โโLooking for you,โ I pant, releasing the pillar and dropping gracelessly to the ground. Tripp is on the other side of the fence, in a T-shirt and his Saint Ambrose blazer, his jaw unshaven and his hair mussed. โI thought you might be in thatโshed, or whatever it is, so I was trying to get over the fence.โ I dust my palms together and add, โThat last part was probably obvious.โโ
โDid you consider using the gate?โ Tripp asks, in that careful voice he puts on when heโs trying to sound less drunk than he is. He reaches out a hand to tug at something a few feet to my right, and a section of the wrought-iron fence swings outward. Iโm very glad, suddenly, that itโs too dark for him to see the heat rising in my cheeks.
How, given what I came here for, can he still make me blush?
โYou know I donโt like gates,โ I say, stepping through before he changes his mind.
Tripp looks me up and down with those long-lashed eyes of his, frowning. โIโm mad at you,โ he says slowly. โBut I donโt remember why.โ
โProbably wasnโt that bad, then,โ I mutter, scuffing the toe of my boot into the ground.
โWhy are you here, Brynn?โ he asks.
I could ask him the same question, but I donโt know how much time we have before he either decides to sic Charlotte and Shane on me or stops making sense. โI need to talk to you. Do you want to go into the shed for a minute? You look cold.โ
Tripp turns to look at the building behind him. โItโs not a shed,โ he says. โItโs a guesthouse. And Iโm not cold.โ He watches me shiver for a bit and adds, โBut you are, so fine.โ
Once we enter the guesthouse, I canโt believe I ever called it a shed. Itโs beautiful inside, most of the space dominated by a living area that contains a sectional sofa flanked by leather armchairs, with a heavy oak coffee table in between. Bookshelves line one wall, and a tall bronze lamp casts a warm, buttery circle of light onto the richly colored carpet.
Tripp staggers a little and shrugs off his blazer before collapsing into a corner of the sofa. I take off my coat and perch a few feet away from him. Iโm a little surprised by his lack of resistance, but I also donโt think he was being facetious when he said he couldnโt remember why he was angry with me. Heโs obviously not doing well, and it makes my chest constrict even though I know, finally, why I havenโt been able to trust him fully.
โOkay,โ I say. โI need to talk to you because I remembered something. About the class-trip money that went missing in eighth grade.โ I pause, looking for some kind of signal that the topic means something to him, and I donโt think Iโm wrong that he stiffens a little.
โThere were two envelopes,โ I continue. โA small envelope that held the money. That was found in Charlotteโs locker. And a bigger, turquoise one covered with stickers, that held the smaller envelope plus the donor list. That was never found. But I saw it, after the money had gone missing.โ I wait a beat for his reaction, but thereโs nothing this time. โI saw it in your room while we were doing homework.โ
โNo, you didnโt,โ Tripp says instantly. Then he rubs his thumb with his finger, and I feel a spark of triumph.ย Liar. Caught you.ย But the spark dies as
quickly as it came, becauseโall of a sudden Tripp has a motive for keeping Mr. Larkin quiet, doesnโt he? If he stole that money years ago, and Mr. Larkin found out about itโฆ
No. Iโm getting ahead of myself. I havenโt asked nearly enough questions, and besides, I keep circling back to what Tripp said in Mr. Solomonโs house, when he seemed to be flashing back to Mr. Larkinโs death.ย What did you do?ย Notย What have I done?ย I think his raw, horrified voice in my head is why I came looking for him without hesitation, never imagining that pushing for the truth might be dangerous. Thatย heย could be dangerous. Iโm pretty sure that the only person Tripp is dangerous to, especially right now, is himself.
โYes, I did,โ I say. โI know what I saw.โ I swallow hard and add, โDid you take the money, Tripp?โ
He runs a hand across his temple, then over his scruffy jaw and the back of his neck. โIโm so tired,โ he says heavily.
โOf what?โ I ask. โEverything.โ
โDid you take the money?โ I repeat.
He drops his hand to his lap and says, โYeah, I took it. What can I say? Iโm sorry. It was dumb.โ Then he rubs his thumb again, and relief floods through me.ย Goodbye, motive.
โNo, you didnโt,โ I say.
His eyes flash with surprise. โI just told you I did.โ
โAnd Iโm telling you that I know you didnโt. Was it Charlotte?โ We can do this by process of elimination, I guess.
โOkay, yeah, it was. Iโm just trying to look out for her. She didnโt mean any harm.โ His fingers move again, and itโs honestly shocking to me that he doesnโt realize he does this. Every single time.
โNope,โ I say. โNot her either.โ
He frowns. โWhat are you playing at, Brynn? You ask, I answer, and you tell me Iโm lying. Why are you even here if you donโt believe a word I say?โ
โBecause Iโll know when youโre telling the truth,โ I say.
Tripp huffs out a humorless laugh. โYou will, huh? Because youโre magical like that.โ
Who is he protecting? The envelope was in his house, so the list of people who might have put it there is short. I could run through all his friends, I guess, but it probably makes sense to start closer to home. โWas it Lisa Marie?โ I ask. I donโt really think that Tripp would lie for his mother, and she was in Las Vegas anyway, but I want to test his reaction.
He answers immediately, his hand still. โNo.โ โWas it your dad?โ I ask.
โNo,โ he repeats, and rubs his thumb. โBingo,โ I say softly.
Unlike me, Tripp has never been a blusher, but now his cheeks stain a deep red as his mouth drops open. โHow the hell are you doing that?โ he breathes, too startled to fake anything. Then he tries to recover, stammering that he was just messing with me, but heโs nowhere near sober enough to pull it off.
โIโm not going to tell on your dad, Tripp.โ I say it with a pang, because solving the theft might be a key puzzle piece in the overall mystery, but Iโve never been more sure of anything than this: Tripp needs to talk about what happened back then. โI just want to know. How did the money end up in Charlotteโs locker?โ
He drops his head into both hands and falls silent for a long minute. Iโm about to ask again, when he looks up and says, โSwear you wonโt tell?โ
I cross my heart. โI promise.โ
โI found it the weekend before Mr. Larkin died, when I was looking for a hammer in the basement,โ Tripp says. โIt was under my dadโs workbench. I knew what it was, right away. He mustโve taken it during that whole shelf fiasco, you know, when he was building them for Grizz and then he unbuilt them? I brought it up to my room and tried to figure out what to do. I decided Iโd bring the money back to school and slip it into the office when no one was looking, but I lost my nerve and left it at home on Monday. Which is when you saw it.โ
He knots his hands together so tightly that the veins in his forearms bulge. โI lost my nerve on Tuesday and Wednesday too. Then Mr. Larkin died, and I didnโt go to school on Thursday. It felt like that fucking envelope was staring at me all day. So on Friday I was finally like, โI have to get rid of this goddamn thing, no more stalling,โ and I brought it to school. I thought I could be sly and drop it in Grizzโs office when nobody was looking. I was almost there when I saw the cop heโd brought in to search our lockers. I didnโt know what he was there for, but I panicked anyway. I took the little envelope out of the big one so I could dump it into the nearest locker, which turned out to be Charlotteโs. Then I put the big envelope through the shredder in the art room.โ
โAnd you never told Charlotte?โ I ask. โI never told anybody,โ he says.
My mind is spinning. Itโs awful that his dad took the money, butโthis canโt be why Tripp has been spiraling, right? Itโs not enough. Thereโs something else going on. Iโm trying to figure out the best way to worm more details out of him, when Tripp shifts in his seat to face me. โThatโs why I said all that stuff to you,โ he says.
โThat stuffโฆ,โ I start, and then I get it. โIn gym class.โ
โYeah.โ He swallows hard. โI knew you saw the envelope the night before. I was afraid youโd write about it for theย Saint Ambrose Sentinelย and my dad would wind up in jail. I tried to make it so nobody would believe you if you covered it. So theyโd think you were just making stuff up to get back at me. Or maybe youโd be too embarrassed to try.โ
โI didnโt even realize what the envelope was,โ I say. โNot till recently.โ โCool.โ Tripp hangs his head. โGlad I alienated you for no reason
whatsoever.โ
โYou couldโve talked to me about it,โ I say. โWe were friends, remember?โ
โSure,โ he says, shrugging. โBut you cared more about the school paper than about me.โ
โThatโs not true!โ I protest, stung. Tripp just snorts. I want to keep arguing, butโฆthe thing is, I was pretty black-and-white in my thinking back
then. Maybe I wouldnโt have caredย moreย about the paper, but I definitely would have felt a strong urge to finish the story. I probably would have thought that since telling the truth is objectively the right thing to do, everything would turn out fine. So all I finish with is โYou couldโve been less brutal in gym class.โ
Trippโs gaze is focused on the circle of lamplight on the rug. โI donโt even remember what I said,โ he mutters. Then he rubs his fingers together.
โYeah, you do,โ I say, and he collapses against the sofa. โHow?โ he asks plaintively, his voice ragged.
โWhyโd you pick that particular lie?โ I ask. It doesnโt matter, I guess, but Iโm curious.
Tripp lets out a bitter laugh. โI might as well tell you, right? Youโll know if I donโt, because youโre some kind of goddamn truth wizard.โ He rakes a hand through his hair. โI was freaking in love with you back then, Brynn, and I was afraid that if I didnโt make you hate me so much that youโd never talk to me again, Iโd end up spilling everything. There was a small, stupid part of me that almostย wantedย to give you that big scoop, because it would make you happy. Messed up, right? I had to get rid of that part.โ
His hands donโt move.
I fall silent, and Tripp snort-laughs again. โI finally shut you up, huh?โ โYou wereโ You never said anything,โ I stammer.
โWhy would I? You didnโt like me that way. And letโs not forget that I was thirteen and basically a disaster. But there you go, Brynn. Thereโs your truth. Are you satisfied?โ
โNo,โ I say, and he blows out a sigh. โIโm sorry, but none of that is bad enough forโall this.โ I wave a hand around him. โYou havenโt been to school or work in a week, and Iโm pretty sure you havenโt been sober for that entire time either. You look terrible.โ That last partโs not true, actually, but heย shouldย look terrible, which is the important point. โYouโre hiding out in Charlotteโs guesthouse. It canโt just be because your dad took some money or because youโฆliked me and then cut ties with me.โ I canโt bring
myself to sayย love;ย that was the alcohol talking, and anyway, it was four years ago and we were kids. โWhat arenโt you telling me?โ
What did you do?ย Who was that question for? Thatโs the key to everything, and right now there are only three people I can think of: Shane, Charlotte, or his dad.
โNo,โ Tripp says, softly but firmly. โNo what?โ
โNo more,โ he says.
โTripp, I really think you have toโโ
โI donโt.โ His gaze suddenly sharpens into a glare. โI remember why Iโm mad at you. You work for that TV show. Youโve been using me this whole time, havenโt you?โ
โNo,โ I say. โI havenโt, I swear. Iโm really sorry that I didnโt tell you aboutย Motive.ย I should have. But I never shared anything you told me with them.โ He just shakes his head, and I add, โIโll quit, Tripp. I will send an email and quit right now if youโll tell me what happened to make you this upset.โ
โNo, you wonโt.โ
โIโm doing it.โ I pull up Carlyโs email and type,ย Iโm so sorry, but I have a conflict of interest and can no longer work as an intern atย Motive.ย Thank you so much for the experience. I appreciate the opportunity and will always be grateful.
I show Tripp my screen, and his lips twist. โYou wonโt send it.โ
I take a deep breathโhere goes nothing, goodbye, internship, you were great while you lasted, until the Blandy Era anywayโand press send. Then I open my sent folder and show it to him. โSee?โ
โThat was stupid,โ he mutters. โI never said Iโd tell you anything.โ โI know,โ I say. โBut I want you to know you can trust me.โ
He looks away. โThereโs nothing more to tell.โ
I donโt need to see his hands to know thatโs a lie. โJust give me a chance, Tripp. Please. Donโt you think it would help you feel better?โ
โI donโt know,โ Tripp says, his voice hollow. โI donโt think Iโll ever feel better, to be honest. I donโt think I should.โ
There doesnโt seem to be anything I can say to convince him, but I canโt just give up either. I move closer until Iโm right next to him, and take his face in both of my hands, feeling the sharp planes of his cheekbones and the soft scruff at his jawline as I pin him with my gaze. โTripp, if you donโt let whatever is inside of you out, Iโm honestly afraid that itโs going to kill you. And soon.โ
He jerks his head away, eyes burning into mine. โDonโt do that,โ he says hoarsely. โDonโtโyou canโt touch me like that when you know how IโฆFuck.โ He slumps against the sofa, eyes closed, and I shove down the part of me that wants to ask,ย When I know how you what?ย This is not the time for that conversation. โIโm so tired,โ he says. โOf all of it.โ
I donโt say anything, because I canโt think what else to say. Iโve used every tool in my limited arsenal of persuasion. So I just sit there, quietly, for so long that I think Tripp must have fallen asleep. And then, when Iโm about to touch his sleeve to see if he has, he says, eyes still closed, โIt started right before the leaf project.โ