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The morning of the Gods Day ball, I woke up the moment Daselis opened my door.
Sitting up, I swung my legs over the side of my bed and bolted
for the bathing room.
Daselis followed me in as I heaved. “Are you okay?”
She was kind enough to put a damp washcloth on my neck. I shuddered and closed my eyes.
“Is it… Are you…pregnant?”
“What? No.” I was filled with a dread so all-encompassing, I felt like someone was sitting on my chest while someone else played with my intestines.
Three hundred and nine lives. And that wasn’t counting the rebels. Once Vicer had agreed with my plan, they’d all fallen in line. If I failed…
We were all dead.
I leaned over and retched again. Daselis held the back of her hand to my forehead—the first time I’d ever seen concern on her face. “You’re not feverish.”
“Something I ate,” I got out.
“Back to bed with you. You can’t miss the ball tonight, so you need to rest. I’ll tell the queen.”
I allowed her to push me back to bed, if only because the thought of sitting with the others over breakfast made me want to hide in a closet somewhere.
And yet lying in bed thinking about everything that could go wrong just made it worse. So much so that an hour later when Daselis returned to check on me, I was out of bed and pacing.
“What is wrong with you?” Daselis demanded.
I needed to make sure Daselis didn’t get suspicious. And if I stayed in this room all day, I would lose my mind. “I feel better now. I’ll go attend to the queen.”
“She wants to be left alone. If you’re determined to pace, you can walk outside.”
I pulled on a thick woolen dress and fled, making my way down to the gardens. I kept to the outskirts of the gardens, where the trees were closer together and I could be assured of privacy.
The rest of the day crawled by slowly, torturously, until Daselis came to find me again where I’d been sitting beneath a shady tree, stewing in my worries.
“It’s time.”
I got to my feet, and my head spun once more. Everything hinged on the next few hours.
Daselis leaned close. “I don’t know why you’re so worked up today, but tell me this. Should I inform the servants to stay away from the castle tonight?”
My heart stumbled, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck. Daselis had always seen more than she was given credit for. We stared at each other for a long moment. There was no rancor left on her face. Just a kind of grim knowledge.
“Anyone who doesn’t need to be here should stay away.”
The color drained from her face. It might be reckless, but… “Do you want to leave here, Daselis?”
I should have thought of her and Erea. Would they be punished when I left? For not knowing what I was up to or—in Daselis’s case—for not reporting her suspicions? I’d been so busy focusing on the prisoners, I’d forgotten about the innocent women who helped me every day.
Shame crawled through my body until I had to fight not to throw up again.
Daselis took a deep breath. “I don’t wish to leave. My family lives in the city.”
“I can get them out too.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re one of the…”
Had I just ruined everything? I didn’t want to hurt Daselis, but I would knock her out if it meant delaying her accusations until after I left. “Please, Daselis.”
“No wonder you’re throwing up your breakfast!”
She backed away a step. The blood was draining from my face so fast I swayed on my feet. But she seemed to shake herself. “I won’t say a word. But…I have a niece. Her name is Hanish. Tell me you’ll get her out, too.”
My knees turned weak, and I managed to take a full breath. “Can you arrange for her to be here? Tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Then yes. But you should come with us. Please. You’ll be interrogated once I leave. This could be your only chance for freedom. Tell Erea, too.”
She nodded. “I understand. I’ll think about it. But Hanish will be here.
You get her out, and I’ll owe you my life.” I nodded. “It’s done.”
She looked at me, and her eyes warmed. “One of the queen’s ladies. And how I resented you for it. A social climber, to be sure, but for a reason.”
“Yes.”
“But who—” She went ashen, and I could see her calculating exactly why I would have snuck into the castle. “You’re getting one of the prisoners out. Before dawn.”
The words were so quiet I could barely hear her over the sound of my panting breaths, but I glanced around us anyway.
“I’m getting all of the prisoners out.”
Her hand shook as she pushed back her hair. “Well, then. If you’re going to humiliate the king, you should at least look good doing it.”
I smiled and followed her into the castle.
