Bel found her in their favorite place: the far end of the cemetery, beneath the red maple tree that bled its leaves for miles. They were morbid like that. Heels kicking against the stone of the raised wall.
Bel walked toward her, past mottled headstones and eyeless angels, old bouquets ofย ๏ฌowers just starting to smell. She stopped twenty feet away, hand cupped over her eyes.
โWell, Iโll be,โย Bel called.ย โIs that Carter Price, ballerina extraordinaire and soon-to-be documentary star?โ
Carter stirred, cheekbones sharp up to her blue eyes, a diluted blue, like unsettled water. Nicer than Belโs eyes. Price eyes. Carter tilted her head, her waist-length coppery-brown hair slipping over her shoulders, catching the bright sun, keeping it.
โShut up, you.โย Carter glanced down at her hand, something tucked between herย ๏ฌngers.
โYou smoking?โย Bel asked, climbing up to sit beside her.
โWhat gave you that idea?โย Carter raised the cigarette to her lips.ย โSince when?โ
โSince yesterday,โย Carter coughed.ย โDonโt tell my mom. Took it from her purse.โ
โI donโt tell anybody anything,โย Bel said, sliding over until their knees touched.ย โGive it here a sec.โ
Carter balanced the cigarette between two skinnyย ๏ฌngers, passed it over.ย โThanks.โย Bel pushed the end between her lips for one deep drag. Then
she stubbed it out on the wall, dropped it to the grass below.
โHey.โย Carter turned to her, annoyed.ย โIโve seen you smoke plenty of times.โ
โWell, youโre better than I am. And youโreย ๏ฌfteen.โย Bel patted her on the back, not not-patronizing her. It was her job, after all: older cousin.
โFuck sake,โย Carter hissed.
Bel withdrew her hand.ย โHow are your feet today?โ
Carter glanced down at them, black Converse pivoting on the end of bare legs,ย ๏ฌexing the lines of muscle along her calves.
โFucked up. Butย ๏ฌne, you know.โ
โArenโt we all,โย Bel said, with a grin, ready to poke Carter in her armpit, the place she was most ticklish. Carter saw it coming, swatting her hand away, hitting it harder than she needed to, the slap ofย ๏ฌesh onย ๏ฌesh, bone on bone.
โOuch,โย Bel cackled, cradling the hand.ย โWe are in a cemetery, you shouldnโt hit. Disrespects the dead.โ
โFuck o๏ฌ.โย Carter smiled.ย โSo does fucking swearing.โ
โWell, you taught me that,โย Carter countered.
Strangers sometimes mistook them for sisters. They didnโt look that much alike; Carter certainly got all the good genes on her side of the family. But theyโd grown up together, almost as close as sisters. Bel and her dad lived at 33 Milton Street, and his brother Je๏ฌย lived with Aunt Sherry and Carter in number 19. Quite literally a stoneโs throw away, well, a couple throws; Carter and Bel had tried it before. Got in big trouble, of course; Ms. Nosy next door told on them.
โIs that them?โย Carter said, pointing with the sharp arrow-tip of her nose. Bel followed her eyeline. From here, you could just about see the road
in front of Belโs house, the minuscule LEGO-shape of a white van pulled up outside, tiny stick people emerging, moving arms and legs.
โTheyโll be setting up the lights and stu๏ฌ. Should probably head back soon.โ
โHow did the interview go?โย Carter picked her nails for something to do now the cigarette was gone. She was always moving somehow, never still. Drummingย ๏ฌngers and jangling legs.
โFucked up butย ๏ฌne, you know,โย Bel echoed her.ย โThen Rachelโs mom turned up.โ
โTheย Masshole?โย Carter stared at her.ย โMmhmm.โ
Carter clicked her tongue, understanding all the spaces between Belโs words, a language of their own.
โDonโt know why they want me in the documentary,โย she said.ย โI was born after Aunt Rachel disappeared. I never even knew her.โ
โI never really knew her either,โย Bel added, like it was a competition.ย โOh, I should warn you. One of the documentary crew, the camera assistant, heโs the strangest person youโll ever meet. Literally the love child of a washed-up rock star and a clown. And heโs useless; Ramsey clearly only gave him the job because heโs his brother-in-law. If we get bored today, we can just make fun of him.โ
โBel, be nice.โ
Bel hissed, hiding from the sun.ย โI canโt, it burns.โ
Carter shook her head. A small laugh, weighed down by something.ย โYouโre not nervous, are you?โย Bel asked.ย โYouโll beย ๏ฌne. Better get used
to it, right? Soon youโll be way too famous to remember your poor old cousin.โ
โSorry, whatโs your name again?โย Carter said.
Bel poked her, getting through this time.ย โI thought youโd at least wait until you got into Juilliard and fucked o๏ฌย to New York forever to forget about me.โ
Everyone left, eventually. Wasnโt just Rachel Price. People were temporary. It was the one thing you could count on: people always left, even
Carter.
โI might not get in,โย Carter said, voice smaller still.
โOf course you will, if you want it enough.โย Bel nudged her, feeling the hard rail of her ribs.ย โCome on, we should head back. Your audience awaits!โย She shouted that last bit, to embarrass Carter in front of all the dead people, laughing at them from their graves.
โ
Thirty-three Milton Street was already buzzing with people and equipment. Large metallic trunks clicked open, belching camera parts and long poles, softbox lights lying unassembled on the living room carpet, Charlie lava- stepping around it all as he delivered the crew mugs of co๏ฌee that they absolutely didnโt have enough hands for.
Uncle Je๏ฌย and Aunt Sherry were already here. As soon as Bel and Carter walked through the open front door, Sherry pulled Carter to the side.
โI laid out an out๏ฌt for you, honey,โย she said.ย โIt was on your bed.โ
Sherry must have spent hours getting ready: her hair was styled in neat brown curls, her pale skin closer to powdery orange now, clumping in the lines around her eyes, thick mascara, and bronzer to give her the cheekbones that Carter had naturally.
Je๏ฌย was doing what he did best: getting in the way.
โSo, Ramsey,โย he said, following the man around while he attempted to set up.ย โWould I have seen any of your work before?โ
โIโve made a few documentaries,โย Ramsey said, picking up a yarn-ball of cables.ย โDid one a few years ago, about an Alaskan husky who worked pulling sleds. It was calledย Snow Dog.ย Disney bought it.โ
โOh yes,โย Je๏ฌย said, scratching his salt-and-pepper hair.ย โMy friend Bob,
from Vermont, he used to have a husky. I think Iโve heard of thatย ๏ฌlm.โย No, he hadnโt.
โThe dog dies, real tearjerker.โย Ramsey sidestepped him to get to one of the recently erected lights.
โWas that the last thing you worked on?โย Je๏ฌย said.
Ramsey glanced toward the front door: the only escape route.ย โNo, I shot another doc last year. About a high school principal in Millinocket, Maine.โ
โI think Iโve heard of that too!โ
Ramsey smiled.ย โYou must be thinking of something else, mate. It didnโt get picked up by a broadcaster. No one will ever see it.โ
โWhyโs that, then?โย Je๏ฌย asked, not reading the room. To be fair, there wasย a lotย going on in the room.
โUmโฆ,โย Ramsey said, the word trailing o๏ฌย awkwardly, gaze circling,
searching for help. His eyes caught Belโs. No help here,ย mate.
โYeah, Ramsey,โย she said, doubling down on him.ย โWhy is that?โ
He scrunched his eyes at her, like he knew she was trying to make him uncomfortable but he found it amusing instead. Guess you come to know someone pretty well when youโre trapped in a room with them for hours, repeating the same conversations. Maybe Bel liked Ramsey after all.
He gave in.ย โSome of the networks said it lacked aย human element.ย Donโt know how they worked that outโit was all about humans. So plotty and twistyโyou couldnโt write it, honestly.โย He shook his head.ย โBut clearly they thought it was missing something.โ
โRight.โย Je๏ฌย was still in the conversation.ย โThatโs a shame. Do you have a broadcaster yet forย The Disappearance of Rachel Price?โ
โNot yet.โย Ramsey smiled.ย โBut we will. Itโs an incredible story.โ
โPlotty, twisty,โย Bel remarked.
He saluted her with the camera lens in his hand.
Je๏ฌย wasnโt done with Ramsey yet, but Bel tuned him out as her dad approached, o๏ฌering her a co๏ฌee now. In his favorite mug, shaped into Santaโs bulbous face.
โMs. Nosyโs watching from the street, by the way,โย she said, taking the mug, the surface of the paint cracking slightly, Santa wearing those thousand Christmases all over his porcelain skin.
โMs. Nelson, Bel,โย Charlie corrected her, knocking hisย ๏ฌnger under her chin.ย โWhile I remember, you didnโt seal the trash can properly this morning. Youโve got to tie it with the cord, remember, itโs blโโ
โBlack bear season, I know,โย sheย ๏ฌnished for him. She thought she remembered doing it, hooking the bungee cord over. Must be thinking of another time.ย โSorry.โ
โLucky your daddyโs here toย ๏ฌght o๏ฌย any bears.โ
โHey, Iโm the mean one,โย she sni๏ฌed.ย โIโll do theย ๏ฌghting.โ
Charlie grinned at her, then turned to slap Je๏ฌย on the back. They were both, by chance, wearing dark green sweaters and jeans.
โJe๏ฌerson, stop chewing Ramseyโs ear o๏ฌ. Let him get back to work.โ
Je๏ฌ, despite being three years older, listened to his brother, backing o๏ฌย toย ๏ฌnd someone else to bother.
โWhenโs your dad arriving?โย Ramsey asked Charlie, more wires in his hands.
Charlie glanced at his watch.ย โThe caregiver should be here with him any minute. Had a bit of a di๏ฌcult morning.โ
โGreat. Weโre almost ready to go here. Jamesโwhereโs that HDMI cable gone?โ
โIโm ready to start miking up,โย Saba said, appearing out of the chaos.ย โAsh, you take Charlie and Bel, Iโll do the others.โ
Ash straightened up from behind the largest metal trunk. He was wearing a white tee covered in cartoon strawberries, under a blue denim shirt tucked into slightly darker blue jeans. Of course,ย ๏ฌared at the bottom, if you were asking.
โJust going to change my sweater,โย Charlie said, disappearing into the hallway.
โNo stripes, please,โย Ramsey called after him.
โHello again.โย Ash shu๏ฌed to Bel, unraveling a microphone pack.ย โCan
I?โ
โCan you?โย Bel said, arms out scarecrow-wide, like he was about to frisk
her.
โI just clip this on hereย ๏ฌrst.โ
Ash stepped forward, his face far too close to hers, breath warm and minty. His eyes were green, she hadnโt noticed that before; an unclean
green, like football-๏ฌeld grass. He clipped the tiny microphone onto the collar of her baseball shirt and spooled up the wire.
โNow, this has to hide down here,โย he said, nodding awkwardly at the front of her shirt. He pulled gently at the material of her collar, averting his eyes as he fed the mike pack under, holding on to the wire as it rappelled down her chest.
โSo,โย he said,ย โdo you prefer apples or bananas?โ โHuh?โย Bel said.
โWell, itโs a bit awkward, me justย ๏ฌddling with you, so I thought Iโd do a conversation,โย he said, the body packย ๏ฌnally emerging from the bottom of her shirt.
โYouโdย doย a conversation, huh?โย she said, skin tingling where the cold wire pressed into it.
โWell, it worked. We are conversing.โย He held up the pack.ย โNow this clips on behind you. Have you got a pocket on your trousers, orโฆ?โ
Bel turned around for him.
โDonโt we need to do more conversation if youโre about to touch my ass?โ
โOh, I saw a moose this morning,โย Ash said,ย ๏ฌddling with her back pocket.ย โIt was massive.โ
โWell, you are in New Hampshire now.โ โOK, youโre all wired up.โ
Bel turned to face Ash, looked him up and down, moving her eyes but not her head.
โDouble denim,โย she said.
โOh, thank you,โย he replied, patting his clothes.ย โWasnโt a compliment.โ
โWhereโs the HDMI cable?โย came Ramseyโs voice, more desperate now.ย โI left it over there,โย Ash called, pointing over Belโs shoulder.ย โBy the
tripe.โ
โAha,โย Ramsey said, somehow locating it with those instructions.ย โTripe?โย Bel asked Ash.
โTripod,โย he said.ย โI decided to shorten it. You gain a second every time you abbreviate. Those seconds all add up in the end. Time is money, my friend.โ
โYet you just wasted nine more explaining yourself.โ
โOh yeah,โย he said, looking intently at hisย ๏ฌngers, like he was counting them.
Bel narrowed her eyes.ย โYou arenโt a real person, are you?โ
He shrugged, deadpan gaze and an unbothered smile. Not the reaction she was looking for.
โIโm gonnaโฆgo over there,โย she said, leaving if he wouldnโt.
โOh wait, let me turn you on!โย Ash said, loudly, the chatter in the room dimming around them.
Bel felt a warm and uninvitedย ๏ฌush creeping up her face.ย โHuh?โย Voice breathy and awkward.
โYour microphone,โย Ash said, with an almost-knowing smile, moving toย ๏ฌddle again with Belโs back pocket. Damn, did he know the game she was playing? He might even be better at it than her. Bel had underestimated him: sheโd have to be even more unpleasant to win.
โDone, youโre good to go.โย Ash straightened up, that same grin still on his face. Urgh, he was annoying.
Bel walked away without another word. If you donโt have anything not- nice to say, donโt say anything at all.
Her dad came down the stairs then, dressed in a navy sweater instead, just as a knock came from the side door, where heโd installed the ramp.
โThatโll be Yordan with Grandpa.โย He hurried o๏ฌย to greet them.
โOK, Price family, can you head to the sofa?โย Ramsey called.ย โWe are ready to begin.โ
โ
โDoes the camera really add ten pounds?โย Aunt Sherry asked Ramsey, sitting between Charlie and Je๏ฌย on the forest-green sofa, eyeballing the camera.
โYou look great, Sherry,โย Ramsey said from behind it, glancing down at the monitor.ย โNow can we get the girls to sit in front of the sofa. Yes, like that, in the spaces between. Perfect.โ
Someone squeezed Belโs shoulder; it was Dad.
โCarter,โย Sherry whispered,ย โtuck your legs over to the side, honey. No, yes, like that. Good girl.โ
โDad, donโt touch that, thatโs your microphone,โย Charlie said. Grandpaโs wheelchair was pushed up against the side of the sofa, extending it.
Yordan, the caregiver, was standing awkwardly at the back of the room, behind the crew. His dark hair was shaved close to his head, his dark beard not so much. Grandpa always complained that Yordan didnโt shave, on the days he remembered who he was.
โAll good?โย Ramsey checked in with Charlie.
โFor now.โย Charlie nodded.ย โIโll get Yordan to take my dad home if I think itโs getting too much for him.โ
โOf course. Thank you so much for joining us, Patrick,โย Ramsey said, voice loud, clean gaps between each word.
Grandpa pointed a shakyย ๏ฌnger at him.ย โYouโre theย ๏ฌlmmaker from L-L- London.โ
โYes, thatโs me.โย Ramsey smiled. You wouldnโt know theyโd already had this conversation just minutes ago.ย โNice to meet you.โ
โNever been to London,โย Grandpa said.ย โHave I?โย He looked at Charlie.ย โWe can all go together, Pat.โย Sherry leaned forward.ย โSee Carter
perform with the Royal Ballet someday.โ
Oh, so it was London now? Even farther than New York.ย โMom, youโre confusing Paw-Paw,โย Carter said quietly.
Paw-Paw had been Belโs name for their grandpaย ๏ฌrst, when she was a toddler and two di๏ฌerent syllables had been too much work. Bel didnโt know if that had been pre-Rachel or post-Rachel, Grandpa probably wouldnโt remember now either.
โSo Iโve hooked up to your TV there,โย Ramsey said, overenunciating for Grandpaโs sake.ย โWeโre going to play three clips from your old home videos, thank you very much, Charlie and Je๏ฌ, for sending those over a few weeks
ago. I want you to watch them together, as a family, and just react. Organically. Tell me how it makes you feel, any memories of Rachel you want to share. Iโll dip in and out with questions. Sound good?โ
โSounds good,โย Charlie replied for the family. Which was lucky, because it didnโt sound good at all to Bel. She wasnโt sure sheโd ever seen these home videos before, and she wasnโt sure she wanted to, not with a camera pointed in her face. Carter poked her in the ribs and she stopped slouching.
โCamera?โย Ramsey said, stepping back, out of the way.ย โRolling,โย James answered.
โAsh?โ
He moved forward with the black-and-white slate. Today, the scene was labeled:ย A trip down memory lane.
Ash snapped down the clapper board.
Grandpaย ๏ฌinched at the sound.
โThisย ๏ฌrst clip is from Christmas 2007,โย Ramsey said, crouching by the laptop plugged into the TV, the screen mirrored.ย โSeven weeks before Rachel disappeared.โ
He pressed play and the TV sparked to life. And there she was: Rachel Price.
The same as she looked in the photo theyโd used on the missing posters. Wide smile that pulled her chin down into a point, dark gray-blue eyes, long golden-blond hair, almost as long as Carterโs in this snapshot of time. She was wearing a bobble hat here, so you couldnโt see the small birthmark high on the right side of her forehead, aย ๏ฌattened circle of freckle brown. Anย identifying markย if they ever found a body, which they hadnโt.
Rachel looked young, now Bel thought about it; she never got much
older than this. Rachel Price un-disappeared. Pre-disappeared. Standing in the snow, wearing a long gray coat, the same one sheโd left behind.
Rachel narrowed her eyes, stared right through at Bel, into Bel.
She shivered, hairs standing up on her arms, but she wouldnโt let it show. Not to the camera.
Not to Rachel.
