Chapter no 28

Nothing More to Tell

โ€Œโ€œLooking for you,โ€ I pant, releasing the pillar and dropping gracelessly to the ground. Tripp is on the other side of the fence, in a T-shirt and his Saint Ambrose blazer, his jaw unshaven and his hair mussed. โ€œI thought you might be in thatโ€”shed, or whatever it is, so I was trying to get over the fence.โ€ I dust my palms together and add, โ€œThat last part was probably obvious.โ€โ€Œ

โ€œDid you consider using the gate?โ€ Tripp asks, in that careful voice he puts on when heโ€™s trying to sound less drunk than he is. He reaches out a hand to tug at something a few feet to my right, and a section of the wrought-iron fence swings outward. Iโ€™m very glad, suddenly, that itโ€™s too dark for him to see the heat rising in my cheeks.

How, given what I came here for, can he still make me blush?

โ€œYou know I donโ€™t like gates,โ€ I say, stepping through before he changes his mind.

Tripp looks me up and down with those long-lashed eyes of his, frowning. โ€œIโ€™m mad at you,โ€ he says slowly. โ€œBut I donโ€™t remember why.โ€

โ€œProbably wasnโ€™t that bad, then,โ€ I mutter, scuffing the toe of my boot into the ground.

โ€œWhy are you here, Brynn?โ€ he asks.

I could ask him the same question, but I donโ€™t know how much time we have before he either decides to sic Charlotte and Shane on me or stops making sense. โ€œI need to talk to you. Do you want to go into the shed for a minute? You look cold.โ€

Tripp turns to look at the building behind him. โ€œItโ€™s not a shed,โ€ he says. โ€œItโ€™s a guesthouse. And Iโ€™m not cold.โ€ He watches me shiver for a bit and adds, โ€œBut you are, so fine.โ€

Once we enter the guesthouse, I canโ€™t believe I ever called it a shed. Itโ€™s beautiful inside, most of the space dominated by a living area that contains a sectional sofa flanked by leather armchairs, with a heavy oak coffee table in between. Bookshelves line one wall, and a tall bronze lamp casts a warm, buttery circle of light onto the richly colored carpet.

Tripp staggers a little and shrugs off his blazer before collapsing into a corner of the sofa. I take off my coat and perch a few feet away from him. Iโ€™m a little surprised by his lack of resistance, but I also donโ€™t think he was being facetious when he said he couldnโ€™t remember why he was angry with me. Heโ€™s obviously not doing well, and it makes my chest constrict even though I know, finally, why I havenโ€™t been able to trust him fully.

โ€œOkay,โ€ I say. โ€œI need to talk to you because I remembered something. About the class-trip money that went missing in eighth grade.โ€ I pause, looking for some kind of signal that the topic means something to him, and I donโ€™t think Iโ€™m wrong that he stiffens a little.

โ€œThere were two envelopes,โ€ I continue. โ€œA small envelope that held the money. That was found in Charlotteโ€™s locker. And a bigger, turquoise one covered with stickers, that held the smaller envelope plus the donor list. That was never found. But I saw it, after the money had gone missing.โ€ I wait a beat for his reaction, but thereโ€™s nothing this time. โ€œI saw it in your room while we were doing homework.โ€

โ€œNo, you didnโ€™t,โ€ Tripp says instantly. Then he rubs his thumb with his finger, and I feel a spark of triumph.ย Liar. Caught you.ย But the spark dies as

quickly as it came, becauseโ€”all of a sudden Tripp has a motive for keeping Mr. Larkin quiet, doesnโ€™t he? If he stole that money years ago, and Mr. Larkin found out about itโ€ฆ

No. Iโ€™m getting ahead of myself. I havenโ€™t asked nearly enough questions, and besides, I keep circling back to what Tripp said in Mr. Solomonโ€™s house, when he seemed to be flashing back to Mr. Larkinโ€™s death.ย What did you do?ย Notย What have I done?ย I think his raw, horrified voice in my head is why I came looking for him without hesitation, never imagining that pushing for the truth might be dangerous. Thatย heย could be dangerous. Iโ€™m pretty sure that the only person Tripp is dangerous to, especially right now, is himself.

โ€œYes, I did,โ€ I say. โ€œI know what I saw.โ€ I swallow hard and add, โ€œDid you take the money, Tripp?โ€

He runs a hand across his temple, then over his scruffy jaw and the back of his neck. โ€œIโ€™m so tired,โ€ he says heavily.

โ€œOf what?โ€ I ask. โ€œEverything.โ€

โ€œDid you take the money?โ€ I repeat.

He drops his hand to his lap and says, โ€œYeah, I took it. What can I say? Iโ€™m sorry. It was dumb.โ€ Then he rubs his thumb again, and relief floods through me.ย Goodbye, motive.

โ€œNo, you didnโ€™t,โ€ I say.

His eyes flash with surprise. โ€œI just told you I did.โ€

โ€œAnd Iโ€™m telling you that I know you didnโ€™t. Was it Charlotte?โ€ We can do this by process of elimination, I guess.

โ€œOkay, yeah, it was. Iโ€™m just trying to look out for her. She didnโ€™t mean any harm.โ€ His fingers move again, and itโ€™s honestly shocking to me that he doesnโ€™t realize he does this. Every single time.

โ€œNope,โ€ I say. โ€œNot her either.โ€

He frowns. โ€œWhat are you playing at, Brynn? You ask, I answer, and you tell me Iโ€™m lying. Why are you even here if you donโ€™t believe a word I say?โ€

โ€œBecause Iโ€™ll know when youโ€™re telling the truth,โ€ I say.

Tripp huffs out a humorless laugh. โ€œYou will, huh? Because youโ€™re magical like that.โ€

Who is he protecting? The envelope was in his house, so the list of people who might have put it there is short. I could run through all his friends, I guess, but it probably makes sense to start closer to home. โ€œWas it Lisa Marie?โ€ I ask. I donโ€™t really think that Tripp would lie for his mother, and she was in Las Vegas anyway, but I want to test his reaction.

He answers immediately, his hand still. โ€œNo.โ€ โ€œWas it your dad?โ€ I ask.

โ€œNo,โ€ he repeats, and rubs his thumb. โ€œBingo,โ€ I say softly.

Unlike me, Tripp has never been a blusher, but now his cheeks stain a deep red as his mouth drops open. โ€œHow the hell are you doing that?โ€ he breathes, too startled to fake anything. Then he tries to recover, stammering that he was just messing with me, but heโ€™s nowhere near sober enough to pull it off.

โ€œIโ€™m not going to tell on your dad, Tripp.โ€ I say it with a pang, because solving the theft might be a key puzzle piece in the overall mystery, but Iโ€™ve never been more sure of anything than this: Tripp needs to talk about what happened back then. โ€œI just want to know. How did the money end up in Charlotteโ€™s locker?โ€

He drops his head into both hands and falls silent for a long minute. Iโ€™m about to ask again, when he looks up and says, โ€œSwear you wonโ€™t tell?โ€

I cross my heart. โ€œI promise.โ€

โ€œI found it the weekend before Mr. Larkin died, when I was looking for a hammer in the basement,โ€ Tripp says. โ€œIt was under my dadโ€™s workbench. I knew what it was, right away. He mustโ€™ve taken it during that whole shelf fiasco, you know, when he was building them for Grizz and then he unbuilt them? I brought it up to my room and tried to figure out what to do. I decided Iโ€™d bring the money back to school and slip it into the office when no one was looking, but I lost my nerve and left it at home on Monday. Which is when you saw it.โ€

He knots his hands together so tightly that the veins in his forearms bulge. โ€œI lost my nerve on Tuesday and Wednesday too. Then Mr. Larkin died, and I didnโ€™t go to school on Thursday. It felt like that fucking envelope was staring at me all day. So on Friday I was finally like, โ€˜I have to get rid of this goddamn thing, no more stalling,โ€™ and I brought it to school. I thought I could be sly and drop it in Grizzโ€™s office when nobody was looking. I was almost there when I saw the cop heโ€™d brought in to search our lockers. I didnโ€™t know what he was there for, but I panicked anyway. I took the little envelope out of the big one so I could dump it into the nearest locker, which turned out to be Charlotteโ€™s. Then I put the big envelope through the shredder in the art room.โ€

โ€œAnd you never told Charlotte?โ€ I ask. โ€œI never told anybody,โ€ he says.

My mind is spinning. Itโ€™s awful that his dad took the money, butโ€”this canโ€™t be why Tripp has been spiraling, right? Itโ€™s not enough. Thereโ€™s something else going on. Iโ€™m trying to figure out the best way to worm more details out of him, when Tripp shifts in his seat to face me. โ€œThatโ€™s why I said all that stuff to you,โ€ he says.

โ€œThat stuffโ€ฆ,โ€ I start, and then I get it. โ€œIn gym class.โ€

โ€œYeah.โ€ He swallows hard. โ€œI knew you saw the envelope the night before. I was afraid youโ€™d write about it for theย Saint Ambrose Sentinelย and my dad would wind up in jail. I tried to make it so nobody would believe you if you covered it. So theyโ€™d think you were just making stuff up to get back at me. Or maybe youโ€™d be too embarrassed to try.โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t even realize what the envelope was,โ€ I say. โ€œNot till recently.โ€ โ€œCool.โ€ Tripp hangs his head. โ€œGlad I alienated you for no reason

whatsoever.โ€

โ€œYou couldโ€™ve talked to me about it,โ€ I say. โ€œWe were friends, remember?โ€

โ€œSure,โ€ he says, shrugging. โ€œBut you cared more about the school paper than about me.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s not true!โ€ I protest, stung. Tripp just snorts. I want to keep arguing, butโ€ฆthe thing is, I was pretty black-and-white in my thinking back

then. Maybe I wouldnโ€™t have caredย moreย about the paper, but I definitely would have felt a strong urge to finish the story. I probably would have thought that since telling the truth is objectively the right thing to do, everything would turn out fine. So all I finish with is โ€œYou couldโ€™ve been less brutal in gym class.โ€

Trippโ€™s gaze is focused on the circle of lamplight on the rug. โ€œI donโ€™t even remember what I said,โ€ he mutters. Then he rubs his fingers together.

โ€œYeah, you do,โ€ I say, and he collapses against the sofa. โ€œHow?โ€ he asks plaintively, his voice ragged.

โ€œWhyโ€™d you pick that particular lie?โ€ I ask. It doesnโ€™t matter, I guess, but Iโ€™m curious.

Tripp lets out a bitter laugh. โ€œI might as well tell you, right? Youโ€™ll know if I donโ€™t, because youโ€™re some kind of goddamn truth wizard.โ€ He rakes a hand through his hair. โ€œI was freaking in love with you back then, Brynn, and I was afraid that if I didnโ€™t make you hate me so much that youโ€™d never talk to me again, Iโ€™d end up spilling everything. There was a small, stupid part of me that almostย wantedย to give you that big scoop, because it would make you happy. Messed up, right? I had to get rid of that part.โ€

His hands donโ€™t move.

I fall silent, and Tripp snort-laughs again. โ€œI finally shut you up, huh?โ€ โ€œYou wereโ€” You never said anything,โ€ I stammer.

โ€œWhy would I? You didnโ€™t like me that way. And letโ€™s not forget that I was thirteen and basically a disaster. But there you go, Brynn. Thereโ€™s your truth. Are you satisfied?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ I say, and he blows out a sigh. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, but none of that is bad enough forโ€”all this.โ€ I wave a hand around him. โ€œYou havenโ€™t been to school or work in a week, and Iโ€™m pretty sure you havenโ€™t been sober for that entire time either. You look terrible.โ€ That last partโ€™s not true, actually, but heย shouldย look terrible, which is the important point. โ€œYouโ€™re hiding out in Charlotteโ€™s guesthouse. It canโ€™t just be because your dad took some money or because youโ€ฆliked me and then cut ties with me.โ€ I canโ€™t bring

myself to sayย love;ย that was the alcohol talking, and anyway, it was four years ago and we were kids. โ€œWhat arenโ€™t you telling me?โ€

What did you do?ย Who was that question for? Thatโ€™s the key to everything, and right now there are only three people I can think of: Shane, Charlotte, or his dad.

โ€œNo,โ€ Tripp says, softly but firmly. โ€œNo what?โ€

โ€œNo more,โ€ he says.

โ€œTripp, I really think you have toโ€”โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t.โ€ His gaze suddenly sharpens into a glare. โ€œI remember why Iโ€™m mad at you. You work for that TV show. Youโ€™ve been using me this whole time, havenโ€™t you?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ I say. โ€œI havenโ€™t, I swear. Iโ€™m really sorry that I didnโ€™t tell you aboutย Motive.ย I should have. But I never shared anything you told me with them.โ€ He just shakes his head, and I add, โ€œIโ€™ll quit, Tripp. I will send an email and quit right now if youโ€™ll tell me what happened to make you this upset.โ€

โ€œNo, you wonโ€™t.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m doing it.โ€ I pull up Carlyโ€™s email and type,ย Iโ€™m so sorry, but I have a conflict of interest and can no longer work as an intern atย Motive.ย Thank you so much for the experience. I appreciate the opportunity and will always be grateful.

I show Tripp my screen, and his lips twist. โ€œYou wonโ€™t send it.โ€

I take a deep breathโ€”here goes nothing, goodbye, internship, you were great while you lasted, until the Blandy Era anywayโ€”and press send. Then I open my sent folder and show it to him. โ€œSee?โ€

โ€œThat was stupid,โ€ he mutters. โ€œI never said Iโ€™d tell you anything.โ€ โ€œI know,โ€ I say. โ€œBut I want you to know you can trust me.โ€

He looks away. โ€œThereโ€™s nothing more to tell.โ€

I donโ€™t need to see his hands to know thatโ€™s a lie. โ€œJust give me a chance, Tripp. Please. Donโ€™t you think it would help you feel better?โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ Tripp says, his voice hollow. โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™ll ever feel better, to be honest. I donโ€™t think I should.โ€

There doesnโ€™t seem to be anything I can say to convince him, but I canโ€™t just give up either. I move closer until Iโ€™m right next to him, and take his face in both of my hands, feeling the sharp planes of his cheekbones and the soft scruff at his jawline as I pin him with my gaze. โ€œTripp, if you donโ€™t let whatever is inside of you out, Iโ€™m honestly afraid that itโ€™s going to kill you. And soon.โ€

He jerks his head away, eyes burning into mine. โ€œDonโ€™t do that,โ€ he says hoarsely. โ€œDonโ€™tโ€”you canโ€™t touch me like that when you know how Iโ€ฆFuck.โ€ He slumps against the sofa, eyes closed, and I shove down the part of me that wants to ask,ย When I know how you what?ย This is not the time for that conversation. โ€œIโ€™m so tired,โ€ he says. โ€œOf all of it.โ€

I donโ€™t say anything, because I canโ€™t think what else to say. Iโ€™ve used every tool in my limited arsenal of persuasion. So I just sit there, quietly, for so long that I think Tripp must have fallen asleep. And then, when Iโ€™m about to touch his sleeve to see if he has, he says, eyes still closed, โ€œIt started right before the leaf project.โ€

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