The White Mountains Mall had bright overhead lighting that hurt your eyes, tinny uplifting music that didnโt work at all. At least not on Bel; she couldnโt tell with Rachel.
The camera was nestled on Jamesโs shoulder, and Saba held the boom mike over their heads, struggling to keep it steady, moving at this speed. Ramsey walked with the camera, out of frame, and Ash was behind somewhere, citrus bright in a yellow spotted shirt tucked into orange pants.
Rachel was walking too fast, that was the problem, like she was running from something, chased by the camera. Bel was keeping step, side by side but not too close, sometimes even outpacing Rachel, like they were racing to some unknownย ๏ฌnish line.
โSo, Rachel,โย Ramsey said, cautiously.ย โHow does it feel to be back here? In this same mall where youย ๏ฌrst disappeared over sixteen years ago.โ
โThere are certain things Iโm not allowed to discuss,โย she said,ย โas this is an ongoing criminal investigation.โย She didnโt turn back to say it, didnโt give the camera her face.
โOf course, I understand,โย Ramsey said with a deferential nod. Theyโd already had this discussion, when Ramsey tried to make conversation on the drive here. Bel had sat in the front next to him, Rachel alone in the back, closely watching the world go by, smiling when they passed dogs or kids.
Ramsey tried again.ย โDoes it feel surreal to be here, now you know that this place played a huge role in the mystery of your disappearance?โ
Rachel did turn back then, cracking open a smile for the camera.
โIโm happy to discuss sitting down with you for an interview another time,โย she said, not unkindly.ย โMaybe tomorrow, when Anna is back at school.โ
Ramsey looked confused by the name; he wasnโt the only one. How hard could it be? Take the end of her name instead of the start.
โBut for now,โย Rachel continued, pulling the smile wider, showing more teeth,ย โI really just want to take my daughter shopping. Iโve waited a long time for this.โ
โNo, sure.โย Ramsey backed o๏ฌ.ย โFrom now on, you will see us, not hear us. Promise. Pretend weโre not here.โ
โI will,โย Rachel said, again not unkindly, but it could only be meant one way. Like something Bel would say. A smallย ๏ฌicker played on Ramseyโs lips, like heโd noticed it too. No, stop that, they were nothing alike.
The mall wasnโt busy; it was a Monday afternoon, meandering moms and dads with strollers. But every eye soon fell on them, a sure thing, if Bel hadย ๏ฌve bucks every time. A growing wasp-buzz of whispers when people recognizedย theย Rachel Price from the news this morning, reappeared with a camera crew and going into H&M.
โOK,โย Rachel said inside, arm brushing up against Belโs.ย โI just need a few basic things, really. Couple pairs of shoes. A jacket. Some tops, pants. Maybe a skirt, I donโt know.โย She blinked, shy and unsure.ย โWill you help me look? Tell me what will look good? Everythingโs a bit more high-waisted than I remember.โ
โSure,โย Bel said again, because Rachel kept trapping her into it.ย โWhat colors do you like?โ
โAnything, really,โย Rachel said, voice honey-soft. It didnโt match her eyes.ย โMaybe not red.โ
They both thought of it then; the red top sheโd disappeared in, grainy footage from this very mall, the sameย ๏ฌlthy red top sheโd been forced to
wear for the past sixteen years. If her story was real, that was. There were already two strikes against it.
โNo red,โย Bel agreed.
Bel moved o๏ฌ, mission in hand, distracting her from the knot of tension in her gut. Rachel and the crew followed her around like ducklings, weaving in and out of the aisles. Part of her wanted to slip away and hide from Rachel, in a rack of clothing, like she never got to do as a kid. Making moms panic to prove they truly loved you; she assumed that was why children did it. She was too old for that, and the test wouldnโt work because Rachel knew more about disappearing than she did. They didnโt even know each other, forget about love.
Bel picked out a couple of nice shirts, thin sweaters for daytime, black ankle boots, plain white sneakersโ
โVersatile,โย she said, passing the shoes over.
Some check pants Ash would probably be jealous of. A cropped trench jacket in stoneโ
โThatโll go with everything,โย she told Rachel, handing her the hanger.ย โYou can layer under it. You donโt want something too thick for summer.โ
Rachel made a sound, in the back of her throat. Eyes twinkling, like she might just cry. The jacket wasnโtย thatย nice.
A khaki midi skirt buttoned all the way. A black shirtdressโ
โYou can dress that up, or down to be more casual.โย Bel added it to the pile in Rachelโs hands.
Some sweats.
โYou know, for being lazy around the house.โ
Rachel didnโt say anything this time, and Bel looked back to check she was still here. She was, crying, struggling through all the clothes to wipe her face.
โYou donโt like them?โย Bel asked, hovering awkwardly between the aisles.
โNo, I love them all, thank you.โย Rachelย ๏ฌnally reached the tear, brushing it away.
Bel felt an ache in her gut, something new, less urgent than the knot. Her face softened, o๏ฌering Rachel a half smile.
Rachel completed it, making one whole.ย โThank you for doing this, Anna.โ
Anna again. And it was just the knot after all, pulling tighter now Bel had given it her attention. Rachel must have noticed the shift.
โDo you want something for you?โย she said, widening her eyes.ย โI saw you looking at that green top? Something else? And that jumpsuit.โย She gestured with her head, no hands free.ย โThat would look good on Carter, wouldnโt it?โ
โI donโt need anything,โย Bel said, turning away.
They headed into theย ๏ฌtting rooms, leaving the crew behind. They had too many items to take in, each carrying several hangers, but the woman at the entrance made an exception. Maybe she recognizedย theย Rachel Price. Bel would have to get used to that, she supposed.
โHere.โย Bel hung the clothes inside the cubicle at the far end, gestured Rachel inside.
Rachel moved slowly now, glancing in before she entered. Bel reached forward to close the door for her, but Rachelโs hand darted out, caught it.
โMaybe we donโt have to shut it all the way,โย she said, a breathiness in her voice, close to fear.ย โItโs pretty tight in here.โ
Tight, like sixteen years in a basement.
Another tug in Belโs gut. Maybe she was being unfair. Two mistakes didnโt make Rachel a liar, did it? Things felt strange, and Rachelย wasย strange, but she would be, wouldnโt she? If sheโd been trapped in the dark all that time, alone.
โSure, we can keep it open a little,โย Bel said gently, guiding the door back, giving Rachel a few inches.
She sat outside the cubicle,ย ๏ฌashes ofย ๏ฌesh and material through the small crack in the door.
โBras are more complicated than they used to be,โย Rachel hu๏ฌed from inside.
Bel fought a smile; she lost.
โYou OK?โย she called.ย โNearly,โย Rachel replied.
She emerged a few minutes later, the khaki skirt skimming her calves, paired with a ru๏ฌed black top and white sneakers. She showed Bel, standing there with sad, subdued jazz hands.
โI like them,โย Bel said, trying, even though it didnโt come naturally to her.ย โWait.โ
She moved closer, bending to her knees.
โWhat is it?โย Rachel looked down at her.ย โWrong shape?โ
โNo, it looks great. Itโs just your socks,โย Bel said, reaching forward. She hesitated, seeking permission with her eyes. Rachel nodded above her.ย โPeople donโt wear them like that anymore. Need to push them down.โ
Bel rolled the socks down below Rachelโs ankles, over the dressing on her left ankle, where sheโd been chained. Now she was this close, she noticed something else, peeking over the top of the Band-Aid.
There was a large scar on the inside of Rachelโs ankle. A half circle, gnarled and healed, with pearly puckered skin. Where did that come from? When? Dad had never mentioned it, and it wasnโt in the press releases that described Rachelโs birthmark as her only identifying feature. So she must have got it sometime when she was disappeared.
โBetter?โย Rachel asked.
Bel straightened up, stepped back.ย โBetter,โย she con๏ฌrmed.
Why hadnโt Rachel mentioned it in her story? The man never touched her, sheโd said, so how had she got that scar? Had it come from an injury you couldnโt get if you were locked in a basement all this time?
โNext?โย Rachel said, retreating back inside the cubicle, leaving the door ajar.
No, stop it. Bel was trying. She was giving Rachel a chance. It was probably where the cu๏ฌย used to rub, the same wound as below, an earlier version. She shooed away the knot in her gut; it never listened.
Rachel came back out, now wearing the check pants and a white shirt, with the black boots and the jacket on top.
Bel cleared her throat to try again.
โLooks really good,โย she said.
Rachel looked up, catching herself in the long mirror, not quite meeting her own eyes.
โYou donโt like it?โย Bel asked.
โI do,โย Rachel said.ย โItโs just weird, seeing myself.โย Bel couldnโt read Rachelโs eyes because they wouldnโt stay in one place, darting over the person in the mirror. She spun in a half turn, one way, then the other.ย โI lookโฆnice.โ
A sound in Rachelโs throat, somewhere between a sni๏ฌย and a laugh. Bel chose for her, laughing quietly too.
โYeah, you do. Could dress it up more with some jewelry.โ
Rachel held one arm out, the sleeve pulling taut, looking at her bare wrist.
โLike that gold bracelet you have,โย she said.
Bel stalled, mouth open. What bracelet did Rachel mean?
โThe one with the skulls?โย Rachel explained as though she could hear Belโs thoughts.
Bel didnโt like that. But there was something else she didnโt like more.
The laugh staled on her face, the smile turned bitter.ย โI donโt have that anymore.โ
It was just one second. Rachelโs eyes widened, staring at Belโs re๏ฌection, hiding in the back of the mirror. And then it was gone, just as fast, Rachel dropping her arm and rearranging her smile.
โMust be thinking of one Sherry used to wear.โย The knot stirred in Belโs gut.
โYeah,โย she said.ย โMust be.โ
โI think thatโs everything.โย Rachel beamed at herself, sharing it with Bel as she stepped back into the cubicle.
The door closed and Bel dropped her smile, unwatched, unguarded. That bracelet.
The one Sam Blake gave to Bel for her fourteenth birthday. The one Bel threw in the river just a week later, when Sam said what she did about Dad. It wasnโt like Rachel could have seen the bracelet lying around the house
since sheโd returned; it was long gone. So how the fuck did she know about it?
Another question. Another mistake? Bel didnโt want to, but the knot insisted.
She pulled out her phone, swiping until she found the Instagram app. On to her pro๏ฌle, untouched in years. And the last photo Bel ever posted: a sel๏ฌe of her and Sam, Bel beaming at the camera, Samโs nose nuzzling her cheek. Belโs wrist on the desk in front of them, that gold bracelet catching the light, two small skulls hanging by the clasp. Probably the only photo ever taken of that bracelet, the only proof of its existence before Bel made it disappear.
She checked through the crack in the door that Rachel was still changing. The only way Rachel could have known about the bracelet was if sheโd seen this photo after she reappeared. But that wasnโt possible either. Rachel didnโt have a phone yet, she didnโt have access to any device that could connect to the internet. And she didnโt have time; Bel had been with her since she returned, apart from at the police station and while she was sleeping. There was no way Rachel could have seen this photo online since Saturday. So how the fuck did Rachel know about the bracelet if she came out of the basement just two days ago?
The answer was clear this time: she couldnโt.
Something Rachel knew that she couldnโt possibly know if her story was true. Which meant it wasnโt. Not some of it, maybe not any of it. That wasnโt just a mistake. That was a lie. Which meant the other two werenโt mistakes either.
Three lies.
Bel had caught her now.
And if those were lies, what else could she be lying about? Some of it? The rest of it? All of it? Was that all it was, a story, crafted toย ๏ฌt the details it needed to, toย ๏ฌll in the mystery? It didnโt even make sense: Why would the man just let Rachel go after all these years? What if there was no man?
Rachel Price had disappeared and reappeared. And now Bel knew for sure, she was lying about some of it, maybe all of it.
The door nudged open and Rachel came out in her old clothes, oblivious or pretending to be, a mountain-pile of new ones in her arms, nearly blocking out her face.
โYou OK?โย she asked Bel, trying to read her eyes.
Bel blocked her out, looked down. The board had shifted again, rerighting the sides, Bel and this stranger now exactly where they belonged, on opposite ends. A liar and the one who knew about it.
โFine,โย she sni๏ฌed.
Rachel didnโt let it go.ย โYou need water?โย she asked.ย โYou look warm.โ โShoppingโฆ,โย Bel said, as though that explained it.
They stood at the back of the line for the register, the camera crew waiting for them at the front of the store.
An ironย ๏ฌst took hold of the knot in Belโs gut, twisted it, tightened it, winding up her insides along with it. A breaking point, and Bel couldnโt ignore it anymore.
Rachel was distracted, looking at the rack of socks, now was her chance. Belโs hand snaked out, toward the nearest shelf, wrapping around one of those tiny pots of lip balm. She slipped it up her sleeve, then into the pocket of her denim jacket, safe there.
The little lip balm fed the knot in her gut, sating it. A reprieve, an undoing, cooling and necessary, pull and push, another secretย ๏ฌght where Bel didnโt have to choose a side because she was the battleground.
Bel looked away, accidentally meeting Ashโs eyes, standing over there by the accessories, running his thumb over a bright pink headband. He hadnโt seen, had he?
The relief didnโt last long, standing this close to Rachel, shu๏ฌing forward untilย โNext, please.โย The knot redoubled, pulling at Belโs threads while Rachel pulled out Dadโs credit card. The hot prick of shame, right on time.
Ash didnโt say anything, even if he had seen.
The mall was busier when they left H&M. Was that normal for a Monday afternoon, or had word spread? People coming down to see for themselves. Not everyone recognized Rachel right away, but they knew she
was someone to be stared at:ย Is she that actress from the pink lawyerย ๏ฌlm?ย No, she wasnโt, but that didnโt mean Rachel wasnโt acting, even now, a paper bag swinging at her side, matching the one in Belโs hand.
People werenโt just staring and pointing anymore. Phones were out, recording Rachel, Bel and the crew as they passed. Taking sel๏ฌes with them in the background, trading their faces for likes and comments. Bel scratched her nose with her middleย ๏ฌnger, to ruin their videos.
Rachel stopped, shoes screaming against theย ๏ฌoor, staring ahead.
โOh. Itโs a Starbucks now.โย She chewed the inside of her cheek, turning to Ramsey to explain. She must not realize he already knew everything about her that it was possible to know.ย โThere was a co๏ฌeehouse here, the Moose Mouse Co๏ฌeehouse. I used to work here after college. They did the best cinnamon buns. I dreamed of having one again. Annabel, I guess you donโt remember? Used to get sugar all over your face.โ
Bel shook her head. No, the cinnamon buns were gone, right along with the memories of Rachelโs disappearance and what really happened. Which was not the same as what Rachel said had happened.
โI wanted us to have one together.โย Rachelโs voice shrank, her eyes clouded.
James panned the camera to catch the two of them in front of the Starbucks. Even though the co๏ฌeehouse wasnโt here anymore, this was still the spot, the last footage of Rachel Price alive, before she and her toddler vanished here, into thin air.
โStarbucks probably do a cinnamon bun,โย Bel o๏ฌered.
โItโs not the same,โย Rachel said with a sad sni๏ฌ, moving on. Bel had no choice but to follow.
At the corner, Rachel drew closer, leaning in.ย โDown there,โย she whispered so the camera and crew couldnโt hear, pointing to aย Sta๏ฌย Onlyย door.ย โThe recycling bins. Where we hid.โย Her eyes were too close, fusing with Belโs in a way that stung.
Theirย secret, that only one of them remembered. Bel blinked to break the link and pulled away. Did she have to believe that part of the story at least? How else had the two of them disappeared between security cameras?
Their last stop was T-Mobile, to get Rachel a phone. Ash asked the sales assistant to sign a release form: the guy was helpful, far too helpful, showing the camera his best angle as he talked Rachel through contracts and phones, checking his hair in the glass of the store window.
They settled on the newest iPhone with a monthly contract: unlimited everything. Bel winced on behalf of Dadโs card as Rachel went to pay.
โYou mightย ๏ฌnd it a little confusing to set up,โย the guy said, clinging on to hisย ๏ฌfteen minutes of fame.ย โPhones are touchscreen now. Iโm sure your daughter can help you.โ
โWill you, Anna? Sorry, B-Bel. Help me set up my phone?โย Rachel looked at her.
โOf course she will,โย the sales assistant answered for her. Bel smiled, because the camera was rolling.ย โSure.โ
She left Rachel there, trailing o๏ฌย behind the camera to the back of the store, so she could drop the act. Ash was here too. Just a coincidence, she wasnโt trying to standย withย him.
โSo,โย Ash said in a low voice, hands on his hips,ย โanything new with you
since Saturday?โ
Bel smirked.ย โNothing of note. Took up knitting.โ
โReally?โย Ash bobbed his head.ย โI, for one, wouldnโt put needles in your hands.โ
โWhy not?โ
โYou seem like the stabby type,โย he said, their eyes meeting, a slow blink.
โThank you.โย Bel nodded, leaning closer.ย โYou look like a sad tangerine.โ
โThankย you.โย He nodded back.
It was annoying, how much he enjoyed her spite, matched her for it with a smile. It got rid of most people, everyone else in fact, so Ash couldnโt be right in the head. Bel didnโt know how to work with that.
โItโs unbelievable, isnโt it?โย he said, serious now, eyes straying over to Rachel.ย โThis whole thing. Unbelievable.โ
Bel studied him in secret, the outline of his straight nose down to the swell of his lips, pressed together in thought. She knew how heโd meant it;ย unbelievableย to mean extraordinary, shocking, astonishing. But was there a chance heโd left it open to mean the other thing? That he couldnโt quite believe Rachelโs story, what he knew of it at least, a splinter of doubt hiding there.
If Bel told him everything, would he believe her? Would he be on her side, someone to talk to?
No, she was being ridiculous. Bel moved her eyes away. Ash didnโt care. They were just here to make their movie, then theyโd fuck o๏ฌย back to England forever. Bel didnโt need to push; he was leaving anyway.
โYeah. Unbelievable,โย Bel said, but she meant it the other way.
