HENRY
FINALS IS THE ONLY TIME of the year when I feel like I have the upper hand academically over all my friends.
I always do well in my exams because I’ve found a system that works to get the best out of me. Practical work has never been a stress for me because I enjoy it so much, and written work falls into my system. It’s simple: I let the impending dread build and build until I start to convince myself that if I don’t start doing something there’s no way I’ll pass, and then I start studying.
Is it the perfect strategy? No. Is it perfect for me? Yes, and it’s never done me wrong.
Poppy stared at me with her mouth slightly ajar while I explained it to her and Halle. I told her I wanted to react in the same way when I found out she wants to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sure, my method isn’t as tidy as Halle’s highlighted timetable or Anastasia’s not one, but two planners… But I’m the only person not freaking out yet about our imminent end of term exams, and holy shit does it feel good.
My and Professor Thornton’s professional partnership is about to come to a grinding halt, and I’ve never felt better about never having to talk to someone ever again. I survived, largely because of Halle’s kindness and determination, but I survived.
Now I just need to continue to survive hockey and I might not entirely fuck up my college career. Halle looked at me with pure panic when I told her I’d be putting in extra time at the gym instead of following her meticulously planned lead. It’s safe to say she doesn’t believe me when I say I thrive under pressure.
She pointed out that her concern isn’t lack of belief in me, it’s because every time I’ve been under hockey pressure, like losing, I’ve had what she calls a “meltdown.”
I can’t see her point.
WHEN EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY AGREES TO concentrate on textbooks instead of beer pong tonight, I try my hardest to look disappointed.
Halle and Aurora are giggling across from me, whispering to each other like a couple of kids. “What?”
“Nothing,” Halle says quickly, eyes Ricking back down to her paper.
I look to Aurora, saying nothing because I know I don’t need to. She’ll tell me if I stare at her long enough. It’s around twelve seconds. “You’re just a terrible actor, Hen. I’ve never seen anyone look so relieved not to get to go on a night out.”
“I’m devastated, Aurora. I’m surprised you can’t tell.”
To me it sounds convincing, but for whatever reason they start giggling again. I don’t know whose idea it was to have a late-night group study session, but if it means I don’t have to go to a sweaty frat party, I’m all for it.
The front door opens, and Russ and Robbie appear holding bags of food.
Russ looks at me and nods toward the den. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” I follow him and sit at the table, and hold my hand out for Russ to give me the burrito he just got.
Russ immediately places a laptop in front of me. When he lifts the screen, I realize what this is about. The student portal is staring back at me like something from my nightmares. “Do it, Henry. Or I’m not giving you your food. You can’t run oI to Halle’s place and avoid me now. We’re all here and you’re doing this. I promised you I’d make you.”
He takes my food out of the bag, holding the foil wrapper out of my reach. We both know I’m faster than he is. If I went for it, I could probably get it before he has a chance to 1ght me oI. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Press the buttons, Hen. Do it or I’m putting your dinner in the trash.”
“Did you oIer me a burrito with this in mind?” I ask, swishing my 1nger across the mouse pad but not clicking on anything.
“Yes.”
“I’m not a dog,” I grumble.
“Did he do it yet?” Robbie yells from the kitchen. He rolls himself into the den where we’re sitting around the table, apparently where I’m signing up for classes, not where I’m eating a burrito.
Robbie hands me a plate for the food I don’t have and takes his spot at the table beside Russ. “What do I need to do to get you to do what you need to do for next semester?”
“Does that even make sense?” I ask, making him roll his eyes at me.
“You promised me a month ago you were going to sign up for your classes on time. It’s important that you don’t have this weighing on you. It’s important that I don’t get fucking 1red by Coach if we have a repeat of September. I’ll give you anything, Hen. Name your price and just sort this out.”
I must have forgotten to tell them that Halle made me do this two weeks ago, but I’ll always seize an opportunity to get something from Robbie.
“Just log in and tell me what classes you want to take, and I’ll do it for you,” Russ says. “Then you can forget about it until after the New Year.”
“I haven’t decided what I want to do yet,” I say, enjoying how both of their eyes widen. “I might take Thornton’s other class.”
“What do you mean, what you want to do? You’ve been complaining about him for literally months,” Robbie snaps.
Russ unwraps his burrito slowly and I stare at mine longingly. “Is that the one Aurora and Halle are doing? The s*x one?”
Robbie stops eating his own food and glares at me. “Please tell me you aren’t
considering putting yourself through more misery just to study s*x with Halle. Do it in your bedroom like a normal couple. Don’t get fucking graded on it.”
I ignore when he and Russ both mutter we’re not a couple under their breath
before I can.
I shrug nonchalantly. “It sounds interesting. I like eighteenth-century art.” “You need to get laid,” Robbie says, like I’m not incredibly aware of that fact.
“You’ve lost your mind. Henry, promise me you’re not going to do it. You can
spend every spare second with her if you want to; you don’t need to be with her during college hours, too. You don’t like him, remember? Just because Halle is fucking brilliant and made it easy for you doesn’t mean you should go through it again.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” I say, and his face starts to redden.
“I think you’re looking at it with rose-tinted glasses,” Russ says carefully. “I know Halle made it manageable for you, but when she wasn’t here you complained about Thornton a hell of a lot.”
“I don’t remember that,” I say. Robbie is now very red. There’s a vein in his forehead I only usually see when we’re losing.
“Well I do,” Robbie snaps. “You complained a fuck ton. So much that I felt like I was taking the class with you.”
This is more fun than seems fair. “If JJ were here, he’d tell me to do it. And he’d let me eat my burrito.”
Robbie snorts. “JJ told you to get your dick pierced and you told him that you’d rather swim with hungry sharks than ever take his advice. But sure, you’d listen to him about this. It’s funny how you say ‘ask JJ’ and not Nate, who absolutely would not allow you to take a s*x class.”
To Robbie’s credit, that’s exactly what I said. However, I’ve taken JJ’s advice more recently and it hasn’t all gone horribly wrong yet.
“Did you start doing brain training or something? Why do you suddenly have the memory of an elephant?” I ask Robbie. “And you know it’s not a s*x class, right? It is de1nitely about art and literature.”
Robbie looks at his watch, then back at me. “It’s been 1ve minutes of nonsense and not 1ve minutes of you prioritizing your education. I’m being serious, Hen. Name your price.”
“My price is my burrito. Give,” I say to Russ, pulling the laptop toward me at an angle where they can’t see the screen. Russ hands it over and they both sit, breathing loud sighs of relief, and unknowingly watch me type Halle an email about my burrito.
AFTER A COUPLE OF HOURS of everyone pretending they’re studying, Halle and Aurora leave with the other guys to their respective houses. I want Halle to stay, but I also want to work on her Christmas present, which I only decided to make a couple of weeks ago. She was cool with it and said she’d use her free time to study without me trying to distract her.
I’ve noticed she says I distract her a lot, and I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to decide if she’s hinting that I should stop. If it was anyone else, I’d ask them outright, but with Halle, I know that she’d tell me whatever she thinks I want to hear.
When I ask her if she’s regretting not going home for the holidays, she tells me no, but I think I can tell that it’s not the truth. She looks down before she smiles, and she lifts her shoulders up high, tilting her head to the side before saying, “It is what it is.”
Cami and Aurora said Halle says the same thing to them, which makes me want to do something extra special for her. And the good thing about Aurora is that she loves interfering in making plans.
I’m about to 1nd my tablet to continue with Halle’s gift when I hear my name being yelled from downstairs.
“What?” I shout down in response.
“Halle is calling you. Take your phone oI do not disturb!” Russ calls back. Oh shit. Six missed calls.
“Sorry! Ringer is oI,” I say when Halle answers my call. “What’s up?” “Is my laptop charger at your house?” she says frantically.
Looking around my room, I spot it on the Roor beside the slippers she left here. “Yeah.”
“I’m on such a roll with this chapter and my laptop is going to die. I’m going to forget everything I want to write. Oh my God, I can’t believe I left without it! What was I thinking?” she says. I can hear her rummaging around on the other end of the line. “Can you bring it over, please? I’d come get it, but I need to get this out of my head.”
“I’m on my way,” I say, silently proud of her for asking. “I’ll be quick. Don’t forget anything.”
“Hurry!” she yells as I grab a sweatshirt and put the charger in the pocket.
Russ lets me borrow his truck so I don’t have to jog over there, and it’s another reminder that I really need to get my own car at some point. Looking at cars is boring, and every time I try to pick one I end up distracted.
It only takes ten minutes from leaving the house to pulling into Halle’s driveway, and when I walk through the door she constantly leaves unlocked when she shouldn’t, she’s lying on her living room Roor surrounded by sheets of lined paper covered in a more frantic version of her neat handwriting.
“Laptop died!” she says, tearing the paper from the pad and tossing it onto the growing pile. “Can’t talk.”
I don’t say a word as I plug the charger into the socket and connect it to her laptop. Picking up Joy, who’s wandering dangerously close to Halle’s pile of papers, I tuck her under my arm as I walk around the kitchen, putting snacks onto a plate and grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
I put them on the Roor beside where Halle is lying and drop myself into the chair with Joy.
It’s fascinating watching her process be so raw. Normally when she writes it consists of her groaning at her laptop or being so into it she zones out and doesn’t hear me talking to her. When I remember to ask her how the book is going, she changes the subject quickly or ignores it if what she’s done is good.
Joy is purring on the center of my chest while I watch Halle throw her pen down and lie against her forearms. “Hi.”
“Hello. I plugged in your laptop.”
Lifting her head, she looks at all the pieces of paper scattered around her. “I was scared I’d lose the scene.”
Moving Joy to my side, I hold open my arm. “Come tell me about it.”
Halle climbs from the Roor and shu es over to my lap, maneuvering her legs over the arm of the chair. “I don’t really know what to tell you. It probably won’t make any sense when I read it back.”
“Tell me anything. I like listening to you talk.”
I run my hand up and down Halle’s shin as she tries to work out where to start. “I’m trying to 1nish the second act, but because my twist is that she’s marrying someone else, I’ve been writing their relationship basically not knowing who she’s going to marry instead.”
“Still rooting for my guy, but go on.”
“And then I was like, he’s standing at the front of the church, and why would your ex be at your wedding for starters—great plot hole, Halle—but why would he be at the front? Then I realized what if she was marrying someone he knows, like his best friend?”
I don’t like where this is going, but she’s so excited I don’t want to stop her. “And it got me thinking about how when Will and I broke up he kept all the friends, but what if they broke up but she kept the friend? His best friend. Or they grew closer because they both wanted something more from this same person, and the thing that was missing brought them peace with each other as they both grieved what could have been romantically and platoni-cally?”
“So that’s what you’ve been writing? Her and his friend?”
“Kinda. Starting to set it up anyway. The thing I keep thinking is, what is the price of love? And how much is too much? At what point do you look at the choices you’re making and decide the price is too high? How much should we sacri1ce for someone we care about?” She’s glowing, and I can’t stop watching her. “I’m approaching this last act, and I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen, so I just wanted to get all my thoughts down while I could before writer’s block could hit me.” She cups my face with her palm and kisses me gently. “Thank you for coming over so quickly.”
“When did you know you wanted to be an author?” I ask. I can’t believe I’ve never asked her before.
“When I was about six or seven. My mom took me to a kids’ event at the library where the author was doing a reading, and I just thought it was so exciting and special. I can’t even remember who the author was, but everyone was hanging on her every word, and I decided I wanted to do that.”
“I want to see people hanging on your every word in a library,” I say softly, resting my hand on her thigh.
She picks it up, kissing my knuckles gently. “Hopefully.”
