Ash stared down at me, his lips parting. “What?” he rasped.
“Are you sure?” Attes demanded, his voice nearly as rough as Ash’s.
I nodded. “I’m positive. When I touched it earlier, I…I knew his soul was in there.”
Ash’s entire body jerked. He stepped back, almost as if out of reflex.
I didn’t take my eyes off Ash’s. His were so bright I could barely see his pupils. “I need to get The Star for him, too.”
His throat worked on a swallow as his gaze flickered to the ceiling. “My father…” He shook his head as his gaze returned to mine. Tension bracketed his mouth, and his voice lowered as he said, “I don’t want you using the
embers.”
“Ash—”
“Not for him. Not even for me. I will not have you risking your health and
—” His voice…gods, it cracked. And so did my heart. Eather whipped through his irises. “I will not risk you.”
Shock rippled through me. “It’s your father’s soul, Ash.”
“I know. Fates, I know.” A tremor ran through him. “But I will not risk you.”
My chest swelled even as that fissure in my heart widened. Because how could Ash not be capable of love? His desire, his need to keep me safe, felt
like something one would do when they loved another.
It was what I would do for him. Which was why I had to do this.
“I’m okay.” Like the Great Conspirator, I was a good liar when I needed to be.
“Sera—”
“I’m okay,” I repeated. “I feel like I did before. I can do this.” I stretched up, guided his head down to mine, then kissed him softly. “I’m going to do
this.”
Kissing him once more, I settled on my feet and then turned. Luckily, I didn’t stumble or sway. I lifted my hand as Kolis had done, concentrating on the embers. “Vena ta mayah.”
The essence thrummed weakly throughout my entire body, but it was enough. My temples throbbed, and the cluster of diamonds vibrated, making that high-pitched whirring sound.
Ash cursed from behind me. “Will you ever listen to me?”
“I’m sorry.” My heart skipped, and not in a pleasant way. It caused my breath to hitch. A faint tremor ran through me as I breathed through a rush of dizziness.
“No, you’re not.” Ash came up behind me, circling an arm around my waist.
There was a grounding, soothing quality to the feeling of him touching me that I’d missed so terribly. And it…it wasn’t fair that I experienced it
again only now.
The glittering cluster morphed as it neared my palm, forming one diamond shaped like a star.
“I’ve got it,” I said, just in case either he or Attes thought to reach for it.
I didn’t know if they would see what I did, but I didn’t want anyone else witnessing it. Especially not Ash—not without any warning.
The diamond landed in my hand, sending a charge of energy up my arm. There were no sudden flashes of images this time, but that milky light—the soul—pulsed.
“That’s it?” Ash peered over me, clearing his throat. “The light? I can’t feel or sense anything.”
“I think so.” I knew we didn’t have much time, but there were some
things I needed to know. “How…how do you think we can put Sotoria’s soul in this?”
“I can’t answer that,” Attes said.
Ash’s arm tightened around me. “Keella would know.”
“You think she’ll help?” I asked, suddenly remembering how she’d questioned Kolis. “She will.” Or at least I really hoped she would after what I’d done to Evander. I looked at Attes. “Can you get her?”
“Of course,” he said solemnly. “I’ll help Elias get Kolis out of here and then retrieve Keella.”
I held the diamond tightly. “Do you think she will also know how to retrieve a soul from the diamond? I’m guessing it’s not like pulling them from other things.” I paused. “Or people.”
“If it’s different, she may know, but I imagine it’s the same as with anything. I would be able to draw it out. Kolis would be able to.” Ash shuddered. “And you. You would be able to.”
 |
After Attes helped Elias haul Kolis onto Setti’s back, Ash folded his arm around me again, drawing me against his chest. The gown was no barrier against the coolness of his flesh, and the contact did what it always did; it elicited a sensual shiver that curled its way down my spine. I turned my head slightly, seeing the bed. Gods, I’d been so afraid I would never feel this again.
“Are we going to shadowstep?” I asked, holding the diamond tightly in my grasp.
“It’s faster.” He cupped his hand over the back of my head and dipped his, pressing his cheek to mine. “Just remember to breathe.”
“I will.”
The air charged, and Ash’s body began to hum. White mist poured out of him, thick and laced with streaks of midnight. I exhaled, then held my breath as the mist spun around us.
“Hold on,” he whispered, then kissed my temple as I heard the rush of air stirred by Nektas taking flight.
I held on as what remained of the cage, and then Dalos, fell away.
It felt like only a heartbeat—possibly two—passed before I inhaled again and caught the scent of fresh air not tainted by the smell of death or staleness. What I breathed in was damp air and sweetness. Lilacs? There was also the sound of tinkling water.
Ash’s fingers curled in my hair as he held me to him. A moment passed.
Then another. Neither of us moved as I let the tension out of my body. We were free. Both of us. Safe—at least for right now. And we were together.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt the mist falling away from us as I soaked in the feel of Ash. Breathed him in. Even though I should be, I was in no rush to part from his embrace. I’d been too long without it.
“You okay?” Ash asked, his breath stirring my hair.
I nodded, the edges of the diamond digging into my palm. “Are you sure this isn’t a dream?”
“Yes, liessa.” He kissed the top of my head. “We are awake. We are together.”
A shudder went through me. “It feels like one. I didn’t think…” I trailed off, shaking my head.
“What?” he questioned softly.
Words tiptoed to my lips and then just stopped there. Speaking the truth about, well, anything had always been hard. But when it came to talking about how I felt? How I really felt? What I’d been afraid of, or my
weaknesses? I didn’t have much experience. Like, at all. I hadn’t been taught that. I’d been groomed to feel nothing and share only lies. So, the fear of saying something wrong or not the right way caused near-crippling anxiety. Even now, with Ash, who I knew wouldn’t judge me, wouldn’t laugh. After
all, it wasn’t like he had a lot of experience with this stuff either. Still, it was hard.
Yet according to Holland, the hardest things reaped the greatest rewards. He was correct.
Hard wasn’t impossible.
And keeping my eyes closed helped. “I…I told myself I would get to see you again. It was how I…” I shook my head slightly. “It was how I did what I needed to…you know, survive.”
Ash’s hand flexed at my hip and then slid to the center of my back. “I know.”
I squeezed my eyes shut harder. “But I was so afraid. And I know you say I’m never truly afraid, but I was. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get to see you.
That I wouldn’t be strong enough to deal with everything and ensure I saw
you.”
“Strong enough?” Ash dragged his hand up my spine. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured.
His fingers tangled in my hair more. “You freed me, Sera. You took Kolis down.”
I bit the inside of my lip. “And I could’ve done that anytime. I could’ve freed you days or weeks ago. I could’ve—” I stopped myself from going
there. “I should’ve realized I could do what I did.”
“Fates, Sera.” Ash lowered his head so I felt his breath against my brow when he spoke. “Even if you realized it earlier, you wouldn’t have been able
to free me. I would’ve been in stasis,” he pointed out. “And then what? I have a feeling you wouldn’t have done the right thing.”
“I would’ve gone to the Carcers and woke you from stasis,” I told him. “That is the right thing.”
“The right thing would’ve been making a run for it,” he said softly. “Instead of risking being recaptured.”
“Would you have made a run for it, or would you have come for me?” “I would’ve come for you, but we’re not talking about me.”
I frowned.
“You also freed me from stasis,” he went on. “You got Kolis to wake me.”
Some of the tension began slithering its way back into me. “He told you that?”
His hand made another pass up and down my back. “He did.”
I turned my head, pressing my forehead against his chest. I wanted to ask exactly what Kolis had said, but I also didn’t want to know.
Ash was quiet for a moment. “That allowed me to escape. So, yes, you’re the strongest, bravest person I know,” he said, and my eyes started to sting. “I thought I was going to save you. Each time I woke, it was all I focused on: getting free and getting to you.”
I thought about what he’d said, how he’d torn at his flesh to get free. The sting behind my eyes increased.
“And I should’ve been able to do that. I should’ve gotten you out instead of going after Kolis,” he said, his voice flattening. “I should’ve been smarter.”
“Don’t.” I tried to lift my head, but his hand kept me in place. His skin was cool and hard beneath my palm. “Don’t put that on yourself. You came for me. You fought Kolis, and I distracted you.”
“Sera—” A breath shuddered from him. “None of that matters now.
You’re not there anymore. We’re here.”
He was right. All that could’ve and would’ve had no place here. Not anymore.
I slowly tilted my head back and felt the damp air on my face. Somewhat confident I wouldn’t start sobbing, I dared to open my eyes, finally seeing
where we were. There were branches, or perhaps vines, full of large, funnel- shaped blue and purple blossoms. Lilacs. I lifted my gaze, my lips parting.
The flowers crawled up the slab-gray walls and across what I could see of the ceiling, lacing together to form a canopy.
I felt a twinge in my neck as I leaned farther back. Dappled sunlight penetrated the flowers, sending narrow streams of light down onto a…
Ash’s hands slid away from me, and he allowed me to turn. Wisps of steam drifted up from an earthen pool and danced in the slivers of light.
Based on what limited descriptions I’d heard of the Bonelands, I didn’t think we were there.
“Where are we?”
“We’re in the mortal realm.” Ash stayed close behind me. “This is a hot spring I discovered once. I figured we could both use a couple of moments of privacy and to clean up.”
My gaze crawled over the water, lingering where it churned around the outcroppings of rock. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked as equally
disturbing as Ash.
“I know it’s not your lake, but we’re not that far from the Bonelands.
We’re just on the other side of the Skotos.” He paused. “What do you think?”
I blinked. “This is…it’s beautiful.” I shook my head in wonder, taking in
the lilacs hanging in clusters from the cavern’s ceiling and the steaming water that glimmered in the slivers of sunlight. “I never even knew such a place
existed.”
“It’s pretty hidden away.” Silvery eyes pierced mine as I looked over my shoulder at him. “I’m not sure a single mortal has ever stumbled upon it.”
Holding on to the diamond, I twisted back to the rock pool. “What about Attes? Nektas?”
“They can wait.”
But could we? Could I? The hollowness in my chest hadn’t spread, and my stomach had settled. The ache in my head was manageable. I was tired but not falling down. “Attes will probably need time to find Keella, right?”
“Yes,” he said. “And Nektas knows I’m fine. He can sense if I’m not.”
I nodded, somehow forgetting that a bonded draken could sense when their Primal was in danger. “Does he know about this place?”
“No. No one else does.” His fingers grazed my arm as he scooped the hair clinging to my already-damp skin. “We don’t have much time.”
No, we did not.
“But we have enough.”
There was comfort in knowing that no one would interrupt these stolen moments. A heavy, long breath left me as I looked up through the blossoms
to the pinpricks of sunlight. Then I looked down at the diamond. It was warm against my palm, and I could feel it pulsing.
“See the large rocks there, in the center?” Ash pointed to the ones the water lapped against. “As long as you don’t go too far past that, the water will only come to about your shoulders. Beyond that, it does get deeper.”
Tears rushed to my eyes once more, and I blinked them away. Gods, he was so damn thoughtful.
Swallowing, I turned to him. Half of his face was cast in shadow. “How are you feeling?” I glanced down at the diamond. “About this?”
Ash tipped his chin back. “Honestly?” He turned his head. “I don’t
know.” His brows knitted. “It’s hard to even think about—if he’s aware in there, knows what is going on outside the diamond.” His jaw flexed, and I hoped—gods, I prayed—that he wasn’t thinking about where The Star had been positioned and what Eythos could’ve seen beneath him. “What it could feel like being trapped in there?”
“It’s…it’s unimaginable.” He swallowed. “Yeah.”
I glanced down at The Star. The milky light inside had calmed—or at least was no longer zipping back and forth. “I think he’s aware.”
“What—?” Ash cleared his throat, briefly looking away. “What makes you think that?”
“It’s just a feeling. Like maybe the embers of life recognize his soul or something. I don’t know. But the way that light inside moves? It changes speed, becoming…almost frenzied. Now, it’s calm.”
“That light is a soul.” He looked down, almost as if he were finally letting himself do so, and then stepped in closer. His blood-streaked chest rose with a deep breath. “I still don’t feel anything, but that’s what a soul looks like—a good soul. A pure soul would be more intense—a brilliant, blinding white
light.”
The light in the diamond—the soul—seemed to float close to the surface of the stone. I wondered what Kolis’s soul would look like.
Gray like the Rot, I imagined. But then I wondered what my soul looked like. My gaze lifted to Ash’s. “Did you know that I wasn’t truly Sotoria?”
His stare met mine. “I couldn’t be sure, but I assumed that what Holland and Penellaphe believed was correct.” His forehead creased as his gaze dropped to the diamond. “When you kept insisting you weren’t her, I did search for an additional imprint of a soul in you, but I never sensed anyone’s presence but yours. That could simply be because your soul is stronger or it’s what I fixated on.”
I had no idea why I was flattered by the fact that he’d fixated on my soul, but I was.
“But it also never mattered to me.” My breath caught then.
“I didn’t care if you were only Seraphena, or if you had, at one time, been known as Sotoria.” A strand of his hair slipped forward, coming to rest on his cheek. “It didn’t matter to me. You were always Seraphena, no matter what.”
I…I’d been right when I’d thought it hadn’t mattered to Ash either way.
Pressing my lips together, I felt tears gathering in my eyes again, but I fought
them back. I had to because they were a mix of love and sorrow and because they reminded me this wasn’t fair.
And that unfairness threatened to shatter any calm I’d found.
“Can I…?” Ash cleared his throat again. “Can I hold the diamond?” My heart ached. I’d never seen him look or sound so vulnerable.
Uncertain. “I don’t know if you should.”
His gaze shot to mine. “Why?”
“I saw things when I touched The Star. I think it’s also how I know this is where your father’s soul has been trapped.” I smoothed my thumb over one of the points. “I saw how it was created and…how your father died.”
The muscles in his shoulders bunched and tightened. “What did you see?”
I wanted to ask if he really wanted to do this, but I knew the answer. It was the same as mine would be. I would need to know.
So, I told him.
I told him everything except for the part about his mother. I just…I just didn’t think he needed to know that. And then have to process the possibility that his mother had cared for Kolis, maybe even loved him once, only to be slain by him. Perhaps that wasn’t my decision to make, and I was wrong for keeping it from him, but I couldn’t see how having that piece of knowledge would benefit him. Maybe if we had more time, I would tell him everything I’d learned beyond what I saw in the diamond, even the claim that Eythos had killed Sotoria—something I wasn’t sure was entirely true and didn’t know the circumstances of.
But now? I shared with him how Eythos had tried to talk to Kolis and how he’d told his brother they could move past everything Kolis had done,
saying he still loved him.
Ash’s face became a cold, impenetrable mask as I spoke, and in that moment, he looked as one would imagine a Primal of Death to appear.
“Kolis didn’t believe him,” I continued, speaking quietly, even though no one could hear but us. “So, he stabbed Eythos with a dagger made of the
bones of the Ancients to prove that Eythos lied about still loving him. He… he didn’t plan on killing him.”
His eyes went flat. “Bullshit.”
“I don’t think it is,” I said, knowing that I had made the right decision not to share the piece about Mycella. “He hadn’t known that Eythos had given up the last of his embers. He didn’t realize how weak Eythos was.”
Ash’s nostrils flared. “Did Kolis claim that?”
“I saw it,” I reminded him. “I heard it. Eythos told Kolis he knew he was capable of killing him, but he’d hoped he wasn’t right. I saw Kolis cry.” My eyes closed. “Kolis didn’t realize I would see anything when I touched the diamond, but what I saw surprised me so much that I blurted out that I’d seen him cry.” A knot lodged in my throat. “He…he knew then that I’d seen
something.”
“Is that what caused this?” His voice thinned with barely leashed anger, each word spoken slowly, bitten out like the flick of a whip. I hadn’t heard him move, but I felt the cool brush of his fingers on my throat. “The
bruises?”
That knot expanded as I forced a shrug. “He wasn’t too pleased about me seeing what really happened.” I opened my eyes, quickly moving on. “I think he’s ashamed of what he did—ashamed of the truth.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he’s ashamed of.” Ash’s hand dropped, closing into a fist. “Or that he didn’t mean to kill my father. He still did it. He did everything else. He still did this to you.”
“I know.” I swallowed. “Kolis is…” I shook my head. “He’s not exactly right in the head.”
“That is by far the understatement of several lifetimes.”
“True.” I stepped back. “Anyway, I don’t know if you’ll see any of that, and I just don’t want you to. You’ve already seen too much horrible stuff.”
His head cocked. “I’m a Primal of Death, liessa. I’ve seen all manner of horrible things. Atrocities you couldn’t even imagine. I’ve even been the one to commit some.”
“But you don’t need to see this,” I told him.
Ash watched me for several moments, turning quiet and intense, leaving me feeling exposed in a way that was wholly different from how I’d felt when Kolis stared at me. “Thank you.”
I frowned. “For what?”
“For caring enough to think of me,” he said. “For…for loving me enough to prevent that.”
For some inane reason, my cheeks warmed. “You would do the same.” Faint wisps of eather began seeping back into his irises. “I would.” And I knew he would.
So how…how could he not love? That question rose to the tip of my tongue, but there was no point in asking the pointless.
“We should probably get cleaned up,” I said instead, looking back at the hot springs. “Though I feel bad for getting in there while so filthy.”
Ash gave me a wry grin.
I searched for a place to put the diamond but only saw faint patches of
grass peeking through the rocks. I caught sight of the relatively clean hem of my gown. I bent, carefully placing the diamond on the stone before gripping the gauzy material. I yanked, and it ripped easily.
“There are far easier ways to undress, liessa.”
I smiled. “I know. It just feels sort of wrong to leave the diamond on the cavern floor.” I tore a strip of material free, then wrapped The Star in it.
“There.”
There was a look to his features that I didn’t quite understand as I rose. “I wish I could do what you do,” I said. “And know what you’re feeling.”
“I’m not even sure you’d know if you had the ability because I don’t
know what I’m feeling.” Ash’s brows furrowed, and his gaze swept over me. “Did he always have you dressed like this?”
“You probably don’t want the answer to that.”
“Which means I already have the answer.” His chest rose with a stilted breath, and then he was directly in front of me, his fingers gently touching my cheeks. “Everything I did was to prevent this from happening.
Everything.”
“I know,” I whispered.
A faint tremor hit his hands. “Yet I still failed you. I’m so sorry, Sera.”
My heart constricted as a knot of sorrow formed in my throat. “You did not fail me, Ash. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But I do. I failed you before you even took your first step into the Shadowlands.”
I grasped his wrists. “How can you even say that? When you turned me down as your Consort, you did it to protect me. You made that deal with Veses to keep me unknown to Kolis. There was no way for you to know he was aware of me the whole time.”
“I’m not talking about that, Sera. I’m…” I searched his features. “Then what?”
Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “We need to get cleaned up. We’ll
talk more about this later.” “But—”
“Later,” he insisted, dropping a kiss onto my forehead. His eyes, now open, shone like stars. “Right now, I…I just need to take care of you.
Please?”
There wouldn’t be much of a later, but he’d said please, and I couldn’t refuse him. I nodded.
“Thank you.”
Those two roughly spoken words made my chest squeeze even tighter. I held still as he brushed my hair over one shoulder and found the clasp of my gown at the nape of my neck. The bodice immediately loosened. Out of reflex, I caught it by folding an arm across my chest.
His fingers halted their movements. “I just want to take care of you,” he repeated. “That is all, Sera. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is expected of you.”
It took me a moment to understand what he meant—what he was really saying. He hadn’t brought me here for any other purpose than what he
claimed. To give us some time alone and to clean up. And this alone time didn’t involve anything of a sensual nature. A warring mix of emotions rose inside me. There was the swelling feeling of love in response to his
thoughtfulness and awareness, but there was also a feeling of…of my skin and body not being mine. A soul-deep fear that Ash no longer saw me as the Sera he knew before Kolis took me because I had no idea what he knew.
What he’d been told. But he’d definitely been told something. He’d appeared aware of the deal I’d made to free him. Did he know about the one I’d struck for Rhain’s life?
“Sera? Are you all right?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it. My toes curled as pressure clamped down on my chest and throat, more punishing than even Kolis’s hands.
“I can sense the tartness of your unease.” He tilted my head back. “You have nothing to fear from me. I promise. You’re safe.”
I shifted from one foot to the other. Despite the warmth of the cavern, tiny goose bumps broke out over my shoulders and upper arms. I didn’t want him to look at me differently. To think of me differently. I was still me. He saw that, right?
“Sera?” His gaze briefly dropped to where I held my dress. Only then did I feel the ache in my knuckles from how tightly I grasped the material.
Shadows briefly appeared across his shoulders. “Would it be better if I didn’t
touch you?”
I blinked. “W-what?”
“It won’t offend me.” The featherlight press of his fingers disappeared. “I just want to help you in whatever way you need.”
My heart started thumping. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to touch me?”
“You’ve…you’ve been through a lot,” he began. And I…
I didn’t hear anything of what he said next as some writhing, crunching
sensation filled every part of me, and I folded my other arm over my chest. Oh, gods, what did he know? What had he been told? What did he think?
Panic clawed at my skin.
“I don’t know what you were told,” I said, having no idea if he’d been speaking then or not. A tremor went through me, then another and another. “But Kolis and I—I mean, he didn’t…” My teeth were starting to chatter. “Things didn’t escalate to that. I swear. He didn’t even really touch me.” Okay, that was a lie, but the rest wasn’t. “You don’t have to worry about touching me. I’m still me, you know?”
“I know you’re still you.” His dark brows lowered. “Sera—”
“Good, because I’m not…I don’t know.” My face felt like it was burning and freezing at the same time. “I’m not like…”
His chest rose, and when next he spoke, his voice sounded as pained as my chest felt. “Like what, Sera?”
I couldn’t say the words that invaded my mind. They were wrong to think, even if Kolis’s assaults hadn’t escalated. But had that not still
happened? When he bit me, holding me as he found pleasure? It was different, not anywhere near as bad as what far too many people had suffered
—even Veses, who had said it was nothing. But what happened to me wasn’t
nothing—
No.
It didn’t matter because whatever Kolis did or didn’t do, it didn’t make me what that fucking voice in my mind whispered. I knew that. Because I didn’t look at those taken in by the Ladies of Mercy as tainted. I didn’t think Aios was tainted. Gemma wasn’t dirty. I looked up at Ash. He wasn’t ruined. They were none of those things.
So, I wasn’t.
I saw Ash’s lips moving and knew he was speaking, but that thing, the
voice that had made a home for itself in the back of my mind, was firing off thoughts, one after another, leaving no room for a reprieve. It was my voice, and it was louder than Ash’s, even though I knew he’d never think of me in that way. Not him. Not after what he’d lived through. But that voice questioned if he still saw me as strong. Never truly afraid. Not weak. Not
someone who needed to be handled like fragile, damaged, blown glass. Treated as if they were on the verge of shattering. And was that what I was now, for whatever short time I had left? My fingers turned numb.
The embers throbbed faintly in my chest as I forced myself to breathe in, but I couldn’t get my lungs to inflate. My wild gaze darted from him as I opened my mouth wider, trying to take in air, but it was thick and—
My chest rose, but I didn’t think it went back down. I couldn’t exhale.
And that meant I couldn’t inhale. I couldn’t breathe—
Ash’s eyes were suddenly level with mine. “Slow down.” Everything about him changed in an instant. His posture. The volume and cadence of his speech. “Slow your breathing down, liessa,” he ordered in that steady, soft way of his. “Listen to me.”
I didn’t understand what he was saying for a moment, and then it broke through the fog of panic creeping into my mind. It wasn’t that I couldn’t breathe. It was always that I breathed too fast, the breaths too quick and
shallow.
“Press the tip of your tongue against the back of your upper teeth. Keep your mouth closed, and inhale through your nose, Sera.” His hand flattened against my upper chest, and the other splayed across my back as I did as he instructed. “Don’t exhale. Hold it for a count of four, remember? One. Two. Three. Four.”
Pulse racing, I counted as he used his hands to guide my shoulders back, straightening my spine. I hadn’t even realized I’d begun to curl in on myself.
“Now, exhale for the same count.” He did the same, exhaling for four seconds. “Keep going. Keep breathing with me.”
I mimicked him, forcing the air down my throat and into my lungs. “That’s it.” He smiled, and my eyes pricked with tears. “You’ve got this,
liessa.”
Something beautiful. Something powerful.
“Now, inhale again through the nose. That’s good.” His eyes never left
mine as he went through the motions until the tiny bursts of light faded from my vision and the trembling in my body receded. “One more deep breath,
okay? Keep your tongue to your teeth. Hold for four.”
I did as he said, finally feeling as if my lungs were no longer being crushed. My chest loosened.
“Better?” he asked.
“Y-yeah,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “Yes. I’m…I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Sera. It’s okay.” He remained close, his hands on my upper chest and back, tracking my breaths. “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”
A faint shudder ran through me as I dragged in a deeper breath, catching hints of his citrus-and-fresh-air scent.
Ash watched me for several moments. “Still feeling better?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to five before reopening them. “I’m okay,” I stated, voice steadier, stronger. I lifted my gaze to him. The anxiety was still there, holed up inside me, still whispering that Ash and I wouldn’t be as we once were during whatever time I had left, be it days or hours—and
I really didn’t think it was days. And the only way to shut the voice up was to prove it wrong. “Ash?”
“Yes?”
“If I asked you to touch me right now, would you?” My face was definitely on fire now. “If I asked you—”
“I will do anything you ask of me, Sera.” Silvery streaks of essence whipped through his eyes. “Anything.”
“If I asked you to touch me like you did the first time I bathed in your chamber, would you?” I insisted. “Would you kiss me—?”
Ash’s mouth was on mine before I could say another word, and…oh, gods, it was so apparent that he didn’t see me as a fragile piece of glass. Not with the way his lips moved against mine. There was nothing gentle about his kiss. It was all-consuming and relentless. His arm came around my waist as
he stepped into me, sealing our bodies together as his head tilted. He
deepened the kiss as the feel of his body overwhelmed my senses: the hard coolness of his chest, the strength of his thighs, and the hard, thick press of his cock against my belly. All I felt was desire—heady, heated desire. He
parted my lips and thrust his tongue into my mouth. A shiver ran through me as I released my death grip on my gown and grabbed his shoulders. My nails pressed into his flesh as I kissed him back, stroking my tongue over his— over the edges of his fangs. I felt his shudder in every part of me.
Slowing the kiss, Ash caught my lip between his as he lifted his head.
Breathing hard, he said, “As I said, liessa, I will do anything you want. You need me to just be here? I’m here.”
His hand slid from my waist, catching the flimsy, ruined gown and dragging it down, letting it slip past my hips. My breath snagged as the balmy air washed over my back.
Ash’s eyes held mine. “You need me to hold you? Done.” He dipped, working an arm under my knees and lifting me as if I were made of only air. He held me to his chest. “Kiss you? You already know the answer to that.”
My lips felt…deliciously swollen. So, yes, I did know the answer to that.
“You want more than that?” he continued as I became aware of him walking, the ground shifting beneath us. The sound of fizzing water rose. “Want me to kiss that stubborn jaw of yours?”
Only then did he break eye contact, kissing said jaw, and then those swirling irises met mine again. “Kiss those beautiful breasts? Draw your nipples into my mouth the way I know you like?”
My lips parted as warm water swept over my feet, immediately bubbling as Ash went down earthen steps—
Wait.
He was still wearing his leathers, wasn’t he?
“You want me to kiss my way down your body and then between your thighs? Or touch you there? With my fingers? My dick? Gladly,” Ash said,
and I was no longer thinking about him still having his pants on. His voice…
good gods, it reminded me of silky shadows and midnight dreams as Ash lowered himself, either sitting on an underwater rock or the ground. Water rose, frothing at my waist and tugging at my hands. “I will be inside you or on my knees in a heartbeat.”
“Even now?” I whispered, fingers tangling in his hair as the water teased my sides and breasts. “The on-your-knees part? Wouldn’t that be difficult?”
A smoky grin appeared, one I hadn’t seen in what felt like an eternity as he positioned me on his lap. “It wouldn’t be impossible.”
“Your head would be underwater,” I pointed out as he leaned back slightly, keeping us balanced.
His eyes were like pools of molten silver. “And my mouth would still be fastened on you.”
“That…that sounds really, really nice.” A bolt of lust pulsed through me, causing me to wiggle a little in his lap.
Ash groaned, dropping his forehead to mine. “It sounds better than nice.” His lips brushed mine. “I can practically taste you on my lips and tongue.”
Tingles of desire and need pooled low as the fizzing water danced over my legs and between them.
“Anything,” Ash repeated in the heated, damp air between us. “Whatever you want.”
I wanted to take those promises and turn them into action. The steady, welcome throb in my core was all about it, and how his heart pounded beneath my palm told me it would barely be a heartbeat before he fulfilled what he’d promised. But…
I just need to take care of you.
That’s what he’d said he needed, and these moments weren’t just about assuaging my fears. The anxiety-riddled voice had quieted, proven wrong by Ash’s words and what I felt pressed against me.
“Take care of me,” I said. “Please?”
Ash shuddered against me, and I knew he got what I meant.
Falling silent, I relaxed against him as I watched him take one of my arms, bringing it below the water. He rubbed his hands over mine and then my arms, scrubbing away the blood. Before he moved onto the other arm, he lifted it to the narrow streaks of sunlight, inspecting his work. Once satisfied, he moved onto the next and did the same. He had me lean back so all my hair fell below the surface and held me as he reached around, gently running the
strands through the churning water.
When he was done, I took his hand and brought it to my mouth. I kissed the glimmering imprint, then washed his arms as he’d done with mine.
Scooping water, I bathed his chest, his face, and while his eyes were half- closed, I knew his gaze never wavered from me. Not even afterward, when he did what I asked for next.
As the hot springs bubbled and churned around us, Ash held me in the sweetly scented air.
