C ool, crystal water rippled over my bare toes. Celine pointed me to the narrow cove at the base of the palace gardens. Here, the water appeared
like green glass and sand was soft and light.
A solitary place, but one I found laden in peace. Opposite to the violent shores near the isles of the fort back home, this place was calm and soothing. Erik’s scent of oakwood and clean rain was everywhere. Even the damn stone in the walls seemed to breathe of the king.
The sun bled beyond the horizon, and in the distance, cerulean fins splashed about. The merfolk dove in and out of the rising tides. Their hair was made of all colors—pale as the sand, raven’s wing dark, tree moss green, even the deep blue of the lagoons.
Merfolk weren’t as lovely as the walking sea fae, a touch frightening with their long fingers and orb-like eyes, but I could watch the graceful way they carved through water all night.
At the water’s edge, Erik was seated, knees bent, and in his grip was a green bottle. His hair was tousled, his sword removed and laid in the sand at his side. He’d stripped his boots and dug his bare feet into the wet sand on the water’s edge.
Damn the hells, he was haunting and beautiful. Like a thorny rose in a tomb.
I quietly crossed the sand to him. Ten paces away, he tilted the bottle to his lips and took a long gulp. With a wince, the king tossed the bottle aside and let his head droop.
I shook out the sharp nerves from my hands. “Regretting me, Bloodsinger?”
His head shot up. “Songbird?” “Serpent.”
“What are you doing here? I thought you might have convinced Narza to send you home by now. I assure you, she’d find a way to do it.”
“I’m not so sure.” I sat beside him and hugged my knees against my chest. “I might’ve scolded her in front of the revel. I doubt she has much interest in helping me.”
Erik studied me for a long breath, then his mouth parted in a white grin, and he laughed. “Bold at the strangest times.” He faced the shore again. “Go enjoy the revel. It is for you, after all. My absence will soon be forgotten.”
“True, I hardly noticed you’d left.”
“Ah, I wish I could say the same of you. Unfortunately, I notice your absence as much as I notice your presence.”
Bastard. His words caused my heart to beat against my ribs, bruising the edges.
Erik dragged his fingers in the sand. His position barred me from getting too close.
“Are you drunk?” “Not nearly enough.”
“Good. I want your head clear.” My lungs burned from holding my breath, and protested when I blew it out too swiftly. “Will you answer the question you know I want to ask?”
His jaw pulsed through his pause. My pulse raced, my body heated, and for a moment I could nearly taste him searching the connection between us. “You don’t want to believe I’m a monster,” he said softly. “You want to
believe there is more to the story. There isn’t, Livia. I’m not the broken hero you wish me to be. I’m the one who slits the hero’s throat.”
“A monster would not despise himself for taking a life if he did not care.”
Erik glowered at the sky. “I’m starting to truly hate this bond.” “Strange. I’m beginning to enjoy it.”
Erik’s voice was soft when he spoke again. “I killed my mother because I loved her.”
I rested my cheek on the tops of my knees. Erik wasn’t accustomed to the pushing and prodding of someone caring over the toils of his heart. I
wouldn’t force it, but he’d left me wholly confused. “Have you ever told anyone about this?”
“Not details. All the kingdom knows is I killed my own mother.”
Gods, the weight of it was tearing through his heart. I felt every bit of it.
My fingers trembled as I placed a hand on his arm. “Do you want to tell me?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because . . .” I hesitated. “Because I want to see you. All of you.”
His eyes darkened, his brows tugged together, as if he couldn’t make sense of me. Then, slowly, his shoulders slouched, defeated. “It happened right before I was taken by your people for my blood.”
“You were that small?”
He nodded. “I was four when the boneweavers theorized what my blood could do. My mother was a sea witch, but the House of Mists carries a great deal of siren blood among their people. It was rare to have a blood talent with an added gift of song.
“My father tested it on small fish, then sea birds. My mother hated that he kept forcing me to poison the creatures. She wasn’t allowed to say much about my upbringing, of course, those rules fell to my father. But because of her mother’s influence, I was at least allowed to spend my days with her.”
“Lady Narza is powerful enough to demand things of a king?” My insides tightened. Perhaps spouting off to the woman was not the wisest.
Erik chuckled. “Regrets?”
“I’ll let you know if I end up dead in the morning.”
“She won’t kill you. No doubt, she thinks that will be done at my hand.” I fiddled with the ends of my hair. “She’s wrong though, isn’t she?” “She’s wrong.” Erik hung his head again, fingers drawing in the sand.
“Narza gifted my father his mantle when my mother became his mate. She might’ve threatened to take it back if he denied her daughter the pleasure of having her child near.”
I recalled Narza’s insistence that the true mantle was a heart bond. If Thorvald had merely loved his mate, Narza would never have been able to strip him of his power.
“I don’t know what she said to keep my father compliant,” Erik went on, “and I don’t care. It gave me my mother, at least.”
“You were close with your mother.”
“She was my whole damn world, and I hate it.”
“Why?”
“Thorvald.” Erik’s knuckles turned white when his fists tightened. “He took note how his pathetic heir cared more for the gardens than the sword. How his perfect prince cried whenever his blood killed the smallest fish. To love anyone is a crack in the armor of the king. A pawn to be used against you by enemies.”
It was ridiculous, and lonely, and wretched. I could not imagine a life where my father viewed my mother as the body in which his heirs were born. He adored her. Cherished her. She was his entire world; my brother and I were beautiful additions to him because we were part of her.
“What did your father do about it then?” I was almost afraid to ask.
“One morning, he took me to the gardens. He told me it was time to truly earn my name as Bloodsinger.” Erik closed his eyes. “My mother was there with a guard with a blade aimed at her ribs. My father took my blood and put it into two horns of wine. He forced her to drink it, then he drank it himself.”
My stomach churned in acid. “They were both poisoned.”
“I was told to choose who to save. So young, I didn’t have the strength to sing for them both.”
All gods. I pressed a hand to the ache in my heart. From me or Erik, I didn’t know.
He stood with a wince and took a hard step away from me. “You don’t need to hear this. It doesn’t matter.”
I rose and took hold of his arm. If he didn’t want my touch, he never said, but kept his gaze turned away. “It matters, Erik. You . . . you matter.”
His eyes were a fiery sky when he looked at me. “I chose her. I chose her and . . . she wouldn’t let me. She covered my damn mouth, Livia. My mother shoved me away, demanded I sing for my father, pleaded for me to choose the king.
“She didn’t give me a choice. I tried to hurry, I thought . . . I thought I could do it and save them both, but—” Erik scrubbed his hands down his face, he started to pace. He only stopped when I went to him, when I put my arms around his waist, when he dropped his brow to mine. “I couldn’t finish healing my father’s blood before she started . . . gasping and writhing.”
Erik let out a rough breath. I tightened my hold on his waist.
“I was too late. I lost her and earned my father’s hatred that day. He knew I would’ve let him die.” Erik chuckled bitterly. “Gods, I tried to
please him. I would’ve done anything to make up for it, to earn a bit of pride in his face.
“When I was taken away, I didn’t think he’d come for me, but when I saw the ship, I thought he’d finally be proud for how hard I fought. Until he saw what had become of me. He was angry and said his perfect heir was ruined.” Erik’s palm came to rest on the side of my throat. “He lashed out.”
“That’s when he attacked?” I whispered.
“It happened so fast. All I really remember is screaming when I saw my father fall into the sea, an axe wound in his heart. He was gone, and all I had were his last words of disappointment.”
“Erik.” I winced. Unknowingly, Valen Ferus had robbed a heartbroken boy of what he saw as more chances to please a cruel father.
“After that, my uncle kept up Thorvald’s attempts to harden the Ever’s new king. Soon enough, I was convinced my mother was a weakness in my past and was determined to avenge my father and restore the power of his legacy.”
The draw to defend Erik Bloodsinger grew more potent the longer I was near him. Calling it a bond didn’t matter; it was real and burned through me like a flame catching wind.
“I know we lived different lives,” I said, drawing my palms up his arms. “I know you believe love is a weakness, but it isn’t.”
“Because love brightens the heart, right? Chases away the darkness inside us all.” He scoffed and tried to pull away, but I trapped his face in my palms.
“No.” My thumb stroked the edge of his jaw. “Love can bring more darkness than we can imagine. I’ve seen the lengths my people have gone to protect the ones they love. They embrace darkness, they burn worlds, crumble empires, all to keep those they love breathing. That passion is what won peace in the land realms. Love can be the most violent, the most powerful of weapons, Bloodsinger. Power can be taken away, but that kind of love—that lives beyond the Otherworld.”
His gaze blinked to mine. Deep in the gilded red of his eyes was a look filled with the same need, the same hesitation.
“Want one of my confessions?” I whispered.
His hands fell to my waist. “I live for your words, Songbird.” “I’ve felt calmer here than I have in many turns.”
“I don’t need to be coddled, love.”
“I mean it.” I shook my head. “I’ve felt like I’m going mad because I should hate every moment with you. I shouldn’t sleep until I find a way to break free, but . . . I don’t want to.”
I ached for my family. Gods, I missed them, but somewhere since the night I’d been plunged into the sea, a shift had altered desires in my traitorous heart. I couldn’t imagine returning and being parted from the Ever King either.
“Livia—”
“No one catches you when you fall, Erik. Not even a king can hold such a weight alone.” I didn’t know what I truly wanted; all I knew was I didn’t want him to leave. “What do you do to ease your burdens?”
He swallowed. The look was swift, but I caught how his gaze jumped toward the water. A grin cut across my mouth. He didn’t need to say a word.
I slipped my fingers through his with one hand, and with the other, slid my sleeve off my shoulder. “Swim with me.”
“You should return to the revel, before—”
“Stop talking, Bloodsinger.” I took hold of his hands and pulled us toward the water’s edge. “I want to swim with you. Just you.”
