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Chapter no 3

Ruin and Rising (The Shadow and Bone Trilogy, #3)

THE DOORS FLEW OPEN.ย I threw out my hands and let light blast into the passageway. A cry went up from the people lining the tunnel. Those who werenโ€™t already kneeling fell to their knees, and a chorus of prayer washed over me.

โ€œSpeak,โ€ I muttered to the Apparat as I bathed the supplicants in glowing sunlight. โ€œAnd make it good.โ€

โ€œWe have faced a great trial this day,โ€ he declared hurriedly. โ€œOur Saint has emerged from it stronger than before. Darkness came to this hallowed placeโ€”โ€

โ€œI saw it!โ€ cried one of the Priestguards. โ€œShadows climbed the wallsโ€”โ€ โ€œAbout thatโ€ฆ,โ€ murmured Mal.

โ€œLater.โ€

โ€œBut they were vanquished,โ€ continued the Apparat, โ€œas they will always be vanquished. By faith!โ€

I stepped forward. โ€œAnd by power.โ€

Again, I let light sweep through the passage, a blinding cascade. Most of these people had never seen what my power could truly do. Someone was weeping, and I heard my name, buried in the cries of โ€œSankta! Sankta!โ€

As I led the Apparat and the Priestguards through the White Cathedral, my mind was working, turning over options. Vladim went ahead of us, to see my orders done.

We finally had a chance to get free of this place. But what would it mean to leave the White Cathedral behind? Iโ€™d be abandoning an army and leaving them in the Apparatโ€™s care. And yet, there werenโ€™t many options open to us. I needed to get aboveground. I needed the firebird.

Mal dispatched Tamar to rally the rest of the Soldat Sol and search out more working firearms. My control of the Priestguards was tenuous at best. In case of trouble, we wanted guns at the ready, and I hoped I could rely on the sun soldiers to stay loyal to me.

I escorted the Apparat to his quarters myself, Mal and Tolya trailing us.

At his door, I said, โ€œIn one hour, weโ€™ll lead services together. Tonight, I leave with my Grisha and youโ€™ll sanction our departure.โ€

โ€œSol Koroleva,โ€ the Apparat whispered, โ€œI urge you not to return to the surface so soon. The Darklingโ€™s position is not a strong one. The Lantsov boy has few alliesโ€”โ€

โ€œIโ€™m his ally.โ€

โ€œHe abandoned you at the Little Palace.โ€

โ€œHeย survived, priest. Thatโ€™s something you should understand.โ€ Nikolai had intended to get his family and Baghra to safety, then return to the fight. I could only hope heโ€™d succeeded and that the rumors of him wreaking havoc on the northern border were true.

โ€œLet them weaken each other, see which way the wind blowsโ€”โ€ โ€œI owe Nikolai Lantsov more than that.โ€

โ€œIs it loyalty that drives you? Or greed?โ€ pressed the Apparat. โ€œThe amplifiers have waited countless years to be brought together, and you cannot wait a few more months?โ€

My jaw clenched at the thought. I wasnโ€™t sure what was driving me, if it was my need for vengeance or something higher, if it was hunger for the firebird or friendship with Nikolai. But it didnโ€™t much matter. โ€œThis is my war too,โ€ I said. โ€œI wonโ€™t hide like a lizard under a rock.โ€

โ€œI beg you to heed my words. I have done nothing but serve you faithfully.โ€

โ€œThe way you served the King? The way you served the Darkling?โ€

โ€œI am the voice of the people. They did not choose the Lantsov Kings or the Darkling. They chose you as their Saint, and they will love you as their Queen.โ€

Even the sound of those words made me weary.

I glanced over my shoulder to where Mal and Tolya waited a respectful distance away. โ€œDo you believe it?โ€ I asked the priest. The question had plagued me since Iโ€™d first heard word of him gathering this cult. โ€œDo you

really think Iโ€™m a Saint?โ€

โ€œWhat I believe doesnโ€™t matter,โ€ he replied. โ€œThatโ€™s what youโ€™ve never understood. Do you know theyโ€™ve started building altars to you in Fjerda? Inย Fjerda, where they burn Grisha at the stake. There is a fine line between fear and veneration, Alina Starkov. I can move that line. That is the prize I offer you.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t want it.โ€

โ€œBut you will have it. Men fight for Ravka because the King commands it, because their pay keeps their families from starving, because they have no choice. They will fight for you because to them you are salvation. They will starve for you, lay down their lives and their childrenโ€™s lives for you. They will make war without fear and die rejoicing. There is no greater power than faith, and there will be no greater army than one driven by it.โ€

โ€œFaith didnโ€™t protect your soldiers from theย nichevoโ€™ya. No amount of fanaticism will.โ€

โ€œYou see only war, but I see the peace that will come. Faith knows no border and no nationality. Love for you has taken root in Fjerda. The Shu will follow, then the Kerch. Our people will go forward and spread the word, not just through Ravka but through the world. This is the way to peace, Sankta Alina. Through you.โ€

โ€œThe cost is too high.โ€

โ€œWar is the price of change.โ€

โ€œAnd itโ€™s ordinary people who pay it, peasants like me. Never men like you.โ€

โ€œWeโ€”โ€

I silenced him with a hand. I thought of the Darkling laying waste to an entire town, of Nikolaiโ€™s brother Vasily commanding that the draft age be lowered. The Apparat claimed to speak for the people, but he was no different than the rest.

โ€œKeep them safe, priestโ€”this flock, this army. Keep them fed. Keep marks off of the childrenโ€™s faces and rifles out of their hands. You leave the rest to me.โ€

โ€œSankta Alinaโ€”โ€

I held open the door to his chamber. โ€œWeโ€™ll pray together soon,โ€ I said. โ€œBut I think you could use a head start.โ€

* * *

MAL AND I LEFT the Apparat secured in his chambers and guarded by Tolyaโ€”with strict orders to make sure that the door stayed closed and that no one disturbed the priestโ€™s prayers.

I suspected that the Apparat would soon have the Priestguards, maybe even Vladim, back under his control. But all we needed were a few hoursโ€™ start. He was lucky I didnโ€™t cram him into a damp corner of the archives.

When we finally arrived at my chamber, I found the narrow white room packed with Grisha and Vladim waiting at the door. My sleeping quarters were among the largest in the White Cathedral, but it was still a challenge to accommodate a group of twelve. No one looked too badly off. Nadiaโ€™s lip was swollen, and Maxim was tending to a cut over Stiggโ€™s eye. It was the first time weโ€™d been allowed to gather underground, and there was something comforting about seeing Grisha crowded together and sprawled over the meager furniture.

Mal didnโ€™t seem to agree. โ€œWe might as well travel with a marching band,โ€ he grumbled under his breath.

โ€œWhat the hell is going on?โ€ Sergei asked as soon as Iโ€™d dismissed Vladim. โ€œOne minute Iโ€™m in the infirmary with Maxim, the next Iโ€™m in a cell.โ€ He paced back and forth. There was a clammy sheen to his skin, and he had dark circles beneath his eyes.

โ€œCalm down,โ€ said Tamar. โ€œYouโ€™re not behind bars now.โ€

โ€œI might as well be. Weโ€™re all trapped down here. And that bastard is just looking for a chance to get rid of us.โ€

โ€œIf you want out of the caves, then this is your opportunity,โ€ I said. โ€œWeโ€™re leaving. Tonight.โ€

โ€œHow?โ€ Stigg asked.

By way of answer, I let sunlight flare for a brief, brilliant moment in my palmโ€”proof that my power had ignited in me once more, even if that small gesture took more effort than it should.

The room erupted into whistles and cheers.

โ€œYes, yes,โ€ said Zoya. โ€œThe Sun Summoner can summon. And all it took was a few deaths and a minor explosion.โ€

โ€œYou blew something up?โ€ said Harshaw plaintively. โ€œWithout me?โ€

He was wedged up against the wall next to Stigg. Our two Inferni couldnโ€™t

have looked more different. Stigg was short and stocky with nearly white blond hair. He had the solid, stubby appearance of a prayer candle. Harshaw was tall and rangy, his hair redder than Genyaโ€™s, nearly the color of blood. A scrawny orange tabby had somehow made her way down to the bowels of the White Cathedral and taken a liking to him. She followed him everywhere, slinking between his legs or clinging to his shoulder.

โ€œWhereย didย those blasting powders come from?โ€ I asked, perching next to Nadia and her brother on the edge of my bed.

โ€œI made them when I was supposed to be making salve,โ€ said David. โ€œJust like the Apparat said.โ€

โ€œRight under the noses of the Priestguards?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not as if they know anything about the Small Science.โ€ โ€œWell, somebody must. You got caught.โ€

โ€œNot exactly,โ€ said Mal. Heโ€™d stationed himself by the doorway with Tamar, each of them keeping an eye on the passage beyond.

โ€œDavid knew we were meeting in the Kettle,โ€ said Genya, โ€œand he guessed about the master flue.โ€

David frowned. โ€œI donโ€™t guess.โ€

โ€œBut there was no way to get the powders out of the archives, not with the guards searching everything.โ€

Tamar grinned. โ€œSo we had the Apparat deliver it.โ€

I stared at them in disbelief. โ€œYou meant to get caught?โ€

โ€œTurns out the easiest way to schedule a meeting is to get arrested,โ€ said Zoya.

โ€œDo you know how risky that was?โ€

โ€œBlame Oretsev,โ€ Zoya replied with a sniff. โ€œIt was his idea of a brilliant plan.โ€

โ€œIt didย work,โ€ Genya observed.

Mal lifted a shoulder. โ€œLike Sergei said, the Apparat was waiting for an opportunity to take us out of action. I figured weโ€™d give him one.โ€

โ€œWe were just never sure when youโ€™d be in the Kettle,โ€ Nadia said. โ€œWhen you left the archives today, David claimed heโ€™d forgotten something in his quarters and came by the training rooms to give us the signal. We knew the Apparat would be more likely to trust Tolya and Tamar, so they roughed us up a littleโ€”โ€

โ€œA lot,โ€ put in Mal.

โ€œThen they claimed to have discovered a devious plot involving a few wicked Grisha and one very gullible tracker.โ€

Mal gave a mock salute.

โ€œI was afraid heโ€™d insist on putting everyone in the cells,โ€ said Tamar. โ€œSo we claimed you were in immediate danger and that we had to get to the Kettle right away.โ€

Nadia smiled. โ€œAnd then we just hoped the whole kitchen wouldnโ€™t fall in on us.โ€

Davidโ€™s frown deepened. โ€œIt was a controlled blast. The odds that the caveโ€™s structure would hold were well above average.โ€

โ€œAh. Above average,โ€ said Genya. โ€œWhy didnโ€™t you say so?โ€ โ€œI just did.โ€

โ€œWhat about those shadows on the wall?โ€ asked Zoya. โ€œWho pulled that off?โ€

I tensed, unsure of what to say.

โ€œI did it,โ€ said Mal. โ€œWe rigged it as a distraction.โ€

Sergei paced back and forth, cracking his knuckles. โ€œYou should have told us about the plan. We deserved a warning.โ€

โ€œYou could have at least let me blow something up,โ€ added Harshaw.

Zoya gave an elaborate shrug. โ€œIโ€™mย soย sorry you felt excluded. Never mind how closely weโ€™ve been watched and that it was a miracle we werenโ€™t found out. We definitely should have jeopardized the whole operation to spare your feelings.โ€

I cleared my throat. โ€œIn less than an hour, Iโ€™ll be leading services with the Apparat. Weโ€™ll leave directly after that, and I need to know whoโ€™s going with me.โ€

โ€œAny chance youโ€™re going to tell us where the third amplifier is?โ€ asked Zoya. Thus far, only the twins, Mal, and I knew where we hoped to find the firebird.ย And Nikolai,ย I reminded myself. Nikolai knew tooโ€”if he was still alive.

Mal shook his head. โ€œThe less you know, the safer weโ€™ll be.โ€

โ€œSo youโ€™re not even telling us where weโ€™re going?โ€ Sergei said sulkily. โ€œNot quite. Weโ€™re going to attempt to make contact with Nikolai Lantsov.โ€ โ€œI think we should try Ryevost,โ€ said Tamar.

โ€œGo to the river cities?โ€ I asked. โ€œWhy?โ€

โ€œSturmhond had smuggling lines throughout Ravka. Itโ€™s possible Nikolai is using them to get arms into the country.โ€ Tamar would know. She and Tolya had been trusted members of Sturmhondโ€™s crew. โ€œIf the rumors are true and heโ€™s based somewhere in the north, then thereโ€™s a good chance the drop point near Ryevost is active.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a lot of maybe and not much more,โ€ Harshaw observed. Mal nodded. โ€œTrue. But itโ€™s our best lead.โ€

โ€œAnd if itโ€™s a dead end?โ€ asked Sergei.

โ€œWe split up,โ€ said Mal. โ€œWe find a safe house where you can lie low, and I take a team to find the firebird.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re welcome to remain here,โ€ I said to the others. โ€œI know the pilgrims arenโ€™t friendly to Grisha, and after tonight, Iโ€™m not sure how sentiment will change. But if weโ€™re captured abovegroundโ€”โ€

โ€œThe Darkling doesnโ€™t deal kindly with traitors,โ€ finished Genya quietly. Everyone shifted uncomfortably, but I made myself meet her gaze. โ€œNo.

He doesnโ€™t.โ€

โ€œHeโ€™s had his shot at me,โ€ she said. โ€œIโ€™m going.โ€

Zoya smoothed the cuff of her coat. โ€œWeโ€™d move faster without you.โ€ โ€œIโ€™ll keep up,โ€ Genya countered.

โ€œSee that you do,โ€ said Mal. โ€œWeโ€™ll be entering an area crawling with militias, not to mention the Darklingโ€™sย oprichniki. Youโ€™re recognizable,โ€ he said to Genya. โ€œSo is Tolya, for that matter.โ€

Tamarโ€™s lips twitched. โ€œWould you like to be the one to tell him he canโ€™t come?โ€

Mal considered this. โ€œMaybe we can disguise him as a really big tree.โ€

Adrik shot to his feet so fast he nearly bounced me from the bed. โ€œSee you in an hour,โ€ he declared, as if daring anyone to argue. Nadia gave me a shrug as he marched out of the room. Adrik wasnโ€™t much younger than the rest of us, but maybe because he was Nadiaโ€™s little brother, he always seemed to be looking to prove himself.

โ€œWell, Iโ€™m going,โ€ said Zoya. โ€œThe humidity down here is murder on my hair.โ€

Harshaw rose and pushed off from the wall. โ€œIโ€™d prefer to stay,โ€ he said with a yawn. โ€œBut Oncat says we go.โ€ He hefted the tabby onto his shoulder

with one hand.

โ€œAre you ever going to name that thing?โ€ Zoya asked. โ€œShe has a name.โ€

โ€œOncatย is not a name. Itโ€™s just Kaelish for cat.โ€ โ€œSuits her, doesnโ€™t it?โ€

Zoya rolled her eyes and flounced out the door, followed by Harshaw and then Stigg, who gave a polite bow and said, โ€œIโ€™ll be ready.โ€

The others trickled out after them. I suspected David would have preferred to remain at the White Cathedral, cloistered with Morozovaโ€™s journals. But he was our only Fabrikator, and assuming we found the firebird, we would need him to forge the second fetter. Nadia seemed happy to go with her brother, though it was Tamar she grinned at on the way out. Iโ€™d guessed that Maxim would choose to remain here at the infirmary, and Iโ€™d been right. Maybe I could get Vladim and the other Priestguards to set an example for the pilgrims and take advantage of Maximโ€™s skills as a Healer.

The only surprise was Sergei. Though the White Cathedral was miserable, damp, and dull, it was also relatively secure. As eager as Sergei had seemed to escape the Apparatโ€™s grasp, I hadnโ€™t been sure heโ€™d want to take his chances with us aboveground. But heโ€™d nodded tersely and simply stated, โ€œIโ€™ll be there.โ€ Maybe we were all desperate for blue sky and a chance to feel free again, no matter the risk.

When they were gone, Mal sighed and said, โ€œWell, it was worth a try.โ€ โ€œAll that talk of militias,โ€ I said, realization dawning. โ€œYou were trying to

scare them off.โ€

โ€œTwelve is too many. A group that big will slow us through the tunnels, and once weโ€™re aboveground, theyโ€™ll put us at greater risk. As soon as we have a chance, weโ€™ll need to split up. Thereโ€™s no way Iโ€™m taking a dozen Grisha into the southern mountains.โ€

โ€œAll right,โ€ I said. โ€œAssuming we can find a safe place for them.โ€

โ€œNo easy task, but weโ€™ll manage it.โ€ He moved toward the door. โ€œIโ€™ll be back in a half hour to take you to the main cavern.โ€

โ€œMal,โ€ I said, โ€œwhy did you step between me and the Priestguards?โ€

He shrugged. โ€œThose arenโ€™t the first men Iโ€™ve killed. They wonโ€™t be the last.โ€

โ€œYou kept me from using the Cut on them.โ€

He didnโ€™t look at me when he said, โ€œYouโ€™re going to be a queen someday, Alina. The less blood on your hands, the better.โ€

The wordย queenย came so easily to his lips. โ€œYou seem certain weโ€™ll find Nikolai.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m certain weโ€™ll find the firebird.โ€

โ€œI need an army. The firebird may not be enough.โ€ I rubbed a hand over my eyes. โ€œNikolai may not even be in Ravka.โ€

โ€œThe reports coming out of the northโ€”โ€

โ€œCould be lies spread by the Darkling. โ€˜The Prince of the Airโ€™ might be a myth created to draw us out of hiding. Nikolai might never have made it out of the Grand Palace.โ€ It hurt me to say it, but I forced myself to speak the words. โ€œHe could be dead.โ€

โ€œDo you believe that?โ€ โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

โ€œIf anyone could make that escape, itโ€™s Nikolai.โ€

The too-clever fox. Even once heโ€™d abandoned his disguise as Sturmhond, thatโ€™s who Nikolai had been to me, always thinking, always scheming. But he hadnโ€™t predicted his brotherโ€™s betrayal. He hadnโ€™t seen the Darkling coming.

โ€œAll right,โ€ I said, embarrassed by the quaver in my voice. โ€œYou havenโ€™t asked about the shadows.โ€

โ€œShould I?โ€

I couldnโ€™t resist. Maybe I wanted to see how he would react. I curled my fingers, and shadows unspooled from the corners.

Malโ€™s eyes followed their progress. What did I expect to see in him? Fear?

Anger?

โ€œCan you do more with it?โ€ he asked.

โ€œNo. Itโ€™s just some kind of remnant of what I did in the chapel.โ€ โ€œYou mean saving all our lives?โ€

I let the shadows fall and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers, trying to stave off a rush of dizziness. โ€œI mean usingย merzost.ย This isnโ€™t real power. Itโ€™s just a carnival trick.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s something you took from him,โ€ he said. I didnโ€™t think I imagined the satisfaction in his voice. โ€œI wonโ€™t say a word, but you shouldnโ€™t hide it from the others.โ€

I could worry about that later. โ€œWhat if Nikolaiโ€™s men arenโ€™t in Ryevost?โ€

โ€œYou think I can track a giant mythic bird, but I canโ€™t locate one loudmouthed prince?โ€

โ€œA prince whoโ€™s managed to evade the Darkling for months.โ€ Mal studied me.

โ€œAlina, do you know how I made that shot? Back in the Kettle?โ€

โ€œIf you say itโ€™s because youโ€™re just that good, Iโ€™m going to take off my boot and beat you with it.โ€

โ€œWell, Iย amย that good,โ€ he said with a faint grin. โ€œBut I had David put a beetle in the pouch.โ€

โ€œWhy?โ€

โ€œTo make aiming easier. All I had to do was track it.โ€ My brows rose. โ€œNow,ย thatโ€™sย an impressive trick.โ€

He shrugged. โ€œItโ€™s the only one I know. If Nikolaiโ€™s alive, weโ€™ll find him.โ€ He paused, then added, โ€œI wonโ€™t fail you again.โ€ He turned to go, but before he shut the door, he said, โ€œTry to rest. Iโ€™ll be outside if you need me.โ€

I stood there for a long moment. I wanted to tell him that he hadnโ€™t failed me, but that wasnโ€™t quite true. Iโ€™d lied to him about the visions that plagued me. Heโ€™d pushed me away when Iโ€™d needed him most. Maybe weโ€™d both asked each other to give up too much. Fair or not, I felt like Mal had turned his back on me, and some part of me resented him for it.

I glanced around the empty room. It had been disconcerting to see so many people crammed in here. How well did I know any of them? Harshaw and Stigg were a few years older than the others, Grisha who had made their way to the Little Palace after theyโ€™d heard the Sun Summoner had returned. They were practically strangers to me. The twins believed I was blessed by divine power. Zoya followed me only grudgingly. Sergei was falling apart, and I knew he probably blamed me for Marieโ€™s death. Nadia might too. Sheโ€™d grieved more quietly, but theyโ€™d been best friends.

And Mal. I supposed weโ€™d made a kind of peace, but it wasnโ€™t an easy one. Or maybe we had just accepted what I would become, that our paths would inevitably diverge.ย Youโ€™re going to be a queen someday, Alina.

I knew I should at least try to sleep for a few minutes, but my mind wouldnโ€™t slow down. My body was thrumming with the power Iโ€™d used and eager for more.

I glanced at the door, wishing it had a lock. There was something I wanted

to try. Iโ€™d attempted it a few times and never managed anything more than a headache. It was dangerous, probably stupid, but now that my power had returned, I wanted to try again.

I kicked off my boots and lay back on the narrow bed. I closed my eyes, felt the collar at my throat, the scales at my wrist, the presence of my power inside me like the beat of my heart. I felt the wound at my shoulder, the dark knot of scars made by the Darklingโ€™sย nichevoโ€™ya.ย It had strengthened the bond between us, giving him access to my mind as the collar had given him access to my power. In the chapel, I had used that connection against him and almost destroyed both of us in the process. I was foolish to test it now. Still, I was tempted. If the Darkling had access to that power, why shouldnโ€™t I? It was a chance to glean information, to understand the way the bond between us functioned.

It wonโ€™t work,ย I reassured myself.ย Youโ€™ll try, youโ€™ll fail, youโ€™ll have a little nap.

I slowed my breathing, letting power course through me. I thought of the Darkling, of the shadows I could bend to my fingers, of the collar around my neck that he had placed there, the fetter at my wrist that had separated me irrevocably from any other Grisha and truly set me on this path.

Nothing happened. I was lying on my back in a bed in the White Cathedral. I hadnโ€™t gone anywhere. I was alone in a vacant room. I blinked up at the damp ceiling. It was better that way. At the Little Palace, my isolation had nearly destroyed me, but that was because I had hungered for something else, for the sense of belonging Iโ€™d been chasing my whole life. Iโ€™d buried that need in the ruins of a chapel. Now I would think in terms of alliance instead of affection, of who and what would make me strong enough for this fight.

Iโ€™d contemplated killing the Apparat today; Iโ€™d burned my mark into Vladimโ€™s flesh. Iโ€™d told myself I had to, but the girl Iโ€™d been never would have considered such things. I hated the Darkling for what heโ€™d done to Baghra and Genya, but was I so different? And when the third amplifier was around my wrist, would I be different at all?

Maybe not, I conceded, and with that admission came the barest tremorโ€”a vibration moving over the connection between us, an answering echo at the other end of an invisible tether.

It called to me through the collar at my neck and the bite at my shoulder,

amplified by the fetter at my wrist, a bond forged byย merzostย and the dark poison in my blood.ย You called to me, and I answered.ย I felt myself drawn upward, out of myself, speeding toward him. Maybe this was what Mal felt when he trackedโ€”the distant pull of the other, a presence that demanded attention even if it couldnโ€™t be seen or touched.

One moment I was floating in the darkness of my closed eyes, and the next I was standing in a brightly lit room. Everything around me was blurry, but I recognized this place just the same: I was in the throne room at the Grand Palace. People were talking. It was as if they were underwater. I heard noise but not words.

I knew the moment the Darkling saw me. He came into sharp focus, though the room around him remained a murky blur.

His self-control was so great that no one near him would have noticed the fleeting look of shock that passed over his perfect features. But I saw his gray eyes widen, his chest lock as his breath caught. His fingers clenched the arms of his chairโ€”no, his throne. Then he relaxed, nodding along to whatever the person before him was saying.

I waited, watching. Heโ€™d fought for that throne, endured hundreds of years of battle and servitude to claim it. I had to admit it suited him well. Some petty part of me had hoped Iโ€™d find him weakened, his black hair turned to white like mine. But whatever damage Iโ€™d done to him that night in the chapel, heโ€™d recovered better than I had.

When the murmur of the supplicantโ€™s voice cut off, the Darkling rose. The throne faded into the background, and I realized that the things closest to him looked the clearest, as if he were the lens through which I was seeing the world.

โ€œI will take it under advisement,โ€ he said, voice cool as cut glass, so familiar. โ€œNow leave me.โ€ He gave a brusque wave. โ€œAll of you.โ€

Did his lackeys exchange baffled glances or simply bow and depart? I couldnโ€™t tell. He was already moving down the stairs, his gaze fastened on me. My heart clenched, and a single clear word reverberated in my mind:ย run.ย Iโ€™d been mad to attempt this, to seek him out. But I didnโ€™t move. I didnโ€™t release the tether.

Someone approached him, and when he was just inches from the Darkling, he came into clearer focusโ€”red Grisha robes, a face I didnโ€™t recognize. I

could even make out his words: โ€œโ€ฆ the matter of signatures forโ€ฆโ€ Then the Darkling cut him off.

โ€œLater,โ€ he said sharply, and the Corporalnik skittered away.

The room emptied of sound and movement, and all the while, the Darkling kept his eyes on me. He crossed the parquet floor. With each step, the polished wood came into focus beneath his boot, then faded away again.

I had the strange sensation of lying on my bed in the White Cathedral and being here, in the throne room, standing in a warm square of sunlight.

He stopped before me, his eyes studying my face. What did he see there? He had come to me unscarred in my visions. Did he see me healthy and whole, my hair brown, my eyes bright? Or did he see the little mushroom girl, pale and gray, battered by our fight in the chapel, weakened by life underground?

โ€œIf only Iโ€™d known youโ€™d prove such an apt pupil.โ€ His voice was genuinely admiring, almost surprised. To my horror, I found that pathetic orphaned part of me taking pleasure in his praise. โ€œWhy come to me now?โ€ he asked. โ€œHas it taken you this long to recover from our skirmish?โ€

If that had been a mere skirmish, then we really were lost.ย No,ย I told myself. Heโ€™d chosen that word deliberately, to intimidate me.

I ignored his question and said, โ€œI didnโ€™t expect compliments.โ€ โ€œNo?โ€

โ€œI left you buried beneath a pile of rubble.โ€ โ€œAnd if I told you I respect your ruthlessness?โ€ โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™d believe you.โ€

The barest smile touched his lips. โ€œAn apt pupil,โ€ he repeated. โ€œWhy waste my anger on you when the fault is mine? I should have anticipated another betrayal from you, one more mad grasp at some kind of childish ideal. But I seem to be a victim of my own wishes where you are concerned.โ€ His expression hardened. โ€œWhat have you come here for, Alina?โ€

I answered him honestly. โ€œI wanted to see you.โ€

I caught the briefest glimpse of surprise before his face shuttered again. โ€œThere are two thrones on that dais. You could see me anytime you liked.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re offering me a crown? After I tried to kill you?โ€ He shrugged again. โ€œI might have done the same.โ€

โ€œI doubt it.โ€

โ€œNot to save that motley of traitors and fanatics, no. But I understand the desire to remain free.โ€

โ€œAnd still you tried to make me a slave.โ€

โ€œI sought Morozovaโ€™s amplifiersย for you, Alina, that we might rule as equals.โ€

โ€œYou tried to take my power for your own.โ€

โ€œAfter you ran from me. After you choseโ€”โ€ He stopped, shrugged. โ€œWe would have ruled as equals in time.โ€

I felt that pull, the longing of a frightened girl. Even now, after everything heโ€™d done, I wanted to believe the Darkling, to find some way to forgive him. I wanted Nikolai to be alive. I wanted to trust the other Grisha. I wanted to believe anything so that I wouldnโ€™t have to face the future alone.ย The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak.ย A laugh escaped me before I thought better of it.

โ€œWe would be equals until the day I dared to disagree with you, until the moment I questioned your judgment or didnโ€™t do as I was bid. Then you would deal with me the way you dealt with Genya and your mother, the way you tried to deal with Mal.โ€

He leaned against the window, and the gilded frame came into sharp focus. โ€œDo you think it would be any different with your tracker beside you? With that Lantsov pup?โ€

โ€œYes,โ€ I said simply.

โ€œBecause you would be the strong one?โ€ โ€œBecause theyโ€™re better men than you.โ€ โ€œYou might make me a better man.โ€ โ€œAnd you might make me a monster.โ€

โ€œIโ€™ve never understood this taste forย otkazatโ€™sya.ย Is it because you thought you were one of them for so long?โ€

โ€œI had a taste for you, once.โ€ His head snapped up. He hadnโ€™t expected that. Saints, it was satisfying. โ€œWhy havenโ€™t you visited me?โ€ I asked. โ€œIn all these long months?โ€

He stayed silent.

โ€œThere was barely a day at the Little Palace when you didnโ€™t come to me,โ€ I continued. โ€œWhen I didnโ€™t see you in some shadowed corner. I thought I was going mad.โ€

โ€œGood.โ€

โ€œI think youโ€™re afraid.โ€

โ€œHow comforting that must be for you.โ€

โ€œI think you fear this thing that binds us.โ€ It didnโ€™t frighten me. Not anymore. I took a slow step forward. He tensed but did not move away.

โ€œI am ancient, Alina. I know things about power that you can barely guess at.โ€

โ€œBut itโ€™s not just power, is it?โ€ I said quietly, remembering the way he had toyed with me when Iโ€™d first arrived at the palaceโ€”even before, from the first moment weโ€™d met. Iโ€™d been a lonely girl, desperate for attention. I must have given him so little sport.

I took another step. He stilled. Our bodies were almost touching now. I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. This time the flash of confusion on his face was impossible to miss. He held himself frozen, his only movement the steady rise and fall of his chest. Then, as if in concession, he let his eyes close. A line appeared between his brows.

โ€œItโ€™s true,โ€ I said softly. โ€œYou are stronger, wiser, infinite in experience.โ€ I leaned forward and whispered, my lips brushing the shell of his ear. โ€œBut I am an apt pupil.โ€

His eyes flew open. I caught the briefest glimpse of rage in his gray gaze before I severed the connection.

I scattered, hurtling back to the White Cathedral, leaving him with nothing but the memory of light.

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