theyโll make you feel comfortable, I promise.โ
โWhoโs promising what?โ Rye says as he hauls his muscled bulk onto the bus.
โThat youโll be nice to Sophie,โ Brenna says with a stern look.
The big guy has one of those open faces that easily shows his emotions. He reminds me of a puppy, cute and exuberant. โOf course.โ His smile is wide and framed by dimples. โWelcome aboard, lovely Sophie.โ
Whip steps up behind him, his blue eyes flashing with impish humor. โDid you tell her about the initiation rites?โ
โIf it involves anything sexual,โ I say blandly, โI offer free nuttings with a hundred-percent guarantee to leave a man incapacitated for an hour at
minimum.โ
Whip laughs. โI bet. Naw, you just have to drink a lot and make a fool of yourself at least once.โ He runs his hand through coal back hair that reaches his collar. Effortlessly cool rocker. โBut I promise to take the lead.โ
Jax crams in behind him and gives him a nudge to move on. โOut of the way, pretty boy.โ
Killian and Libby follow, and soon weโre all crowded in.
Brenna leaves us as the bus gets ready to go. But sheโs right; they all make me feel comfortable and welcome. If Iโm going to be stuffed in a bus with minimal privacy and space, bunking with these guys isnโt a bad option at all.
I remind myself of this and refuse to think of Gabriel Scott on his own bus, or how much space he must have to rattle around.
After settling in, I join the guys and Libby in the living area. Libby is putting out a tray of biscuits, but stops to offer me one before I sit.
โGet one now,โ she tells me in her soft Southern drawl, โbecause these jackals will devour them in a second.โ
I take a napkin and a flaky, hot biscuit. โYou baked?โ
She smiles wryly, and her grey eyes light up. โMade the dough before and froze it. Not much room for anything else.โ
Killianโs hand reaches down between us, and he snatches two. โBest baker ever.โ He gives Libby a quick kiss on her cheek. โLove you, Elly May.โ
She rolls her eyes and sets the tray down for the guys. โIโm thinking youโre more loving my biscuits right now, lawn bum.โ
โNever.โ
They grin at each other, and I take a picture before sitting down. Killian is right; Libby is an excellent baker. And Libby is right; the food is devoured in a blink. I find a seat and simply watch the guys interact.
Thereโs something comforting about witnessing old friends enjoy each otherโs company.
But they donโt leave me out. Whip turns his attention to me soon enough. โSo, Bren threw you right into the lionโs den, eh?โ
โYou guys seem pretty tame.โ
He laughs, and Iโm struck by the fact that he looks very much like Killian, only blue-eyed instead of dark. โSadly, we are now.โ
โYou miss being wild?โ I ask, taking a picture because heโs just too pretty lounging in a black leather armchair, his toned body doing nice things for the vintage Def Leppard concert tee heโs wearing.
โNaw,โ he says. โIโm kind of liking this tamer phase. More productive, at the very least.โ
โHeโs just getting old,โ Rye says, opening a small fridge and pulling out a few bottles of beer.
โYouโre six months older than I am,โ Whip points out. โI age better.โ
โLike moldy cheese,โ Whip says.
Rye plops down next to me on the small banquet. โIโm surprised Scottie was cool with you sleeping on this bus.โ
Killian passes me a beer. โWhy wouldnโt he be? Itโs her job to record us.โ
โItโs cute that you described my job with finger quotes,โ I tell him, rolling my eyes.
He grins with teeth, so fake, and I snap a pic before he can stop. At this he scowls, but it lacks any heat.
โBrat. Iโm not saying I like my every move being chronicledโand post that goof one at your perilโbut Iโm admitting itโs a needed aspect of the tour, all right?โ
I blink rapidly while clutching my chest. โCanโt. Respond. Shock. Too.
Great.โ
Libby laughs. โSee? Youโll fit in just fine.โ โThanks.โ I click beer bottles with her.
โStill not getting why Scottie would complain about Sophie on the bus,โ Killian says. โHe was adamant that we treat her withโฆโ His voice turns crisp and clipped, mimicking Gabrielโs accent to a tee. โโฆโthe bloody respect a trained professional deserves.โโ
He said that?ย I become a little less ticked at him. Just a little.
Rye gives an expansive sigh. โBecause dumbass Jax made it sound like heโd hooked up with her.โ
Killianโs mouth falls open, and he stares at Jax as if heโs sprouted horns. โYou told Scottie you slept with Sophie?โ he all but squeaks, which is impressive given his naturally low voice.
โIt was a joke,โ Jax says from his sprawl across the couch. โCalm down.โ
Killian shakes his head. โOh, man. Thatโs nothing to joke about. Youโre dead.โ
โScottie needs to lighten up. And you do too.โ
โHe has every right to kick your ass.โ Killian wings a bottle cap at Jax. โYou violated the first law of the man code, Mr. Dead Man Walking.โ
Jax frowns. โNo way.โ
โYeah, you did,โ Whip adds with a laugh.
Even Rye shakes his head. โYou didnโt know? Who put you up to even telling Scottie that story?โ
Jax sits up straight. โBrenna brought it up to him!โ
Rye makes a noise of horror. โThatโs just mean. Even for Brenna.โ
โEh,โ Jax says, rubbing the back of his head. โI think he was giving her shit for something.โ
โClearly the man was playing with fire,โ Rye deadpans. โTruth.โ
โWhat the hell is the first law of the man code?โ I cut in.
Killian takes a sip of his beer before answering. โNever encroach upon your buddyโs territory.โ
โTerritory,โ I parrot. โYou make us sound like dogs.โ
โSoph,โ Whip says solemnly, โwhen it comes to guys and sex, weโre all dogs.โ
โTrue,โ adds Rye.
โIโm not Gabrielโs territory for him to piss over.โ Not that anyone seems to believe me.
Killianโs dark eyes fill with amusement. โYouโre the only one he lets call him Gabriel.โ
โShit,โ Jax says with a wince. โYouโre right. I missed that.โ
โYouโre blind then.โ Whip gives Jaxโs flat belly a slap. โDude, he saw her first. Thatโs like callingโโ
โIf you say โdibsโ,โ Libby cuts in, โI will gag.โ
Killian laughs and slings an arm around her. โAw, honey, no gagging without my helping.โ
At this we all gag.
โBut still,โ Jax says when the guys settle down. โHow was I supposed to know? Weโre talking about Scottie, for fuckโs sake.โ
โWhatโs so strange about that?โ I feel compelled to ask.
โHe isnโt known toโฆerโฆpartake,โ Rye says with a shrug. โPartake?โ I look around at the guys.
โFuck around,โ Killian supplies. โHeโs kind of like a monk.โ
Whip nods. โWhen was the last time anyone saw him with a woman?โ โFucking forever ago.โ Rye shudders as if the thought terrifies him. โIf
heโs getting any, heโs doing it on the sly.โ
Something ugly twists in my stomach. I donโt want to think of Gabriel with women. And really donโt like the idea of the guys discussing his sex life, or lack of one. Gabriel is a proud man; heโd hate this conversation. โWe shouldnโt be talking about him this way.โ
โYouโre right,โ Killian says. โNo doubt his Scottie Sense is tingling.โ
โWe shouldnโt be talking about him,โ Libby says in a stronger voice, โbecause itโs rude and none of our business.โ
I knew I liked that woman.
Killian kisses her cheek. โRight you are, Libs.โ He gives Jax a look filled with warning. โSleep with one eye open, man.โ
โHeโs on another bus,โ Jax grumbles.
โYou look worried,โ I point out. I admit this gives my inner toddler some satisfaction.
Jaxโs smile is self-deprecating. โLittle known fact, honey, Scottie boy is scrappy as shit. Iโve seen him make men twice his size cry for their mommas with a well-placed kick-punch combo. Fucking bare knuckle legendโโ
Killian clears his throat loudly and gives a slight shake of his head. But Iโm a dog on the hunt now. โHold on, heโs what?โ
โA stone cold badass,โ Rye says. โBut you didnโt hear it from us. Seriously, he really can kick all our asses soโฆyeah, no more talking about Scottie, โkay?โ
Heโs laughing as he says it, but I get the feeling he truly doesnโt want Gabriel to find out I know about his fighting. I can respect that. Doesnโt stop me from thinking of his hard body and muscles that strain his properly cut shirts. Is that how he developed those? As a fighter? I canโt picture him getting into a fight out of anger, but a controlled match? I can see that, and it leaves me feeling oddly morose.
They move on to another topic, but I canโt help looking out of the tinted window. Thereโs nothing but darkness and the occasional flicker of headlights. Somewhere behind us, Gabriel is alone on his bus. I know full well he wants it that way, but I hurt for him all the same. Isolated from his friends, and why? Why does he hide himself away? Does he get lonely?
I hate that fate for him. The urge to be with him instead is so strong, I imagine myself leaping from the window and somehow landing on his bus, straight up Super Girl style. No, Wonder Woman. That way I could tie him down with my lasso when he protests my invasion of his Fortress of Solitude.
Iโm in the middle of a Clark Kent/Diana Prince cosplay fantasy when Jax shatters my dream by loudly declaring, โโSon of a Preacher Manโ is a song that can never be replicated.โ
Rye leans back in an armchair and idly plucks on a ukulele he unearthed from somewhere. โOkay, Iโll give you that.โ
โPlay that song,โ Jax says, โand women fucking melt, man.โ
โSomeone save me from hearing any more of Jaxโs seduction routine.โ Rye looks around desperately.
โTake notes, son, and learn something,โ Jax drawls.
โEtta James singing โAt Lastโ,โ Killian butts in. โFucking timeless.โ โBeyoncรฉ did a pretty good version,โ Libby says.
โPretty good,โ Killian repeats. โBut it didnโt top the original. Etta still rules that song.โ
Whip taps on his knees as if he canโt keep still. โDonโt let the Bee Hive hear that. Theyโll sting you bad, bro.โ
Killian shudders. โYouโre right. Iโm sorry, Bees,โ he shouts to the air. โDonโt slay me! I love Queen Bey!โ
โMan, I keep waiting for her to break up with Jay Z. Then Iโm all in.โ โDude, your dream is dead in the water,โ Jax says. โYou donโt have a
chance in hell with her.โ
โYouโre gonna eat your words,โ Whip promises. โOur love is destined. She totally winked at me during that charity concert we all did last month.โ
โIt was windy,โ Killian says with a snort. โShe had dust in her eyes.โ โShe had me in her eyes.โ
Rye shakes his head, and then his blue eyes find me. โWhat about you, Sophie? Got a song?โ
They all turn to me. Iโm supposed to play?ย Fuck. I love music, but my knowledge isnโt encyclopedic like these guysโ. I think for a minute. โโSabotageโ.โ
โBeastie Boys?โ Rye gives me a high five. โExcellent.โ
โNobody can replicate the Beastie Boys,โ Jax agrees, clinking his beer bottle to mine. Heโs relaxed, his pretty green gaze slumberous. I know the guys worry over him, and I donโt blame them, but he appears to be taking things easy now. โHell, I need to get my blood pumping or Iโll fall asleep.โ He looks at Killian. โYou got โSabotageโ on your phone?โ
โYou have to ask?โ Killian jumps up and plugs his phone into the input set up in the wall. โHold on to your butts.โ
The familiar hard bass riff pounds through the speakers, followed by discordant record scratches and an angry scream of defiance. Killian immediately starts dancing around, grabbing Libby to join him. She laughs and bumps hips with him.
Jax catches my eye. โAt the risk of having Scottie hand me my balls laterโฆโ He holds out his hand.
Jax has the most to resent me for. I should feel guilty even being in the same room with him. But Iโm comfortable in his presence. He looks at me as if he knows exactly how shitty my job was back then, exactly how soulless Iโd become, and heโs sorry for it. Itโs that more than anything that has me taking his hand.
I dance full out, swinging my head, hopping around like a mad woman
โthereโs no way to appreciate the song but to go wild. And the guys surround me, jumping and thrashing, and likely making the entire bus rock as it hurtles down the highway. We donโt care. Weโre young and free. Itโs a beautiful thing. And we dance for many more songs.
I almost forget about the man on the other bus. Only when the guys finally crash for the night, when Iโm tucked away in my tiny bunk by the bathroom and canโt sleep at all, do I stare into the darkness and think of Gabriel.