I donโt know.
Those three little words Bel knew better than most. Both the truth and a blockade, to hide behind when you needed it. But now that she was on the other side of those words, sheย ๏ฌnally saw why it drove people mad, mad enough to kidnap a small, scared girl and scream at her in the backseat of your car.
โWhat do you mean you donโt know?โย Bel stared at Rachel, doubling down, kicking at the blockade.
โI donโt know where I was.โย Rachel sni๏ฌed, repeating herself, like Bel always had to.ย โI donโt know where he kept me.โ
Belโs mind stalled, picking over her words, searching for scraps.ย โHe? Whoโs he?โ
โI donโt know,โย Rachel said again.
Aย ๏ฌash of frustration, warm, pushing against the cold drip of shock.ย โYou donโt know?โย Bel asked, unable to hide it from her voice.
Rachel shrank.ย โThe man who took me. I never knew his name. Couldnโt see much of him.โ
โHowโโ
โKept me in the dark.โย Rachel cut across her.ย โThink it was a basement.
Canโt be sure.โ
Bel paused, thinking that over. The questions peeled o๏ฌย her tongue, dropping to her gut like a dime down a well. No wishes to be found here. All she couldย ๏ฌnd instead was:
โAll this time?โ
Rachel nodded. Like a nod was answer enough for all that horror. And it was all she would give.
โH-how long was it?โย Rachel asked a question of her own now.ย โI tried to keep track of time, but it wasnโt always easy. I know roughly, I think, butโฆโย Bel didnโt move and Rachel studied her, picking over her face for clues.ย โHow long?โย she repeated.
โSixteen years, two months.โ
Rachelโs breath shuddered, wiping a new tear before it formed.ย โYouโre eighteen now,โย she said, like that was the saddest part. Sheโd missed much more than just Belโs eighteenth birthday.
โYeah.โ
โIโm sorry,โย Rachel said.
Sorry for what? For being taken, for being kept? For everything else? They werenโt atย sorryย yet, there were still too many questions. They hadnโt even scratched the surface of each other, claws out and hungry. But there was one answer that meant the most to her, peeking through their scratches. If a man had taken Rachel, kept her in a dark basement all that time, did that mean sheโd never really left Bel behind at all? Did it? Didnโt it?
That would change everything.
Bel took one step closer, sliding along the counter.
โHow did you escape?โย she asked next, wanting to savor that most important question; she wasnโt ready for everything to change just yet. Too much had already.
โI didnโt.โย Rachel sni๏ฌed.ย โNever could. I tried so many times, so many ways.โ
โThen how are you here?โ โHe let me go,โย she said.ย โWhy?โ
โI donโt know.โ
Those words again. But Bel wasnโt angry this time; you couldnโt know what you didnโt know, no matter how many times people asked. Sheโd lived it, time and again.
โWhat happened?โย Bel said, shifting to what Rachel could know.
Rachel shook her head.ย โYou donโt have to hear all this, Anna. You donโt have to know, I donโt want you to know, thatโs not fairโฆโ
โPlease?โย Bel circled, hardening her gaze. Rachel met her eyes.
โOK. Heโhe came downstairs. I thought it was to bring food. But he didnโt have any. He put a bag over my head, a faโlike a fabric bag, a tote bag, so I couldnโt see but I could breathe. Then he unbound me.โ
Rachel glanced down one leg to her left ankle. Bel followed her gaze: red blistered skin in a band of rawย ๏ฌesh.
โTape?โย Bel said, urging her on.ย โNo, it was a chain. A cu๏ฌ.โย Bel nodded.
โHeโd never taken me out before. I hadnโt left since Iย ๏ฌrst got there. But he walked me upstairs. Through a house, maybe, I couldnโt see anything. He put me into the back of a car. I asked what was happening, but he wouldnโt speak. He never spoke much.โ
โAnd?โย Bel drew closer.
โWe drove for a couple of hours. I tried to count the time, but I was distracted. I was scared. Thought he was taking me somewhere toย ๏ฌnally kill me. But it was also a relief, somehow. An ending. I said my goodbyes in my head.โ
One of those goodbyes was for Bel, wasnโt it? Maybe the most important one.
Bel stepped forward, and then all the way, taking the chair opposite Rachel.
โBut then we stopped,โย Rachel continued, telling her story, eye to eye across the table.ย โHe didnโt even turn o๏ฌย the engine. He got out, opened my door and pulled me out. It was grass, I could feel it, my feet were bare, I remembered how grass used to feel. I thought he would tell me to get on my
knees. I thought that was it. ButโฆI heard the door slam, and the car drove away. He left me there. I waited a few minutes, listening, making sure, because I thought I could still hear the engine. Then I took the bag o๏ฌย my head. He was gone. I was alone on a road, in the trees. Been so long since I saw trees. It was dark. I was by a river, thatโs what I could hear.โ
Bel nodded her on, wondering what it was like to forget the sight of trees, the sound of a river, the feel of grass. She couldnโt imagine it.
โI followed the river until I found a street. Then I followed that. No one was around. There were houses, but it must have been so late, or so early. I didnโt want to wake anyone, to scare them. I kept going until I found a road sign. Lancaster. I was on Route Two already. I knew if I just followed the highway east, it would take me home. I just wanted to get home. Iโm so glad you hadnโt moved.โย She laughed a small, wet laugh, without a smile, without showing teeth.
โYou walked?โย Bel asked.ย โAll the way from Lancaster? That must have takenโฆโย She thought about it.ย โLike eight hours.โ
Rachel glanced down at her fucked-up feet in answer.ย โI found those shoes in someoneโs trash. Too big for me. Better than nothing.โ
โDid people see you?โย Bel said.
โPeople saw me. After the sun came up.โ โDid anyone try to help?โ
โOne person did,โย Rachel said.ย โBut I wasnโt getting in the car of someone I didnโt know. I knew the way home, and I got myself here.โ
โFuck.โย Bel exhaled. It wasnโt the end of the earth, it wasnโt even out of state, butโfuckโthat was a long way to go. A slow, painful reappearance. Not the blink of an eye, like the way sheโd disappeared.
Bel watched the stranger across from her, less a stranger thanย ๏ฌve minutes ago, swaying in her chair, the e๏ฌort of a blink almost knocking her sideways.
She must have been so tired, so hungry.
โAre you hungry?โย Bel asked her, and it felt strange to ask something so ridiculously normal. Normal didnโt belong here, between the two of them,
one a fully grown person from the face of a toddler, the other back from the dead.ย โIโI could make you a sandwich orโโ
The front door slammed, beyond the living room.
Rachelย ๏ฌinched, eyes wide, growing black with adrenaline. Her arms locked against the back of the chair, pushing herself up.
โItโs OK, itโs just Dad.โย Bel got to her feet too.
Rachelย ๏ฌicked those otherworldly eyes back at her, standing tall in a way that must have hurt. She hissed through her teeth, clutching her side.
โBel?โย Charlie called through the house, worried.ย โBel, where are you?!โ โKitchen!โย she shouted back, and Rachel winced at her voice too.ย โWhatโs going on? What are youโโ
Charlie appeared in the doorway, eyes catching on the bloody, muddy footprints on the tiles.ย โWhat didโโ
โDad,โย Bel said, making him look up.
He did,ย ๏ฌrst at Bel, eyes narrowed, face lined around them. Then he spotted the new person standing there, gaze following the footprints over to her.
โWhaโโย The word died in his throat, eyes snapping open, like they might just keep stretching and stretching, taking his whole face with them.
He stared at Rachel, unmoving.
His keys dropped to theย ๏ฌoor, a loud clatter.
No one moved, marble chess pieces pointed at each other, standing in their own squares of the black-and-white tile.
Charlieโs bottom lip unstuck, falling open. Bel wondered what was going through his head. Had this been the way heโd dreamed it?
โNo,โย he said, barely a whisper, backing up against the wall, gasping when it stopped him.ย โThis canโt be possible.โ
Bel watched her parents watching each other, though she could only see her dadโs face, and something wasnโt right.
His jaw hung open. Blinking hard at Rachel, like she might disappear between theย ๏ฌicker of his eyelids. Taken aback each time she wasnโt.
This was wrong.
He was supposed to be happy. Wrap Rachel in his arms and tell her he loved her. His wife, his vindication, standing right there in front of him, after all this time.
Was he in shock? Because he didnโt look happy. He looked scared.
โHow is this possible?โย Words found him again. But the questions were supposed to come later. He was supposed to hug herย ๏ฌrst, say he loved her and missed her. This was the wrong order.
โHello, Charlie,โย Rachel said then, and he backed away at the sound of her gravelly voice,ย ๏ฌattening against the wall, knocking the clock o๏ฌ.
It smashed.
The sound echoed down in Belโs gut, where it found the knot, growing and turning, spinning into thorns. This didnโt feel right at all.
โHow is this possible?โย Charlie repeated, more certain now, like heโd stepped out of the dream, even though none of it had followed the plan.ย โHow are you here?โ
โI came back.โ
โHow?โย Charlie said, louder.
โHe let me go,โย Rachel said, quieter.
โWhoโsย he?โย Charlie asked, eyes straining at their edges, voice too.ย โThe man who took me.โ
โWho?โ
โI donโt know,โย Rachel said.
Charlieโs chest rose with his held breath.ย โWho?โย he said again.
โShe doesnโt know who he is,โย Bel interjected, but Dad didnโt even look her way, like only one of them could exist at one time and his eyes were on Rachel.
โTook you how?โย Charlie asked. Because there were questions and questions, and they were comingย ๏ฌrst, the mystery pulling hardest. Maybe theย I love youย and theย I missed youย would come after.
โOut of the car.โย Rachel shifted on her feet, hissing as she did.ย โHe
followed meโusโfrom the mall. I didnโt know who he was, but I knew he was following me. I went down those small back roads, trying to lose him. He overtook, cut me o๏ฌ, made me swerve o๏ฌย the road. Next thing I knew,
heโd pulled me out of the car. I managed to shut the door, hoping he wouldnโt notice Annabel.โย Rachel glanced back at Bel, her eyes full with something. Maybe the memory of the last time sheโd seen Belโs face, that baby, strapped into that backseat alone while Rachel disappeared in front of her.ย โHe dragged me through the snow to his car. Slammed my head against the trunk before he pushed me inside. I couldnโt get out. He drove away. No one could hear me screaming.โ
Bel hung her head, picturing it, re-creating the memory that never was, what she must have seen and forgotten, because she was too young to have the words for it. The truth of what happened, and the answer that mattered most to her, out of all of them. Rachel hadnโt left her. Sheโd been taken away. This should feel good, so why didnโt it? Why was the room so stale, and the knot in her gut pulling tighter and tighter?
It wasnโt the most important answer to her dad, clearly. There was still too much to know.ย โWhat about the mall?โย he asked, peeling away from the wall now. Rachel looked confused.ย โYou disappeared twice, Rachel. The cameras saw you go in but never leave. Explain that. Why did you and Bel vanish inside the mall before that? How?โ
โDid you call the police?โย Rachel asked Bel.
โYeah,โย she lied again, looking at her dad, wondering if it was time to actually call them. Maybe after her dadโs questions, and the part that came after, the part heโd waited all this time for.
โRachel?โย he said, splitting her name into halves. Still scared, still in shock. Was Bel through hers yet?ย โWhat happened?โ
Rachel staggered, turning to face him.ย โThe man was there too. Thatโs when Iย ๏ฌrst noticed him, following us, staring at me. It was theย ๏ฌrst time I noticed him, but I donโt think it was theย ๏ฌrst time he noticed me. Iโd been feeling watched for a couple of days, like I was being followed. Something felt wrong, really wrong, and I knew it would be bad if he followed us out to the car. So after we left the co๏ฌeehouse, I made us disappear for a while. We hid.โ
โHid where?โย Charlie pressed, not soft like the way Ramsey did it.
โI used to work in that mall,โย Rachel said, answering hard too.ย โThe food court was round the corner from the co๏ฌeehouse. When they emptied the trash cans, they always took the bags through thisย Sta๏ฌย Onlyย door. We went that way, it was unlocked. Just a small corridor with trash and large recycling bins. I was scared the man had seen us, and I thought the door to outside would be alarmed, so we hid. Inside a recycling bin. The one for glass. Paper was too full.โ
โYou hid in a bin with our daughter?โย Charlie said, like he almost couldnโt believe it. At least that was better than scared, closer to normal.
Rachel nodded.ย โI wanted to wait long enough, make sure the man didnโtย ๏ฌnd us, that he was really gone. Maybe an hour and a half. Annabel was sleepy. But then I heard voices, and the bin started to move. Someone was wheeling us out, some employees. They didnโt know we were in there. I made sure Anna stayed real quiet. They pushed us out the door, round a corner, complaining about how much glass there was. I guess the recycling was being collected soon.โ
โThatโs how we left the mall?โย Bel asked.ย โInside the bin?โย The answer to the impossible mystery, that it could never live up to.
โWe were inside the bin,โย Rachel con๏ฌrmed.ย โAfter the employees were gone, I opened the lid and we climbed out. We were in the back section, behind the parking lot. I guess there werenโt any cameras there, if they never saw us leave, if no one knew that happened. I never thought about that,โย she said to Charlie. And Rachel had had a long time to think about everything.ย โWe walked back to the car, a few streets away, and I started to drive home. But the man must have been waiting for us to return. Maybe heโd spotted my car, knew it was mine from another time heโd followed me, I donโt know. But I knew it was him behind us. Thatโs why I didnโt go straight home, I diverted up toward Moose Brook, to lose him. But he caught up to us.โ
Rachel seemed lighter, somehow, in the shoulders, now that her story was almost through, the horror almost done. Then maybe Dad could live his dream after all. But Bel wasnโt sure it was going to happen anymore.
There was something she didnโt understand here, between them. Something thick in the air. Maybe sixteen years was just too much time. Could you still love someone across that vast universe of time and space and mystery? Maybe it was too strange now, but theyโd regrow into it. Slow and painful, not the blink of an eye. That was the di๏ฌerence between real life and dreams.
โThatโs where youโve been?โย Charlie asked, a dark cloud passing through his eyes.ย โFor sixteen years?โ
โIn his basement,โย Rachel answered.
โWho is he?โย Charlie tried again, clenching oneย ๏ฌst. Focused on theย who,ย now that he had theย how.ย Who had done all this to Rachel? To him? Who deserved his anger? The man who took his wife and then gave her back.
Now Bel focused on theย whoย too, because she hadnโt thought it through before, not all the way: that same nameless man from Rachelโs story was a real person, still out there now. Bel checked the window into the backyard. Heโd been watching then, could he be watching now?
โI donโt know his name, never found out. I could describe what he looks like, but he mostly kept me in the dark.โ
Charlie moved forward a half step, boots crunching the broken glass of the clock.
โAnd he let you go? Today? How? How did you get here?โ
Rachel stumbled, gripping the chair for stability. “He descended to the basement, released my ankle, and covered my head with a tote bag. Silently, he guided me upstairs, through what I assume was a house, into a car’s backseat.”
“Duration of the drive?”
“Lost track. Possibly a couple of hours.”
“Any recognizable landmarks?”
“No,” Rachel coughed, fist to mouth. “My head was covered.”
Charlie advanced, glass crunching underfoot. “Your hands were free though? Couldn’t you have lifted the bag?”
“I feared provoking him to violence,” Rachel retorted. “He eventually parked, killed the engine, pulled me out, and abandoned me. It was Lancaster. I found the highway and walked home. Annabel discovered me.”
She omitted Bel’s initial reaction of fleeing and hiding, softening the narrative. However, a discrepancy emerged. In her earlier account to Bel, Rachel claimed the man left the engine running when abandoning her. Now, she told Charlie he had turned it off first.
Yes, the car had de๏ฌnitely changed between versions, shifting through time, Bel was sure of it. She was old enough to remember things like that now.
A mistake?
Bel narrowed her eyes, studying the back of Rachelโs head.
Only one version could be true. Rachel must have misspoken, either now or with Bel. Yes, it must have been a mistake, because the only other option was a lie, and why would Rachel lie about something like that, such a small detail in such a big story?
A mistake.
Yes, it was just a tiny mistake. But Belโs body didnโt believe it, not all the way. Something felt wrong, something in the air, in the buzz in her ears. Could Dad feel it too? Was that why he was backed into the corner again, where the clock used to hang, fear in the lines of his face, even though heโd waited sixteen years for this moment?
Bel and her dad at the outer edges of the kitchen, Rachel in the middle, keeping their eyes on her. Like a thing with teeth that you shouldnโt turn your back on.
It was just a mistake, right?
Or maybe Bel was the problem, she could have misheard?
But the thought ended there with a knock at the front door. Loud and hard. Not a knuckle, but aย ๏ฌst.
Charlie jumped hardest, his head thudding against the wall.
โWhoโs that?โย he said, scrabbling along the wall to leave the kitchen, hurrying through the living room.
Rachel glanced back at her, clean grooves through herย ๏ฌlthy face, more tears, though Bel hadnโt seen them fall. Bel nodded, gesturing her ahead: Rachel should goย ๏ฌrst.
Rachel shu๏ฌed through the living room, her feet drier now,ย ๏ฌaking o๏ฌย instead of bleeding.
Belโs eyes drew to the front windows, red-and-blue lights spinning through the glass with the afternoon sun. Butโฆshe never called 911.
The sound of the front door pulled open.
โSorry to disturb you, Charlie,โย a voice boomed through the house, splintering the buzzy, dreamlike quiet that had taken over it. Real life had come knocking.
Bel followed Rachel into the hall, keeping just enough space between them.
Her dad blocked most of the door, but Bel could see the face of Dave Winter, Chief of Police, hovering in the space above his shoulder. Gray face and grayer hair to match, tucked beneath the shiny peaked cap of his uniform. So many times before had the two of them stood like this. The one who knocked and the one who answered.
โWeโve had a couple of weird calls in. One from your neighbor, Ms. Nelson. She says she saw Raโโ
Daveโs dark eyes sorted through the background,ย ๏ฌicking from Bel before falling to Rachel. Staying there.
His mouth went slack, moustache hanging over his teeth.ย โHoly shit,โย he said.
He took o๏ฌย his cap, clutched it to the badge pinned over his heart.ย โItโs true.โ
