Aios left shortly after that, but the horror she and far too many others had experienced lingered in the chamber as I waited for Nyktos.
Truly sickened on a mental and physical level, I closed my eyes. I didn’t need details on how she’d survived to know that Kolis and every single individual who’d taken part in her survival should be destroyed until nothing was left of them—not even ashes.
I normally wasn’t in the business of stacking up and comparing losses to see whose were greater, but it was hard not to in this instance. Nothing I’d ever experienced in my life could compare to what Aios, Gemma, and countless others had suffered.
Dampness clung to my lashes as I forced myself to take a long and deep breath. I took what Aios had shared and tucked it away in the same place I’d hidden my emotions. I had to. It was the only way I could ignore the voice whispering in my thoughts.
You’re his weakness.
Aios had to be wrong. No one was without weakness.
The embers in my chest vibrated, alerting me to Nyktos’s presence. A knock sounded on the adjoining door as I hastily wiped at my cheeks. “Come in,” I called out, clearing my throat.
Light glinted off the cuff around Nyktos’s upper arm as he entered. He’d also changed, now wearing black leathers and a midnight-colored tunic tailored to his broad shoulders and lean waist. Silver brocade trimmed the collar and the chest. Something about seeing him in close to all black left me strangely uneasy.
Maybe it was because he looked different to me—more predatory than normal. Untouchable. Otherworldly.
Primal.
I rose, a little unsteady, and turned to him. He stopped, his gaze sweeping over the length of my hair brushing the curve of my hip. “Aios
picked the gown,” I said, lifting my arms at my sides. “She said Kolis would likely be offended by pants or something.”
His throat worked on a swallow. “The gown is beautiful.” His chest rose with a deep, shuddering breath. “You’re beautiful.”
I took a step back, even as my foolish heart gave a happy, idiotic leap. “Don’t say that.”
That shorter strand of hair slipped over his cheek as his head tilted, and his eyes lifted to mine. “I’m sorry. It’s true.” His head straightened. A moment passed. “I know things are…different between us now.”
I almost laughed but managed to stop myself.
“But none of that can matter right now. We have to set all else aside,” he continued. “Remember how I was when Attes was here?”
“Not like I’d forget,” I muttered.
“It will be like that in Dalos,” he said. “If we behave as if we cannot stand to be in each other’s presence instead of appearing as if there is some sort of attraction between us, it will raise questions. I need to know if you’re able to handle that.”
My spine went rigid. “Do I really have a choice?”
“You were willing to pretend to be infatuated with me to seduce me, so I would think you would be willing to do the same to keep yourself alive,” he replied.
I curled my hands into fists. “I wasn’t pretending to be infatuated with you.”
Nyktos eyed me. “You weren’t pretending at all.”
The back of my neck tingled. “That wasn’t what I was saying.”
“I know, but that doesn’t change the truth of it. It was never an act.
None of it.”
I sucked in a shrill breath. “Congratulations on realizing that when it’s too late,” I snapped.
Eather pulsed faintly behind his eyes. “Too late for what?” Crossing my arms over my chest, I said nothing.
“Wanting to be my Consort? In more than title?” Nyktos drifted closer in that silent way of his. “To the people of the Shadowlands and, eventually, Iliseeum? To me?”
The embers in my chest hummed as my skin prickled, heated. “Why would you speak of this now?”
“I don’t know.” A look of genuine dismay skittered across his normally stoic features. “Because why would you want that from me—want more— when you know I’m incapable of giving you what you deserve.”
“And what is it that I deserve?”
“Someone who loves you, unconditionally and irrevocably. Someone who had the courage to allow themselves to feel that,” he said. My arms slipped free of my hold as I stared at him. He looked away, shoulders straightening. “You were sad. Before I entered the room, I could taste your sorrow. Tangy and heavy.” His gaze flicked back to mine. “When I could sense nothing from you before.”
I wasn’t surprised to hear that I had projected that strongly. “Aios told me about her time in Dalos.”
“She did?” Surprise filled his tone.
I nodded. “She was worried that I would try something to stop Kolis.” “And does she have a reason to worry?”
She should, but… I shook my head. “I want a future—a life that I control. Not death. I want to survive this.”
“So you can finally live? Be free?”
Chest heavy, I nodded once more as I turned from him. An unseen clock ticked over our heads, and I knew we couldn’t delay this. But I also knew that if I allowed myself to feel more than what had broken through during my talk with Aios, I would also find that I was what Nyktos claimed I wasn’t. Afraid.
I rubbed my hands over my arms. “What if…what if he recognizes me as Sotoria?”
“Then there will be a war,” he said.
Heart lurching, I faced him. There had been no hesitation in his response. Not even a heartbeat. “Nyktos—”
“You do not belong to him. You do not belong to anyone,” he bit out. “If he recognizes you as Sotoria, he will try to keep you. I will not allow that to happen.”
A chill spider-walked down my spine.
Nyktos stepped toward me, his chin lowered. “He may be eons older than me, and he may have the entire Court and most—if not all—of the Primals behind him, but if he makes even one move toward you, I will leave the entire City of the Gods in ruins.”
Air snagged in my throat. No part of me in that moment doubted that Nyktos was capable of doing just that. “I don’t want it to come to that.”
“Neither do I,” he said quietly. “My guards are aware that things can go south. They don’t know all the reasons, but they will be prepared to defend the Shadowlands, as are the armies.”
I forced breath into my lungs, breathing long and slow. As wrong as it was, I didn’t want Kolis to recognize me. I didn’t want to have to use what I’d spent my life training to do to end him. But I didn’t want the kind of bloodshed Nyktos spoke of. That level of destruction would not only rip through Iliseeum; it was sure to spread to the mortal realm, as well. The only way either realm survived was if I lived—at least, long enough for Nyktos to take the embers. But if Kolis realized who I was…
Then all I could do was prevent a war. That wasn’t much. The mortal realm would be lost and, eventually, at some point in the distant future, so would Iliseeum. But it was something.
“I have never asked anything of you,” I said, meeting his gaze. “You have asked seven things of me, to be exact.”
“Okay. Forget those things. What I’m asking now—no, what I will beg of you is far more important.”
Nyktos stiffened, the eather flaring brightly in his eyes as if he knew what I was about to say. And maybe he did.
“If Kolis recognizes me as Sotoria, I don’t want you to intervene.” “Sera—”
“I cannot be the cause of a war that will destroy cities and end in countless deaths. I would never be free then. Whatever life I had wouldn’t bring me any joy, knowing that,” I said, my voice trembling. “I couldn’t live with it. I would be as good as dead. I know the embers are important, but—”
“It is not only the fucking embers that are important, Sera. You.” He inhaled sharply as I jolted. “You are important. And what you ask of me is to walk away, leaving you to not only certain death but also with Kolis. If Aios told you all, then you know what that will entail. And you also have to know that it will be far worse for you because you won’t be his favorite. You will be his in all the ways he believes he has a right to.”
Nausea rose. “I know.”
He was right in front of me now, his eyes full of swirling eather. “Then you have to know that what you ask of me is to do exactly what you say
you cannot do—what I’ve already had to do my entire life. To live while knowing I’ve left others behind to suffer and die in unimaginable ways. To live when I’m already dead inside.”
I drew back. “You’re not dead inside.”
“You really think that?” He laughed, and it was icy. Smoky. “Even had I never had my kardia removed, I wouldn’t be capable of love. Not after what I’ve had to do. What I’ve allowed. That alone would have left me unworthy of experiencing such an emotion. And that goodness you see in me? That part of me that you believe extends to all others, it’s almost gone. Letting Kolis destroy yet another innocent—destroy you—will take what is left of that goodness. I will become something far worse than Kolis.”
He fears becoming Kolis.
I hadn’t thought that possible when Nektas had said it. I still didn’t, but I knew that didn’t matter if Nyktos believed it. If I demanded that others not tell me how to feel, it was not my place to then do one of those things I hated.
Which meant we were at a crossroads. In a stalemate and left with two options that neither of us could live with.
And neither realm would likely survive.
“Then I guess…” Exhaling roughly, I looked up at him. “Then I guess we’re screwed.”
He stared at me for a moment and then barked out a short, ragged laugh. “I suppose that is one way of saying it.”
“Or maybe you two will get lucky and he won’t recognize you.” Nektas came through the open adjoining door with Jadis still sprawled over his shoulder and chest. Reaver followed in his draken form, gliding to the couch. “Jadis wanted to see you before you left,” Nektas explained. “And I decided to eavesdrop.”
“Not shocked to hear that,” I murmured.
At the sound of my voice, Jadis lifted her ruddy cheeks. Blinking sleep- heavy, crimson eyes, she stretched two little arms in my direction as Nektas brought her to me. I didn’t know what to do, but when I lifted my hands, she grasped fistfuls of my hair and bent over, pressing her lips to my forehead.
It was the messiest, wettest, and sweetest kiss I’d ever received. “Night-night,” she murmured, pulling back.
“That’s her way of saying goodbye,” Nektas explained.
“Night-night,” I whispered, voice strangely thick as I carefully untangled her fingers from my hair.
Her rosy lips parted and spread in a beautiful smile. Then she turned to Nyktos and repeated the same. The strangest thing happened as the Primal moved closer to the little draken. It was like a flush of the muscles. They went loose and then tightened as I watched him bend his head to her and take her tiny arms in a gentle grasp. The wet smack against his forehead and his answering smile made my heart do all kinds of weird things.
I quickly looked away, swallowing the sudden thickness in my throat. There had been nothing fake about his smile. His entire face had warmed. And, gods, that expression, the gentle way he held the child’s arms, said there was a lot more of him that was still alive than he realized.
“I want to go with you two,” Nektas said quietly. “But only you and Ash can answer the summons.”
Clearing my throat, I nodded. “You really think we’ll be lucky?”
“I don’t see why luck couldn’t be on our side this time.” Nektas clasped the back of my neck with his free hand. “I will see you again.”
I believed him.
I just hoped it wasn’t at the beginning of a war.
 |
Nyktos and I stood on his balcony under the light gray skies. We wouldn’t be traveling by horse. I was about to experience the oddity that was shadowstepping again.
“You ready?” Nyktos asked.
Not at all, but I didn’t say that as I tipped back my head to look at the faint glimmer of stars. All that hurt I’d tucked away just a day ago seemed insignificant in the face of what awaited us. “You know,” I said, heart pounding, “I’ve discovered that I’d rather not know when I’m about to pass out.”
“Understandable.” He was close, standing behind me. “Once you Ascend, you won’t pass out or feel any pain from this. You’ll be able to do it yourself.”
As I touched the smooth railing, once I Ascended felt like a longshot instead of a possibility. “Before we go, can you tell me what to expect? Like what are some of the things Kolis may demand of us?” I asked.
There was a gap of silence and then, “The possibilities are endless,” he said, his tone flat. “Once he demanded that I rip out the heart of a godling who hadn’t bowed as quickly as the others when I passed.”
Embers of eather vibrated as I closed my eyes. “How many of the marks on your skin are because of what he has demanded?”
“One hundred and ten,” he answered.
Bile clogged my throat. He’d known that without having to think about the number.
“I’ve lost count of the atrocities I’ve witnessed,” he continued after a beat. “I used to have to force myself to watch if there was nothing I could do. I miss those days. Because now…now I don’t believe I even bat an eyelash.”
He might have no physical reaction to the horror, but I knew it still got to him. It was in the rasp of his tone. “Have you been there when he…when he gets tired of one of his favorites?”
“I have.”
My stomach continued to churn. “And?”
“And I’ve had to look the other way until I could try to get them out.
Sometimes, I was too late to do anything.”
“But you have intervened.” I gripped the railing, thinking of Saion and Rhahar and the Chosen he’d saved.
“When I could be sure my intervention didn’t carry a price others would pay.” He paused. “I wish you didn’t even have to think about that or be in this position.”
I nodded, forcing my grip to loosen on the railing. “I’ll be able to do whatever is necessary.”
“Because you’ve killed upon your mother’s request?” Unable to speak, I gave a curt nod as I opened my eyes.
“Just remember, no matter what happens, a part of you is good. That cannot be tainted by what may come. You are not a monster. And you will not be one when we return.”
That damn knot swelled once more in my throat, replacing the sour taste of bile. “Maybe I’m not a monster, but I, like you, am capable of
monstrous acts. And when I really think about that, I’m not sure there’s really a difference between the two.”
“Then all of us, those good and bad, are a little monstrous,” he said. Preparing myself, I turned to Nyktos. “I’m ready.”
He took my hands in his, and the charge of energy danced up my arms. He fitted me to his chest, and the contact sent a startling rush of sensations through me that I ordered myself to ignore.
“Hold on,” he said, his voice roughening.
Inhaling sharply, I placed my hands against the front of his tunic, breathing in the scent of citrus.
His cool breath skimmed my cheek. “A bit tighter than that, Sera.” “I don’t remember being required to hold on tighter before.”
“You held me as if your life depended on it before,” he remarked. “I don’t recall doing that,” I muttered.
Nyktos chuckled as he folded an arm over my lower back. His head dropped, and his breath touched the curve of my neck, eliciting an unwanted shiver.
The air charged, and Nyktos’s body hummed against mine with power. The white mist I’d seen in the Great Hall in Wayfair didn’t come from the floor this time. It came from Nyktos, heavy and thick. It swirled around us, laced with dark shadows. My chest tightened as the swirling mist reached my hips. I locked up.
“Breathe with me,” he said, dragging his hand to the center of my back as his chest rose against mine and held for a count of four, then exhaled. I matched his next breath as the mist churned at my shoulders. “Breathe.”
Nyktos’s lips touched the same spot Jadis had kissed as the mist swallowed us. The Shadowlands fell away, taking me with it.
And I held on.
 |
I blinked.
That was what it felt like this time.
I simply blinked, and when I opened my eyes, we were standing under a shimmery canopy of golden leaves. The branches above our heads were
so heavy with them that the glow cast upon us didn’t come from the patches of blue sky but from the sun reflecting off the leaves. I’d never seen anything like them.
Cool fingers touched my cheek as I heard the soft trill of birds calling to one another, a sound I hadn’t heard since arriving in the Shadowlands. Nyktos drew my gaze to his wide, swirling eyes. “Sera?” he whispered.
“Yeah?”
He was quiet as he stared down at me, and I began to grow concerned. “You barely went unconscious.”
I hadn’t realized I had gone unconscious at all. “Is that a bad thing?”
His jaw flexed. “We need to get those embers out of you,” he said, still whispering. “Soon.”
My heart tripped over itself as I stepped back, looking around. The trunks of the cluster of trees we stood in glittered with specks of gold. “They’re beautiful.”
Nyktos’s hand fell away. “They’re called trees of Aios.”
I glanced at him. “I assume the name isn’t a coincidence?”
A wry grin appeared as he looked up at them. “No. Aios grew them with her touch.”
My mouth fell open. “She can do that?”
“She can create many beautiful things when she wants to,” he said, and I wondered if Aios had grown these trees after she’d fled Dalos. “We’re at the very gates of Dalos. Once we leave these trees, we must be very careful.”
I nodded.
“Do not allow anyone to lure you away,” he continued. “And trust no one.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.”
“Good,” he said. “They will already know we’ve arrived. It would’ve been felt.”
My heart kicked against my ribs. “I’m ready,” I told him, and I wasn’t sure if that was a lie or not. Regardless, we began walking through the shining trees, our steps strangely making no sound.
I took the time to focus on making sure my emotions were locked away and that my heart and mind were calm. I breathed in the balmy breeze that reminded me of home, held my breath to the count of four, then exhaled. I did this as we reached the edge of the trees, and the Rise around the city of
Dalos came into view. The wall was as tall as the one circling the House of Haides and Lethe but constructed of polished marble that glittered with chunks of glittering stone. Diamonds.
Fancy.
But what caught my attention was the thick mist above the Rise, a shroud much as I’d seen in the Vale that obscured all that lay beyond.
Warm sunlight bore down on us, and when I looked at the sky, I saw no sun, just like in the Vale. Nyktos was quiet as my gaze fell upon the gate of the Rise, which lay open to us. A dozen guards stood at the sides of the gate, and they immediately reminded me of the statue of Kolis in the Great Hall of Wayfair.
Golden chestplates engraved with the same symbol that had been carved into Nyktos’s palm were worn over white, knee-length tunics. Greaves covered their calves. Swords with golden blades were sheathed at their waists. Their heads were bare, but some sort of thick golden paint adorned their faces like a mask—one shaped like wings.
Something about it struck a chord of familiarity in me, but I couldn’t place it as a shadow fell upon us. I sent a quick look over my shoulder, and air lodged in my throat. Massive statues of men carved from marble rose beyond above the trees of Aios, standing with their arms at their sides, in a line that traveled east and west as far as I could see. They were taller than any building in Lasania, even the Temples, and cast an imposing shadow on us as the guards by the gate knelt.
We passed them in silence, crossing into the City of the Gods, and I saw what the Rise and mist hid. I knew my mouth was hanging open as I took in Dalos, awed by the size of the city. It was far greater than Carsodonia, the capital of Lasania.
Trees similar to those in the Vale lined a road shimmering with crushed diamonds, their low, sweeping branches falling in a canopy of white blossoms that stirred gently in the breeze. My gaze followed the road to an immense structure behind a glittering wall shorter than that of the Rise, not too far from the entrance. Its four staggered towers rose from the middle of the dome, seeming to drink in the beams of sunlight. I could see the tips of ivory and gold canopies rolling just beyond the inner Rise. Despite the warmth, my skin chilled. Instinct told me that was where he, the true Primal of Death, waited in the sprawling diamond and crystal fortress.
I dragged my gaze from the fortress and looked out over the sparkling city. Buildings large and small dotted the many hills and valleys as far as the eye could track, some flat and square and others round with sweeping colonnades, their sides diamond-bright. Throughout the city, crystalline towers rose upward in graceful, spinning arcs that disappeared into wispy, white clouds. Vines appeared to grow over many of the buildings, crawling their way up the spires.
“It’s beautiful.”
“From a distance, it is.”
A bolt of unease skittered through me. I glanced at Nyktos as he led me down the center of the narrow road, the only sound that of the breeze playing with the trees’ graceful, arching branches and the whisper of wind. A frown pulled at my lips as I glanced around, seeing no one and…and hearing no one. Not even the birds calling to one another in the trees of Aios could be heard here. Tiny goosebumps spread across my flesh with each step that brought us closer to the fortress.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, my voice low.
“Do you know what many have taken to calling Dalos?” Nyktos said, gaze alert as he continuously scanned the trees. “The City of the Dead.”
That didn’t bode well.
“Those who still live are likely at Court.” He gestured with his chin at the fortress. “Held within the grounds of Cor Palace.”
My mouth dried as we neared the pillars of the inner Rise. There were no guards at this gate, but there was a strange scent in the air—a sweetness mixed with something metallic. The trepidation amplified, and the embers in my chest hummed unsteadily as we walked between the pillars and entered the courtyard of Cor. Nyktos cursed under his breath as our steps slowed and my gaze swept over—
I jerked to a stop as horror gripped me. It hadn’t been the wind I’d heard. Good gods, it was moans. The sound came from the trees inside the courtyard, from the gleaming coves of the fortress, and from the billowing white cloths that weren’t canopies but veils, torn gowns, and tunics rippling in the wind.
Nothing—absolutely nothing—could’ve prepared me for this. My gaze darted from the nude body strung above the golden doors of Cor, stained with dried rivulets of crimson, to the swaying, limp forms beyond the white blossoms of the willows. Bile choked me. My heart pounded as my throat
tightened and seized at the sound—the moaning—echoing from the branches and from the spaces between the pillars lining the colonnade, where hands and feet had been spiked to the stone.
I thought I heard Nyktos whisper my name, but I couldn’t be sure because the moaning was a chorus far more brutal than that of the sirens’. I couldn’t even count how many bodies there were—there were that many. My mouth moved without sound, and the embers…
A new horror dawned as the embers vibrated frantically in my chest, responding to not just the death but also to the dying. I tried to look away, desperately hoping that would stop the embers, but there was nowhere to look. Bodies hung like wind chimes from trees and balconies. My skin heated and hummed, and I could feel my weak control over the embers slipping away. The corners of my eyes started to turn white as my legs moved without will, drawing me to the colonnade, where a male’s blue eyes screamed what his stitched mouth could not beg for.
Life.
Or death.
A release.
My arm started to lift. I couldn’t stop it. The power of the embers was too strong, the shock of what I was seeing too much. The crack inside me began to crumble away as power seeped out, spreading.
The embers—the source of life—rose inside me, in the heart of Dalos, and there was nothing I could do to stop myself.
