When I returned home, it was quiet as usual. The housekeepers had been dismissed by tonight and were worn out. I take a breath before entering the kitchen. After I washed my hands, I looked
down at them, I was shaking. It’s been a couple of days since my drug intake.
I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. But I did.
I never did well in following what I preach. My phone rings.
Prince.
“Hey Dove.” I hear his underlying tone.
I roll my eyes. “What is it that you need, Prince?”
“Do you know if lilies are the go-to for “Hey, please give me a second chance?” He asked.
The smile on my face softens, “Does she like lilies?” I ask. “I don’t know.” He breathes out.
I stand, walking around in circles around my kitchen island. “Roses are a go-to.” I sigh before he interrupts.
“Well, last time I gave her flowers she actually threw them on the ground so…” He says with a weary tone.
I take a deep breath, I’m sure he could hear my frustration through the phone, “Fine, if you want to make an impression, make her a bouquet, with all her favorite colors.” I say with irritation.
“K.” He answers, then hanging up the phone immediately.
I couldn’t help but think to myself, Grayson Prince may be in love with a girl.
Thanks, nice for you to be useful for once.
Pleasure to be at your use, Prince!
You say that like it’s a bad thing…
Oh no, I’m honored.
Admit it, you like it when I make fun of you.
Bye, Prince.
No, but really thank you Dove. I appreciate this.
READ 7:09 P.M.
I take a calm breath; I mean he’s willing to change for her. Sometimes, I think he would be ready to even sacrifice himself for her.
I didn’t know that love like that still exists. Am I that pathetic and clueless?
No, I’m not clueless. I’m just unloved.
I sit down on my big couch, it’s very well-kept since no one uses it. I come from sitting to just laying, and I’m not quite sure if I have any energy to sit up.
I felt my heart rate slow down, and my phone rang again.
Father.
I shot out of the couch, running to my phone, “Dad?” I say almost pleading.
“Adrianna.” He says but his voice was strict and tight, “I just got off the phone with—” He starts.
I interrupt, “Dad.”
“I raised you better than this, or I at least thought I did, but you dating the enemy?”
“If your idea was to get a reaction out of me then you fucking did it. Now, stop this nonsense and get back with Brooks. I don’t want you anywhere near those fucking rats.” He screamed at me.
I slowly sat back down on the couch.
Laying down once again, but with every word he uttered, my body lost energy, and I felt my voice drown in the silence.
Tears ran down the side of my face, and all I saw was a blur. “You have greatly disappointed me, Anna.”
I felt my heart drop as I got up.
“You will never see that boy again; do you understand me? Don’t make me come over there.”
I swallow, “You can’t tell me what to do.”
He hangs up the phone as I walk slowly to the kitchen cabinet, my eyes targeting the doctor’s prescription pills.
I never really paid attention, but I woke up, on the cold floor of my kitchen, opened pills and capsules lay on the marble floor.
I feel like a certain part of me is healed when I take a painkiller. Not physically, but the deep gaping hole within my heart.
And this time, I felt my heart ache.
I close my eyes and swallow, and the pain is gone.
No one knows about what I struggle with, my eating disorders, my drug problem, my depression, my OCD, and the fact that I had been diagnosed with being on the spectrum but was way too insecure and had grown to hide it pretty well.
I can’t say I feel alone because truthfully, I’m not, I have my friends, but inside I feel so dark.
I’m lost.
I feel like I’m standing in a chasm that only gets bigger, and the light grows further and further away.
The only way the light appears closer is when I take the pills. It sounds terrible but it’s true.
I’m fucked up.
 |
I woke up the next day, Prince and I’s plans were at work, and I heard a loud engine, his fancy car parked outside my house. My eyes glance through the window at him.
But his eyes looked colder than ever. I had a feeling the flowers weren’t
a good idea. I shivered as his eyes stayed straight, I looked through my
closet and then panicked, my phone started to blow up.
It was Grayson. I couldn’t find a good skirt that didn’t ride up to my crotch, so I ran downstairs as he honked the horn.
But before I left, I looked at my figure in the mirror, my skirt wasn’t leaving much to the imagination.
“What took you so long?” He glances up from his phone, his eyes reach my body and scan, “I think you left half of your skirt at home.” He comments with a snort as my face grows red.
“I couldn’t find my skirt.” I inform him as he looks at me further with examining eyes.
“Don’t you have a maid for that shit?”
“Yes, well, I told them to take a day off.” His eyebrows furrow, “Why?”
“Because they needed a day off.”
“Liar.” He shakes his head as I pull my skirt down again.
“Just shut up.” His mouth curves the playful way it does that makes my blood boil. He laughs, taking off his hockey jacket, and offering it to me.
“Fuck off, Prince,” I swore as he tilts his head, growing irritated I moved away, before the firm grip of his hand caught my waist, his mouth was close on my ear.
“You’re going to come back and put this jacket on so that no man can fucking look at you like you aren’t my girlfriend.” He grabs my waist even tighter. I felt myself shaking.
“If you don’t, I’m going to force it on you.” I swallow.
“Stop playing the boyfriend role, no one is around us, asshole.”
“Well, I think practice makes perfect and aren’t you a perfectionist, Dove?”
I felt my stomach tighten before I turned around his mouth so close to mine, “Yes I am, but you’ve spent your whole life making sure perfect was unattainable.”
He smirks, “Speaking of practice, you can come and practice being a great girlfriend, by coming to one. Luckily for you I have one today, so you can either watch me practice and I take you home after or you go home by yourself.”
“I have plans,” I say seething as I walk towards his car as he runs after me again.
I finally put on his jacket, not because he told me to but because I had self-dignity.
Grayson walks over, opening the car door for me, I roll my eyes plopping down on his fancy car. “Hey, be careful with Robin.” He says as I glare at him.
“You name your cars?”
“And you probably name your bags.” I scowl yet again, “My shoes.”
He laughs, “See? That’s stupid. You just put shoes on your feet. At least with a car, they can take you anywhere, with style too.”
He smirks as I roll my eyes, “Then take me to Paris in a car.” I came back.
He shakes his head, “I can take you to one of my islands instead.” “I’m not interested in going to one of your islands.”
Grayson looks at me, “Well, better get used to it, if our relationship is still going on until spring, you have no choice if my father asks for you to come on vacation with us.”
I gave a concerned look, “I think you would win your girlfriend back by then.” Grayson’s face changes, and he finally starts to drive. It was a silent ride to the university.
“I know you aren’t pleased with this deal.” He acted like he didn’t hear me and rolled his eyes.
“Do you think I want to be with you?” He looked annoyed and I’m sure he was, but at that moment I knew he would never hurt me because then he took a calming breath.
“August is a subject I don’t like talking about.”
I stayed quiet, “No, but you’re right,” I sigh, “You are the last person I would want.”
Grayson’s eyes pierce, “So there is someone?” He probes. I feel my heart hammer, “No.” I swallow.
“It’s just me,” I say plainly. Yes. It’s just me.
GRAYSON
I
t was a rough morning on my end, I had to swing by my mother’s house and give her medication. I left forgetting that my election posters were forgotten. I drove back to my father’s house to pick up the
wench.
Well, I need to go back anyways, the pain in the ass girlfriend was waiting for me like a fucking princess. She argued with me the whole time.
First, she left half of her fucking skirt in her house, but I have to say, she looked good.
I might hate her, but I’m still a man. She looked fucking delicious, which made me think if I looked at her like that, even when I’m practically repulsed by her, just imagine all the greedy eyes of others. God forbid she’s already the queen of the university.
Everybody already looked at her like that on a daily basis, except… Well, has she always looked this good?
My eyes have never been swayed by her; they have always been for August. But back to the subject, I gave her my jacket after having to threaten her to put it on. She’s stubborn that way.
“It’s just me,” she mutters.
“You can have any guy you want in Hawthorne; you understand that right?” I laugh as she holds an uneven smile.
“None that appeal to me.”
I scowl, “So Sawyer wasn’t good enough for you?” She squints. “He was good looking, I suppose.”
I smirk, “Well, your boyfriend is far better looking anyways.” I smile. “Right?”
Adrianna falters, “You don’t need another person to tell you that you look good.” She laughs.
“But I am… is what you’re saying?” I could feel my face light up as she tightens her upper lip.
“Well, since I am your girlfriend, I can make you look more presentable, I suppose.”
The nerve she has, “Says the one with the preschool skirt and my
jacket.”
“Oh, so you want me to take it off?” She starts to peel off the jacket.
I pierced my eyes into hers, “If you take off that jacket Cassian, so help me god.”
She laughs, I look at her, her eyes sparkling. A genuine smile on her face. Her laugh fills the car. I park in my regular parking spot, in front of the university, and everyone’s eyes are on us.
“Well, this is it.” She lowers her head and shakes.
I felt her body convulse a little. I wasn’t sure if this was a regular occurrence.
I wasn’t sure how to comfort her so I hesitantly place my hand on her thigh, weirdly enough, she calms down instantly.
I walked out of my car, then opened her door, helping her out. Everyone’s mouths drop with confusion and some with dismay.
Adrianna scowls, “Looks like some of your fangirls are a bit shaken up.” She nods over to the many blonds that send sneers over our way.
“You jealous baby?” I smirk as she gives me a look of smugness. “As if they could ever be me.”
I look over to our right as Neil and Liam come out to welcome us to the snake pit.
The snake pit.
The snake pit is the area in the front lawn, tables, and seating for the people who only matter.
In our society. It’s the elite of high society.
Wealth.
Bloodline.
And relevance.
Many people wish to enter but can only really be accepted by… Well, Adrianna and me.
The top of the food chain.
“The signal.” She whispers as I look down at her.
She licks her lips, her hot breath freeing, as I lean down. I swallow. My heart is beating fast while she lets her hand grip my white polo.
Her lips were so pumped and ready for me. Her eyes set on mine, a light shade of brown. She looked golden.
“Look at me.” I whisper as she smiles, her hand cupping my jaw pulling me in as my hand wrapped around her waist.
Both of our lips are so close, I almost don’t find her revolting.
“You sicken me in every way.” She smiles as I grip her waist tighter. “Yeah?” I smirk.
“Tell me.” I continue as she catches her breath. “Tell you what?” She smiles devilishly.
“Tell me you hate me.”
I catch the smell of her perfume, “Why?”
She asked as I leaned closer to her lips, “Because you always do as I tell you, Dove. ”
She bites her lips, almost like she was antagonizing me. I turned red, frustration filled my face, and I knew it.
I let my thoughts get to me, everyone was fucking staring at us, and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
Her scent filled my lungs like a drug.
I pull her in, slamming her lips against mine. My hands grasping the back of her neck. I couldn’t help but engulf her, she let a breath of relief out as she kissed me back, tugging me closer. She pulled away a little, and I felt like a fucking thirsty animal that got its water dish taken away.
I groaned against her mouth.
But before I slam her against the stone walls of the main campus building, I pull away.
She bites her bottom lip, placing her finger against it as it looks swollen.
That’s right baby. Those lips are mine.
My notorious smirk lingers, “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it, Dove.” “I don’t enjoy anything that involves you.”
Her lips clamped, and I bit my lip, my eyes on her beautiful face. I bet she wanted to hit me and do some damage to my perfect features. But I could only stare at her angered expression.
My stomach coiled and my breath caught.
“Tell me, Adrianna, when you bite your lip like that. Who do you think of when your cheeks flush scarlet red?” She swallows, her heart racing as I advance on her, “Is it Brooks?”
It looked like her legs almost buckled, and she looked like she was out of words, so I finished it off for her while shaking my head slightly, “I didn’t think so.”
She opens her mouth to say something, maybe a comeback, but Liam and Neil beat her to it.
“That was a good one!” Liam smiled ear to ear.
“You know I think you guys might actually pull this off.” Neil added as Adrianna twirled her finger through her beautiful curls.
“It looked like you guys actually… enjoyed the kiss.” Liam suggested as Adrianna pulled away.
“It was just for show.” She says with conviction as I smile.
“Well, don’t want to ruin your spirit Dove but, you were a pretty mediocre kiss.” I say plainly.
She smiles, “Can’t hold a girl right.” She fires back as I give her a confused expression.
What the hell does she mean? I can’t hold a girl, right?
I’ve held many girls in my lifetime, and I can fucking tell you that my hands are made for handling.
Not in a bad way, might I add.
Some might even say, Touch of God.
Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but let’s just say no woman has ever been unsatisfied after being with me, let alone being touched.
Adrianna just loves to get into my nerves, anytime she fucking can she’s knows me like a spider on a web.
I snap back into reality.
She thinks I can’t handle her. Fuck that.
F uck him.
ADRIANNA
He’s so fucking full of himself. Does he really think that he’s that irresistible and that every girl wants him?
It doesn’t really matter, because everything that we do is fake and there is no evidence that it’s real. It can’t be real.
“Get a room!” Margo comes rushing in as she hugs me from behind, “Come on, let’s go to the pit and show off the new couple.”
I almost physically gagged at the thought.
I look at her awkwardly, “Well, come on Prince, put your arm around the princess.” Margo insists.
She smiles while placing Grayson’s arm around me.
“I hope you’re ready, because it’s not even past 7 A.M. and my fucking head is already pulsing.”
“Oh, you don’t even know.” He whispers while leading me over to the rest of our friends.
“Princess, are you coming to practice today?” Liam smiles. I scowl, “I was told it was mandatory that I attend.”
“I want you to attend since you are my girlfriend.” Grayson says while setting his bag on the table.
“Do the other player’s girlfriends attend too?” I question. He smiles, “No.”
My eyebrows furrow, “So why do I have to go?”
He stands, “Because August sometimes visits the practice, she loves to ice skate on the other rink beside ours, and I need you to look like you’re in love with me.”
“But that’s pretty hard to do.” I smile back, twirling my chair to face him, as he walks over to the trunk of his car.
“Well, you might like me a bit more after this.” He pops open the trunk, and I see an abundance of posters for my election.
I stand up, caught off guard as he winks, “I told you I would help you win.” He probes as I run up to him, stopping frantically, not really sure if we could hug, I mean we just kissed not too long ago.
Grayson takes a look around, hugging me anyways.
I never noticed that he smelled great, like a drug that I can take without repercussions. It was oddly comforting, his height, his arms around me. And I fit perfectly, molded just right.
He pulled away, smiling over in a direction, I made a mistake of following where his eyes were landing and then I met her eyes.
I see August, red hair, a smile that could cure most health problems. She looked at us, and I couldn’t bear to keep looking. She hates me, she hates all of us.
She was the type to be a bystander, whether it would be at school, or at a social event. I could understand why he fell for her. I bet she baked cookies on the weekend and gave them to the less fortunate.
I would like to think and act like I am like that, but I’m not and I know that for a fact. She was one of the good ones.
“Grayson!” She walks over, as he stiffens next to me.
“Hey August,” He says, completely forgetting that I was next to him. “Noticed you look smitten.” She smiles over to me,
“Oh yeah, August. This is my girlfriend, Adrianna.” I placed my hand out for her to shake.
But instead smiles and rejects it.
My eyes narrow, it looks like she’s not as nice as she makes out to be. I smile back.
“Weird that you’re dating someone new when you’ve made it clear that you wanted me for so long.”
And there’s her true colors.
“Well, after you made it so clear that you don’t want me, I figured that I should just get over it.”
He made a point as I stayed quiet.
“Well, I really hope you’re happy with your decision.” She smiles thickly.
“He is.” I smile, her face dropping.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” She says viciously as I let my eyes hunt hers. “Everyone knows a rebound doesn’t stay for long.”
“You can’t be serious enough to date her.”
I somehow felt shocked and a bit disrespected. “Excuse me?” I walk closer.
“Grayson would never touch you.” She makes a point. I smile, “Oh, he’s touched me.”
“Places that only a woman can dream.” August’s eyes narrow. “You wouldn’t be the first one.”
I nod leaning closer to whisper, “Maybe not the first, but the last. I’m not dumb enough to dump something that has given me the best orgasms of my life.”
August swallows hard, her eyes squinting, I walk closer to Grayson, putting my hands on his chest, “It’s a miracle you finally let him go, finally I can have him.” I place my cheek against his chest, “It’s a shame really.”
Grayson pulled away from me, “August, why don’t you just…”
“Leave?” She interrupts, “I don’t mean any harm or disrespect, but I would just like to point out the obvious that this—” she signals at Grayson
and I, “— is not going to work out.”
“Why not?” Grayson arches an eyebrow.
“Because I know you two can’t stand each other and that it’s just a plan to get me back.”
Grayson took a breath, “You don’t know a damn thing.”
“Maybe,” She smiles, “But, I do know you Grayson.” She says before walking up to her group of friends.
Grayson walks off, and I follow him, why?
Don’t fucking ask me because even I don’t know what my purpose is right now.
“Grayson!”
I catch up to him as he shoves me off, “Fucking hell.” He pulls me into a storage closet.
“What’s the matter with you?!” I yell as he gives me a scowl. “What’s the matter with me?!”
I felt my face fire red, “I’m playing the fucking part that you wanted me to, the girlfriend.”
He grows infuriated, “Well, you aren’t the girlfriend!” I flinch. “You’re not even a friend.” He calms down.
“Fuck you!” I walk away, “Have fun fake dating yourself.”
I didn’t know what to expect, it definitely wasn’t to be Grayson’s best friend. But I mean, what a jerk! He acts like I’m the one who set this whole plan up. I’ve always known he was selfish, but he has reached such a low.
“You know you’re such a dick.” I lip off as he smirks. “You want to say that again?” He challenges.
“You’re a dick.” Grayson’s eyes reached a feral look, his eyes looked hungry.
Grayson’s hands landed on my waist, and I couldn’t help but almost moan at his actions.
“Don’t lip off at me and expect nothing back as punishment.” He whispers.
I smile. “I can do what I want.”
Grayson’s eyes pierce through me, my eyes looking at his lips, like I want to kiss him again.
Stupid move.
I breathe out, my heart began racing and I wasn’t up to having an episode at the very moment, it would be my worst nightmare if Grayson out
of all people found out how fucked up I am.
“I don’t know why I thought that August was going to come running back to me, the day of.” He confessed.
Without thinking, I placed my hand on his heart. “August will come around. If she’s the right one for you then you guys will always find your way to each other. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true.” I smiled at him, his eyes examining mine, like it was a trap.
“ I don’t know why my parents told me to hate you so much, you have nothing but life in your eyes.”
My smile dies, it was the first time my heart beat during the whole minute he looked into my eyes. “Stop looking at me like that!”
“Like what?” He laughs off.
I sigh, “Like you want to kiss me.” I glared at him, trying to open the door, but it wasn’t cooperating.
I push some more only for nothing to move, I knock my head into the door, “Fuck.”
Grayson’s panics, “Dove, please don’t tell me.”
“We are stuck.” I let out as I slid down to the floor.
“Call Hamilton.” He instructs as my phone gets sent straight to voicemail, “Call Brookshire.” I ask as it also sent straight to voice mail.
“This is your fault!’ I yell.
Grayson’s face turned red like he was restraining from just murdering me in this closet and stashing the evidence in a graveyard somewhere.
“My fault?” He whispers.
“You are the one who stormed in here like a baby!” I argue.
He laughs, “You followed me here Dove, so I can’t be completely repulsive.”
“But you are.” I pointed at him.
Grayson’s joined me on the floor, we sat across from each other, the room wasn’t too tight, and it wasn’t too roomy. It was just right.
“You know, I don’t understand you.” He mutters as I go through my phone trying to get someone to open the door.
I glare at him as he continues to talk, “Your life is so picture perfect. It’s kind of sickening.”
“Thanks for that input.” I smile sardonically.
He leans closer, “No I mean, you are so complex. You should be this beautiful, nice person but you’re just not.”
“Are you calling me ugly?”
I stopped to look at him, “Not necessarily no.” He sighs, “I don’t know how to put it.”
“Then shut up.” I grew annoyed.
“You know what my problem is with you?” He speaks.
I look up, even as we sit, he is still taller, “Enlighten me.” I seethe.
“You’re selfish.” He exclaims, “You never just want to help someone out because of the goodness of your heart. There has to be something in it for you.”
Maybe because all my life I was relying on myself. “I’m already helping you, isn’t that enough?” I mutter.
He smirks knowingly, “Well, your kiss was a bit mediocre. Maybe we should practice a bit more for the public.”
I laugh, “I recall when we were eight, and I was outside playing hopscotch and you bumped into me accidentally, you vowed never to touch me, and you even signed a paper and hung it on Mrs. Reed’s desk.”
Grayson smiles, “I also vowed to quit hockey that year because this bigger guy that transferred was better than me and I flipped my shit.”
“Didn’t you injure him accidentally in the game right after?” I ask with my brows raised.
“No, that was just a coincidence.”
“You would practice your slap shots until after midnight every single day!” I let my body turn to him.
“You were watching me?” He smirks as I catch myself turning back away from him.
“No, you were so noisy I couldn’t paint.”
I couldn’t concentrate.
Forty-five minutes passed by, and Grayson actually attempted to make good conversation, he was different.
He was tolerable.
And I was starting to think maybe he was okay.
“Truth or dare?” He smiles as I look at him exasperated. “Truth.”
He smirks, “Do you want to kiss me?” I smile, shaking my head, “Dare.”
Grayson sits closer, “I dare you to kiss me.”
I roll my eyes, but leaned closer, “If I kiss you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” I whisper as he closes his eyes.
“Don’t fucking say that to me.”
I pull away, before Grayson’s hand grips my shirts forward, his lips so close to mine, “Are you teasing me, Miss Cassian?” He whispers huskily.
I pull away, “You do know that my father hates you right?” I laugh.
He places his forehead on my shoulder, “We can make this fake dating thing so believable.” He groans.
Suddenly, I’m back in reality.
“We had a decent conversation for about an hour. Are you telling me we can’t do that when August is watching?” He makes note as I start to get up.
How could I be fucking stupid? Of course, the basis of each conversation we’ve had always had an underlying purpose. For a moment, I thought that we understood each other.
“Three months.” He mutters. “Three months and if I don’t get her back, I promise I won’t ever bother you or contact you ever again.”
“Three months?” I ask incredulously. “Seriously? Is the sight of my face so repulsive that you can’t be with me for three fucking months?”
Three months so I don’t have to fucking speak to him again. “You’re my only option.” He pleaded.
“Incorrect.” I sod off as he shakes his head. “You’re right, but she hates you the most.” I hate you.
I smile, “Three months.”
