Manhattan December 2019
Mark was sitting with his fingertips pressed together when Maggie
finally trailed off, his expression unreadable. He said nothing right away but finally shook his head, as though suddenly realizing it was his turn to speak. โIโm sorry,โ he said. โI guess Iโm still trying to absorb what you just
told me.โ
โMy story so far isnโt quite what you expected, is it?โ
โIโm not sure what I expected,โ he admitted. โWhat happened next?โ โIโm a bit too tired to go into the rest of it just now.โ
Mark raised a hand. โI get it. But stillโฆwow. When I was sixteen, I doubt I could have handled a crisis like that.โ
โI didnโt have a choice in the matter.โ
โStillโฆโ He absently scratched an ear. โYour aunt Linda seems interesting.โ
Maggie couldnโt help smiling. โFor sure.โ โDo you still keep in touch?โ
โWe used to. She and Gwen visited me in New York a few times and I saw her in Ocracoke once, but mainly we wrote letters and chatted on the phone. She passed away six years ago.โ
โIโm sorry to hear that.โ โI still miss her.โ
โDid you keep the letters?โ โEvery single one.โ
He gazed off to the side before coming back to Maggie. โWhy did your aunt stop being a nun? Did you ever ask?โ
โNot back then. I would have been uncomfortable asking her, and besides, I was too wrapped up in my own problems for the question to have
even crossed my mind. It took me years to broach the subject, but when I did, I didnโt get an answer that I really understood. I think I was hoping for more of a smoking gun or something.โ
โWhat did she say?โ
โShe said that life was about seasons, and that the season had changed.โ โHuh. That is a bit mysterious.โ
โIโm guessing she got tired of dealing with all those pregnant teens.
Speaking from experience, we can be a moody bunch.โ
He chuckled before growing contemplative. โDo convents still take in pregnant teenagers?โ
โI have no idea, but I sort of doubt it. Times change. A few years ago, when I caught the โI wonderโ bug, I searched for the Sisters of Mercy on the internet and learned that theyโd closed more than a decade earlier.โ
โWhere was her convent? Before she left, I mean.โ
โIllinois, I think. Or maybe it was Ohio. Somewhere in the Midwest, anyway. And donโt ask me how she ended up there in the first place. Like my dad, she was from the West Coast.โ
โHow long was she a nun?โ
โTwenty-five years or so? Maybe a little less or more, Iโm not really sure. Gwen too. I think Gwen took her orders even before my aunt did.โ
โDo you think they wereโฆ?โ
When he paused, Maggie lifted an eyebrow. โLovers? I honestly donโt know that either. As I got older, I sort of thought they might be, since they were always together, but I never saw them kiss or hold hands or anything like that. One thing I know for certain, though: they loved each other deeply. Gwen was at my aunt Lindaโs bedside when she passed away.โ
โDo you keep in touch with her, too?โ
โI was closer to my aunt, of course, but after she passed, I made sure to call Gwen a few times a year. But not so much lately. She has Alzheimerโs and Iโm not sure she even remembers who I am anymore. She does remember my aunt, though, and that makes me happy.โ
โItโs hard to believe that youโve never told Luanne any of this.โ
โItโs a habit. Even my parents still pretend that it never happened.
Morgan too.โ
โHave you heard from Luanne? Since she left for Hawaii?โ
โI havenโt told her what the doctor said, if thatโs what youโre asking.โ
He swallowed. โI hate that this is happening to you,โ he said. โI really do.โ
โYou and me both. Do yourself a favor and never get cancer, especially when youโre supposed to be in the prime of life.โ
He bowed his head and she knew he was at a loss for words. If joking about death helped her keep other, darker feelings at bay, the downside was that no one ever knew exactly how to respond. Finally, he looked up.
โI got a text from Luanne today. She said sheโd texted you but that you didnโt get back to her.โ
โI havenโt checked my phone today. What did it say?โ
โIt said to remind you to open your card if you havenโt already.โ
Oh yeah. Because thereโs a gift inside.ย โItโs probably still on the desk somewhere if you want to help me find it.โ
He got up and started going through her inbox while Maggie rummaged in the top drawer of the desk. As she sorted, Mark pulled an envelope from a stack of invoices and handed it over.
โIs this it?โ
โIt is,โ she said, taking a second to examine it. โI hope sheโs not giving me a s*xy Polaroid of herself.โ
Markโs eyes widened. โThat doesnโt sound like herโฆโ
She laughed. โIโm teasing. I just wanted to see how youโd react.โ She opened the envelope; inside was an elegant card with a standard greeting, along with a short note from Luanne thanking Maggie for being a โpleasure with whom to work.โ Luanne was always a stickler when it came to correct grammar and verbiage. Enclosed were two tickets to the New York City Balletโsย Nutcrackerย at Lincoln Center. The show was on Friday evening, two nights away.
She removed the tickets, showing them to Mark. โItโs a good thing you reminded me. Theyโre about to expire.โ
โWhat a great gift. Have you seen it?โ
โIโve always talked about going but never quite made it. How about you?โ
โCanโt say that I have.โ
โWould you like to join me?โ โMe?โ
โWhy not? It can be a reward since youโve had to work late.โ โIโd like that.โ
โGreat.โ
โI also enjoyed your story, even if you left it with a cliff-hanger.โ โWhat cliff-hanger?โ
โAbout you, the rest of your pregnancy. The fact that you were beginning to forge a relationship with your aunt. Bryce. I know you agreed that he could be your tutor, but how did it go? Did he help? Or did he let you down?โ
As soon as Mark said the name, she felt a stab of disbelief that nearly a quarter century had passed since the months sheโd spent in Ocracoke.
โAre you really interested in the rest of it?โ โI am,โ he admitted.
โWhy?โ
โBecause it helps me understand a bit more about you.โ
She took another drink of her melting smoothie, and suddenly flashed on her most recent discussion with Dr. Brodigan.ย One moment, she observed cynically,ย youโre having a pleasant conversation with someone, and the next, all you can think about is the fact that youโre dying. She tried and failed to push the realization away before suddenly wondering if Mark was mirroring her thoughts. โI know you speak with Abigail every day. Youโre welcome to tell her about my prognosis.โ
โI wouldnโt do that. Thatโsโฆyour business.โ โDoes she watch the videos?โ
โYes.โ
โThen sheโll find out anyway. I was planning on posting about this latest development after I tell my parents and my sister.โ
โYou havenโt told them yet?โ
โIโve decided to wait until after Christmas.โ โWhy?โ
โIf I told them now, theyโd probably either want me to immediately fly back to Seattleโwhich I donโt want to doโor theyโd insist on coming out here, and I donโt want that, either. Theyโd stress and need to wrestle with their grief, and it would be harder for all of us. As an added bonus, it would ruin all their future Christmases. Iโd rather not do that.โ
โItโs going to be hard no matter when you tell them.โ
โI know. But my family and I have aโฆunique relationship.โ โHow so?โ
โI havenโt exactly lived the kind of life my parents anticipated. I always had the feeling that I was born into the wrong family somehow, and I learned a long time ago that our relationship works best when we maintain some distance between us. They havenโt understood my choices. As for my sister, sheโs more like my parents. She did the whole marriage, kids, suburbs thing, and sheโs still as beautiful as ever. Itโs hard to compete with someone like that.โ
โBut look at all youโve done.โ
โIn my family, Iโm not sure that matters.โ
โIโm sorry to hear that.โ In the silence that followed, Maggie suddenly yawned and Mark cleared his throat. โWhy donโt you go ahead and take off if youโre tired,โ he said. โIโll make sure everything is logged properly and handle all the shipments.โ
In the past, she would have insisted on staying. Now she knew it wouldnโt serve any purpose. โAre you sure?โ
โYouโre taking me to the ballet. Itโs the least I can do.โ
After she bundled up, Mark followed her to the door and pulled it open, ready to lock up behind her. The wind was harsh, biting her cheeks.
โThanks again for the smoothie.โ
โDo you want me to get you an Uber or a cab? Itโs cold out there.โ โItโs not that far. Iโll be fine.โ
โSee you tomorrow?โ
She didnโt want to lie; who knew how she would feel? โMaybe,โ she said.
When he nodded, his lips a grim line, she could see he understood.
* * *
By the time she reached the corner, Maggie knew sheโd made a mistake. It wasnโt just biting outside; it felt arctic, and she was shivering hard even after entering her apartment. Feeling as if a block of ice were lodged in her chest, she huddled on the couch beneath a blanket for nearly half an hour before she summoned the energy to move again.
In the kitchen, she made chamomile tea. She thought about taking a warm bath as well, but it was too much effort. Instead, she went to her bedroom, slipped into a pair of thick flannel pajamas, a sweatshirt, two pairs of socks, and a nightcap to keep her head warm, and crawled under the covers. After finishing half a cup of the tea, she dozed off and slept for sixteen hours.
* * *
She woke feelingย awful, as though sheโd just pulled an all-nighter. Worse, pain seemed to radiate from various organs, sharpening with every beat of her heart. Steeling herself, she was somehow able to rise from bed and make it to the bathroom, where she kept the painkillers Dr. Brodigan had prescribed.
She washed two of the pills down with water, then sat on the edge of the bed, still and concentrating, until she was sure she would keep them down. Only then was she ready to start her day.
Drawing a bath because showering now felt like being stabbed, she soaked in the warm, soapy water for nearly an hour. Afterward she texted Mark, letting him know that she wouldnโt make it to the gallery today but would touch base tomorrow regarding the time and place to meet for the ballet.
After dressing in comfy clothing, she made breakfast, even though it was already afternoon. She forced down an egg and half a piece of toast, both of which tasted like salted cardboard, and thenโas had become a habit in the last week and a halfโshe settled onto the couch to watch the world outside her window.
There were snow flurries, the tiny flakes flickering against the glass, the movements hypnotic. Catching a glimpse of poinsettias in an apartment window across the street, she recalled her first Christmas back in Seattle after sheโd returned from Ocracoke. Though sheโd wanted to be excited for the holiday, sheโd spent much of December simply going through the motions. Even on Christmas morning, she remembered opening her gifts with feigned enthusiasm.
She knew that part of that had to do with getting older. Gone were the beliefs from her childhood, and sheโd reached the stage where even smelling a cookie meant calculating calories. But it was more than that. Her months in Ocracoke had turned her into someone she no longer recognized, and there were times when Seattle no longer felt like home. In retrospect, she understood that even back then, sheโd been counting the days until she could finally leave for good.
Then again, sheโd been feeling that way for months by that point. Not long after returning to Seattle, once she began to feel vaguely back to normal, Madison and Jodie had been eager to pick up where they had left off. On the surface, not much had changed. Yet the more time she spent
with them, the more she felt like sheโd grown up while theyโd stayed exactly the same. They had the same interests and insecurities theyโd always had, the same sorts of crushes on boys, felt the same thrill at hanging out in the food court at the mall on Saturday afternoons. They were familiar and comfortable, and yet, little by little, Maggie began to understand they would eventually drift from her life entirely, in the same way Maggie sometimes felt as though she were drifting through her own.
Sheโd also spent much of those first few months back at home thinking about Ocracoke and missing it more than sheโd imagined. Sheโd thought about her aunt and the desolate, windswept beach, the ferry rides and garage sales. It amazed her when she reflected on all that had happened while she was there, so much so that even now it sometimes took her breath away.
* * *
Maggie watched a drama on Netflixโsomething starring Nicole Kidman, though she couldnโt remember the titleโtook a late-afternoon nap, and then ordered two smoothies for delivery. She knew she wouldnโt be able to finish both, but she felt bad ordering only one, since the check was so small. And really, what did it matter if she threw one away?
She also debated whether to have a glass of wine. Not now, but later, maybe before bedtime. She hadnโt had a drink in months, even counting the little get-together at the gallery in late November, when sheโd pretty much simply held the glass for show. While she was undergoing chemotherapy, the thought of alcohol had been nauseating, and after that, she simply hadnโt been in the mood. She knew there was a bottle in the refrigerator, something from Napa Valley sheโd purchased on a whim, and though it sounded like a good idea now, she suspected that later, the desire would fade and all sheโd want to do would be to sleep. Which might, she admitted, be for the best. Who knew how the wine would affect her? She was taking painkillers and ate so little that even a couple of sips might leave her either passed out or rushing to the bathroom to make an offering to the porcelain gods.
Call it a quirk, but Maggie never wanted anyone to see or hear her vomit, including the nurses whoโd watched over her during chemotherapy. They would help her to the bathroom, where sheโd shut the door and try to be as quiet as possible. Aside from the morning her mom had found her in the bathroom, as far as she could remember, thereโd only been one other instance when someone had seen her throw up. That had been when sheโd
gotten seasick while photographing from a catamaran off Martinique. The nausea had come on fast, like a tidal wave; sheโd felt her stomach immediately beginning to turn, and she barely made it to the railing in time. She retched nonstop for the next two hours. It was the most miserable experience sheโd ever had while working, so over-the-top that she hadnโt cared in the slightest whether anyone was watching. It had been all she could do to take any photographs that eveningโonly three out of more than a hundred were any good at allโand in between shots, sheโd done her best to remain as still as possible. Morning sicknessโhell, even chemotherapy sicknessโcouldnโt compare, and sheโd wondered why sheโd whined so much back when she was sixteen.
Who had she really been back then? Sheโd tried to re-create the story for Mark, especially how terrible those first weeks in Ocracoke had been for a lonely, pregnant sixteen-year-old. At the time, her exile had seemed eternal; in retrospect, all she could think was that her months there had passed too quickly.
Though sheโd never said as much to her parents, sheโd longed to return to Ocracoke. The feeling was especially strong in those first two months she was back in Seattle; in certain moments, the desire was almost overwhelming. While the passage of time diminished her longing, it never completely went away. Years ago, in the travel section of theย New York Times, someone had written an account of their journeys in the Outer Banks. The writer had been hoping to see the islandsโ wild horses and had finally spotted them near Corolla, but it was her description of the austere beauty of those low-slung barrier islands that struck a chord in Maggie. The article summoned the smell of Aunt Linda and Gwen making biscuits for fishermen early in the mornings, and the quiet solitude of the village on blustery winter days. She remembered clipping the article and sending it to her aunt, along with a few prints of some recent photographs sheโd taken. As always, Aunt Linda had responded by mail, thanking Maggie for the article and raving about the photographs. She ended the letter by telling Maggie how proud she was of her and how much she loved her.
Sheโd told Mark that she and Aunt Linda had grown closer over the years, but she hadnโt elaborated fully. With her endless letters, Aunt Linda became a more constant presence in Maggieโs life than the rest of Maggieโs family combined. There was something comforting in the knowledge that someone out there loved and accepted her for the person she was; to
Maggie it was the months theyโd spent together that taught her the meaning of unconditional love.
A few months before Aunt Linda died, Maggie had confessed to her that she had always wanted to be more like her. It was on her first and only visit to Ocracoke since the day sheโd departed as a teenager. The village hadnโt changed much and her auntโs house triggered a flood of bittersweet memories. The furniture was the same, the smells were the same, but the passage of time had slowly taken its toll. Everything was a bit more worn, faded, and tired, including Aunt Linda. By then, the lines on her face had deepened into wrinkles and her white hair had thinned to reveal her scalp in places. Only her eyes had remained the same, with that forever recognizable gleam. At the time, the two women were seated at the same kitchen table where Maggie had once done her homework.
โWhy would you want to be more like me?โ Aunt Linda had asked, taken aback.
โBecause youโreโฆwonderful.โ
โOh, honey.โ Aunt Linda had reached over with a hand so birdlike and frail that it nearly broke Maggieโs heart. She gently squeezed Maggieโs fingers. โDonโt you realize that I could say exactly the same thing about you?โ
* * *
On Friday, after waking from her coma-like sleep and puttering around the apartment, Maggie swallowed some flavorless instant oatmeal while texting Mark her plans to meet him later at the gallery. She also made a reservation at the Atlantic Grill and arranged for a car pickup after dinner, since finding an Uber or cab in that neighborhood in the evening was often impossible. With all that accomplished, she went back to bed. Since a later- than-usual night was on tap, Maggie needed to be rested enough not to fall face-first into her dinner plate. She didnโt set the alarm and slept another three hours. Only then did she start getting ready.
The thing is, Maggie thought,ย when a face is as gaunt as a skeletonโs, with skin as fragile as tissue paper, thereโs only so much you can do to appear presentable. One glimpse of her baby-fuzz hair and anyone would know she was knocking at deathโs door. But she had to make an attempt, and after her bath, she took her time with her makeup, trying to add color (life) to her cheeks; next, she applied three different shades of lipstick before she found one that seemed remotely natural.
She had a choice about the hairโscarf or hatโand finally decided on a red wool beret. She thought about wearing a dress but knew sheโd freeze, so she opted for pants with a thick, nubbly sweater that added substance to her frame. As always, her necklace was in place, and she donned a lovely bright cashmere scarf to keep her neck warm. When she stepped back to appraise herself in the mirror, she felt she looked almost as good as she had before chemotherapy started.
Collecting her purse, she took a couple more pillsโthe pain wasnโt as bad as yesterday, but no reason to risk itโand called an Uber. Pulling up to the gallery a few minutes after closing time, she saw Mark through the window, discussing one of her photographs with a couple in their fifties. Mark offered the slightest of waves when Maggie stepped inside and hurried to her office. On her desk was a small stack of mail; she was quickly sorting through it when Mark suddenly tapped on her open door.
โHey, sorry. I thought theyโd make a decision before you arrived, but they had a lot of questions.โ
โAnd?โ
โThey bought two of your prints.โ
Amazing, she thought. Early in the life of the gallery, weeks could go by without the sale of even a single print of hers. And while the sales did increase with the growth of her career, the real renown came with herย Cancer Videos. Fame did indeed change everything, even if the fame was for a reason she wouldnโt wish upon anyone. Mark walked into the office before suddenly pulling up short. โWow,โ he said. โYou look fantastic.โ
โIโm trying.โ
โHow do you feel?โ
โIโve been more tired than usual, so Iโve been sleeping a lot.โ โAre you sure youโre still up for this?โ
She could see the worry in his expression. โItโs Luanneโs gift, so I have to go. And besides, itโll help me get into the Christmas spirit.โ
โIโve been looking forward to it ever since you invited me. Are you ready? Traffic is going to be terrible tonight, especially in this weather.โ
โIโm ready.โ
After turning out the lights and locking the door, they stepped into the frigid night. Mark raised a hand, flagging down a cab, and held Maggieโs elbow as she crawled in.
On the ride to Midtown, Mark filled her in on the customers and let her know that Jackie Bernstein had returned to purchase the Trinity sculpture sheโd been admiring. It was an expensive pieceโand worth it, in Maggieโs opinion, if only as an investment. In the past five years, the value of Trinityโs art had skyrocketed. Nine of Maggieโs photos had sold as wellโ including those last twoโand Mark assured her that he had been able to get all the shipments out before sheโd arrived.
โI was ducking into the back whenever I had a spare minute, but I wanted to make sure to get them out today. A lot of them are intended as gifts.โ
โWhat would I ever do without you?โ โProbably hire someone else.โ
โYou donโt give yourself enough credit. You forget that a lot of people applied forโand didnโt getโthe position.โ
โDid they?โ
โYou didnโt know that?โ โHow would I?โ
He had a point, she realized. โI also want to thank you for shouldering the whole load without Luanne, especially over the holidays.โ
โYouโre welcome. I enjoy talking with people about your work.โ โAnd Trinityโs work.โ
โOf course,โ he added. โBut his are a little intimidating. Iโve learned that with them, itโs usually better to listen more and speak less. People who are interested in his work generally know more than I do.โ
โYou have a knack for it, though. Did you ever think about being a curator or running your own gallery? Maybe getting a masterโs degree in art history instead of divinity?โ
โNo,โ he said. His tone was good-natured but determined. โI know the path Iโm supposed to take in life.โ
Iโm sure you do, she thought. โWhen does that start? Your path, I mean?โ
โClasses begin next September.โ
โHave you already been accepted?โ
โYes,โ he said. โIโll be attending the University of Chicago.โ โWith Abigail?โ
โOf course.โ
โGood for you,โ she said. โSometimes I wonder what the college experience would have been like.โ
โYou went to community college.โ
โI mean a four-year school, with dorm life and parties and listening to music while playing Frisbee in the quad.โ
He lifted an eyebrow. โAnd going to classes and studying and writing papers.โ
โOh yeah. That too.โ She grinned. โDid you tell Abigail we were going to the ballet tonight?โ
โYeah, and sheโs a little jealous about it. She made me promise to bring her one day.โ
โHowโs the family reunion going?โ
โThe house is chaotic and noisy all the time. But she loves it. One of her brothers is in the air force and he came in from Italy. She hasnโt seen him since last year.โ
โIโll bet her parents are thrilled to have everyone around.โ
โThey are. I guess theyโve been building a gingerbread house. A massive one. They do it every year.โ
โAnd had your boss not needed you, you could have helped them.โ
โIt would definitely be a learning experience. Iโm not very handy in the kitchen.โ
โAnd your parents? I heard you mention to Trinity that theyโre abroad now?โ
โTheyโre in Jerusalem today and tomorrow. Theyโll be in Bethlehem on Christmas Eve. They texted some pictures from the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.โ He pulled out his phone to show her. โThis trip is something my parents have wanted to do for years, but they waited until I finished college. So that Iโd be able to come home during school breaks.โ Mark put his phone back into his pocket. โWhere did you go? The first time you left the country, I mean?โ
โVancouver, Canada,โ Maggie answered. โMainly because it was driving distance. I spent a weekend taking photos in Whistler after a major ice storm had rolled through.โ
โI still havenโt ever been out of the country.โ
โYou have to experience it,โ she said. โVisiting other places changes your perspective. It helps you understand that no matter where you are, or what country youโre in, people are pretty much the same everywhere.โ
Traffic began to slow as they exited the West Side Highway, then slowed even more as they made their way east on the cross streets. Despite the cold, the sidewalks were jammed; she saw people carrying shopping bags and lining up near corner food vendors; others hurried home from work. Eventually they reached the point where they could see the lighted windows of Lincoln Center, which left them with the option of either sitting in an idling cab for another ten or fifteen minutes or getting out and walking.
They decided to walk and slowly made their way through a throng that extended beyond the front doors. Maggie kept her arms crossed and shifted from one foot to the other in hopes of staying warm, but thankfully the line moved quickly, and they entered the lobby after only a few minutes. Directed by the ushers, they found their seats in the first tier of the balcony of the David H. Koch Theater.
They continued to chat quietly before the show, taking in their surroundings and watching the seats fill with a mix of adults and children. In time, the lights dimmed, the music came up, and the audience was introduced to Christmas Eve at the Stahlbaum house.
As the tale unfolded, Maggie was transfixed by the dancersโ grace and beauty, their soaring, delicate movements animating the dreamlike notes of Tchaikovskyโs score. Occasionally Maggie peeked over at Mark, noting his rapt attention. He couldnโt seem to tear his eyes from the stage, reminding her that he was a midwestern boy whoโd probably never seen anything like it.
When the ballet was over, they joined the festive crowds as they poured onto Broadway. She was grateful that the Atlantic Grill was just across the street. Feeling cold and wobblyโmaybe because of the pills, or because sheโd eaten almost nothing all dayโshe looped her arm through Markโs as they approached the crosswalk. He slowed his pace, allowing her to use him for support.
It wasnโt until they were seated at their table that she began to feel a bit better.
โAre you sure youโd rather not just call it a night?โ
โIโll be okay,โ she said, not altogether convinced herself. โAnd I really need to eat.โ When he didnโt seem reassured, she went on. โIโm your boss. Think of this as a business dinner.โ
โItโs not a business dinner.โ
โPersonal business,โ she said. โI thought you wanted to hear more about my time in Ocracoke.โ
โI do,โ he said. โBut only if you feel up to it.โ
โI really do have to eat. Iโm not kidding about that.โ
Reluctantly, he nodded just as the waitress arrived and handed them the menus. Surprising herself, Maggie decided she would like a glass of wine, settling on a French burgundy. Mark ordered an iced tea.
As the waitress walked away, Mark took in the restaurant. โHave you ever been here before?โ
โOn a date, maybe five years ago? I couldnโt believe they had a spot for us tonight, but I guess someone must have canceled.โ
โWhat was he like? The guy who brought you here?โ
She tilted her head, trying to remember. โTall, great salt-and-pepper hair, worked for Accenture as a management consultant. Divorced, a couple of kids, and very smart. He wandered into the gallery one day. We had coffee and then ended up going out a few times.โ
โBut it didnโt work out?โ
โSometimes the chemistry just isnโt there. With him, I figured it out when I went to Key Largo for a shoot and realized when I got back that I hadnโt missed him at all. Thatโs pretty much the story of my entire dating life, no matter who I dated.โ
โIโm afraid to ask what that means.โ
โIn my twenties, when I first moved out here, I frequented the club scene for a few yearsโฆgoing out at midnight, staying out until almost dawn, even on weeknights. None of the guys I met there were the kind I could bring home to my family. Frankly, it probably wasnโt a good idea to bring them back to my place.โ
โNo?โ
โThinkโฆa lot of tattoos and dreams of being rappers or DJs. I definitely had a type back then.โ
He made a face, which made her laugh. The waitress returned with her glass of wine and she reached for it with a confidence she didnโt quite feel. She took a small taste, waiting to see if her stomach rebelled, but it seemed okay. By then, theyโd both decided on what they wantedโshe ordered the Atlantic cod, he opted for the filetโand when the waitress asked if they wanted to start with appetizers or a salad, both of them declined.
When the waitress walked away, she leaned over the table. โYou could have ordered more food,โ she chided. โJust because I canโt eat much, you donโt have to follow my lead.โ
โI had a couple of slices of pizza before you got to the gallery.โ โWhy would you do that?โ
โI didnโt want to run up the bill. Places like this are expensive.โ โAre you serious? Thatโs silly.โ
โThatโs what Abigail and I do.โ
โYouโre one of a kind, you know that?โ
โIโve been meaning to ask youโฆHow did you start with travel photography?โ
โSheer persistence. And lunacy.โ โThatโs all?โ
She shrugged. โI also got lucky, since salaried gigs for magazines donโt really exist anymore. The first photographer I worked for in Seattle already had a reputation as a travel photographer because heโd worked a lot forย National Geographicย back in the day. He had a pretty good list of contacts with magazines, tour companies, and ad agencies, and heโd sometimes bring me along to assist him. After a couple years, I went a bit crazy and ended up moving here. I roomed with some flight attendants, got discount flights and took pics in whatever place I could afford to visit. I also found work with a cutting-edge photographer here. He was an early adopter of digital photography and was always investing whatever fees he earned in more gear and software, which meant I had to as well. I started my own website, with tips and reviews and Photoshop lessons, and one of the photo editors at Condรฉ Nast stumbled across it. He hired me to shoot in Monaco, and that led to a second job and then another. Meanwhile, my old boss in Seattle retired and he pretty much offered me his client list as well as a recommendation, so I took over a lot of the work heโd been doing.โ
โWhat allowed you to become fully independent?โ
โMy reputation grew to the point where I was able to book my own local gigs. My fee, which I purposely kept low for international work, always enticed editors. And the popularity of my website and blog, which led to my first online sales, made bills easier to pay. I was also an early user of Facebook, Instagram, and especially YouTube, which helped with name recognition. And then, of course, there was the gallery, which cemented things for me. For years, it was a scramble to get any paid travel work, and
then, like a switch had been thrown, I suddenly had all the work I could handle.โ
โHow old were you when you landed that shoot in Monaco?โ โTwenty-seven.โ
She could see the gleam in his eyes. โThatโs a great story.โ โLike I said, I was lucky.โ
โMaybe at first. After that, it was all you.โ
Maggie took in the restaurant; like so many spots in New York, it was decorated for the holidays, featuring both an ornamented Christmas tree and a glowing menorah in the bar area. There were, by her estimation, more than the average number of red dresses and red sweaters, and as she studied the patrons, she wondered what they would be doing on Christmas, or even what she would be doing.
She took another sip of her wine, already feeling its effects.
โSpeaking of stories, do you want me to pick up where we left off now or wait until the food arrives?โ
โIf youโre ready now, Iโd love to hear it.โ โDo you remember where I stopped?โ
โYouโd agreed to let Bryce tutor you and youโd just told your aunt Linda that you loved her.โ
She reached toward her glass, staring into its purplish depths.
โOn Monday,โ she began, โthe day after we bought the Christmas treeโฆโ