Why do you think I’m here now?
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The floor felt like it was trembling under me again. It took several moments for me to fully register what he’d said. What it could mean. “You…you are here to fulfill the deal?” “What other choice do we have?” Ash stated. “I cannot leave you here, not after this.” He extended his arm to Tavius’s slumped body. “Princess or
Consort, you murdered an heir apparent King.”
I blinked. “You were getting ready to kill him.”
“I was.” He looked back at me. “But I am a Primal. Your mortal laws regarding killing pieces of shit men do not apply to me. You wanted his death.” His silver eyes brightened. “I do not doubt for one second that you earned it.”
I had. Many times over. But… “You’re only fulfilling the deal so I don’t face the executioner’s block?”
“Is that now just occurring to you?” His brows furrowed as incredulity crept into his tone. “Wait. It is. Do you not value your life at all?”
I didn’t even bother answering that.
Barely leashed anger simmered beneath his skin. “You killed him believing that I would leave you to face the consequences?”
“I’m sorry, but why would I believe anything else? You refused to hold up the end of the deal you made.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
A harsh laugh burst from me. “I know exactly what I’m talking about. I was ready to uphold the end of the bargain my forefather made. It was you who failed to do so. But it is the—” I stopped myself before I revealed my knowledge that the deal he’d made came with a time limit. If he realized that I knew that, he could discover that I knew even more. I forced the next words out. “It is I who paid for it.”
That muscle in his jaw ticked. “How exactly have you paid for it,
Princess?” he challenged, and my spine stiffened. “You were given back
your life, were you not? Your freedom to choose what to do and not do with it. Something I already know you value very highly.”
I gaped at him, heart skipping and then speeding up. “Do you really need to ask that question?”
His head jerked stiffly toward Tavius’s body and then slowly turned back to me. The eather whirled in his eyes. “How have you paid?”
There was no way in the entire vast kingdom I would speak to him of how my life had been. That I would ever peel back my skin like that and expose all those raw nerves. Maybe I already had based on the way he eyed me as if he were trying to pry his way into my thoughts.
“What led to this?” He took a measured step forward. “What did they do to you?”
His question pierced the chaotic storm of emotions. The sticky embarrassment that always accompanied thoughts of my family surged through me, and that was a blessing. It was familiar. Grounding. I latched onto it, finding Sir Holland’s instructions. I went through the steps until I no longer felt coated in shame, no longer felt as if I were about to suffocate.
“Impressive,” Ash murmured. I stared at him. “What is?”
“You.”
My lip curled. Empty flattery was the last thing I needed. “You were… you were never going to come for me.” I already knew this, but having it confirmed was an entirely different thing. “Were you?”
“What I said three years ago has not changed,” he replied flatly. “What has is the situation. I will fulfill the deal now and take you as my Consort.”
My brows flew up. “You couldn’t sound less enthused if you tried.” Ash said nothing.
It shouldn’t matter. All that did was that he was taking me as his Consort. That gave me a real opening. A chance. It gave the kingdom a real chance, but my mouth…gods, I had no control over it, and this was insulting. “And what if I don’t want to be your Consort?”
“It doesn’t matter what either of us wants now, liessa. This is the hand we’ve been dealt,” he said. “And we must go with it. I will not leave you here to be executed.”
I drew back in disbelief. “Am I supposed to be grateful for that?”
Ash smirked. “I wouldn’t dare ask for your gratitude. Not when this was inevitable. It was bound to happen one way or another.”
“Because you caused this!” I nearly shrieked. “You made the deal—” “And I am here to honor it!” Ash shouted, startling me. His eyes were
like pure chunks of ice. “There is no other choice. Not for you. Not now. Even if you managed to escape punishment for what happened here, I staked my claim on you in front of others. That will spread, eventually reaching the attention of the gods and other Primals. They will become curious about you. They may even believe you hold some sort of sway over me. They will use you, and whatever ways you have paid these past three years will pale in comparison to what they will do.”
I have plenty of enemies.
I clearly remembered him saying that. So many questions rose. I wanted to know more about these enemies—what exactly made them opponents. I wanted to know why they would want to sway him—what they hoped to gain from the Primal of Death. I really wanted to know who was bold enough to attempt to incite his anger. I had a lot of questions, but none of that mattered.
Neither did his reasons for deciding to finally fulfill the deal. I had insulted Tavius’s fragile ego, but mine was no better.
It could be pity or empathy, lust or a situation out of his control. The why behind it didn’t matter. The only thing that did was Lasania. I looked away from him, my gaze briefly falling on Tavius. I closed my eyes. What was I doing standing here arguing with him? That surely wouldn’t aid me in earning his affections and saving Lasania.
A sharp twist went through my chest. End him. I couldn’t stop it. The memory of how I felt sitting beside him at the lake resurfaced. The way he made me smile—made me laugh. How easy it had been to talk to him. The twisting motion intensified, settling in my throat. I thrust all of that aside and made myself see the Coupers, all of them, lying side by side in bed together. I held onto that image as I exhaled roughly, opening my eyes.
Ash was watching me. Neither of us said anything for a long moment and then he spoke. “Choice ends today. And for that, I am sorry.”
I curved my arms around my waist, unsettled for a multitude of reasons. He genuinely sounded sorry, and I didn’t understand. We were in this situation because of the deal he made.
Everything I had to do and would have to do was because of what he chose.
I watched him extend a hand toward me, and the urge to take flight hit me hard. “I…I want to say goodbye to my family.”
“No,” he refused. “We leave now.”
Stubbornness dug in. “Why can’t I say goodbye?”
His cold stare held mine. “Because if I see the woman who may be your mother again, I am likely to kill her for pleading for that shit’s life.”
I sucked in a surprised breath. There was no mistaking the truth of his words. He would kill her, and a dark, savage part of me wanted to see it.
There was something so very wrong with me.
“Will my family know that I am with you?” I asked. Ash nodded. “They will be advised.”
Unfolding my arms, my hand trembled as I placed it in his. A static charge danced between our palms as his hand closed firmly around mine.
Air lodged in my throat as a white mist seeped over the floor, heavy enough to obscure the cracks in the tile. The mist churned the edges of my night rail. Ash stepped into me, and the tendrils thickened. His thighs brushed mine, and the scent of citrus lingered on my breath.
His gaze caught and held mine as the tips of his fingers touched my cheek. The mist grew, slipping over my legs, my hips. As much as I tried to fight it, panic cut through me as it glided over our hands, the feel of it cool and silky.
“This may sting a little,” he said, the silver of his eyes beginning to swirl, to mix with the mist—with the power. “For that, I’m also sorry.”
There was no chance to ask what he meant or to struggle. The mist swallowed us, and a sharp, burning sting swept from the tips of my toes to the springy curls that had slipped free. Silvery-white light flashed before my eyes and behind them, and then I was falling.
 |
I came aware, all my senses firing at once. I was astride a horse, seated sidesaddle, and the entire side of my body was nestled against the hard, cool length of Ash. My cheek rested on his shoulder, and every breath tasted of citrus and fresh mountain air. For a moment, I could almost pretend that this
was a normal embrace. That the strong arm around my waist holding me so carefully and tightly was because I was wanted. Cherished.
But I was never good at pretending. I started to sit straight.
“Careful.” Ash’s voice was like smoke in my ear, his arm tightening around my waist. “It’s a long fall from Odin.”
My gaze lowered, and I felt my stomach drop. The sable-black steed was several feet taller than any horse I’d ever seen. A fall would surely break bones or worse. I shifted, frowning when something soft glided over my once bare arms. A black cloak had been draped over me.
“Saion found the cloak,” Ash answered my unspoken question. “Not sure where he got it, and I decided that neither of us probably wanted to know. But he figured you’d be more comfortable with it.”
Curling numb fingers around the edges of the soft cloak, I lifted my gaze to the heavy canopy of tree limbs I’d recognize anywhere.
“We’re in the Dark Elms,” I said, throat and mouth feeling as if they were full of tufts of wool.
“We are.” His breath stirred the top of my head. “I expected you would be asleep for far longer. You shouldn’t have awakened until we were in the Shadowlands.”
I looked at him then, his features cast in shadows as we passed under the canopy of branches. “What did you do?”
“The mist? It’s eather. Basically an extension of our being and will. It can have a certain effect on mortals if we allow it. In your case, making you sleep,” he explained. “I didn’t want to draw any more unnecessary attention.”
“What kind of effect does the mist have on others?” “It can kill them within seconds if that is our will.”
Swallowing hard, I realized that I was holding myself stiff and straight as a board. I thought of Ezra, Marisol, and Sir Holland—wherever he may be. “You said that other gods could learn of you coming for me. Will my family be okay?”
“They should be,” he answered. “Once you are introduced as my Consort, only the most foolish of gods would go after your family, as they would become an extension of mine.”
That wasn’t exactly reassuring. Breathe in. Ezra was smart. So was my mother.
“Saion or Ector will warn them though, or already have,” he added. “And there are…certain steps that will be taken just in case. Wards they will be left behind.”
“Wards?”
“Spells fueled by Primal magic that will block gods from entering their homes.” He shifted slightly, and a moment passed. “I will make sure they are safe, even if I don’t feel they deserve it.”
My gaze cut to his as a feeling of gratitude swelled. I didn’t want to feel that. “Ezra—my stepsister. She’s good. She deserves it.”
“I’ll have to take your word for that.”
In the silence that fell between us, the many questions I had rose again as I stared at the Dark Elms. “How did you know what was happening?” I asked, feeling my cheeks warm. “How did you know to come?” Why did you finally come? I didn’t ask that because I didn’t need to know.
He didn’t answer for a long moment. “I knew you had been hurt.”
My brows puckered as I glanced back at him. “How?” Then it struck me. “The deal?”
“Partly.”
A prickly sensation swept over me when he didn’t elaborate. “Partly?”
“The deal linked us on a basic level. I knew when you were born. If you were ever seriously injured or close to death, I would know.”
“That’s…kind of creepy.”
“Then you’re sure to find the next part even more so,” he told me. “Can’t wait to hear it,” I muttered.
A hint of a smile appeared as he glanced down at me. “Your blood.” “My blood?”
He nodded. “I tasted your blood, liessa. It wasn’t intentional, but it has come in handy.”
It took me a moment to remember the night in the vine tunnel when he’d nipped my lip. “My blood lets you feel my emotions when I’m not around you?”
There was a tightening in his expression. “Only if they’re extreme. And what you felt was extreme.”
Uneasy, I turned back around. Had it been the pain? Or the panic from when I was held down? Or had it been that ancient, icy-hot thing inside me? I didn’t like knowing that he had felt any of that. I also didn’t like this stupid sidesaddle position. Leaning back, I lifted my right leg and swung it
over to the other side of Odin. The act caused an ache in my shoulders and upper back, reminding me that the skin was very tender there. Ash’s arm tightened as I squirmed my way until I was facing forward.
“Comfortable?” he asked, the one word thick and heavy. “Yes,” I snapped.
He chuckled.
I gripped the saddle’s pommel to keep myself from turning around and doing something reckless. Say, punching a Primal who had turned a mortal to dust with a single look for example. “Why are we in the woods?”
“You cannot travel where we’re going through an opening in the realms,” he answered, and I became aware of where his hand now rested on my hip. His thumb…it moved like it had the night by the lake, in slow, idle circles.
“Doing so would rip a mortal apart,” he continued, and that managed to shift my focus from his thumb. “We will have to enter another way.”
The only sound when the Primal fell silent was Odin’s hooves upon the ground. No birdsong. Just like the night at the lake when there had been no signs of life. It was as if the animals had sensed what I hadn’t realized. That death was among them.
After what I had seen, I didn’t think I could forget that again. But that damn thumb of his was still drawing small circles, over and over. Even through the cloak and night rail, I felt the coolness of his skin. I didn’t understand why his skin was so cold or how his touch could still make my skin feel so warm. Hot, even. “Why is your skin so cold?”
“What do you think death feels like, liessa?”
My heart lurched as I stared ahead. This wasn’t the god Ash, who had teased and touched me by the lake. This was the Primal of Death, who had set all of this in motion along with the Golden King. I couldn’t forget that.
“You are surprisingly…amiable at the moment,” Ash observed. I glanced back at him. “It probably won’t last.”
Another faint smile appeared. “I didn’t think it would.” He guided the horse around an outcropping of boulders. “You’re still angry with me.”
It would be wise to lie. To tell him that all was forgiven. That was what I had been taught. To be submissive. Never challenging. Become what he desired. Vocalizing my anger wouldn’t help, but my thoughts were far too scattered to formulate a plan, let alone behave as if I weren’t furious that he
hadn’t told me who he really was and that he never planned to fulfill the deal. That I wasn’t confused as to why he’d even intervened today.
“Why?” I demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me who you really were at the lake? Why did you lie?”
“I didn’t lie.” His gaze cut to me. “Some do call me Ash. Not once did I say I was a god or deny that I was a Primal. That was your assumption.”
“A lie by omission is still a lie,” I argued, fully aware of the fact that my anger was utterly hypocritical since I was also omitting a whole hell of a lot. Like, for example, what I planned to do.
Ash said nothing.
And that didn’t help. “We talked. We shared things about ourselves.” A bit of warmth crept into my face. “There was time. You should’ve told me before I—”
“Before you told me to kiss you?” His breath touched my cheek, startling me.
“That was not what I was going to say.” I was totally going to say that. The rumble of his low laugh came then. “If you realized who I was,
would you still have been so…interested?”
My head snapped in his direction, and I sucked in air as I felt his cool breath dance across my lips. Our faces were so close, our mouths lined up in a way where if either of us moved half an inch, they would meet.
I would’ve been more interested, but for all the wrong reasons. Or the right ones. Whatever. My gaze flicked to his mouth. A heightened, heated edginess swept over me. His thumb moved at my hip, and warmth spread there. That warmth and electric edginess had felt right before—welcomed and full of anticipation. Of heated, sensual promise. And it still did, but I didn’t think that it should, knowing what I could and would do with it— how I planned to use it.
I turned my head away, my chest and stomach twisting. For some reason, I thought of the first night I’d been taken to the Shadow Temple. When I had soaked in that scented bath for hours and then had the hair removed from places I never even considered before. It was almost as if what I had been expected to do hadn’t become a reality until that very moment. Not even the time spent with the Mistresses of the Jade had truly prepared me for the fact that weakening the Primal called for a level of seduction. And it had only been after the hair had been stripped, and the balm applied to soothe the sting that it had struck me that I would have to
be naked with the Primal of Death. No horrendous wedding gown. No tunic or tights. Not even a dagger. There would be no shields, and that…that had terrified me. In the time since, whenever I allowed myself to be someone, anyone else while in The Luxe, I was never completely nude. And maybe being so exposed still terrified me. But I had been nude with him in the lake. And outside of it? I might as well have been.
In the entire time spent preparing for this very moment, the time when he claimed me, I’d never once considered that I might actually enjoy the seduction. I hadn’t believed the Mistresses when they’d said that I could. Not because I didn’t think I would find pleasure in such intimacy, but because I didn’t believe I could find pleasure seducing the Primal that I needed to kill.
The heat in my veins now told me that I most likely would. And that had to be wrong. Twisted, even. Monstrous. But this was partly his doing. He’d made this deal. He’d known that it came with an expiration date. He’d shown no sign of compassion toward the mortals who were now suffering because of it. Pressure clamped down on me again just as the twinkling surface of the lake appeared between the trees, and the sound of rushing water greeted us.
I sat straighter. “Why are we at my lake?”
“Your lake?” He laughed again, still low but longer this time. “Interesting that you feel a sense of…ownership to this lake. Is it because of how it made you feel?” Odin carried us past the last stand of trees. “How did you describe it? Calming?” There was a pause. “Perhaps at home?”
I clamped my mouth shut and said nothing as we neared the shore.
His grip tightened on Odin’s reins. “You do know what covers the floor of this lake.”
“Shadowstone,” I whispered, my stomach beginning to tumble.
“This is the only place in the mortal realm where you’ll find shadowstone. There’s a reason for that.” His chest brushed my shoulder and arm, and I tensed. “There’s a reason mortals fear these woods. Why spirits haunt them.”
My gaze swept over the water pouring from the rocks and the ripples cascading across the lake.
“Perhaps there’s even a reason you never feared them.” His breath was against my cheek again, and the beat of my heart skipped and then sped up. “Why you felt so calm here.”
“What are you saying?” I whispered.
“There are ways to travel to Iliseeum. One is to travel east—far east until we cross not only the Skotos Mountains but even farther to where mortals believe the world simply ceases.” He shifted Odin’s reins into my numb hands. “That would take far too long. There are quicker ways, through what one would consider gateways. Only those from Iliseeum know how to find and reveal them. Use them. Each gateway can take one into a certain part of Iliseeum. Your lake is a gateway to the Shadowlands.”
To him.
A shiver erupted over my skin as I stared at the dark waters.
Ash lifted his hand, and everything froze. The water cascading over the rocks halted, suspended in midair. The ripples ceased, and for a moment, so did my heart.
My hands slipped from the pommel as the lake…split in two, peeling back to reveal the flat, glossy shadowstone at the bottom. In the moonlight, a fissure appeared in the stone, and silvery-white mist began to seep from the crack. Without a sound, a wide and deep rift formed.
I had been in this lake countless times throughout my life—splashing and playing as a child, hiding and forgetting. This lake, the water, and the land around it had always felt like home. And all this time, this was what lay beneath the surface. This was what my lake truly was.
Ash’s fingers brushed mine as he nudged Odin forward. The horse followed, whinnying softly.
“You were right, you know? There was time at the lake when I should have made sure you knew who I really was. I should have told you.” His arm curled around my waist, pulling me back against him. I didn’t resist. I leaned into him, my heart racing.
A white haze swirled around Odin’s legs as he carried us into the misty depths. Another shudder coursed through me, though I wasn’t sure if it was from the descent or Ash’s words. “But you spoke without fear. You acted fearlessly. Every time I saw you,” he continued, “you intrigued me, and I hadn’t expected that. I didn’t want that. But at that lake, you were just Seraphena,” he said, and my breath caught at the sound of my name on his lips. It was the first time he’d said it. “And I was just Ash. There was no deal. No perceived obligations. You stayed simply because you wanted to. I stayed only because I wanted to. You let me touch you because it was what you wanted.”
wanted, not because you felt as if you had to. Maybe I should’ve told you, but I was…enjoying myself with you. I wasn’t ready for that to end.”
And then he took me into the Shadowlands.
