“What stores do you like to shop in?” I listened to her talk as my eyes steered to look at Liam’s face.
His eyes widened towards me as if he didn’t know what to say. I
particularly didn’t know what to say either.
He had been hanging around his random girl that goes to Maxwell University that’s been all over him. Don’t get anything twisted, he and I are not back to being “buddy buddy.” We just didn’t want Chris or Neil to feel that they had to pick sides.
We booked one of our traditional private tables at the Lavo club, Chris and Neil were out meeting girls. Liam looked like he was having fun and I looked absolutely fucking miserable.
I sat across from Liam and his girl of the week, taking out my phone and clicked on my contact list. Adrianna’s contact came up and I paused, clicking to our messages.
The old-time stamps felt like a knife to my heart. I felt my face drain color, but the lighting saved my ass from looking worse than I did.
I felt like a coward.
The texts I didn’t respond to, where I could practically feel her heart break through the screen.
What did I do?
Grayson, please I want to talk.
It’s getting late, are you still coming? You changed your mind?
READ 12:48 P.M.
My thumb hovered over the call button. Genuinely thinking to click the button. I knew I never would actually do it; I was too much of a coward.
“Don’t even think about it.” I hear Liam’s voice intrude my thoughts.
I roll my eyes at my former best friend, “Are you tired of being a dick now?”
Liam stood up walking towards me, his girl walking away to flirt with a random guy at the bar, “I will always be a dick, but I just mean I know that look in your face. It has Adrianna all over it.”
I say nothing.
“Don’t even act like you don’t know what I’m fucking talking about. I’m not mad at you.” He sighs.
“I was mad at the fact that you felt the need to lie to me when I know whenever you lie. I knew everything you were telling me was bullshit, but what I couldn’t wrap my head around was why you lied.”
He passed me a drink, as I poured it into my mouth. I shook my head, looking over at him, “Tell me honestly Liam…”
I sigh, “Do you think that everything that has happened didn’t happen because it was a sign for us not to be together?” I chuckle, a bit irritated.
“I can’t put her through that heartbreak again, that risk, I can’t put myself through seeing her almost die and not being able to do anything about it again.”
I take another needed drink, “We fall apart when we’re together.”
Liam shakes his head in disagreement, “What if it falls together perfectly Gray?”
“It doesn’t matter because she hates me now. And I don’t blame her, I’ve put her through some shit.” I drink once more, “I’m not enough for her. I know she deserves better, and I will try to be better for the one woman I’ve really truly wanted.”
Liam looked forward to the bar like I was, still I knew he was listening.
“Before we got in the argument, your father told me to stay away. It’s the least I could do after what I put her through, I can’t be selfish with her Liam, I can’t.”
Liam laughs, almost mockingly I turn to him with confusion, “You think this is funny? I’m actually thinking about jumping off a cliff man.”
His voice was lowered, “I’ve watched you deprive yourself from Adrianna from the day you first saw her. I’ve watched you two argue, flirt, fight, look at each other from a distance, and sacrifice for each other. For the three months you two were “together” I watched you be happiest you’ve ever been.”
I stayed quiet, “I wish you could’ve seen yourselves. I’ve watch the apparent hatred between the both of you reveal into you being in love with her.” He hands me a half-filled bottle of whiskey, “You’ve loved my sister since we were three, even if you both try, that doesn’t just go away.”
“Your sister huh?” I laughed at the change of term.
He throws me a death stare, “Don’t change the subject.”
I place the bottle down, “We shouldn’t be drinking tonight. We have a game tomorrow.” I picked up my phone to check the time. “I’m heading home.” I stood up while picking up my hockey Leather-man jacket.
Liam sat up, “Always so responsible.”
“To take my mind off of things, I might do some shooting drills and work out.” I smile.
Liam’s girl came back, “Baby did you get me a flower for Valentine’s Day?”
Liam quickly checked the time, figuring out that it was two minutes past midnight, making it actually Valentine’s Day.
“Happy Valentine’s Day Liam.” I toss the bottle of whiskey at him. He laughs while catching it, smiling at me, “Happy Birthday, Gray.”
ADRIANNA
It was 1 A.M. and I couldn’t sleep. I laid in the dark with a pounding feeling in my chest, stretching my arm to grab my phone from my nightstand.
It was Valentine’s Day.
I closed my eyes with a wrenched feeling tugging my stomach. This couldn’t
be it.
I was ultimately ruined for other men. I can’t look at even one person without thinking or comparing them to Grayson.
I felt miserable and weak that I still thought of him as the one I was supposed to be with, but I’m here to accept to break that stereotype that I can just “get over him” or “you deserve better.” I was so sick of it.
My mind and heart never agreed on anything. Always trying to prove the other wrong and it made me overthink every little thing in my life.
It gave me anxiety and it only made the cement walls that surrounded me feel even taller.
But this time, my mind and heart were calling his name. I pulled up his contact on my phone resisting the urge to call him.
I didn’t want to crawl back. I didn’t want him to know that he was still in my mind. I tossed my body to lay on the other side, only for my eyes to be struck to his car pulling up his driveway.
He looked like he had a fun night. I knew Liam, Chris and Neil were out clubbing because Verina was stalking them and kept us updated on her quest to
make Chris fall for her.
Margo has been unreachable lately; I knew something was going on with her family, especially with her new fiancé.
Juliette always had her nose stuffed in books and kept herself busy with volunteering projects. My father has been home lately, I think he’s scared of leaving the house now.
It saddened me that it took me almost dying for him to stay.
I sat up to see Grayson in his room, pulling off his shirt and throwing it in the hamper, laying down on his bed with his hands covering his face.
For a moment I thought about walking over to my balcony to watch him, but I resisted. He stands up, picking up one of his many hockey sticks.
He didn’t have a good day.
He always let’s steam off by playing hockey. I couldn’t help but think if it was because of me.
They have a game tomorrow that I have to attend. My father wanted to watch Liam play the game they both love.
He shuts off the lights, who am I kidding?
If he wanted me, he should’ve came. But he didn’t. He left. He gave up. I should too.
 |
“You guys made it!” Liam smiles at my father and I as he directed his way to us.
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world.” My father says as Liam opened
his arms up for a hug.
“I saved you guys a seat next to my mom; it should be near the front.” He pulls away giving me a side hug.
Chris and Neil walk out of the locker room with gloomy faces, “What’s wrong with you two?” I ask.
They shook their heads, “Team Captain is in a prissy mood, he’s asking for Liam.”
I bit my bottom lip, Liam looking at me apologetically, “I’m sorry I have to go. Duty calls.” Liam ran in the locker room the next second.
Chris looks around, “Is Verina here?”
I look around, “I’m sure she’s roaming off somewhere with Juliette.” He nods, looking slightly eased.
I hear my voice being called loudly in a far distance. I turn my face to look at the direction of the yells, my eyes focus on a little girl with blonde hair, beaming eyes and a huge smile running towards me.
“Anna!” She yells as I get on my knees with open arms for her to come crashing into an embrace.
“Amelia!” I felt my heart race as she buries her head deep in my hug.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, I was so worried for you.” She pulls her head away to speak, “I couldn’t sleep, Grayson couldn’t sleep, I wanted to see you, but I couldn’t.” She rambled on as I smiled.
“I’m okay now, it’s okay.”
She takes a moment to look around, “Are you ever going to come back to our house?”
She didn’t understand anything, and I felt like I was stabbing her relentlessly when I say, “I don’t think that’s the best idea right now, darling.”
“Whatever Grayson did, he can fix it.” Her voice was pleading, it was a bittersweet feeling.
She was right, he could fix it. But he didn’t.
I knew he cared about me. I could see it in his eyes, and I could feel it, but I also knew that he didn’t care enough to tell me why he couldn’t be with me.
“I don’t know about that.” I smiled thinly as her smile disappeared into a rare frown.
“Amelia!” Her head turns to look at one of her brothers calling her name. My arms loosened for her to leave, but she stayed for a second, a sense of rebellion deep in her eyes to stay.
“You should go.” I grinned, forcefully, thinking about how letting Amelia go was possibly the last thing that I had to let go of Grayson’s life in mine.
She slowly left my embrace, walking towards her family.
My father directed us to our seats, the game was about to begin. I waited for Margo to arrive as the team warmed up. She walked in with Ben, running next to me.
I wasn’t a big fan of hockey, and I knew that, but I slowly developed a love for it through the past year because of Grayson dragging me to the games, except he didn’t have to drag me to the last ones I attended. I was happy to be there.
I understood why he craved it so much, the rush, the screaming, the support, and the love. It was a part of him that no one could compete with.
He would pick hockey over anything; it was the only place he knew people wouldn’t judge him. Ironically, all people do behind these boards is judge him. But as I watched him play the game, his soul wasn’t in the game anymore.
He wasn’t skating to the best of his ability. He wasn’t celebrating his scores. He was ramming people over just because. And the more it happened, the more
people talked around me commenting about how he was “crashing and burning” or that he was a “one hit wonder” or even “it was too good to last.” My heart sank to the core when it hit for the third period.
Liam looked exhausted and upset. The whole team did.
“I have to use the bathroom.” I whispered to my father as he nodded his head for me to leave, I quickly ran down to the front of the locker room.
Resisting the urge to ask about Grayson, to see if he was okay.
But I didn’t care at this moment, swallowing my pride. I was never that strong anyways when it came to him. I was mad at myself as I kept walking over to the lockers.
Until I stopped, Liam looking at me like I was his last breath, “What’s wrong?” I asked as he looked panicked.
“Grayson’s gone.”
GRAYSON
I felt like I was suffocating in that rink. My head was pounding the entire time as if my skull was about to break. My hands turned crimson, and my knuckles started to break from gripping my stick.
I was one game short from having a break down. I shifted uncomfortably.
I saw Adrianna inside, and I felt like my chest was ready to just break. I
turned my head to face the ground, sweat dripping down to the tip of my nose.
How could a simple concert floor fucking merge into me seeing Adrianna’s face. Maybe I was going crazy. No, I already knew I was crazy.
I miss her, and I wasn’t even going to lie about it anymore. I would scream it on the top of the rooftops if I could.
Everything was driving me mad. I thought about her infamous sideways half smile that I can’t get out of my head every fucking morning and even at night.
I missed kissing her, smelling that signature scent of her hair that she managed to embed into my damn mind. I missed every way she looked at me whilst she was thinking about something.
Her hands running smoothly though my hair, her amusing ass smirk that drove me nuts. I even missed her stupid stuffed dog that would have more bed privileges than I did.
I fucking missed the way she would look, right when she was about to kiss
me.
I missed knowing the fact that at any minute, she would look up and find my eyes settling on hers from across the room, now I was sure that she did everything in her power to avoid me.
I missed her fiercely, painfully, and atrociously. So much so that if I had any questions before everything went to shit, I would be willing to take any torture, just to ask her right now.
And maybe that was childish of me, but I didn’t care because, I just fucking miss her .
As I sat on the curb outside the hockey rink. I take a long hard look at my car, genuinely debating whether I should drive off and never come back.
But I would never do that because I would have to leave her.
I threw my hockey stick on the floor. I wasn’t planning on going back in. I wasn’t planning on ever playing hockey again.
I was ready to give all of it up. Fuck it.
I heard a voice from a distance, yelling at a phone but I knew the voice from anywhere, I heard it all my life. That same tone. That same voice laced with disappointment.
He turned the corner, my father’s eyes stared directly at mine. He hangs up the phone immediately, “Why aren’t you in there?”
I laugh, shrugging, “It’s not like you want me in there anyways.”
He holts, “Since when did you care whether or not I like you doing anything?
You’ve been dating a Cassian and never once asked me how I felt about it.”
I felt my hand form a fist as he sat next to me, “Calm down, it was a joke.” He grumbles, “I know I’ve made it clear that I hate that you have put your body and soul into hockey. But I want you to talk to me.”
I felt a discomfort churn in my stomach as he shook his head, “What’s going on in there?” He asks.
Genuinely.
“You’ve lost a couple of games, and you would’ve never let that happen.” “I know I suck at hockey right now.” I yell.
He looks at me harshly, “Grayson what is going on with you?” I wanted to punch him for even asking me that question.
I sigh, “We are number two in the damn state,” His eyebrows raise in question, “I can’t be number one without her. Without her by my side, I lose sight of the game. I’ve been making mistakes that I never should have made. I’m letting the fucking team down.”
“Grayson, I know you have had this issue and need to always be number one.” He breathes heavily, “And I get it, but you need to be strong Grayson.” He pauses, “This isn’t the son that I raised.”
I shake my head, “You don’t get shit! Do you even know the reason I have tendencies to always want to be number one?” I stress, “About fucking anything?”
My father could only stare.
I knock my head back, “It’s because of you damn it!” I slam my hand on ground as my father flinches.
“Me?” He questions as I stare up at him.
“Number one gets the best.” I let out, “Number two gets whatever is left over. I’m not Sara’s kid and that makes me number two in your eyes.” I say plainly as he swallows.
Before he could say anything, I beat him to it, “I might look like you guys, but I’m a fraud, the triplets look like Sara, Rhylee looks exactly like Sara. But I just try and blend in but I’m the black sheep of the family.” I disclose.
“I’m not a part of the family because you aren’t even on my birth certificate as my father, you haven’t even adopted me, you have made it seem like I’m just an instrument in your world.” I make a point.
My father looked like he had just been hit by a bullet, “So I try to make up for it, by being number one in school, hockey, society, even sacrifice my happiness so that I could take over the business and many for the first time I would be number one in your eyes.”
I shake my head, feeling like an idiot, “Adrianna was the only one who was brave enough to tell me that it gets lonely being first all the time. So, she fought me for days and nights for the spot. And I realized, it’s not worth it.”
I could feel my chest constrict as well as my jaw clench, “I’ve treated Sara like shit when she’s been fucking wonderful, I guess I’m just bitter because at the end of the day, my mother was just a secret mistress, and you’ve always looked at me like I was the consequence that you have to live with the rest of your life.”
I draw an irritable breath while I stand, “So forgive me that if I can’t be number one anymore, I don’t want to play hockey.”
“Grayson.” He walks closer as I shake him off, “I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel that way all this time. I never meant to make you feel like I loved you any less because you aren’t Sara’s.” He consoled.
“You might not be hers, but you are fully mine and I love you. But I got to tell you I’m trying my hardest, and I know I’ve done a shitty job at showing you I love you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t.”
He laughs somberly, “Your girlfriend practically showed me how much of an asshole I am.” He referred to Adrianna, who brought a smile to my face.
“She’s the only one who truly makes you smile.” He scratches the back of his neck as I truly was lost for words.
But then he draws back a confused look almost like he didn’t believe what I had just said, “But quitting hockey?” He looked exasperated. “Are you kidding me?” He retorts.
“Father, I don’t care whether you approve or not because I think I’m dying every single day when I’m not with her. I don’t care whether I have to forcefully take care of the business. Sure, I’ve played hockey forever and I love it. But I can’t love it when I feel like I’m suffocating.” I blurted out.
He takes a moment to understand what I was saying, and he pauses to look at me, “Do you know why I quit hockey?”
The forbidden question.
“I fell in love with your mother, and she was pregnant with you. I couldn’t love anything else but her and you. You weren’t even born yet.” He continues.
“And as you grew up, I had to give up something I loved for love. I gave up hockey.” He continues, “I also messed up the day I left your mother because she wasn’t the woman I fell in love with. I met Sara and I think she changed my whole life because she was pregnant with your brothers.”
I took a breath.
“I loved your mother, yes, but I wouldn’t change anything that happened. I took my father’s business to provide for our family. And I’ve never regretted it.” He sighs, “When August came into my doorstep, I couldn’t help but think that maybe you were meant to have the same life I did.”
I set my jaw, “We aren’t the same person.” I mutter. He nods, “I know.”
It was like he couldn’t wrap his head around it, “This is a girl that you’ve hated since you met her, you complained about her, you would’ve rather jump off a cliff before having to converse with her.”
Then he smirks.
“But then again it never passed me by that your eyes always sparkled when she was near.”
“I didn’t get an option when I had to pick between hockey and my love for your mother and you, but I’m giving you an option now.”
“But we had a deal.” I let out a bit of a laugh. “It was either hockey or Adrianna with the business.”
He smiles looking up to the sky. “Yes, but when it comes to you, I tend to always change my morals don’t I?” He laughed gently as I felt the smile from my lips appear.
“I am now aware that I haven’t always been fair to you so, I’m asking you now.” He breathes out a labored breath, “Do you really want to give up hockey because of her?”
I stayed silent for a second, “I would do anything for her.”
He nods, “If you were ready to give up hockey for her then I have an incredible feeling that maybe she means more to you than you let on. Besides, I think your sister will skin me alive if she finds out the reason why Adrianna doesn’t come by the house anymore.”
I laughed once more, like everything was falling into place, my father stood up, picking up my hockey stick and handing it back to me.
“They’re looking for you in there.” He mutters, “And go get your girl.”
