HENRY
I DON’T KNOW WHY IT’S when I’m trying really hard not to be a distraction that I suddenly think of every single thing I’ve ever wanted to say to Halle.
She’s typing away on her laptop, ideas for her imaginary friends coming thick and fast, and I don’t want to stop her when she’s on a roll. But at the same time, I really want her attention. And she’ll give it to me if I ask, which is why I’m trying hard not to.
It started when I arrived and she said happy New Year’s Eve, which I argued wasn’t a thing that people say, and she argued that it was. So I looked it up, and ended up reading up on the origins of the New Year’s celebrations and I want to tell her, so she knows I’m right.
After Halle worked double shifts for the past week, you’d think she’d give herself a break from working on her book, but she seems to have found her stride. I wasn’t supposed to see her all week because I was home for the holidays and she was swamped with work, but I somehow managed to sleep here every night, then go back home.
My mom asked if I’d taken up stripping because I disappeared in the evening and came back in the morning.
I can see her cheeks above the rim of her laptop, which is how I spot them turning a deep red color. She looks paler than normal, but she says she isn’t sick. Her eyes Rick up to me like she knows I’m watching, then shoot back to her screen. “Stop surveilling me,” she whines. “It’s creepy.”
“I’m not surveilling you. I’m admiring you. Why are you so Rushed?” She moves in her seat, tucking her feet under her butt. “No reason.”
Her voice comes out higher than normal, a sign I’ve learned means she’s lying. “What are your imaginary friends doing that’s making you so pink?”
“Nothing!” Another lie.
“Halle Jacobs, are you writing about s*x?” “No!” Another lie.
“I’m trying not to distract you but you’re making it very hard.” I watch as she snaps her laptop shut and walks across to where I’m sprawled on the couch. She climbs on top of me, slotting perfectly into the gap between my body and the couch. Her leg is draped over me; it’s natural to us now. We work so well like this. “Okay, now you’re just distracting yourself.”
“I deserve a little break.” She reaches up to kiss the underside of my jaw. “And I was writing about after the 1rst time they have s*x. When they’re in bed talking.”
“What are they talking about?”
Weirdly, she shrugs. Di cult to do while she lies on me and not the kind of unsure action I’ve watched her do before. “What it means now that they’ve done it. If it changes anything between them. What their future might look like.”
“Is that what you wished we’d done when we had s*x?” I ask. Maybe I should have thought about this, but really, I didn’t know I had to. I’m always concerned with making sure she’s okay, she liked it, I wasn’t too rough or too soft or any of the other combinations of mistakes that I might have made. “Should I have brought it up?”
“Which time? I don’t think we leave much time for conversation.” She laughs, but she hasn’t said no. “I could have brought it up. Any of the times. I guess for me I kind of don’t know where we’re at. You passed Thornton’s class; you don’t need me anymore. My book is about three quarters of the way to being done, and you’ve given me more experience than I ever could have asked for.”
“I do need you, Halle. I want you. I’ll give you whatever you want, but I want to be where you’re at,” I tell her honestly. Yes, surviving Thornton was the original objective, but I have a much bigger purpose now. “What do you think?”
“You’re not going to like it when I talk about him.”
I groan and she pokes me in the cheek. “Go on. I’ll cope.”
“Calling Will my boyfriend destroyed our friendship. I’m scared that if we try to put a label on what we have it’ll change things. I don’t want things to change between us. I like them exactly as they are. We tell each other what we need, we see each other as much as we can, the s*x… the s*x is incredible. You make me laugh, you make me feel so cherished, Henry. What if I’m just not supposed to be someone’s girlfriend? I don’t want to risk it all going wrong. I just want to be exclusive. Am I asking for too much?”
It’s funny, because I’ve never really thought about being someone’s boyfriend until her. “No, you’re not asking for too much. I’m not sharing you and I’ve never understood labels. I don’t care what we’re called. Nothing needs to change. Other than maybe I’ll be the one helping you out with your s*x class with Thornton.”
She giggles, her body vibrating against mine. “Please don’t call it a s*x class with Professor Thornton. It might make me throw up.” I love listening to her laugh. “Can we promise that if either of us suddenly feels attached to a label that we’ll ask the other? And maybe we can see how we feel again and talk about it later. Am I making this too clinical?”
“No. You’re being honest and I like honest. We tell each other what we want, and we respect each other’s needs. It’s what we do now, Halle. I don’t see how it can go wrong.” I slap my hand down against her ass. “Go write. I have a really interesting story to tell you about the origins of New Year’s when you’re done.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
AFTER THE QUIET OF HALLE’s house, returning to my house always feels like walking into a zoo.
She’s close behind me, her 1ngers threaded through mine as we walk into the mess of all the people who do not live here.
After she 1nished her chapter earlier, she climbed back on top of me, and what I thought was going to be a celebration of its own turned into her falling asleep on me with Joy. She says she’s not sick, but I de1nitely think she’s getting sick. Her eyes are redder than normal, and her skin is pale and clammy. When Russ texted me to say that people were going to order food and hang out at the
house tonight instead of 1nding a party or going to a club, we decided to join them.
I set the cat carrier at my feet as Halle nudges me. “Gigi is calling. I’m going to take it in your room. Make sure she doesn’t pee anywhere.”
“Oh my God,” Aurora squeaks, immediately jumping up from the couch and dropping to her knees in front of the carrier. “I didn’t know you were going to be coming, too!”
“She can’t answer you, Aurora,” I say. “She’s a cat. Also, cats don’t seem to like you, so maybe don’t get too close to the door.”
Robbie is spending New Year’s in New York with Lola’s family, and Russ has promised to help me scrub this place of every single cat hair tomorrow before he gets home the day after.
“Why is she here?” Aurora says, unlatching the door and reaching in.
“I don’t want her to be afraid of the 1reworks if she’s alone.” Halle told me that Joy has slept through every New Year’s Eve since she was born, but I’m not convinced. “And she’s cute.”
“She is cute,” Aurora says, talking to her like she’s a baby. Which I de1nitely don’t do. “Hi, pretty girl, you are so lovely.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, which is the only thing that can drag my attention away from Aurora potentially stealing Joy’s aIection from me.
HALLE
UPSTAIRS! NOW!
“Don’t lose her,” I say to Aurora as I head toward the stairs.
When I push the code into my bedroom and see her standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips, I think maybe I’ve misread the signs. “Am I taking my pants oI or what? Because you sounded horny, but you look mad, so I’m confused.”
“Look at my neck!” she yells, pulling the collar of her sweatshirt to the side. There’s a reddish-purple mark on her neck that I don’t remember seeing before.
“You gave me a hickey!”
I shake my head. “That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”
She pulls the sweatshirt down farther so I can see the same marks on the top of her breasts. “I haven’t been letting anyone else put their mouth near my chest, so I’m pretty con1dent when I blame you. Gigi just spotted the one on my neck and now I’m never going to hear the end of it.”
“That doesn’t quite sound like proof, though, does it,” I say, trying not to show the weird kind of pride I’m feeling. I like knowing her enough to know how to joke with her. “Do you have your makeup bag with you?”
“I tried concealer, and it didn’t work,” she says with a huI. I kind of like it when she’s feisty, too.
“That’s because you need to color correct it 1rst. Do you have any stuI for that? I don’t really want to have to 1nd the Halloween face paint.” She nods, her pout still making me want to kiss her. After searching her bag, she produces a color corrector palette and a sponge. I pull her collar away and brush her hair back with my hand. “It’s just color theory, Cap.”
“Do not be s*xy about art right now. I’m mad at you.”
“Do you want to give me one so we’re even? I don’t mind. You can leave them all over me.” She’s trying not to laugh. “You’re cute when you’re pouty.”
“Just hurry up before one of the guys launches Joy’s online cat career.”
I dab quicker, the colors immediately changing like I knew they would. “So to be clear, I’m not taking oI my pants?”
AS FAR AS NEW YEAR’S Eves go, I think this has been one of my favorites.
It’s taking a lot to control my jealousy as Joy trots between each person, looking for attention. Halle has kissed my cheek occasionally, promising me that she can tell she still likes me best. When Joy eventually grows tired of Mattie and Bobby trying to take her photograph with her paw on a puck, Halle picks her up oI the Roor and she settles on our overlapped knees.
With only 1ve minutes until midnight, it’s nice to know whom I’ll be kissing, even if that person has fallen asleep on my shoulder. I’m still really worried she’s sick and she’s going to be too stubborn to admit it.
Everyone is talking about the point of New Year’s resolutions. Poppy goes 1rst. “I want to start journaling. I feel like I learn so much and I can never remember it.”
“I want to start Pilates,” Emilia says.
Russ takes a swig of his beer, a defeated air to him when he speaks. “I want to 1x my relationship with Ethan.”
“I want to make my relationship with my dad worse,” Aurora says, lightening the mood. “And read the books on my TBR.”
Mattie clears his throat and looks only at Aurora when he speaks. “My resolution is to get VIP passes and access to the Fenrir paddock at the Nashville Grand Prix.”
Bobby nods. “That’s also my resolution.” Kris joins them. “Mine, too.”
Cami goes next. “Mine is to be more toxic and make more men unhappy.”
Kris shakes his head as he sighs. “We’d be so good together if you only gave me a chance.”
She tilts her beer toward him and winks. “Keep dreaming.”
“Go on, Hen. What’s yours?” Russ asks. Halle lifts her head from my shoulder, apparently awake now.
Even though I knew they’d ask me eventually, I still didn’t know what I’d say. I’ve never set New Year’s resolutions because I never stick to anything. I can’t even stick to a routine of things I have to do.
I want to enjoy hockey again without all the anxieties that being captain has brought. I want to be a good friend to everyone, not constantly worrying that I’m on the brink of letting everyone down. I want to make Halle happy. I want to remember to check in on Anastasia more. To text people back. To not spiral when things get too bad. There are so many things I could say, but I don’t know how.
“I want to prove that Robbie is lying about his cat allergy.” The room laughs, the dopamine hits me the way it always does when I say the right thing. “Go on, Halle. Last one.”
“The TBR was a good one; I can’t remember the last time I read a book that wasn’t for book club or college. Be distracted less, maybe? Yeah. Be less
distracted from my goals.”
Russ unmutes the rerun on the TV and the people in Times Square let us know it’s only one minute until midnight.
The countdown begins from ten and there’s one more thing I need to say. Lowering my mouth to Halle’s ear, I whisper low enough so only she can hear me. “You’re the best thing to happen to me this year.”
“That’s how I feel about you.”
She smiles, and the rush is better than everyone laughing at my joke, no question. And when the countdown gets to zero, I kiss her for the 1rst time this year.
