A surprisingly cool mist dampened the air as we stood beneath a canopy of heavy branches.
The Dark Elms had quieted upon our arrival, the wildlife reacting to the presence of a Primal of Death and fleeing the woods. A few birds remained hidden in the tallest branches near my lake, calling softly to one another in the darkness.
Only fractures of moonlight penetrated the thick shadows of night. The dense thicket of elms obscured what lay beyond, but I knew I could easily find my way through the maze to Wayfair Castle. I was so close to Ezra.
To my mother.
I wanted to see my stepsister. Maybe even my mother. But what would I say to them? Even if I didn’t share my true reasons for visiting, Ezra would know that something was up. She was clever, and I didn’t want her last
memories of me to be steeped in sorrow.
And my mother?
Any conversation with her likely wouldn’t go well. It would surely end in one of us saying something terrible, which meant that Ash would probably
make good on his threat to send her to the Abyss before my life even came to its end.
But I didn’t have unlimited time. The last thing I wanted was to spend it upsetting Ezra or arguing with my mother.
I wanted to be with my husband.
A shaky breath left me as I lifted my gaze to him. Ash stood with his back to me, the line of his spine rigid as he stared at the still midnight waters.
He hadn’t wanted to come here, but he’d promised me. And he wouldn’t break that oath.
He’d been quiet since we left the Bonelands, shadowstepping us into the middle of the Dark Elms. He hadn’t said a word to the others when we left. My eyes stung with the tears I held back—that I’d been holding back.
In blood and in ash…
In life and death, forevermore.
What Rhain and the others had given me was beautiful. Powerful. It was better than recognition. It was an acknowledgment of who I was.
A warrior.
One worthy of respect and honor. Gods, I couldn’t start crying now.
Quickly, I reached up and hastily wiped under my eyes. My fingers were only tinted red, so hopefully my face wasn’t smeared with blood tears.
Clearing my throat, I stepped toward the Primal. “Ash?”
There was a long moment of silence, and then he flatly stated, “Sera?” His tone pulled at my heart. “I know we don’t have much time.”
“We have all the time.”
But we didn’t. He knew that. If someone hadn’t discovered Kolis yet, they would soon. And besides that? I was out of time.
“There’s something I want to talk about,” I said. His head tilted back. “I’m listening.”
Knowing this was hard for him, I succeeded in tamping down my quick
temper. “Really?” I bit out. Okay. I mostly kept my temper in check. “You’re listening, even though you won’t look at me?”
Ash turned so quickly that he was a blur. “Even if I’m not looking at you, you are still all I see,” he said, his features encased in harsh ice. “I see you, Sera. I always have.”
Love for him surged in my chest, causing my vision to blur. “Don’t do that.”
His head cocked. “Do what?”
“Say things like that—nice things. Sweet words,” I told him. “It’ll make me cry, and I don’t want to.”
Some of the coldness left his face. “I don’t want you to cry either.” “Then don’t be nice.”
His brows lifted. “Should I turn around and give you my back again?” “No!” I exclaimed. “I’ll get angry then, and I don’t want to do that
either.”
He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as if holding back a smile. “Then what would you like me to do, liessa?”
Gods.
Every time he called me that, I melted. It still melted me, but it also made me want to cry. Briefly closing my eyes, I ordered myself to pull it together. “I know you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
My lips pursed. “You’re not?”
“I’m…” Ash shook his head. “Okay. I’m mad. But not at you.”
“I know you’re not mad at me,” I said. “And I know you don’t want to be here. You don’t want to do what you have to do.”
His nostrils flared.
“But I also know that you understand it has to be done. If there’s any hope of stopping Kolis and saving the realms, stopping the Rot. This is it. And I don’t want to waste what time we have left arguing over what we already
know,” I told him. “I want you to listen to what I must tell you.” Ash twisted his neck to the side, then gave me a curt nod.
All right, that wasn’t a vocalization, but it was better than nothing.
“I want you to know I love you,” I started. His eyes slammed shut, and my hands began trembling. “And I will not stop loving you. I wish I’d told you more than I have—gods, I wish I’d recognized what I felt long before I did.”
“I know,” he said, the two words sounding as if torn from the depths of his soul.
I stepped forward. “And I want you to know that none of this is your fault.”
Ash’s chest rose with a deep inhale.
“None of it,” I repeated.
“Sera.” He let out a scathing laugh and opened his eyes. Shadows appeared beneath his skin. “Do you know what I’d rather be doing right now?”
I could hazard a guess. “Anything else?”
He shook his head. “Not just anything else. I’ve thought of things.” “Like…like what?”
“Teaching you how to swim,” he said without hesitation. My chest squeezed. “Showing you more of Iliseeum. Returning to the cavern—I think you liked it there.”
“I did,” I whispered.
“I would rather be lying in bed with you, sitting on the palace balcony together, getting you to tell me all the things you haven’t shared with me about when you grew up. Training with you. Fighting with you. Even arguing with you.” The shadows deepened under his flesh. “But the only reason we’re standing here, having this conversation instead of doing all those things— exploring the innumerable ways I’ve dreamt of fucking you—is because of what I’ve done.”
My mind got stuck on a specific part of what he’d said. “What are some of those innumerable ways?”
The change that came over Ash was swift and heady. His chin dipped, his striking features warming as the shadows disappeared. “I’d be more than happy to show you.”
Heat swamped my veins, which was so not helpful at the moment. I shook my head.
“You sure?” His silky voice stretched out like a tendril of dark mist, brushing against me.
“Yes,” I forced myself to say. “Unfortunately.” I refocused. “Look, you made choices based on the knowledge you had. You didn’t do the wrong
things.”
Shaking his head, he looked away. A muscle ticked in his jaw.
“It wasn’t even your father’s fault—not really. The Arae made it so he nor anyone who knew could tell you,” I repeated what I’d told him earlier. “You didn’t know any of this would happen.”
That muscle worked even harder.
“I don’t blame you.” I inched closer. “And I know this isn’t something I can convince you of. You need to come to the understanding—the acceptance. And I need you to because I want you to promise me something.”
He turned his head slightly toward me.
“I…I want you to live,” I began. “After Kolis is dealt with and you take your rightful place as King of Gods—”
“That is not my rightful place.” “Ash—”
“It’s your rightful place.”
My brows slammed together. “What? I’m not a Primal. I’m not even a god.”
“But those embers?” Ash said. “They’ve become yours.”
Said embers hummed faintly throughout me, but I wouldn’t become that, even if Ash had his kardia and could Ascend me. The embers would likely
cause my body to explode or do something else disturbing and gross. “And they will become yours.”
Lips thinning, he looked away.
“And I don’t want you to be alone after that happens.”
The eather in his eyes went flat. “What are you saying, Sera?” “I’m…I’m saying that I want you to live. Really live, Ash.” I twisted my
fingers together. “I want you to find a way to restore your kardia.” “Good Fates.” He thrust a hand through his hair.
Undaunted, I pressed on and stopped in front of him. “And I want you to
allow yourself to love.”
His hand fell, clenching into a fist. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I’m not.” I looked up at him. “I want you to allow yourself to love and be loved, Ash. You’re more than worthy of that. You deserve it. More than anyone I know.”
“I don’t give a fuck what I supposedly deserve,” he snarled, shadows bleeding through his flesh. “You’re seriously asking me to find a way to love another?”
“I am.”
He stared down at me, his chest heaving. “I…I could never do that.” Pressure clamped down on my chest. “I need you to.”
“I cannot believe you would even ask this of me.” The shadows whipped under his skin. “Think that I would just be able to forget about you—”
“I’m not asking you to forget me. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to ever forget me.” I placed my hands on his chest, causing him to jerk as if burned. “But you’re going to live for a long time. I want you to be happy. That is important to me. Because I love you, Ash.”
“Fuck,” he rasped, the silver of his eyes was as bright as the moonlight reflecting off the waters of my lake, and the set of his jaw was as hard as the shadowstone beneath it.
“I love you.” Fighting back tears, I lifted my hands and cupped his face. His eyes closed briefly, thick lashes fanning his cheeks. “Knowing that you will be happy will allow me to find peace because you will have found
peace.”
A heartbeat passed. Then another. His eyes finally opened. “I will find peace.”
I searched his eyes. That wasn’t exactly a confirmation. “Promise me you will do this for me.”
“Sera—”
“Promise me you will do as I ask,” I pressed, knowing that once he did, the oath would bind him. “Promise.”
An array of emotions skated over his face, too many for me to even decipher. “I promise.”
Before I could react or even think, his head dipped, and his lips locked with mine in a hard, fierce kiss. My mouth instinctively opened to him, and gods, the icy heat of his lips sent a sweet, hot flush through my body. The passion in his kiss was like a storm catching hold of me and sweeping me up to dizzying heights.
“That is one of the things I’d rather be doing. Kissing you. Feeling the way you melt into me. You want me to live? This is when I feel the most
alive.” His lips brushed mine. “Like this, with you. Live with me. I need that.
I need you,” he growled against my mouth.
I shuddered against him. “Time—”
“We’ll make time,” he swore. “We deserve that.”
My fingers trembled at his jaw. He was right. We did deserve that. And damn it, I wanted this. I wanted him as my last act in this realm. I wanted
these memories. Not the time I’d spent in captivity. Nothing to do with Kolis.
Not Ash’s anger and sadness. Not my reluctant acceptance of my fate. I wanted Ash and how he made me feel.
Seen.
Respected.
Wanted.
I should’ve had days and weeks of feeling this before the end came. I should’ve had a lifetime.
But I didn’t.
I had right now.
And I wasn’t going to waste it.
Tugging his head down, I brought his lips back to mine. No words were needed then. How I kissed him said it all.
Ash’s arms came around me, pulling me flush to his chest. His hand tangled in my hair. We kissed until my lips felt swollen and my pulse thundered. Only then did his mouth leave mine, trailing a path over the curve of my chin and down my neck.
A trickle of unease pierced the heat as he nuzzled my throat, nipping gently. It wasn’t even where Kolis had bitten me—and that shouldn’t matter. This was Ash. My mouth dried as I forced myself to take a deep breath, drawing in his scent. Citrus. Fresh mountain air. Gods, I’d never smelled anything better than him, and I was here with Ash. Only Ash.
My eyes fluttered open as he pressed a kiss to my throbbing pulse, then lifted his head.
Lashes swept up, and molten silver eyes locked with mine. I saw an urgency in his eyes, a firestorm of need and so much want. But he hesitated. Stark need etched deep lines into his striking features, but he…he waited.
For me.
“We don’t have to do this,” he said, his voice thick and rough. “Having you here and in my arms, kissing you? It’s enough.”
Oh, gods, he was going to make me cry.
Even without him speaking more, I knew why he’d said that. Why he held himself back despite what I’d told him. But Ash…gods, he knew it hadn’t been nothing. It was why he’d told me I was safe when we were in the cavern. He knew I hadn’t gotten free of Kolis without gaining a few fresh
scars that couldn’t be seen but were embedded deep, nonetheless. He knew enough to make sure I was safe with him. And I was.
Gods, I couldn’t love him more.
And I couldn’t hate the realms more for taking me away from him than I did now. It wasn’t fair. But if I focused on that? On any of that bad stuff? I would be sacrificing what little time we had left that hadn’t already been stolen from us.
Swallowing the knot of emotion threatening to leave me a sobbing mess on the forest floor, I slid my hands down and grasped the front of his tunic. I tugged, and Ash obeyed, raising his arms. He bent, making it easier for me to tug the shirt free.
“Liessa,” he murmured as I dropped the clothing to the ground.
Holding his stare, I lifted my hands and hooked my fingers under the borrowed shirt I wore, drawing it up. The soft, well-worn material skimmed my stomach and then my breasts. He didn’t look away, not for one moment, as I pulled the shirt off, letting it fall beside his.
Ash’s chest rose sharply as his icy-hot gaze traveled, inch by inch, over the flesh I’d exposed for him. My nipples pebbled against the strands of my hair as I stood still, letting him look his fill—wanting him to. I waited, my heart pounding faster than it had in days.
Slowly, he lifted his fingers, catching the sides of my hair. His stare tracked his movements along the curls as he lifted them and brushed them back and over my shoulders.
My breathing picked up as I curled my fingers around his wrist. “Touch me.” I brought his hand to my breast.
Ash growled low in his throat at the contact, and my back arched, pressing me into his palm. “Like I said before, I’ll do whatever you ask of me,” he swore, wisps of eather spinning wildly in his eyes. He dragged his thumb over the tip of my breast. “Anything.”
I knew he spoke the truth.
He would do anything for me.
My stomach fluttered as he cupped my other breast. His eyes remained fixed on mine as I moved my other hand down the cool, hard skin of his chest, inching lower. His stomach muscles tightened under my palm.
Reaching the band of his breeches, I found the clasp there and undid it with slightly shaking fingers. Ash worked his feet free of his boots, and then it was he who stood still as I drew his pants down.
Kneeling, I looked up, taking in the dusting of dark hair on his thick, muscular thighs. I found faint nicks in his skin—scars I’d never learn the story behind. I’d never know if he’d gained them before he Ascended, while he learned to wield a sword, or if something terrible had created them, but I cherished them nonetheless.
I leaned in, pressing my lips to the one on his knee and then the other just above it. Drawing my hands up the outsides of his legs, I paid homage to the inch-long scar on his inner thigh.
Hearing the sharp breath he took, I smiled as I pulled back and looked up.
Muscles curled low in my stomach, and I knew he had to hear the breath I took as my gaze landed on his thick, rigid cock. I bit down on my lip, remembering how he tasted, how he felt when he came against my tongue. I stretched up, started to lean in…
Ash’s hand returned to my hair, stopping me.
I looked up at him. His cheeks were flushed, his lips parted. “You said anything.”
“I did.” His hand fisted in my hair, tugging at my scalp in a way that caused a rush of pounding heat.
“And I want you in my mouth.” I clasped his thighs. “I want to taste you.”
“Sera,” Ash groaned. “Anything but that.”
My eyes narrowed. “I didn’t realize there were restrictions.” He chuckled. “I didn’t either. But if you do that, I’ll…”
I scraped my nails against his skin, far too pleased by the brief flash of his fangs. “You’ll what?”
“I’ll lose control.”
My blood turned to liquid fire at the thought of him with no control. “That is what I want.”
“It’s what I want, too.” The faint glow of eather appeared in the veins of his cheeks and throat, causing an unsteady breath to escape me. “But I want to lose control with my cock deep inside you, not when I’m fucking your
mouth.”
My legs trembled as a pulse of lust went straight to my core.
His head tilted to the side, causing his hair to fall across one side of his face. A glowing eye pierced mine. “You’d like that.”
Nothing about him saying, “fucking your mouth” should turn me on, but I nodded. Because when he said it? I wanted him to fuck my mouth. Hard.
Ash’s nostrils flared. Had I said that out loud?
“You can have that all you want,” he bit out. “After.” After.
Just a single word often taken for granted. We didn’t have an after. “But
—”
“After,” he insisted, the grip on my hair firm enough to guide me to my feet.
Holding his gaze, I nodded. There was no reason to correct him. We could pretend. We had every right to. “Are there other things not included in anything?”
A hint of a teasing smile played across his mouth. I loved that kind of smile. It was rare. Would I remember it where…wherever I went?
“Sera,” he said, softly this time. I blinked, lifting my gaze to his.
“We’re here.” Both of his hands cupped my cheeks. “We’re together.
Right now. That is all that matters. Just us. Just right now.” Exhaling roughly, I nodded. “Just us.”
Ash dipped his head, capturing my lips with a sweet, lingering touch. I
trembled as the kiss deepened, as he tasted and owned me, drinking me in.
His mouth left mine once more, but he skipped my throat. I didn’t know if that was on purpose—if he’d sensed that seedling of unease in me before— but his lips blazed another hot trail across my collarbone. His fingers followed his mouth, grazing over my shoulders, my breasts. They coasted over the curve of my stomach, finding the band of my pants.
Ash’s tongue flicked against the crest of my breast, and then he drew the flesh into his mouth, wringing a gasp from me as he tugged the pants over my hips and then down. I stepped out of them, shivering at the soft whisper of air against my skin.
Then there was nothing between us. He moved into me, folding an arm around my waist. The feel of his flesh against mine, cool and hard against my
belly, seared my skin. Holding me tightly, he carefully brought me to the ground, one hand bracing the back of my head as he laid me out on my lake’s damp, grassy bank. The tenderness in how he cared for me nearly had me coming undone, and it would have if not for the sight of him.
The image of him above me, his dark hair falling against the sharp angles of his cheeks, his lips parted to reveal the tips of his fangs, and his features stark with need were the embodiment of pure lust.
His eyes glowed a luminous silver, catching mine as the soft edges of his hair teased my skin. He nipped at my collarbone. “Keep those beautiful eyes on me,” he ordered in that smoky, shadowy voice of his. “I want you to see how much I enjoy the taste of your skin.”
My stomach dipped and curled. “I…I won’t look away.”
His grin was icy-hot, and his lips maddening as he kissed his way down the center of my chest and then up the swell of one breast. His head tilted,
eyes full of wisps of whirling eather as he dragged the edge of one fang over
the sensitive skin. He hesitated at the tip of my breast, his cool, teasing breath heightening my anticipation.
“Watch me,” he murmured.
Nothing in either realm could force me to look away. He flicked his tongue over my nipple, and my fingers pressed into the grass. I moved
restlessly beneath him, shivering at the feeling of the rougher hair of his legs
against mine.
Ash drew the budded flesh into his mouth, sucking deeply. He smiled as he wrung a soft cry from my lips.
I gripped his forearm, and he turned his attention to my other breast. The tip of his fang skated across my nipple. “Ash,” I moaned, hips twitching.
“Mmm.” He took me into his mouth and pressed his fingers into the flesh of my other breast, deftly rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “There are only a few things in this realm better than the sound of your moans.”
“Like…” My breath came out in short gasps as his hand left my breast and glided down. He shifted, giving me a glimpse of muscles that dipped and rippled over his lower stomach before he grasped my hip and wedged the sleek, muscled length of his thigh between mine. “Like what?”
“The sound you make when you come. It’s like a siren’s song. That ranks a little bit higher,” he said, the sensation of his cool lips against my hot skin tantalizing. “But you know what ranks even higher?”
Pressing my lips together, I shook my head.
He caught my nipple between his teeth, and I cried out again, rocking against him, riding his thigh.
His tongue soothed away the wicked sting. “Your voice,” he said. I was panting. “My voice?”
“Your voice,” he confirmed, pressing his thigh against the damp heat
between mine. “It’s soft yet strong. Confident.”
“Really?” I asked, not sure I sounded that soft or confident now. Ash nodded. “Your voice is a balm.”
Oh, gods.
“Another thing that ranks higher? Your laugh. You don’t laugh enough, but when you do? It fucking stops me dead in my tracks.”
“Ash,” I whispered, chest swelling.
He groaned, gnashing his teeth together. “And that. The way you say my name. When you’re lost to passion, and all you can do is whisper my name.” He tipped his hips, pressing against me. “When you’re angry with me and yell it.”
I laughed. “Even then?”
“Especially then.” He slid down my body and dipped his tongue into my navel, causing my entire body to jerk as sharp, pulsing sensations darted through me. “But how you say it when you’re feeling sweet? When you’ve stripped off all the beautiful shields you encase yourself in?” Laces of eather streaked under the skin of his cheeks. His tongue and lips danced lower as his thigh shifted away from me. “When you say my name as you tell me you
love me?”
I might’ve stopped breathing for a few moments as the seconds stretched out.
“There’s not a godsdamn sound better than that, Sera. That, I swear.” Eather pulsed in the veins of his jaw and throat. “Because it silences all the terrible shit I’ve had to do and see and lets me feel hope.”
His words were so powerful. They soothed my soul’s rough, brittle edges. “Ash.” I sat up, bringing my face close to his. “I love you.”
His large hand wrapped around my neck, the roughness of his fingertips scraping against my skin. A spark of energy surged from him and then through me. His kiss was a combination of dominance and vulnerability, a pull so powerful I forgot who I was for a moment. I felt it shattering barriers and undoing something deep within me.
“Ash. Gods,” I whispered, tugging my mouth from his. I stared up at him. “I will always love you.”
The Primal stilled against me. His body. The eather in his eyes.
Then he took me like lightning, his mouth claiming mine as he pressed me to the ground again. Everything that came next was all about us, right here and now.
When Ash’s mouth left mine, he moved down, spreading my thighs with his broad shoulders.
There was no hesitation or teasing, just his cool breath, and then his mouth closing around the tight bundle of nerves.
My back arched at the intensity of the raw, pounding sensations. It was too much. I started to sit again, but his hand landed on my stomach, holding me down and in place as he feasted.
Ash devoured me.
“This?” he breathed, dragging his tongue up the very center of me before delving deep. “The way you taste? It comes in right behind my list of favorite sounds, but it is my favorite taste in all the realms.”
“It is?” That was all I could manage as the tension built quickly. “Even better than your blood,” he murmured. “Sweet sunshine.”
I couldn’t even concentrate enough to ask what sweet sunshine tasted like to him because he was tasting me. Licking. Sucking. It felt like he was everywhere. His tongue. Lips. His fingers dug into the flesh of my ass, and he lifted me. All the tight, curling sensations stole my breath as my movements became almost frantic, and I rode his face as I’d done his thigh. His growl of approval burned my skin, igniting the fire.
I tried to slow the building release. I wanted to savor this, but I could feel myself rushing toward completion, and I thought that might be what killed me. I couldn’t catch my breath—
Ash suddenly rose from between my legs, his mouth returning to mine before I could vocalize even a single word. The taste of him and me on his
tongue was a heady mix, leaving me feeling out of control and dazed as I felt his skin harden and cool further under my palm. The way he shook nearly undid me as he gripped my thigh, hooking my leg around his waist. His mouth never left mine as he rolled his hips, pressing into where I needed him. I tilted mine, and he answered with a muffled, ragged groan.
A fine shiver rolled through me as he pushed in, my body tensing at the initial bite of discomfort from his width. He halted, but I wanted more. I needed more. Because this was it. This was what I would remember.
With my leg hooked around his hip, and my arms wrapping his shoulders, I lifted myself and pulled him down, seating him fully inside me.
“Fuck,” Ash rasped, his groan half laugh. Then he said something in the Primal language, but it was too fast and low for me to pick up. He kissed me again, and these were sweet and tender. He kissed me like…like he had his
kardia and not only loved me but was in love with me. Now and forever. And he kept kissing me as he began to move.
My body clenched around his as he pulled back until he was almost free of me and then drove back in, as far as he could go. Hot, tight shudders flooded me as he nipped my lips, my chin. The pace he set was slow and torturous, driving me insane.
“More.” I grabbed a fistful of hair, and he groaned. “Faster?” he taunted against my lips.
“Yes.”
“Harder?”
I shook, lightning rushing through my veins. “Yes.”
Ash still held back, his swirling silver eyes locked on mine as his hips punched forward, hard and deep. And I took him. I brought both knees up, hooking my legs around his waist. For a moment, neither of us moved. Our bodies were flush, hip to hip, chest to chest.
Then he moved, just like I wanted, fast and hard. I couldn’t even keep up.
All I could do was hold on as he took me.
“Fates, nothing feels like this,” he uttered against my mouth. “Nothing feels like you.”
I felt the same, but I couldn’t get the words out as pleasure started to build again as he drove me to the breaking point, over and over. His mouth found mine, and he worked an arm under me, tilting my hips up.
Then I lost all sense of time. It was just the sounds of our bodies coming together and the wind above, stirring the branches. I felt him swelling and tightening with each deep, pounding thrust. The tension returned, building deep inside me until every muscle in my body tensed.
There was no slow build, no coming to the edge and then pulling back.
The coil spinning inside me unfurled at a shocking rate. Crying out his name, the most intense pleasure I’d ever felt rolled over me in tight, hot waves that stretched every nerve ending.
Mindlessly, I threw my head back, but Ash’s hand was there, preventing it from hitting the ground. He cradled the back of my head and ground his hips
into mine, sending pulses of uncontrollable ecstasy through every nerve in my body.
“Liessa.” His voice was rough and low. He pressed into me, joining me in release with a hoarse shout. “Sera.”
I held on to him, even as the rest of my body went limp. I just held him to me as pleasure took him in the same endless way.
“I never wanted…” Ash whispered against my skin, even as I felt him still spasming inside me. He kissed my neck, then the corner of my lips. “I never wanted until you.”
