Chapter no 46 – BLAME THE CANDY PENISES

Things We Hide from the Light (Knockemout Series, 2)

Lina

โ€œYย ou didnโ€™t kick him in the balls for that?โ€ Sloane demanded. She was sitting cross-legged on Naomiโ€™s living room floor, stuffing pouches of

flower seeds into mini burlap bags.

In an attempt to be a better, more vulnerable friend, I was recapping my relationship drama for Naomi, Sloane, Liza J, and Amanda during what appeared to be the lamest bachelorette party in history.

The rehearsal and ensuing dinner were over. In less than twenty-four hours, Naomi would be Mrs. Knox Morgan, and Nash and I would hopefully be having tipsy sex in a closet during the reception.

But for now, we were putting the finishing touches on the guest favors and watching the bride panic about last minute RSVPs in her living room. Piper and the rest of the dogs were outside running off the evening crazy with Waylay.

โ€œI couldnโ€™t,โ€ I confessed. โ€œHe was already hurting and that made me hurt. It was basically horrible. Why people do relationships is beyond me. No offense,โ€ I said to Naomi.

She grinned. โ€œNone taken. Thatโ€™s how it was with Knox. I knew he was struggling with something I couldnโ€™t fix. Not even with a kick to the testicles.โ€

โ€œWhat did you do?โ€ I asked, closing one of the burlap bags with a rust- colored ribbon. Iโ€™d arrived in town post-breakup, mid-fallout, and didnโ€™t know the details.

โ€œHe ended things so abruptly, my head spun. I already knew I loved him, but he had things to work through on his own. I couldnโ€™t force that. And I also couldnโ€™t wait around for him to come to his senses.โ€ She glanced down at her engagement ring and smiled softly. โ€œThankfully, he came around before it was too late.โ€

Sloane blew out a breath that fogged up her glasses. โ€œI donโ€™t think I have that gene in me.โ€

โ€œWhat gene?โ€ I asked.

She shrugged. โ€œI donโ€™t know. The ability to take a punch to the gut without swinging back. I canโ€™t just forgive someone for the baggage theyโ€™re lugging around. Especially not after they bash me over the head with it.โ€

โ€œSomeday, with the right person, youโ€™ll get there,โ€ Amanda assured Sloane.

โ€œYeah. Hard pass on that,โ€ Sloane said.

โ€œMy boys are stubborn as the day is long,โ€ Liza J said. โ€œKnox always tried to distance himself from every single problem while Nash got in there and tried to fix everything. He always wanted to make things right, even when there wasnโ€™t a damn thing he could do about them.โ€

She looked at me and then Naomi.

โ€œYou two have been good for my grandsons. Maybe even better than they deserve. And Iโ€™m speakinโ€™ as a woman who loves the crap out of those boys.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m thinking about quitting my job,โ€ I blurted out. All eyes came to me.

โ€œReally?โ€ Naomi asked hopefully.

Sloane frowned. โ€œDonโ€™t you make a butt ton of money?โ€

โ€œYes. I do make a butt ton of money. Butโ€ฆโ€ I trailed off. Nash had used a moment of preorgasm weakness to get me to admit that I wanted more with him. But was I really considering leaving my job and my choose-your- own-adventure lifestyle to settle down?

I thought about Nash standing in the rain, holding on tight. The free fall before the chute opened.

The tip-tap of Piperโ€™s little nails on the floor as she pranced around with some new toy.

The bluest eyes.

The biggest heart.

I blew out a breath. Yep. I really was considering it.

โ€œWould that mean you officially moving here?โ€ Naomi prodded.

I was saved by answering when Waylay tromped into the room wearing waterproof boots and holding a shivering Piper. โ€œThe dogs got in the creek and Piper tried to follow,โ€ she announced. โ€œShe didnโ€™t seem to mind it too much until the current got her.โ€

โ€œBrave girl,โ€ I crooned, taking the dog from her. Despite her soggy shivers, Piperโ€™s little tail wagged heartily. โ€œThanks for pulling her out.โ€

Waylay shrugged. โ€œNo problem. What are you guys doing?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™re finalizing the seating chart, finishing the favors, and choosing between these three Knox-approved tablescapes,โ€ Naomi said, pointing at the pictures sheโ€™d taped to the wall next to her sticky-note seating map. โ€œWhat do you think about the denim and daisies one?โ€

โ€œThis is what bachelorette parties are?โ€ Waylay asked disdainfully. โ€œI knew Jenny Cavalleri was lying when she said her aunt got arrested in Nashville during her bachelorette party!โ€

โ€œActually that was true,โ€ Sloane said. โ€œShe had a little too much to drink, flashed an entire bar from the back of a mechanical bull, and then got caught peeing in the gutter.โ€

โ€œI think you guys are doing this bachelorette thing wrong,โ€ Waylay observed.

โ€œThis isnโ€™t really a bachelorette party,โ€ Naomi explained. โ€œKnox and I didnโ€™t want bachelor and bachelorette parties.โ€

โ€œBut the guys went out,โ€ Waylay said.

โ€œTheyโ€™re just having a few drinks and some baskets of fried food,โ€ I told her.

โ€œThe kidโ€™s right,โ€ Liza J announced, slapping a hand to her thigh. โ€œThis sucks.โ€

Naomi pouted prettily. โ€œBut what about the seating chart?โ€

Amanda snatched the remaining sticky notes off the coffee table and slapped them onto the wall in all the empty seats. โ€œVoilร ! Everyone has a seat.โ€

Naomi chewed on her lower lip. โ€œBut you didnโ€™t even read the names. What if someone needs to sit closer to the restroom, or what if they donโ€™t

get along with their table mates? We canโ€™t just make big decisions like this on a whim.โ€

I reached out and squeezed her hand. โ€œActually, you can.โ€ โ€œWhat about the tablescapes?โ€ she asked.

โ€œNaomi, itโ€™s always been the daisies,โ€ I told her.

She bit her lip and stared at the photo for a long moment and then her eyes started to sparkle. โ€œIt has, hasnโ€™t it?โ€

I nodded. โ€œSometimes you donโ€™t have to weigh every single pro and con. Sometimes the answer is the one that just feels right.โ€

I wasnโ€™t sure if I was telling her that or myself.

She pursed her lips, then grinned. โ€œWeโ€™re going with the daisies.โ€ Naomiโ€™s mother clapped her hands. โ€œOkay, people. We need wine,

snacks, face masks, and one to two romantic comedies.โ€ โ€œOn snack and wine duty,โ€ I volunteered.

โ€œIf youโ€™re getting snacks, Iโ€™m coming with you,โ€ Waylay insisted. โ€œIf youโ€™re getting wine, Iโ€™m coming,โ€ Liza J announced.

โ€œTeam Shopping reporting for duty,โ€ I said.

โ€œPerfect,โ€ Naomiโ€™s mom said. โ€œSloane, you can help me turn the living room into sleepover central. We need all the pillows and blankets that donโ€™t belong to dogs.โ€

โ€œWhat should I do?โ€ Naomi asked.

โ€œYou should drink a large glass of wine and review your packing list for the honeymoon.โ€ I nudged the pink notebook titled Honeymoon on the coffee table in her direction.

 

 

โ€œI donโ€™t think Groverโ€™s sells candy penises, Liza J,โ€ I said,

grabbing a shopping cart as we entered the freshly painted grocery store. It was late, minutes from closing, and the parking lot was almost empty.

โ€œEw! I thought we were coming here for snacks,โ€ Waylay complained. โ€œGummy penisesย areย snacks,โ€ Nashโ€™s grandmother said.

โ€œHey, at least I didnโ€™t say broccoli florets,โ€ I told the girl.

โ€œAunt Naomi made me eat beets last night at dinner,โ€ Waylay said with a shudder. โ€œBeets!โ€

โ€œWell, there wonโ€™t be any beets tonight,โ€ I promised, heading for the candy aisle. โ€œHave at it.โ€

Waylayโ€™s face lit up and she started tossing bags of candy into the cart. โ€œWeโ€™ll get snack cakes for Grandma, and Sloane likes Sour Patch Kids.โ€

โ€œIโ€™ll go ask where they keep the penises,โ€ Liza J said and ambled off. โ€œOooh! These are good. You ever have them?โ€ She handed me a bag of

individually wrapped brightly colored discs.

โ€œSunkist Fruit Gems,โ€ I read out loud. Iโ€™d never had them, but they looked vaguely familiar.

โ€œYeah. Gettinโ€™ kidnapped wasnโ€™t all bad. These are the candy things that Hugo guy was obsessed with. He musta ate half a bag before my mom came back with Aunt Naomi. There were wrappers everywhere. He let me have some. The yellow are my favorite.โ€

It all coalesced in my head in an instant. I knew where Iโ€™d seen this candy before and I knew who bought it.

I patted my pockets and dug out my phone.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong? You look all hyper. Youโ€™re not gonna call Aunt Naomi and ask her how many bags we can buy, are you?โ€

I shook my head and dialed Nash. โ€œNope. Iโ€™m calling your uncle to tell him you just identified our henchman.โ€

โ€œI did?โ€

Nashโ€™s phone was ringing. โ€œCome on. Come on. Shit,โ€ I muttered when it went to voicemail. โ€œNash. Itโ€™s me. Burner Phone Guy is Cereal Aisle Guy. Mrs. Tweedy was with me when we met him in the grocery store. He was buying the same kind of candy that Waylay said is Duncan Hugoโ€™s favorite. There were candy wrappers all over the warehouse floor in the crime scene pictures. I saw him again at Honky Tonk the night Tate Dilton caused a scene. I know itโ€™s not much to go on, but I feel it in my gut. Call me back!โ€

โ€œWhoa,โ€ Waylay said when I hung up. โ€œThat was aย lotย of words real fast. You sound like my friend Chloe.โ€

I clapped my hands on her shoulders. โ€œKid, Iโ€™m buying you a cartload of candy.โ€

โ€œCool. So whoโ€™s Cereal Aisle Guy?โ€

โ€œI hope youโ€™re not talking about me.โ€ The deep rumble of a male voice behind me had dread sinking to the pit of my stomach.

I squeezed the girlโ€™s shoulders. โ€œWaylay, go find Liza J and go outside,โ€ I said as quietly as I could.

โ€œButโ€”โ€

โ€œGo. Now,โ€ I said, and then I turned around and pasted a flirtatious smile on my face.

Cereal Aisle Guy was dressed in track pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt. His cart was once again full of healthy produce and lean proteins. The only thing missing was the candy.

โ€œSo we meet again,โ€ I said coyly. โ€œI was just telling my short friend how I met a cute guy in the cereal aisle.โ€

โ€œWere you? Because it sounded to me like you figured out something you shouldnโ€™t have.โ€

Well, shit. So it was going to go down this way? Okay.

โ€œI donโ€™t know what youโ€™re talking about. Now if youโ€™ll excuse me, I have to go disappoint a twelve-year-oldโ€™s dentist,โ€ I said.

A large, meaty hand closed around my bicep. โ€œThe dentist will have to wait, Lina Solavita.โ€

My heart wasnโ€™t just cartwheeling, it was trying to climb out of my throat.

โ€œIโ€™m not a fan of nonconsensual touching,โ€ I warned.

โ€œAnd my friend isnโ€™t a fan of you following his boys around and getting one of them arrested.โ€

โ€œHey,ย Iย wasnโ€™t the one who decided it was a good idea to bang my brotherโ€™s wife. Maybe you should be having this conversation with him.โ€

โ€œI would, but heโ€™s in jail becauseย youย called the cops on him.โ€ โ€œIn my defense, the whole naked thing really threw me.โ€ โ€œLetโ€™s go,โ€ he growled.

His grip was cutting off my circulation.

โ€œIโ€™m going to give you one chance to take your bear paws off me and leave. One chance for a head start before I kick your ass and then my boyfriend, the chief of police, shows up to finish the job. Youโ€™re legit. At least partially. If you drag me out of this store, there goes that life. Youโ€™ll be a full-time criminal.โ€

โ€œOnly if I get caught. You caused too many problems and now itโ€™s time to face the consequences. Nothinโ€™ personal. Itโ€™s just business.โ€

โ€œLeave her alone, you gigantic shithead!โ€ Waylay appeared at the mouth of the aisle and savagely hurled a can of kidney beans at my captor.

It caught him in the forehead with a satisfyingย thunk. I used the surprise canned good beaning to my advantage and kneed him in the groin. He

released my arm to grasp his balls with one hand and his forehead with the other.

โ€œFuck!โ€ he wheezed.

โ€œRun, Way!โ€ I didnโ€™t watch to make sure she listened. Instead, I landed a jab to the manโ€™s jaw. My knuckles screamed in agony. โ€œDamn it! Is your face made out of concrete?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re gonna pay for that one, sweetheart.โ€

He was still off-balance, so I planted both hands on his chest and shoved as hard as I could. He stumbled backward into the endcap display of Diet Coke, sending cans of soda everywhere. A shopper holding a box of cereal in each hand screamed, threw both boxes in her cart, and then ran away.

Liza J appeared out of nowhere on one of the store scooters. She rammed him from behind at full speed. It knocked him close enough to me that I could make my next move. I brought my heel down on his thigh with an axe kick, making sure to lead with the stiletto.

He howled in pain.

โ€œTake that, you son of a bitch!โ€ Liza J crowed.

The store manager, Big Nicky, himself appeared, holding a mop like it was a jousting lance. โ€œLeave the lady alone, sir.โ€

โ€œFor fuckโ€™s sake,โ€ the bad guy muttered. He reached into the waistband of his track pants and produced a gun.

I put my hands up. โ€œEasy there, big guy. Letโ€™s talk this out.โ€

Apparently, he was done talking. Because he aimed at the ceiling and fired two shots.

The store went dead silent for a second and then the screaming started. It was followed by the sound of stampeding feet and the incessant beep of the automatic door opening.

โ€œLetโ€™s go,โ€ Cereal Aisle Guy said stonily. He picked up the bag of Fruit Gems and grabbed me by the arm.

โ€œUmm.โ€ The manager was still standing there wielding his mop, though he looked significantly less confident now that firearms were involved.

โ€œItโ€™s okay. Iโ€™ll be all right. Go make sure everyone else got out,โ€ I assured him.

Cereal Aisle Guy dragged me toward the front entrance, both of us limping, him from the injury Iโ€™d inflicted with my boot and me because his hard-ass thigh broke the heel right off.

I took a mental inventory of the situation. Getting taken to a second location was almost always a very bad thing. But in this case, I was finally going to see Duncan Hugoโ€™s hideout. I had my phone in my jeans and Lucianโ€™s ridiculous condom tracker in my jacket pocket. Iโ€™d left a voicemail for Nash, and Iโ€™d missed a call from my mother during the rehearsal dinner.

Help would be on the way soon.

We stepped outside into the dark parking lot, and he held the gun to my neck. โ€œThatโ€™s a really small gun,โ€ I noted.

โ€œToo hard to carry concealed. The bigger barrels stick halfway down my ass crack. Itโ€™s uncomfortable.โ€

โ€œBad guy problems, am I right?โ€ I quipped.

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