My hand tightened on the stem of the glass as Bele spoke. โEctor and Saion were heading off to Lethe, and I was waiting for Aios to come. I was on my way to the kitchens, minding my own business, when I saw her entering Nyktosโs office,โ she told me. โAnd I was likeโฆgreat, that bitch is here.โ
I started to lift the glass to my lips but saw that it was empty. I thought about refilling it but decided there came a point between the first and second glasses where liquid courage turned into liquid ridiculousness.
โI thought things would change,โ she said, and my gaze flew to her. Bele rose, crossing her arms. โThat Veses wouldnโt beโฆvisiting now that Nyktos was taking a Consort.โ
โWell, apparently, they havenโt,โ I said, wiping my hands on the soft dressing robe.
Bele opened her mouth and closed it. Several seconds ticked by. โI donโt know whatโs going on thereโbetween Veses and Nyktos,โ she said, and the wine immediately soured in my stomach. โHell, I donโt even really know whatโs going on with you and Nyktos. None of us do.โ
โPlease tell me his guards donโt sit around and discuss Nyktos and me,โ I said.
โWe donโt sit around and talk about you. Weโre usually standing while doing it,โ she replied, and I sighed. โNone of us really gets it. You two. Nyktos didnโt want a Consort. Didnโt need one. And you wanted to kill himโor thought you needed to. Whatever. But Iโve seen the way you look at him,โ she said, and my cheeks warmed. โIโve seen how comfortable you are touching him. Very few would even dare think of doing such a thing.โ
Veses had. And did.
My veneer of emptiness cracked a little. I got up and moved to the table, needing to pace a bit.
โAnd Iโve never seen him so involved with another as he is with you.
So annoyingly concerned.โ
Annoyingly concerned? I almost laughed. โItโs the embers, Bele. Itโs important that I stay alive.โ
Her nose wrinkled. โIf it were just the embers, he wouldnโt have verbally slain us the morning he gave his speech in the throne room about how brave you were.โ
โWhat?โ
โYep. After you left with Orphine and most of the other guards went back to their stations, he laid into the rest of us.โ She grinned. โHonestly, Nyktos can come up with some impressive and creative threats, and he delivers them with a level of coldness where no one doubts his sincerity.โ
โI didnโt know heโd said anything to you all,โ I murmured, having figured that had been what his speech was about. He couldโve made a point to speak to his most trusted guards directly because he feared they would be more likely to aid me in escape. Or he couldโve just wanted to make sure they were simply more welcoming toward me. I shook my head. It didnโt matter either way. Nyktos cared about how I was treated. What he was doing with Veses didnโt change that.
โAnyway, Iโm guessing you saw something,โ Bele said, drawing my attention back to her. โBecause thatโs the only thing I can think of that would cause you to get that angry.โ
โWhy would you think that?โ I sat and rocked the chair back, propping the toes of my feet on the edge of the table.
โBecause Iโve seen them together before.โ
I stopped breathing, just for a few seconds as I stared at her, and then I dragged in a deep breath, holding it as the realization that what Iโd seen hadnโt been a one-off thing sank in. Not that I had really believed it to be, but I supposed I had wanted it to be that.
โWhatโฆ?โ I swallowed, telling myself I didnโt need to know any more. I let the chair settle on all four legs and dropped my feet to the floor. The movement didnโt stop me from asking, โWhat did you see? Them fucking?โ
โGood Fates, no. I would be traumatized. It would be like walking in on your brother having sex.โ She shuddered as she turned, walking back to the couch. โI saw her feeding from him. That doesnโt always lead to or include sex.โ
I guessed it didnโt, but the way Veses had been movingโฆ Biting down on the side of my lip, I stopped those thoughts. I didnโt need to replay what I had seen. โWhen did you see them?โ
Bele flung herself onto her back once more, propping her feet up on the arm of the couch again. โAbout a year ago. I was getting back from doing some scouting in the Court in Dalos and had some news to give him. I walked in on them. Never in my life have Iย nope-dย out of a chamber as quickly as I did then.โ She looked away, dragging her sharp teeth across her lower lip as it sank in that this thing with Veses had been occurring for a year. A whole year. โI shouldnโt even be talking about this.โ
I went to the bed and sat on the edge again. โBecause Nyktos would be angry with you?โ
โI donโt give a fuck if he is. Donโt get me wrong, I love Nyktos as if he were my blooded brother. Just as Aios does. But if he doesnโt want people talking about what heโs been doing, he should make sure that no one finds out about it,โ she said. โI shouldnโt be talking about this because I donโt know what the hell I saw the day I walked in on them. I mean, I know what I saw, but I donโt get it.โ
Neither did I.
โAios claims that Veses was decent once, but after some of the shit Iโve seen her do in Dalos, I find that hard to believe.โ Beleโs eyes flashed with an intense burst of eather and then calmed. โNyktos knows what kind of Primal she is. Not only that, she supports Kolis. Nyktos doesnโt trust her. He doesnโt like her.โ
A conflicting mix of emotions budded, but I crushed them before I could make sense of them. Instead, I kept them locked away in that box. โIf thatโs the case, then why would he allow her to feed from himโfor at least the last year?โ
โAs I said, thatโs what I donโt get.โ Bele stared at the ceiling. โWhy would he allow her to do that? There has to be a reason.โ
I stared at my handsโat the nails that had cracked and chipped from clawing at the ground. I couldnโt think of a single reason that not only explained but made sense for why Nyktos would allow Veses to feed from him. I curled my fingers inward, hiding my nails. And I didnโt want to think about those reasonsโabout any of this.
The embers suddenly shimmied to life inside me, stretching as if waking up. I tensed as my gaze flew to the doors, my heart thumping.
She followed my gaze. โWhat?โ โHe comes,โ I said.
โFucking special Primal embers,โ she muttered. โLike why donโt I feel that since Iโve technically Ascended?โ she went on. โItโs total bullshit.โ
The door swung open, but not the main one. Nyktos walked in through the adjoining door and came to a halt as his gaze landed on me.
Time felt as if it stopped as we looked at each other, and an urge to rise and go to him came out of nowhere. I even pitched forward as if to stand before I caught myself.
Then Nyktos moved and approached the bed. The steel-gray of his tunic and the silver brocading across the neck and over his chest and stomach reminded me of the color of his eyes and the wisps of eather in them. He halted again, seeming to suddenly become aware of Beleโs presence.
She kicked her head back and grinned up at him. โHi.โ โCan you give us a moment?โ he said.
โBut I was just getting comfortable,โ Bele protested.
Nyktos stared at her, and whatever she saw got her moving. โFine.โ She popped up. โIโll give you twoย severalย moments,โ she said, and I almost reached out and stopped her.
I knew what was coming, and I wasnโt ready.
But I wasnโt a coward. That was what I told myself as I watched her slowly leave the room and close the door behind her. I may have been foolish and naรฏveโtooย recklessย this time around, in a way Iโd never experienced beforeโbut I wouldnโt run again.
Feeling Nyktosโs stare, I pulled my attention from the door. Our gazes locked. Only faint traces of eather were visible in his eyes. โHow are you feeling?โ he asked.
โPerfect for someone who has been in stasis for three days,โ I said, proud of how steady my voice was and how unbothered I sounded.
Something I didnโt recognize rippled in his eyes. He glanced at the bathing chamber, and then his gaze settled on me. He didnโt speak. Silence fell between us.
It was me who ended it. โI found where Delfai is.โ โI know. Nektas told me. Heโs in Irelone.โ
โThen I need to go thereโโ
โI donโt want to talk about that right now,โ he interrupted, taking a deep breath. โI mean, thatโs not what Iโm here for.โ
The impenetrable emptiness felt more like a veneer in that moment. โWhat is it that you want to talk about?โ
He came forward about a foot before stopping. โIโm sorry.โ
Every muscle in my body locked up. โFor the compulsion?โ I waved my hand. โI didnโt like it, but I understand why you did it. I doubt anyone wants to rebuild this palace.โ
His brows pinched as his gaze swept over my features. โI do need to apologize for that. I donโt like to use it, even when itโs necessary.โ
โI know.โ
Eather stilled in his eyes as he stared at me. โBut Iโm apologizing for what you thought you saw.โ
Disbelief rocked the emptiness, threatening to shake it up. โI know what I saw.โ
โYou donโt.โ
Anger sparked, but I refused to let it ignite. I knew it wouldnโt stop there because a far more dangerous emotion loomed behind it. One that hurt. One that could hurt others. โI saw you with the Primal you called the worst sort in your lap. She was riding you as she drank from you. Is that not what I saw?โ
โShe wasnโtโโ Tension bracketed his mouth.
โWasnโt what? Tell me how what I saw wasnโt what it looked like,โ I demanded. โThat it wasnโt the first time itโs happened.โ
His gaze sharpened. โWhat was said to you?โ
โDoes it matter?โ I thought of Beleโs confusion over why he would allow this. Of my own. โSo, thisย wasnโtย the first time?โ
He stared in silence for several moments. โNo.โ
I already knew that. I didnโt even know why Iโd asked. Didnโt know why I continued to open my mouth. โWhy were you with her?โ
The glow dimmed in his eyes. โBecause I was.โ
โBecause I was,โ I heard myself repeat as I stared at him. A shocked laugh left me as my stomach pitched. โThatโs all you have to say?โ
He turned his head away. Silence.
Of course, he would go silent now. I felt another spark of fury, stronger than before. โWhen I made that deal with youโpleasure for the sake of pleasureโI shouldโve made the same demand you made of me.
That such intimacies remained only between us. My mistake.โ The embers in my chest hummed as I forced a deep, slow breath in and out of my lungs. But the anger let some of the bitterness seep from the box and rise to the surface. โOr, at the very least, discussed who else you would be sharing such intimacies with so I could be prepared in case I happened to walk in on something hours after telling you that I wanted to be your Consort.โ
He flinched.
The Primal actuallyย flinched. I shouldโve celebrated the blow Iโd intended to land, but I couldnโt. It didnโt feel good. I rose and walked to the fireplace. โWe donโt need to discuss this.โ
โI think we do.โ
โWe donโt. Because I donโt care.โ
โThatโs not true,โ he argued, and I turned, not even surprised to see that he had followed in that annoyingly quiet shadowstep way of his. โWhat happened by the pool was because you care, and Iโโ He looked away, his chest rising sharply. โWhat matters is that I caused you to lose control. I hurt you.โ His eyes met mine again, now full of whirling wisps of eather. โI didnโt want that. I never wanted that. And I hate that I hurt you. I am sorry, Sera.โ
I stepped back, a physical reaction I couldnโt stop because he sounded genuine. Like he reallyย didย know that heโd hurt me. That I had a reason to be hurt. Somehow, him acknowledging that was so much worse than I couldโve imagined. I felt the veneer becoming even more fragile. โDonโt apologize,โ I said, finding my voice as I folded my arms over my chest. โWhat you hurt was my ego. That is all.โ
Nyktos shook his head. โSeraโโ โIt is I who is sorry.โ
He jerked, his eyes widening. โFor what?โ
โFor what you think you know,โ I parroted his words. โI was foolish and naรฏve to believe you when you said there had been no one before me. I shouldโve seen right through that the first time we were together. That is how you hurt my ego.โ
His nostrils flared. โThat wasnโt a lie.โ โI think itโs time forย youย to stop lying.โ โIโve wanted no one but you, Sera.โ
I laughed, the sound cold as I refused to let his words sink in. Because I couldnโt trust him, and I couldnโt trust what I would do with those words. โI know what you think you saw, Sera, but we were not having sex,โ
he said, his eyes flashing an intense silver as my gaze snapped to his. โIf you think you saw that, you are wrong. I have absolutely nothing to gain by lying.โ
I backed up but then stopped. I wasnโt sure what he had to gain by lying, nor was I sure whatย Iย had to gain by the smidgen of relief I felt. โThen what did I see?โ I asked again because, as Iโd already proven, I was a fool.
A muscle ticked along the curve of his jaw, and I let myself glance at his throat. There was no bite mark, but I could still see it in my mind. โWhat you saw isโฆitโs complicated.โ
I inhaled deeply, confused and rapidly losing control of my hold on my anger. โAgain, thatโs all you have to say? Donโt even bother answering. I donโt care that you were with her. Thatโs notโโ I stopped myself with another laugh.ย Stop lying.ย I stiffened, realizing there was no face to save. When I lost control under the palace, Iโd laid myself bare. โYou know what? Seeing you with her did hurt my feelings. I donโt know why. It shouldnโt have. You have made no promises to me. And I have asked none from you. This union between us was never something that either of us desired. We donโt need to discuss what you were or werenโt doing any further. I know what I saw. Youโve apologized. It is what it is.โ
โWhatโs that supposed to mean?โ
โIt means the deal we made? Itโs over. The only thing between us now are these stupid embers. I want them gone, and thenย Iย want to be gone.โ
He took a measured step toward me. โGone fromย whatย exactly?โ โFrom here,โ I said. โFrom you.โ
Hollows formed beneath his cheekbones. โYou canโt be gone from me.โ
I stiffened. โIf you say that because I must become your Consort, I understand all the reasons why. But I will be that in name only. And once you remove the embers and Kolis is defeated, I want out of this. I want my freedom. Thatโs the deal I shouldโve made with you.โ
Eather churned in his eyes. โIs that the deal youโre asking for now?โ
I lifted my chin, holding my arms tight against me to stop them from trembling. I had to, or that shaking would move into my chest. And I had
to say what I did next because I couldnโt feel that hurt again. I couldnโt lose control. โYes.โ
Nyktos went completely still. โThen so be it,โ he said, and the words felt like an oath.
A bond. Unbreakable.