Rachel staggered back, staring down at the ring between them.
โBel,โย she said calmly, though her eyes betrayed her.ย โI can explain.โ โNo!โย Bel shouted.ย โNo more lies!โ
โI donโt want to lie to you,โย Rachel said, hands up, unarmed.ย โThen donโt. What have you done to Dad? Where is he?!โ
โI donโt know,โย Rachel said, but Bel knew that trick all too well, blowing up Rachelโs wall so there was nothing for her to hide behind.
โYou have his ring. Did you kill him, Rachel? Mom, did you kill him?โย Rachel didnโt say anything, couldnโt lie quick enough.
โHe was the only one whoโd never leave me.โย Voice scratchy and raw as tearsย ๏ฌnally broke, rib cage empty, her heart dropping all the way, she might never get it back.ย โEveryone always leaves. He was the only one I had and youโve taken him from me.โ
Rachelโs eyesย ๏ฌlled too, watching Bel split herself open.ย โBel, listenโโ โNo, Iโm not listening to you, youโre a liar!โ
โBel.โ
โPhillip Alves didnโt take you, did he?!โย She wiped the tears, rebuilding the barricade, gritting her teeth.ย โYouโd never even seen him before last night, had you?โ
Rachel swallowed.
โSay it!โย Bel roared.
โNo.โย Rachel hugged her chest, shielding it. But they were only arms and Bel could break through those.ย โBut he tried to hurt you. I panicked. It wasnโt part of the plan, I just wanted to protect you, keep him away from you. No one touches my daughter.โ
โSo there is a plan?โย Bel said, catching on that, holding on with both hands.ย โThereโs always been a plan, hasnโt there? Phillip Alves didnโt take you, because no one took you. Where were you all this time?โ
โBel, I canโtโโ
โTell me where you were!โย Another land mine.ย โYou werenโt locked in a basement, so where were you?!โ
โI canโt tell you!โย Rachel said, Belโs explosion setting o๏ฌย hers, eyes broken open.ย โI wouldnโt do that to you!โ
โYouโve done far worse!โย Bel shouted back, louder.ย โYou left me behind in the backseat of your car! I was just a baby!โ
Rachelโs head shuddered side to side, shaking free her tears.ย โNo, Bel. I would never leave yโโ
โDonโt lie!โย Bel pointed at her, stabbing the air.ย โYou borrowed three thousand dollars from Julian Tripp days before you disappeared. You chose to go!โ
Rachel stepped back, the blow hitting her right in the chest, hands pressed to the wound.ย โNo, no, thatโs notโโ
โYes, you did!โย Bel closed in on her.ย โYou knew you couldnโt withdraw it yourself, because everyone would know youโd planned to run away, so you took it from Mr. Tripp. You left me! Where did you go? Did you go to Je๏ฌโs friend Bob in Vermont for a new identity? Is that how you hid, how you knew to make it look like Dad had done the same? Why did you leave? Tell me the truth!โ
Rachel winced at every shot, shrinking, eyes fast and desperate.ย โNo, no, Bel. Please.โ
โStop sayingย no,ย tell me where you were!โ
โI canโt!โย Rachel shouted, coming back stronger, closing the distance.ย โI canโt tell you the truth! I wouldnโt do that to you. Itโs my job to protect you.
I can do this on my own. I was on my own for a very long time, I know how it works.โ
Too entrenched, Bel couldnโt move her, not even by falling apart in front of her.
โPlease, Mom! Tell me where Dad is. What did you do to him?โ
Rachel said nothing, shook her head instead. She didnโt care, caring wasnโt part of the plan.
โItโs my fault,โย Bel cried.ย โI knew from the start you were lying. I should have tried harder to prove it before you got to Dad. Now heโs gone and itโs my fault.โ
Rachelโs eyesย ๏ฌashed, simmering with new tears.ย โNothing is your fault, Bel. Do you hear me? Not one thing. Listen to me. I hadย ๏ฌfteen years to imagine who you would grow up to be, and youโre more perfect than any version I could think up.โย Tears pooled at the crack in her lips.ย โNothing is your fault, itโs everyone else, and I will protect you from them.โ
But Bel saw between the tears. She tilted her chin up, sharpened it to a point.ย โIt was sixteen years you were locked up, Rachel. Notย ๏ฌfteen. Youโve lost count of your own lies.โ
Rachelโs breath shuddered in her chest.ย โIโm sorry,โย she said.
And that tripped another one.ย โNo youโre not!โย Bel shouted;ย ๏ฌght left in her still. She kicked out at the armchair and it jumped back, screeching against theย ๏ฌoor.ย โIf you were sorry you would tell me the truth. Tell me!โ
โNo.โย Rachelโs voice cracked.
Bel gave up. But if she was going down, then Rachel was going down with her. Her breath hitched as it built within her.
โI wish youโd stayed disappeared!โย she screamed, the words clawing at her throat.ย โI wish youโd never come back!โ
The doorbell went, trilling through the house.
Rachel wiped her face, her eyes dulled, like something had broken behind them.
โBel, sweetheart,โย she said softly, voice worn thin.ย โShould I tell everyone to come back another day? We donโt have to do this now.โ
โNo.โย Bel caught her own tears on her sleeve, face stinging and raw.ย โNo. I donโt want to be alone in this house with you ever again.โ
She left Rachel behind, heading for the front door, pulled it open.
Sherry was standing there, holding a plate with a home-baked cake. Rough blue icing spelled the words:ย Happy 85th Birthday!ย Carter was behind her on the steps, Je๏ฌย on the path.
โEverything OK in here?โย Sherry said, eyes wide and probing. They must have heard the shouting, must be able to read it all over Belโs face. Carter de๏ฌnitely could, eyebrows drawn, a small nod, asking if Bel was OK in their own secret way.
โYes,ย ๏ฌne,โย Bel said, but another voice had said it too. Rachel, standing right behind her. Speaking together, both liars now.
It didnโt faze Rachel.ย โCome in,โย she said.
โ
Everyone had arrived now, Grandpa tucked in at the head of the table, Yordan beside. They were in the kitchen, the table extended to seat eight. But there werenโt eight of them, because Dad was missing. No one had even mentioned him.
Rachel served out the mac and cheese, squelching as it hit the plates, long sinews of cheese clinging to the spoon.
โThere you go, Bel, sweetie.โย She handed her plate back, hand tracing over Belโs shoulder before she moved on.
Bel didnโt understand that, or the softness in her voice. Shouldnโt she be angry? Bel had just said the worst thing imaginable to her, both of them at opposite ends of rock bottom, and yet here Rachel was, soft and kind.
Rachel must be a better liar than sheโd thought. She admitted it, sheโd lied about Phillip Alves, which meant everything else sheโd ever said was on the table too, everything about her disappearance and reappearance. Bel asked her for the truth, gave her aย ๏ฌnal chance, and Rachel had refused. They couldnโt ever come back from that, couldnโt pretend anymore, couldnโt
play house or mother and daughter. So whatever happened tonight, this was a last supper, an ending of some kind.
โSo it was Phillip Alves all along?โย Sherry asked, fork raised.ย โI knew he was crazy when he came into our house pretending to be a cop. Asked all kinds of bizarre questions about you. And all that time, he knew exactly what happened to you, because you were in his basement. Sicko. I knew it all along, I swear, had a feeling.โ
Je๏ฌย coughed, eyes shifting from Sherry to Rachel.
โYou must be relieved itโsย ๏ฌnally over?โย Sherry asked.ย โYou too, Bel.
That must have been scary last night.โ
โYes,โย Bel and Rachel said together, again, and that had to stop.
โItโs good toย ๏ฌnally know the whole truth.โย Bel frowned at Rachel, who had taken the seat across from her. Rachel met her eyes.
โIt is,โย Sherry agreed.
Je๏ฌย coughed again, knocking hisย ๏ฌst against his chest.ย โMaybe we should talk about something a bit lighter. Meant to be a celebration. Happy birthday, Dad.โย Je๏ฌย raised his beer, took a large glug of it, swallowing four times.
Grandpa didnโt notice, spooning macaroni into his mouth, one tiny tube at a time.
Carter was eating just as slowly, twirling her fork, goring bits of pasta, then letting them go. Maybe the other half of the Prices had an argument before this meal too; Carter too quiet, Uncle Je๏ฌย tooย ๏ฌdgety,ย ๏ฌnishing o๏ฌย hisย ๏ฌrst beer already.
Sherry was oblivious, or better at hiding it.
โItโs just good to know that things can go back to normal.โย Sherry gave her husband a pointed look, eyes drifting to the empty beer.ย โSorry we were a couple minutes late, by the way. It was this one.โย She pointed her fork at Carter.ย โDoing science homework. At her computer looking at graphs instead of getting ready. Got annoyed at me for dragging her away. I just said:ย You donโt need biology to be a dancer, but you do need to learn to be on time.โ
โThatโs more than OK.โย Rachel answered to Carter, not Sherry.ย โIโm bad at keeping time too.โ
Maybe that was theย ๏ฌrst true thing Rachel had said. Sheย wasย bad at time; twice sheโd accidentally saidย ๏ฌfteen years when she should have said sixteen.
โYes,โย Sherry cut in again.ย โWerenโt you late for your own wedding?โย Rachel glanced down at her plate. Not a lot of appetite at this table.
โOnly ten minutes.โ
It was a good thing Sherry was here to steer the conversation, steer the family. Dad normally did that, when he was here. No one had brought him up still, the eighth empty space, his wedding ring tucked in the pocket of Belโs jeans.
โYouย ๏ฌnished, Bel?โย Rachel asked, eyes glittering in a way that wasnโt easy to fake.
โS-sure.โย Even though Bel had hardly touched her food either.
She didnโt understand, how Rachel was being nice to her. Was it just a show, for everyone else here? Bel had said the cruelest thing to her, to cut her as deep as she could, a fatal blow. And Rachel hadnโt left, even though she knew she was caught, even though Bel had all but wished her dead. She was still here.
Bel rubbed her cried-out eyes. Sheโd never had an argument like that with Dad, not once her whole life. He would threaten to leave the house at theย ๏ฌrst sign of raised voices, to go for a drive. Bel never wanted him to leave, so she relented, she always gave in. It worked every time. They had never shouted at each other across the room like that, never had to work anything through. But now Bel wasnโt sure; was that a good thing or not? Had it felt good to scream at the top of her lungs, her deepest, darkest feelings, to share them with someone?
โWe actually have two birthday cakes, thanks, Sherry.โย Rachel nodded at her.
โMineโs low-cal,โย Sherry announced to the table, eyes lingering on Carter. Carterย ๏ฌddled with her tights, pulling the material out, letting itย ๏ฌing back against her knees.
โBefore we get to cake,โย Rachel said, taking charge, wrestling it from Sherry,ย โI thought we could do gifts.โ
Sherry sni๏ฌed.ย โThatโsย ๏ฌne. We normally do gifts after cake, but you wouldnโt know that; missed a few birthdays.โย An amused exhale of breath.
Rachel ignored her, disappearing into the living room for a few moments. She came back with a present wrapped in blue-and-white-striped paper, in the shape of a hardcover book. A red ribbon tied around it.
โThis is from me and Bel, Pat,โย she said, leaning over Grandpa to hand him the gift. Did she do that because she knew Bel hadnโt had time to get him a gift? Was she being nice or was she picking up theย ๏ฌght somehow?ย โHappy birthday.โ
โR-Rachel?โย Grandpa looked up at her.ย โYes,โย she replied with a sideways smile.ย โCharlieโs girlfriend.โ
โThatโs right, Pat,โย Sherry cut in.ย โWell done.โ
โLet me help,โย Yordan said, removing the ribbon for Grandpa.ย โIโve got it, Charlie.โย Grandpa snatched it back.
He pulled at the corners with his bony, spottedย ๏ฌngers, ripped the paper
o๏ฌ.
โA book.โย He spun it in his hands and Bel recognized the green cover
before she even saw the title.ย The Memory Thief.ย One of her favorite books, one Grandpa used to read to her when she was little.
Sherry leaned into Je๏ฌ.ย โA little insensitive,โย she whispered, loud enough that Bel and Carter could hear.ย โGiving the man with dementia a book calledย The Memory Thief.โ
โI thought youโd like it,โย Rachel said loudly, retaking her seat.
โMs. Nelson at the bookstore recommended it.โ
But Belโs mind snagged on something else, dragging it to the surface. Rachel snooping in Belโs bedroom,ย ๏ฌicking through her copy of this exact book. Bel caught her. Rachel said it was one of her favorites, and Bel hadnโt wanted to admit it was one of hers too. Rachel asked if anyone had given her this book, whichโnow she thought about itโhad been a strange thing to ask. But everything about Rachel was strange in those early days. Bel told
her that Grandpa used to read it to her as a kid, that she bought her own copy a few years ago. So Rachel knew Grandpa already had this book, sitting on his shelves at home, Bel had told her so. Did she forget?
โThatโs very thoughtful of Rachel, isnโt it, Pat?โย Yordan said.ย โI can read this to you at home.โ
Grandpa let the book slip out of his hands, like it was gone from his head already. He glanced at Yordan, then over to Je๏ฌ.
โCharlie?โย he said, an edge to his voice, almost accusatory.
โCharlieโs not here, Dad.โย Je๏ฌย shifted.ย โRemember? Charlie went on a little trip. Heโll be back soon.โ
Dadโs wedding ring burned a hole in Belโs pocket, searing her skin. A secret she didnโt share but it felt like her burden now too. That maybe Dad was never coming back. A black hole where her heart used to be.
โYou think heโs coming back?โย Bel asked Je๏ฌ, watching Rachelโs reaction.
Her eyes were empty.
โOf course heโs coming back.โย Je๏ฌโs eyes widened, pupils large: from the beer or from their attention?ย โHeโs the center of this family, always has been. Holds us all together.โ
The heart, you might say: Ramsey was wrong about that. It wasnโt Bel, it was Dad. Wasnโt it?
โBut you know,โย Je๏ฌย continued.ย โWith Rachel coming backโsorry, Rachelโย there was obviously a lot of stress, and media attention again, and I think he just needed to get away.โ
โAll the way to Canada? Without his passport?โย Bel pressed, gaze switching between him and Rachel.
โWell, if the cops think he took o๏ฌย to Canada, I canโt say itโs out of character.โย Je๏ฌ ๏ฌnished o๏ฌย his second beer.ย โCharlie can be spontaneous sometimes. Drove me crazy. You know he left for Costa Rica when he was twenty without telling anyone, no contact for six weeks? Skipped out on his job at the logging yard when things were already bad. Dad was furious.โย Je๏ฌย nodded in Grandpaโs direction.ย โI mean, he proposed to you, Rachel, after what, three months?โ
Rachel nodded, no change in her face.
โSo Iโm saying, Charlie sometimes just does things, especially when feelings are involved. His way of coping. I mean, there was the Taco Bell woman, a couple weeks after Ellen left him. Youโd think that was out of character, but he was obviously hurting. Itโs the same when Rachel returned. A lot of strong, confusing emotions. I think heโll be back this weekend; two weeks away feels right. Something else to celebrate.โย He raised his beer bottle.
But Bel couldnโtย cheersย to that, three words circling in her head, something Je๏ฌย just said.
โWhat Taco Bell woman?โ
Je๏ฌโs faceย ๏ฌushed, putting down his bottle with a dull thud.ย โProbably not something you want to hear, Bel.โ
โI do want to hear it.โย She needed to hear it, the knot spiraling, feeding on her near-empty stomach.ย โWhat Taco Bell woman?โ
โI donโtโโ
โUncle Je๏ฌ.โย Bel bared her teeth.
Je๏ฌย ran an awkward hand through his hair.ย โJust that Charlie was in line at Taco Bell. North Conway, I think he said. It was a couple weeks after Ellen left him. He got talking to a woman in line andโsorry, Rachelโthey went to a motel down the road and, you know.โ
Bel didnโt know; she could guess. But there was something more, something bigger, her heart hammering, waiting for her toย ๏ฌnd it. Taco Bell, North Conway, two weeks after Dadโs girlfriend Ellen left them, because Bel made her, pushed her away. Wait. That was it. The trip to Story Land for her twelfth birthday. That photo of her and Dad. They stopped at Taco Bell on the way home, andโฆ
The knot twisted, leaving a knife-shaped hole, Bel bleeding around it. Dad had lied to her.
All this time.
Bel said it was three hours, enough time to piss herself twice, sobbing in the backseat like the world had ended, because part of it had. But Dad told her it had been onlyย ๏ฌfteen minutesโmaxโthat she was just being silly.
Bel had believed him, sheโd rewritten the memory in her head, turned it into a funny childhood anecdote.
Bel might be sick, heart making a break for her throat.
Because it wasnโt funny. It was the one thing, the very thing Dad must have known sheโd be afraid of. After Rachel, after Phillip Alves. The backseat was a bad place, where bad things happened.
Je๏ฌย had no idea what heโd just done, what heโd undone.
Dad had lied to Bel, betrayed her. Abandoned her in the backseat for hours, to go o๏ฌย with Taco Bell woman, unpicking a scar that would never heal.
And if heโd lied about that, what else had he lied to her about?
